Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Thoughts on 2005

On graduating from college at 39 (with honors): my mother still can't believe that the same girl who used to blow off high school to hang out on the beach with the surfers became the woman who would call her and bitch about getting an A- instead of an A. "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter," she would say to me. It wasn't easy going back to school after so many years, but I did it in three - including my semester of student teaching. Thank you to my mother and stepfather for providing the emotional and financial support I needed to achieve this dream. I only wish my stepfather could have seen me graduate.

On changing careers (yet again): yes, this is career number three. My third- and final career - is teacher. The pay sucks. The politics frustrating. The paperwork mountainous. And I will retire in 25 years with a pension and a million lovely memories of actually making a difference in this world. Beat that.

On getting my first teaching job: I went to a job fair in Fort Lauderdale for teachers, though I was still mulling over the idea of moving back to Jersey. I decided that if I got a job at the fair, I would stay. If not, I would pack up and move home. I am a strong believer in Fate. So I arrived at the fair at 8:30 am. I was signing a contract at 9:45 am. Thank you Fate.

On starting my starting teaching job: holy crap. The beginning of the year started out fine. I was team teaching with an experienced teacher. We had 30 kids - 15 mine, 15 hers - we would teach the whole class but ultimately we were responsible for our own 15 kids. This went like gangbusters for about two months. Then it turned out that we had too many teachers at our school, so one of our team was let go. So let's throw the new teacher into that room with her 15 kids - and 8 of the other teacher's kids - and let's give her saaaaaaay...a day's notice. It was a bit of an adjustment I must say - especially for an anal retentive freak like me. I spent weeks redecorating and reorganizing her room. Oy! But it's worked out well, I got rave reviews on my principal's observation, and I now have 8 more kids to adore. Yay for me.

On the hurricanes: Yes I lost power. And cable. And water. But I didn't lose anything of value. My home was safe. My family was safe. My students were safe. And for that I am grateful, grateful, grateful. I'm even more grateful to be moving back to Jersey before the next hurricane season hits.

On discovering the blog world: who knew that a random google search for an old flame would lead to this whole new world? I never imagined when I started this that it would become such a huge part of my life. I feel so lucky to have not only found a creative outlet, but to have been embraced by so many intelligent and wonderful people. And I don't mean embraced in the sexual sense, so some of you get your minds out of the gutter.

On turning 40: not nearly as horrible as I thought - even if I didn't get what I wanted. I have had the good fortune to inherit my mother's fabulous genes- she is 75 and doesn't look a day over 60. It's actually quite fun to tell people I am 40 when they are convinced that I am about 28. Yes, I'm immature, which I believe keeps me looking young. And I'm single with no kids, which I'm convinced also keeps my face dewy and youthful. Whatever, 40 is turning out to be pretty damn cool.

On being single: Ok, so not so good. I admit that I have spent the last 10 years avoiding relationships like the plague. I have hidden behind work, behind family, behind school, and behind my big fat behind in order to make sure that no man will fall for me and get in the way of my goals. This past year in particular I barely made eye contact with a man unless I was convinced he found me repulsive. But then a funny thing happened. I met someone. And we fell for each other. I did my best not to, but it was beyond my control. For a while there we were each other's worlds. I have never written about this because as fast as the relationship started, that's how fast it ended. It was strong, it was intense, it was amazing, and it hurt like hell when it was over. It still hurts like hell. Getting your heart broken sucks. But life goes on, and I learned a very valuable lesson from it. And that brings me to:

Thoughts on 2006
to be continued

62 comments:

Nick said...

1st!

You suck!

As much as I bust your chops, I'm glad that you had a Net-Positive year. We are the lucky ones to have met you.

I'm sorry about your relationshp thing, I didn't know. What was her name?

Hey-O!

Brookelina said...

Her name was Nick. Bitch.

Love ya!

Knitty Kitty said...

what a great idea, i may have to do a year roundup before the new year... I've got nothing better do..

Except maybe write an essay..

Nick said...

One can only hope that she was as sexy as me, then.

Flounder said...

Interesting year indeed! I agree with Nick that we are lucky to have "met" you. I hope that 2k6 is even better for you, and that your heart heals and finds new love.

My Maloney's google search actually led me to your site and into my own lame blog as well. See, you not only effect first graders, but 36 year olds too! Keep it up, Brooke.

Brookelina said...

Nick - but not nearly as Nickalicious.

Flounder - so you were one of the Maloney's searchers! There were quite a few of those, and they still keep coming. That is so very cool - thank you for telling me that.
Oh, and I'm on my way to Robert's for wings and beer. Have a good one!

Brookelina said...

Knitty - how did you sneak in there! I say yes, blow off the essay and write your damn blog.
Oh, and a little advice - NEVER use the phrase "blow off" in Australia. You'll thank me later.

Flounder said...

Damn! Chez Robert's? Be sure to play "The Summer Winds" on the juke box and tell Big Boy I said hello! (OK, so he hasn't worked there in like 15 years, but who's counting?)

BTW- Do you know Mike or Willie Cahill?

Knitty Kitty said...

in canada we have a clothing company called "roots"
I hear i shouldn't bring any clothes with that on it either.

Nick said...

roots mad all the cool olympic wear a few years ago, didn't they?

Knitty Kitty said...

yep and "root" apparently meets "fuck"

Übermilf said...

Nick is a rootface.

Knitty Kitty said...

oh ubie.. that was fabulous

Nick said...

Alright, well you guys can go root yourselves.

Knitty Kitty said...

root you!

MKD said...

I'm glad you found the blog world too. Happy 2005 to you. Keep me laughing or I'll kill you.

Sincerely,
MKD

MoDigli said...

Wow, Brooke! What a fabulous idea to write a post about the highlights of 2005 and everything you've been thru to get to 2006. I loved going down memory lane with you, and the ironic part was that for most of it I was like "Oh yeah, I remember that!" just like I lived it with you!

Except for the falling in love and getting your heart broken part. Man. That part sucks. I'm amazed you were able to keep it seperate from the blog. But then again, fabulous woman that you are, you never cease to amaze me!

Happy New Year! :)
Here's to making lasting memories in 2006!

PS. That is so effin cool that you had a job in about one hour!!! I need to find myself a job fair around these parts so I'm set for next year!

Dan-E said...

best cure for a broken heart? drink yourself into oblivion, puke your guts out, wake up the next morning with the side of your face in a pool of your own vomit in a strange bathroom; realize you're in a strange bathroom lying down with side of your face in a pool of your own vomit; trying to pull yourself up and suddenly debating between the refreshing coolness of the open window blowing air on your pain-and-sweat-ridden body or the pleasant warmth of the vomit on your the side of your face. then when you finally pull yourself upright and feel your stomach churn and you feel another impending hurl, you think to yourself "ok, compared to this, being heartbroken isn't so bad." don't you think it's the best cure?

(umm, me neither.)

Dave said...

Damn, I thought we were gonna embrace in the other kinda way.

Umm, you also forgot to mention that you made my link list in 2005. An oversight, I'm sure.

Great stuff here, and keep it up on '06...

ChickyBabe said...

After reading this post, I'm thinking less "Babbling Brooke" and more "Bubbly Brooke"! Giuys must get a shock when they think you're 28 and you tell them you're 40! To be a fly on the wall...

The Moviequill said...

I too at age 40 am embarking on career #3..we can do it Brooke!

Brookelina said...

Flounder - big boy? Which one is that? All those bartenders look alike to me. I haven't known their names since the 80's. I did not play Summer Wind as there was football on, but I did have wings, clams casino, and spicy fries. I'm a happy girl. Oh, and I do know the Cahill family. What the hell is your name anyway?

Knitty - root does indeed mean fuck. Do not say you are rooting for someone - or even worse - for a team.

Ubie and Nick - are you two fighting again? Go root and make up.

MKD - I do not wish to die, so I will do my best. Merry new year!

Brookelina said...

MoMo - look who's talking about keeping secrets! And about being fabulous! Ha! I think it's your turn to write a recap of your year - particularly with DD. Some of us need some dating advice!

Dan - been there, done that. Not with this relationship, but ghosts of relationships past.

Dave - and I thought you were going to send me tickets to your club. See that? We were both disappointed. Happy '06 to you too!

Chicky - again, it's all immaturity, good genes, and staying out of the sun (for the most part). I actually had one guy tell me that if I was closer to his age he'd totally call me - he was 37. He thought I was 25. I let him think that rather than admit I was 39 (at the time).

MQ - yeah baby!!!

Jill said...

I am so looking forward to reading the further adventures of the Babbling Brooke in 2006.

ducklet said...

that is so inspiring. i'm happy you earned your degree. i know you think that i'm always joking and stuff, but as an educator, i realize that's quite an accomplishment, and you SHOULD be proud. okay, so now i'll sleep with you in an alley. you've earned it, brooke. i'm proud. of you. and your boobs.

i swore i wouldn't cry...

FindingHeart said...

Congrats on the good year. After turning 40 myself and teaching 14 years, I stepped out this year to work as teacher mentor with a local university. I miss the kids, but then I rarely had a class with fewer than 29 kids! Keep the enthusiasm in your teaching.

As for broken heart, I'm still looking for an answer for that one. Hoping 06 will shape up better than the end of 05.

Love the blog and keep it up!

Egan said...

I, for one, am very happy you chose to do a random search for an old flame. Best of luck in 2006.

Monkey said...

Thoughts on 2005. I laughed, I cried and I pooped. You got your degree? You rock! It's much sweeter when you are older and able to appreciate it.

And on getting your heart run over, while it was still beating and spurting out blood. It sucks. It sucks. Yes, indeed it does.

You are the woman, the rock, the inspiration to us minions.

Monkey's Human

Bill said...

Heaven's to Betsy! It's 1:00 a.m. and way to late to respond to this kind of post in a coherent manner. I've been working all day and my brain cells have been reduced to three.

But tomorrow ... tomorrow! (Well, assuming I'm in a reflective mood and not snoozing the day away - I don't work again till next week.)

But 2005 ... I've a thing or two to say about that! And blogs? Well, all the best people are there, aren't they?

jiggs said...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

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Kim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Brookelina said...

Jill - and I look forward to your adventures as well!

Brando - I can't wait for the alley sex - just what I need to get over my broken heart. I'll bring the snacks. And it's ok if you cry while we do it, it makes it all the more special.

FH - mentors are the best! And 14 years! Well done. What an inspiration you are.

Monkey's Human - it was so much better to get my degree when I was older and could truly appreciate it. You are so damn clever! I worked my bottom off for that thing. Unfortunately my bottom is still there - but that's another story. As for the heartbreak - it does suck. It does indeed. Next!

Bill - I await your comment with much excitement and a tiny bit of fear.

Jiggs - yaaaaayyyyy!!! My cheerleader!!!

Sarah - ummm...are you spam? Cause that other girl was spam.

Flounder said...

I think that "Big Boy's" real name was Johnny, but I can't be sure because I only knew him as "Big Boy".

I am so jealous right now. Robert's wings are the best! I still have my "Robert's Place Supports Oliver North" t-shirt. I used to have a Robert's Place jacket, but it was stolen out of my jeep the night before Thanksgiving outside Gilhoolies in '91, and I saw it on a homeless guy in AC around Christmas that same year. (I may need to blog about that some day)

Mike Cahill and I are old drinking buddies. In fact, he gave me the Robert's jacket for my 21st birthday, even though I had been going there for two years with him!

Brookelina said...

Flo - I'm calling you Flo from now on since you won't tell me your name. The wings were fabulous. So were the fries and the clams. I still have my Robert's Place sweatshirt that one of the bartenders gave me on a whim one Christmas.

Oh, and the coincidences never end. I used to work as a cocktail waitress at Gilhooley's - the summer it opened - which was....hmmmm....85! I was underage and had been going there for four years at that point. You should have seen the look on the owner's face when I filled out my W-2. Hehehe. That was the best summer too, we were the IN place. Memories.....like the corners of my mind...

Brookelina said...

Egan - when are you getting back? I'm flying home tomorrow - we are just missing each other!

Flounder said...

You just keep dragging me down that road, don't you? I stole both gauntlets off the suit of armor in Gilhoolies, but then I got greedy and went for the helmet and got busted! I was also well known for doing a rousing rendition of "Burnin Love" at Thursday night karaoke.

Lo Lo Lova said...

I believe the right one is out there for everybody. But they only come at the right time in your life. Perhaps Mr. Right is waiting for you in Jersey and you just haven't met him yet!

Brookelina said...

Flo - by the time you were hanging in Gilhooley's I was long gone I'm afraid. In fact, I was in Australia. It's sad to see that it is gone too (the bar, not Australia). I heard it's going to be a Greek restaurant now.

Lo Lo - I have a boy here in Jersey that I have been crushing on for years!!! So cross your fingers for when I move back...

Lushy said...

Cheers to 2006!

miss kendra said...

you had a pretty good year.

i'm glad i get to read about it.

Evil Petting Zoo said...

I'm glad your year turned out the way it did. I hope that the new year brings you a healthy does of Viggo.

none - ya said...

Thanks Brooke. I love reading your stories. God, I started out today in a really foul mood and hating life and realtionships. It is only because of my blogging friends that I have pulled through my rutt. What a bat shit crazy woman I am. I used to get mad when men called women crazy and now I am the epitome of the crazy woman. As long as I don't start taking stray cats in off of the street I won't worry too much.

Sorry you got your heart broken. I too received a silver bullet or two through the heart this year, but hey at least I'm not a werewolf anymore. Men can be fucking bastards when they want and we can be fucking bitches when we want. Our relationships with each other are intense, fun, etc. etc. etc and they always make you cry in the end (oh and don't forget the mind blowing sex.) God love them!

Dan-E said...

it's funny, i never cared about grades through high school and college either and only 'til art school did i start griping about my grades. go figure.

captain_howdy_girl said...

congrats. takes balls to go back to school

Brookelina said...

Lushy - let's hope that next year at this time we have even more exciting and wonderful things to look back on.

Kendra - thanks. Feel better soon!

PEZ - if Viggo becomes part of my 2006 than it will be the very best year eva!

Mac - you say batshit crazy like it's a bad thing. Listen sugar, this year of broken hearts is almost over. Here's to starting fresh in 2006.

Dan - it's called maturity. Shhhhhh...don't tell.

Brookelina said...

Howdy - it takes big brass balls. Indeed. Thanks!

Cletus Monet III said...

Culd I likc like the underbelly of the bag cantanin these "brass balls"?

propositiunly yurs,
Clete

sandra said...

I agree with Egan - I'm glad you Googled the ex-boyfriend - and even more glad that you decided to blog instead of just thinking, "I should blog..."

Also, a big congrats on the career change. Takes guts to make that leap.

Girl With An Alibi said...

Brooke- I get the same thing being on the cusp of 39 (in a few weeks). And looking mid to late twenties. I wonder what havoc motherhood will wreak once I get to that step.

Brookelina said...

Cletus - put some clothes on man. Nobody here wants to see that.

Sandra - thank you thank you. You are much too kind. And way too cool. So glad you found me!

Girl - I'm sure whatever havoc it will cause will be well worth it!

sirbarrett said...

Good thoughts all in all, and I can tell you're just the right person for your job. I admire your zest for living. Sorry your dating didn't work out but whatever, it happens. People are complex creatures. I think you have to try a couple in a few different ways before you're even sure if you like them. Stay cool and you'll find a nice chap.

jiggs said...

That's right. I am your cheerleader. and I look really cute in those little skirts too. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice my pom pom work.

sysm said...

Hooray for you.

My kids' teachers are our superheroes. After us, no one has as much impact on them. You are absolutely the best kind of person to take that on.

40? Fuck it. It's just a number. There are people 15 years younger than you that are older than you. Just live. The happy happens.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Neil said...

What an accomplished year you've had. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out with that guy, though. But am I the only one here pissed off that you had this stormy relationship and never mentioned it ONCE? Is this blog for you, Brooke, or for us? How can I trust any of your stories anymore? And why did you email me several times that you "weren't interested in mindless sex," when clearly I could have helped you mend that broken heart?

Brookelina said...

Sirbarrett - you are too kind. Please drop by more often. It's nice to have a gentleman around.

Jiggs - and it's nice to have a cheerleader around as well. Even one with hairy legs in his skirt.

Sysm - where have you been all my life?? I think I love you. What a doll you are. I am rushing to blogroll you this instant!

Kim - I really like UGGs, but I really hate spam - so I'll be deleting your comment now. Sorry.

Neil - a girl has to have some secrets ya know. And let's face it, nobody believes I emailed anyone saying I wasn't interested in mindless sex. Everyone around here knows me better than that. Mindless sex = good.

I'm back from Jersey everyone!

thephoenixnyc said...

Brooke, that was a really amazing post. Yo really opened up and let us have a peek in to see who you really are.

Your gratitude, your ambitions, your triumphs and setbacks, they were all there.

Beautifully written, rendered, and draw.

A happy and beautiful new years to you.

Brookelina said...

Thanks Phoenix, I am so glad we found each other's blogs. You have a wonderful new year as well.

jiggs said...

You're assuming that i don't shave my legs. I don't, but if i really wanted to look cute in the little skirt, I might... Probably not.

Brookelina said...

I would advise it. But hey, you know your audience better than anyone.

I'm off to get a mannie/peddie. I will be beautimous when I return.

jiggs said...

Getting a mannie/peddie sounds dirty.