Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Teachers Don't Make Shit

So today after school I made a CVS run as my new do requires more hair products to keep it bouncy. As I'm getting out of my car, I notice a very thin homeless man sitting outside the store. He smiled at me and said hello, but he didn't ask for any money. Being the sucker that I am, I reached into my pocket for a five dollar bill, and handed it to him with a smile.

"You're a teacher?" he asked, noticing the school emblem on my shirt.

"Yes I am," I replied.

"I can't take your money, teachers don't make shit," and he handed my money back to me.

**Edit 8:15 pm: it should be noted that I spent that five dollars on the first pack of cigarettes that I have bought in over two years. I've been dying for a smoke and now I have one. I blame the homeless.

43 comments:

Dan-E said...

holy crap, this actually made me laugh out loud. that's totally awesome.

he's essentially saying that he'd rather be homeless than be a teacher. go figure. that's ok though, since he doesn't have a group of adoring kids saying "ms. wose, we want you as our teacher again next year."

probably because he doesn't go by "ms. wose" but you know what i'm saying.

Knitty Kitty said...

that is hilarious, how did he peg your for a teacher??!

Neil said...

Believe me, you're not going to find such laid-back homeless men back in New Jersey. What a cute story.

wmy said...

haaaa
That is great! A little sad too though huh?

Egan said...

Are we sure there's no such thing as Santy Klaus? Wow, I can't believe that story Brooke. I knew there was plenty of Good left in this world of ours. Once again, thanks for sharing that story.

WhiteBoyBob said...

That is fuuny for so many reasons. Well, actually just the one reason - and a sad one to boot. I'm glad to see that teachers everywhere get the same amount of respect and reward for their efforts.

Spirit Of Owl said...

He'd probably been a headmaster once. Then he'd had that bad run of luck and gone off and sat naked in a cave for twelve years contemplating the futility of the spider's web, before his epiphany that led him to reemerge into the world with as a true teacher with wisdom and humility that few have truly attained in this carnal, mortal life.

Or he was barking mad. Hard to know really.

Brookelina said...

Dan - I think he was saying that he makes more money than I do.

Knitty - he saw my school logo on my shirt, plus I still had my lanyard with my keys around my neck. And my dorky teacher sweater with the book embroidered on it. I screamed "teacher."

Wmy - a lot sad. I still can't figure out whether he dissed me or showed me respect.

WBB - yes, we are a pathetic group we teachers.

Owl - I like how you think.

Brookelina said...

Egan - how did I miss you? So who was good? Me for offering him money? Or him for refusing it? Either way I think I'm the pathetic one in this story.

Sizzle said...

is that a compliment or a put down?

;) sizz

Brookelina said...

Sizz - I was hoping one of you could tell me.

Egan said...

I would consider both of you to be the Good ones in this little scenario. Well until you told me you used the money for some cancer sticks, but oh well. I will overlook that insignificant detail. It was a win-win karma wise. You offered him a five spot and he declined your five spot. Both noble gestures.

jiggs said...

I read the title of this post and thought it was going to be about something completely different.

You could probably give a cig to that homeless guy. I bet he'd take it.

Calzone said...

Smokes are the coolest. Anyone that doesn't smoke is a sissy little bitch.

Brookelina said...

Egan - so my smokes don't interfere with my karma. Good to know. I'm going to light another one up.

Jiggs - he probably would have berated me for being a smoking schoolteacher.

Calzone - nobody knows more about sissy bitches than you.

Egan said...

Go light up another and try to blame me for this smoking binge of yours. My drag was make believe.

Evil Petting Zoo said...

Brilliant..blame the homeless. I should have thought of that long ago. I blame them for my being overweight.

Dave said...

5 bucks for a pack of cigs?! Try 7 here in NYC...

Oh ya, the link is coming soon. I'm putting up a new section that you'll be part of. I don't want ya to think I'm a shady trader or anything!

Brookelina said...

Egan - I blame you. And the homeless.

PEZ - it's the American way.

Dave - I better be on top. That's all I'm sayin'.

ducklet said...

oh, i didn't know you smoked. i was just kidding about sleeping with you. i'll totally do it now. if you let me bum a smoke.

/runs off to find homeless man

gone said...

Mt best friend's birthday was yesterday. He's a smoker. I bought him a pack and smoked a couple. Seriously, when you are in Chicago, if ever, Sarah and I will take you OUT!

gone said...

Oh, and teacher's definitely don't make SHIT!

Kris said...

Holy freakin' hilar!!!

This is one of those killer anecdotes that could net you at least 50 bucks from Reader's Digest or . . . Maxim.

God I wish I knew you in real life. For now we must just cybersmoke together.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Your story: Awesome!

Your smoking: BAD!!!

Melliferous Pants said...

Heartbreaking. I can't believe he refused your money!

I hope you're not blaming me for buying a whole pack. If we lived closer I'd just let you bum one of mine, swear to god! Hell, I'd even have mailed one to you!

Egan said...

Hey, what did I ever do to you Brooke. I recently voted against an indoor smoking ban here in our fair state of Washington. I did it for you, but the damn iniative overwhelmingly passed and took effect today.

JJ said...

Put that cigarette out, young lady, or it's a trip to the woodshed for you.

Brookelina said...

Brando - do you smoke after sex?

Jacob - it's a date. In fact, I think that we should all start thinking about meeting up somewhere in the near future. I vote for spring break - April.

Kris - I have a feeling we could do a lot of damage if we were to hang out together. And so it must be done.

Lo Lo - I know I know! I just needed a fix man...I was jonesin'...

Pants - when we all meet up I will be bumming them from you until you beat me senseless.

Egan - I really am not a smoker anymore. Except when I'm drinking. Or stressed. Or jonesin'...

JJ - a trip to the woodshed with you? I'm lighting up as we speak babe.

gone said...

April is when I start student teaching, but you never know!

ChickyBabe said...

Hmm...I wonder if he was a teacher himself!

PS Just replied to your comment on my blog with a clarification :).

Egan said...

Smoker!

Übermilf said...

I AM in Chicago, and I never get taken out!

Brookelina said...

Jacob - in April? What's up with that? What grade?

Chicky - probably was a teacher who quit so he could make more money on the street.

Egan - blog squatter!

Ubie - yeah well, the marrieds tend to feel sorry for the poor single girl.
I can't believe you guys haven't gotten together for drinks!

Nick said...

Hooray for cigarettes!

Melliferous Pants said...

I would never beat you senseless. I should probably admit now that I smoke menthols so you don't throw one at me whenever it is that you'll be bumming off of me.

MoDigli said...

Awwww, man! Did you and Homeless guy share a little chuckle at that comment?

Just make sure that ciggie is a temporary break from your health, okay Brooke? We don't want you all addicted, chain-smoking while reading and writing on blogs!

The real me said...

I can't decide whether to laugh or cry!

You know, Viggo won't kiss an ashtray mouth Brooke.

Stop now before it's too late....

BamaGirl said...

That's hilarious. I can't believe it drove you to smoke! We sure don't make any money, but you love it, right? Just wait till your kids give you all their crappy Christmas presents. It will warm your tobacco-hardened heart.

Tumbleweed said...

If the bum could read your shirt emblem, he should get a damn job!

Marel Lecone said...

Oh, that is too funny . . . I think. :) That homeless guy is pretty observant, right? Perhaps, a job would suit him. :)

Bill said...

That's the saddest damn thing I've ever read. Maybe that could be part of a teacher's recruit campaign. Something like, "You'll make shit but the smokes are free!"

Okay. So maybe it needs some work.

Fred said...

smoking rules and smoking makes me look cool. but then i am a 40 foot robot, i look pretty cool anyways.

Girl With An Alibi said...

That is crazy funny! But it's a very real commentary on our society that a homeless person feels like he's better off than a teacher. Damn!!