In a surprising turn of events, the role of Angelina Jolie will now be played by up and coming newcomer, Brookelina. Rumors abound regarding Jolie's relinquishment of her coveted position, however calls to Jolie's publicist have not been returned. Brookelina, whose real name is unknown, immediately vacated the role of herself to take on the challenge of becoming the new Angelina.In a statement released to the press, producers of the Brookelina project swear that due to new technology on the market today, the public will hardly be able to tell the difference between the real Angelina and her replacement. It has been reported that Brookelina has already been fitted with an exact duplicate of Jolie's body and face, including her famous lips. When asked how she felt about taking on this new role, Brookelina's reply was, "Holy shit, look at these tits!!!"
Brookelina's immediate responsibilities will include saving the world from hunger, getting a new tattoo, and banging Brad Pitt until her head explodes.Auditions will be held immediately to take over Brookelina's previous commitment for this weekend. Responsibilities include the packing of her mother's Boca Raton condo, enduring her mother's never-ending supply of Barbra Streisand CD's, and watching her brothers argue incessantly over who gets the stainless steel cookware. In what can only be described as a bizarre coincidence, all of the understudies previously designated for this position are simultaneously having root canal and are unable to fulfill their contractual responsibilities.
Sources say that Brookelina's lawyers are currently in negotiations to extend her contract to the year 3047.
50 comments:
Brooke, this was great, but I'm sending you a cleaning bill from earlier today. I was reading your comment on LA's blog and when I saw the word "twat" I spat Coke all over myself.
Brookalina, just a note to file away for future extort, I mean blackmail I mean usage...you wear shoes like that and I will paint your house, mow your lawn, perform hours of mundane chores, kill several of your known enemies....) (smiles)
YNH - it seems to be day for spitting. I spit coffee out on my screen at one point as well.
twat
Brooke...
If you need a leading man, just let me know.I'm free for the next, well...year!
Moviequill - I am pretty much unable to walk in shoes that are any higher than the average tennis sneaker.
Brookalina however, always wears shoes like this. She can sleep in them, kick ass in them, even shower in them. She is so cool.
OH BROOKE...YOUR LESBIANISM IS SHOWING AGAIN.....
OMG! I love this. Where do you come up with this stuff?!?! Very funny. Just don't take Angelina's rear--I've never been too impressed with it. Not that I am in the habit of checking out women's rears. It is just that I crack up how many times they fly by her rear in the Tombraider movies because she has no shape back there.
Can I have the stainless steal cookwear? I can't cook but it's fun to bag on 'em with wooden spoons and pretend you're a drummer. If you tie one arm behind your back you can even be Rick Allen!
Make that cookware. I should know better, I worked at Walmart for a year.
Actually, I insist that you take Angelina from the rear. I mean, take her rear...
Nevermind.
Major - the position is yours! Permanently! Only three brothers will be there and one of them is of the brethren. You and he should have no problem kicking the asses of the other two.
Lilred - I feel this solves my lesbian issue. If I AM the person I want to be a lesbian with, than I'm only a lesbian during masturbation.
Marel - contractually, I think I have to take her rear. But if not, is there someone else's rear I should request? And don't say J-Lo, I hate her.
Anthony - you can have the cookware as long as you promise to bang it as loudly as possible when in the vicinity of my brothers.
And making fun of an amputee is just wrong! But alas...it was funny.
Nick - I'm taking her rear. Or rather, I'm keeping her rear. Whatever.
Well, it's a good news/bad news situation for me. You're off banging Brad Pitt but then I never liked Angelina Jolie. I'll just have to wait to see who fills the Brooke position and hope she's as good at it as you are... were.
JJ - this may be the only time in history that a man prefers me to Angelina. I'm just going to bask in this for a while.
YNH - I actually used the word "twat" twice yesterday. I also used it in Mel's Friday Friday post. I must have really had twat on the brain.
Ew.
Brooke, take out 'shoes like thar' and insert 'tennis sneakers' and my feelings still remain intact (smirks) hey, have a great holiday weekend and thanks for making me chuckle, giggle and guffaw
When I was a kid someone would say something and the other party would cup their hand to their ear and say "Twat? Cunt here ya. Got an ear infucktion." Pure hilarity.
MQ - coming from a writer like yourself, I most graciously thank you for the compliments.
YNH - I see you subscribe to the same "never too late to have a happy childhood" theory that I do. No wonder we get along! My favorite is one my brother used to to. He worked in a deli at the shore in the summer - total nightmare. Everytime he finished waiting on someone he would say "Fuck you very much". Nobody ever noticed.
I think I'm old enough to be reading bad words like Twat. lol
brookalina....
where do you come up with this stuff????
Are you this funny while teaching the little ones? I bet it would be fun to be in your class!
whenever i dont hear someone correctly i sat "twat" some people get it, but the old people think i just said "what" try it, its fun
Ruben - good, cause I used several other bad words in my post as well.
Mo - I don't know where this stuff comes from. Maybe I'm half out of my mind. Only half, mind you.
I do like to inject a lot of humor in my classroom. People are always saying you can't be humorous with little ones, but they are so wrong! They love it!
Lilred - it's good to see you back. I am defintely going to use that one.
Fuck you very much.
Schools no fun without some good clean kid-humor! It's fun to see the kiddies laugh and have a good time while they learn.
Back to Brookalina, though....
Man, your legs are HOT!!! I wish I had those long lanky legs of yours. I know everyone talks about your lips, but I think I'd rather have your legs!
I know! How about these legs! Perfect for wrapping around Brad.
twat was that? oh i got it..fuck you too brooke..
come shit on my lap and ill tell you a secret...
i agree, her legs far outweigh her lips!
Normally I'd agree that it is wrong to make fun of amputees, but really, how many one armed drummers are in rock bands?
Lilred - ok I'm out.
Emajames - I totally agree.
Anthony - and since he is more famous than ever and is laughing all the way to the bank, I'm sure he doesn't give a rat's behind what riff raff like us think anyway.
Very true.
HAHAHHA...fuck you very much.... I remember that!!! Oh the memories!
Brooke, that is hysterical! I haven't heard the word twat used in so long! Is that an east coast thing?
Oh my God, girl! You are so funny!
After seeing "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," I want to be Brook-alina too. Or Sunny-lina. Whatever!
ok maybe that was the wrong phrase sorry..we can still say "twat was that"
and for the record, i prefer to make out with "real" women, not angelina types..
Anthony - I've been meaning to tell you how much I love your new pic. Very Neo.
LA - I actually said that one today to the security guard at mom's gated community. I know he's just doing his job but he's still a pain in the ass.
Jo-Anne - I don't know about that. They don't have twats on the west coast?
Sunny - I'm going to see that tomorrow. Can't wait!
Lilred - noooo!!! I meant I'm out of phrases! Fuck you very much is all I've got. lol
You are going to love it. Brad is very bang-able.
whore-y up will ya.
Happy 4th of July :)
Sunny - I just saw it and OH --- MY---GOD. Bangable?? I would say HIGHLY bangable.
lilred - you crack me up.
LA - you too!
her legs, definitely..her tattoos..hmmm...and that vial of billy bobs blood? ewwww!
Ha ha ha....good stuff!!!
Thanks for re-blogrolling me and if you aren't on mine, I'll blogroll you right now!
Brookalina will not be wearing vials of blood around her neck. She thinks it's ewwwwwwwww too!
Jersey - Thank you! :)
Holy cow. 42 freakin' babblers? You should charge admission and make a bundle. You're the "it" girl of the blogging world!
Happy 4th, brook-alina!
Oh please Sunny, most of the comments are from me anyway. See? I just made it 44.
Happy 4th!
i heard a rumour that angelina is pregnant - is brookalina obligated to now carry brad's baby?
Brookalina does not have a problem with having Brad's babies.
twat was that? your carrying brad pitts baby?ass a member of your blogging buddies, I would like to congratulate you.
Difficult to judge from this phot, but I suspect you could give Angelina a run for her money.
Tell you what though, you grab Brad and get him out of the way, leaving Angelina free for me.
If he left Jen for Angelina, and is leaving Angelina for you, are you prepared to have a second-runner up when he decides to bail? Pick someone now, and then just before you think he's going to start cheating, dump his ass!
Gordy - you are on!
Lo Lo - Brookalina hadn't thought of that. But her legs are freakishly long and powerful, so she could just keep him in a leglock until she is through with him.
Brookalina sounds like one tough cookie. Brad won't know what hit him!
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