Bond...Brooke Bond

As a child, my mother only bought one kind of tea for our house - Red Rose Tea. This was for obvious reasons, for those in the know. It was actually called Brooke Bond Red Rose Tea. Brooke Bond was a company from England, and the name delighted my mother to no end. My paternal grandparents were right off the boat from the motherland, and I still remember my father teaching me the proper way to drink tea. Milk and sugar. Never ever use cream. I still drink it that way. Only with fake sugar now. Sorry dad.

I remember my mother trying to get me to pose with a rose between my teeth so she could send the photo to the makers of Red Rose Tea. She was convinced they'd want me to be their spokesmodel. At that point in my life, I was what you might call "awkward." I wore extraordinarily powerful glasses, I had a space between my front teeth you could drive a lorry through, and with my short hair and lack of general femininity - I was quite often mistaken for an unfortunate looking boy. It is highly unlikely that the makers of Red Rose Tea would have been interested.

I bring all this up because I recently found a link to my blog that has me listed as "Brooke...Bond?" Seeing that made bells go off in my mind. Not the ones I usually hear. These were different. It reminded me of my childhood, of my love for all things British - especially my lust for British secret agents. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I had a sudden urge to drink tea and drive on the wrong side of the road.

In my last post, Leezer asked me what genre of film I would be making when I became the newest tabloid darling. I responded that I would be starting a new genre - Soft Core/Action. I now have my character. By day I will be Red Rose - tea-swilling, Spotted Dick eating, lady of leisure. By night, Brooke Bond, international slutty superspy. It's going to be so great. Nobody's ever done anything like this before.

Cheers!