Thursday, March 01, 2007

Bond...Brooke Bond

As a child, my mother only bought one kind of tea for our house - Red Rose Tea. This was for obvious reasons, for those in the know. It was actually called Brooke Bond Red Rose Tea. Brooke Bond was a company from England, and the name delighted my mother to no end. My paternal grandparents were right off the boat from the motherland, and I still remember my father teaching me the proper way to drink tea. Milk and sugar. Never ever use cream. I still drink it that way. Only with fake sugar now. Sorry dad.

I remember my mother trying to get me to pose with a rose between my teeth so she could send the photo to the makers of Red Rose Tea. She was convinced they'd want me to be their spokesmodel. At that point in my life, I was what you might call "awkward." I wore extraordinarily powerful glasses, I had a space between my front teeth you could drive a lorry through, and with my short hair and lack of general femininity - I was quite often mistaken for an unfortunate looking boy. It is highly unlikely that the makers of Red Rose Tea would have been interested.

I bring all this up because I recently found a link to my blog that has me listed as "Brooke...Bond?" Seeing that made bells go off in my mind. Not the ones I usually hear. These were different. It reminded me of my childhood, of my love for all things British - especially my lust for British secret agents. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I had a sudden urge to drink tea and drive on the wrong side of the road.

In my last post, Leezer asked me what genre of film I would be making when I became the newest tabloid darling. I responded that I would be starting a new genre - Soft Core/Action. I now have my character. By day I will be Red Rose - tea-swilling, Spotted Dick eating, lady of leisure. By night, Brooke Bond, international slutty superspy. It's going to be so great. Nobody's ever done anything like this before.

Cheers!


28 comments:

John said...

Incidentally, that's MY link! However, I notice no returning link...hmmm...thoughtful!

And to think, I even inspired a posting!

I shall now rock gently in a corner all to myself.

Brookelina said...

Dammit! You are way too fast! I was trying to find your blog so I could add the link. I'm glad you came by and revealed yourself. Made my life easier.

Now stop blubbering you big baby. Go get me some tea.

mist1 said...

I'm feeling pretty jealous right now. No one ever says Mist Bond. Although many people cannot make bond, so I guess that's a little like missing bond.

yournamehere said...

You spotted dick eater.

Princess Pointful said...

I certainly admire a lady who lunches who can also wield a throwing star and other dangerous weapons.
I think you should train your wollaby to be an attack wallabe
(I decided to change the spelling within a sentence because I hadn't a clue which was correct!)

G3T Films said...

I'm not sure if you can say nobody's ever done it. Those Hong-Kong filmmakers have mixed action with every other genre.

Let's say you're the first to bring it west!

If I keep being disagreeable like this you're not going to let me Direct your first film are you?

Bill said...

I grew up on Red Rose Tea. Spotted Dick, not so much.

My parents big thrill was finding a book to give me when I was a kid: "Silly Billy." I think I might have preferred they just took a picture of me with a rose in my teeth.

btw ... as I type, I'm drinking tea.

Melliferous Pants said...

My awkward period wasn't helped by the fact that my mother gave me mullet.

And that was just last year.

Erin O'Brien said...

Brooke Bond. Mist Bond. All that's so cool. Erin Bond sounds like a denture adhesive. Shit.

Hi.

Cincysundevil said...

Naturally, I'll be up late nights waiting to catch your exploits on Skinemax.

Übermilf said...

Please come for tea. We love tea here. We even have little sandwiches and sweet buns.

Think Frustrated said...

I drink my tea with milk and sugar. You have to use sugar cubes in tea. I'm not English, but I just don't understand why anyone would drink it any other way.

Nance said...

I think Spotted Dick and Sticky Toffee Pudding can be the names of your henchmen. Oh, and let's not forget Clotted Cream.

miss kendra said...

this is the best idea ever! this post just wrote itself!


i love it.

Brookelina said...

Mist - I will always post bond for you. As long as I'm not in bed with one of my many hot men.

Todd - you say that like it's a bad thing. No wait, no you didn't.

Princess - and I can keep my throwing stars in his pouch too! Oh this is going to be so cool.

Rich - you're already fired. "Difficult to work with." You'll never work in this town again.

Bill - I've actually never had spotted dick. And for that I'm grateful.

Pants - she did not!!! That's just child abuse.

Brookelina said...

Erin - we will have to come up with a sexy vixen-like name for you. How about Erin Go-Bra.

Cincy - are you assuming that my movie won't be a hit? That I'll end up going straight to video? Yeah probably.

Ubie - I'll be there. I never ever ever turn down sweet buns. Ever.

TF - me either. Absolutely.
Sorry. I'm still thinking about sweet buns.

Nance - see, you get me. Spotted Dick, Sticky Toffee, and Clotted Cream are absolutely going to be my minions. You are genius.

Kendra - I practically have my first script already! You have to make an appearance as the sexy burlesque dancer who wrangles information out of sleazy bad guys for me.

thephoenixnyc said...

Cute.

BTW, a firend of yours has already sent me degrading pictures of you for me to post.

egan said...

I love tea. Maybe we can be tea drinking superhero like those freaky WonderTwins. You could form of a hot liquid beverage and I could form of anything made of plastic.

Brooke Bond is perfect for you. When do we begin filming?

Naynayfazz said...

I love your movie idea. What will your slutty night time vixen costume look like?

I like tea with milk and sugar too. When I am sick, only will I use honey and no milk.

Tits McGee said...

Übie totally has sweet buns.

Also, can Brooke Bond please be bi?

tkkerouac said...

Do you remember the "Wade Miniatures" in RED Rose Tea from the 60's, 70's?

perchance said...

I stumbled upon your blog quite a while ago. The first post I read of yours was "Fractured Fairy Tale". LOVED it. I could so relate having 3 brothers and being adopted and all. And I've been a fan ever since. I LOVE your sense of humour. But I think this post is my favourite! Love the movie idea! Love your wit! Would so love to have a beer with you. You. Crack. Me. Up. Cheers!

Brookelina said...

Phoenix - "a friend?" Are you sure those aren't the ones you swore you'd never show to anyone when we took them? Bastard! Just make sure you show my good side.

Egan - I love it! And then you can go bad and I can kick your ass! I love kicking ass.

NayNay - I will be an Armani vixen, no costumes for me. Only the best will do. He'll specially design my clothes so that I can get in and out of them easily.

Tits - of course! Brooke Bond is forever a little gay for Thunder Tits.

TK - I'm sorry, I have no idea what you asked me. Your picture has me mesmerized.

Perchance - thank you! You are one of those lurkers then - please feel free to come out of hiding more often!

jamwall said...

why did james bond drink martinis? it made no sense. "Q" could have included a nice cup of hot boiling tea in james bond's arsenal of deadly weapons!

just imagine the one-liners! "i'm not the dangerous one, earl grey is the one you don't want to piss off."

or something like that.

Mone said...

Oh brookie, we all knew that there was a dark side to your story :)

Mone said...

mone bond...
mona bond...
mon bond...

*head shaking*

its just not working, I'm the purest one of all LOL.

kris said...

You said lorry. Which makes me doubt that you are from New Jersey, or even this side of the pond.

And where are said photos of these awkward years, I mean moments?

Hypersonic said...

And in the UK we just had PG Tips made by Brooke Bond. Though the ads were cute using Chimps to sell Tea...what a markewting ploy!! BTW as an english-person I have never eaten or seen spotted dick or toffee pudding. They're about as british as Dick Van Dyke's accent in Mary Poppins.