Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Top 5 (Current) Reasons that Florida Sucks Ass

How Angry is Your City?
According to this article in Men's Health, four of the top ten 'angriest cities' in America are in the Sunshine State.

Pembroke Pines, Florida, has the most dangerous intersection in the United States
Because nobody in this friggin' state can drive. No wonder everyone is so angry.

Broward judge in Anna Nicole Smith case accused of smoking pot in Hollywood park
"They said they smelled a very strong odor of what they found to be marijuana," Rode said. "They followed the smell to a gentleman sitting under a tree. He was actively smoking the marijuana cigarette as they approached him."

How proud we are of our judicial system. Way to set an example dude.

Education commissioner: State school enrollment down 3,500
It's a matter of fewer children than expected entering school and more leaving, mainly going out of state and a lesser extent to private schools, DuBard said.
She said researchers, though, don't know why students are leaving Florida.

You don't? Then you're dumber than a bag of hammers. Let me fill you in. Nobody can afford to live down here on your crappy Sunshine dollars
anymore. And since all the land developers made a killing by razing the low-income homes that were destroyed in the hurricanes and building million dollar condos - these families had to move to other states to find affordable housing and competitive wages. And there go all your students. Buh-bye.

Budget crunch, new requirements could mean misery for Florida's teachers
Last year, Broward lost 532 teachers because they could no longer afford to live in South Florida, according to the district's exit interviews. State officials recorded a similar pattern: 81 percent of departing teachers surveyed in 2005 said they were leaving because of poor pay and benefits.

Florida's average teacher salary of $41,590 ranks 32nd in the country, and more than $6,000 below the national norm.

"I have great confidence in the teachers in Florida," said Chancellor Cheri Pierson Yecke, who oversees state K-through-12 education policy. "What I've seen are people that embrace reform."

If by reform you mean putting up with shitty pay, constant budget cuts, and outlandish expectations from moronic bureaucrats, then yes - Florida teachers not only embrace reform - they make out with it on a daily basis.


yournamehere said...

I want to dry hump reform.

matty said...

I wonder why Florida is so angry?'re there. ...that should make the whole state quite happy, I should think!

ginonymous said...

i thought much about being a teacher myself, listened to friends who are, and said fuck it. i'll be an actuary. i have a price. it's 82.5 a year. and no tasers.

Leezer said...

You should work for your local news station and instill some common sense into your state. You could have a "Brooke's Corner" or something along those lines and the station will pay you big bucks to slap the state around a little. At the end of each year you will award "The Brookie" (which is actually a bobblehead of yourself) to the stupidest idea of the year. You're welcome.

Johnny Pipewrench said...

My Dearest Brooke,
I'm still here in the sunshine state.
Wellington area.
I'm enjoying asking the creepy
homeless guy's working the corners
for ten bucks before they ask me.
They get this confused look on
their Charles Manson like faces,
then just go bug someone else.
This could turn into a new hobby for me.
Move to Chicago,
you'll make more money,
and you can hang out with

jiggs said...

If you want, I'll punch florida in the junk.

Think Frustrated said...

Screw Florida. Old folks and huge cartoon mice is all that's there. The beach sucks, and there's a wierd brand of hick down there. Not like any other Southerner i've met. Kind of odd and always wanting to wrestle gators while smoking cheap cigars.

Flounder said...

Reason #1 should be the Florida Gators.


Now move back to Jersey so you can teach and not afford to buy a house near family.

BTW - I'll be down the shore on 4/14 for a few days. SUBS!

thephoenixnyc said...

I have driven in Florida. I don't think I would last more than a month before quite literally killing someone.

Gove me the mean street of Manhattan any day.

Monkey said...

I vote for Jiggs' and Leezer's ideas. A Brooke's Corner would certainly solve all of Florida's ills and the "punch to the genital region" will wake it up.

Oh Brooke! I feel your pain. This is why I moved to Maine!
(Hey... that rhymes! How cool am I?)

I went to high school in Florida and it was supposed to be a good school. Can I adequately describe how behind I was when I got to college? No. I cannot. I got in only by the hair of my SATs.

Oh my. I could rant all day about how I dislike Florida.

We love you! Come visit! Wait for summer though.

Monkey and Heather

Laurie said...

I do love the keys. Could leave the rest though.

miss kendra said...

you escape soon, though, n'est ce pas?

Naynayfazz said...

I will add this to the reasons I would never move to Florida. Then I will show my boyfriend who insists it is nice place to live!

Nance said...

Oh, honey, I can make you feel so much better. I live and teach in Ohio. Look it up.

And start smiling.

Brookelina said...

Todd - I wish I had said that.

Matty - you would think! But they show no appreciation. They'll miss me when I'm gone!

Ginny - where the hell you been! Making big money, clearly.

Leezer - I love it. The problem is nobody is really all that interested in what I have to say. It's very disheartening.

Johnny - you big stud. Did you ever read my post about how the homeless guy wouldn't take my money because I was a teacher? He probably made more money begging than I do teaching.

Jiggs - yes please. Just don't tell it I told you to do it.

Brookelina said...

TF - I thought I was the only person who didn't like the beaches here! I hate that you can't smell the ocean. What's up with that?

Flounder - I'll be back permanently in June. Don't forget our date on the deck.

Phoenix - I will take dodging taxis in NYC over I95 here any day. I can't wait to be a Nor'easter again!

Heather and Monkey - you better watch what you wish for. I might actually show up on your doorstep one day. I've always wanted to visit Portland. They have cake there, right?

Laurie - I'm ashamed to say I've never been to the Keys, even though I've lived here for seven years.

Kendra - Oui, dans trois mois.

NayNay - I have another whole post about why I hate Florida linked to this. Check it out.

Nance - that bad? Really?

egan said...

Sadly Florida pays its teachers better than my home state.

I love the pot smoking judge. That's a great story Brooke.

Floridians don't like to signal when behind the wheel, that I noticed.

Bill said...

This is why I moved to god-forsaken New Brunswick. Flordia kinda sounds like what Alberta has become.

"He who angers you conquers you."
- Elizabeth Kenny

(I've no idea who she is.)

Nick said...

What the fuck has the world come to when a judge can't smoke a little pot?

When did America turn into Germany circa 1947?

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Time to move back to Jersey!!!!

Think Frustrated said...

The "smelling the ocean" thing is totally true. I went to Kauai on my honeymoon, and you can smell the sea in the air. It's a salty smell that you can almost taste. Very good.

BV said...

Elected officials should smoke weed in their houses like everybody else. I would be more upset that he was that dumb.

Christina said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's time to move back to the Jerz.

Übermilf said...

Wichita made it to #20 based on Nick alone.

Also, Florida sucketh mightily.

matty said...

Where will you be going?!?!?

Come to San Francisco! It rocks!

Plus, me and Ing are going to be taking up disco rollerskating! really should be here!

Nick said...

Where does "kids beating the shit out of homeless guys" fall on the list?

Brookelina said...

Egan - I once heard a girl say on the radio that her dad taught her to not use her signal on the road, otherwise someone might try to get into the spot she was in - so it's better for others to not know what you are going to do. And welcome to the Florida mentality.

Bill - I absolutely love that quote. I want you to continue bringing me fabulous quotes on your visits.

Nick - 1947? Seriously?

TJ - three months!

TF - back in Jersey the beach smells fantastic. I'm headed up there tomorrow and I can't wait to fill my lungs with salt air.

BV - that's actually what I'm upset about. Smoke em if you got em, but use your head, dipshit.

Brookelina said...

Tina - I can't wait. And we are so meeting up then.

Ubie - it's a nice place to know the rest.

Matty - I would love to come visit! I'm thinking if I hit the lottery I'll have to do a blog tour and hit all the cities of my blog friends.

Nick - it's charming isn't it? We sure know how to grow 'em down here.

DaMasta said...

I'm about done with Texas! All of our major cities are 'angry' as well! Grr. :-/

Bonanza JellyBean said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bonanza JellyBean said...

Florida has it's problems, I agree, but I did love living there- even if I was in North FLA- for a couple of reasons: beaches and I was only a five hour drive from South Florida.

Oh, and the Keys. There is nothing more perfect than being on the beach to watch the sunrise AND the sunset.

-Bonanza JellyBean

jamwall said...

my cities or state are not even in the top 50, yet i have a seething bit of rage which makes me want to dance.

angryfloridian said...

Florida sucks assesmulasses this place fucking sucks no place to live these fuoking assosiation just want too suck blood If you buy anything in miami expect to live in a dump for 500,000 I just can't buy anything here and salaries pay suck you can get a nice job but with no benefits no insurance also everything is so over price every store any place people are price gouging this place sucks ass I need to find a better place to live Miami is like living in beverly hills california

Beachbummer said...

South Beach is becoming the capitol of hore biatch beaches I can find a ho in every corner in south beach
this place is crazy you can find alot of crazy people and alot of diseases too so be carefull you can catch something here.

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