Sunday, March 11, 2007

My First Movie Review - 300

After having just returned from the spectacle that is 300, I feel compelled to write my first movie review. I am still unable to shake the feeling of the sepia-toned world that is Sparta. My apartment looks too colorful, and it seems way too quiet in here. This is definitely a movie that stays with you.

I've been looking forward to this film for a long time. Not because I'm a Frank Miller fan - (though I think I may be one now) and not because of Gerard Butler (who is Oh.My.Fucking.God. gorgeous in this) - but because I long for movies that have their own look, their own feel, their own style. This is a film that has a beautiful story to tell and that tells it beautifully. And believe me when I tell you, it is visually stunning. It's like walking into a painting that has suddenly come to life all around you. There is no other way to describe it.

Yes, it has elements of other movies in it. I admit I was not as emotionally invested in 300 as I was in Gladiator, a movie that still makes me cry every time I watch it. And some of the warriors for the Persians looked remarkably like the Orcs from The Lord of the Rings, not to mention the Gollum like character that betrays the Spartans. But it does have other elements that these movies lack. The incredibly strong female lead in the form of the kick-ass Queen Gorgo, who could easily rule today. The real love story between the King and Queen depicting two people who genuinely respect each other - and have some serious sex as well. The moment where Leonidas looks back at his wife for her approval before shouting the famous, "This is Sparta!" line to the Persian messenger may be my favorite in this whole film. Second only to the scene where Leonidas snacks on an apple while walking through the litter of hundreds of dead Persians. And let's not forget the 300 perfect specimens of man-flesh.

As for the gore and violence that has been noted in virtually every review on the internets - at no time did I feel the need to shield my eyes. And let me tell you, I am a totally pussy when it comes to violence on film. The battle scenes are filmed as if they are perfectly choreographed ballets. The blood spatters are like falling rose petals blowing in the wind - never once staining the ground below them. Even the flying heads are artful - like a Dali painting come to life. And did I mention the 300 men with 6-pack abs - topped off by Leonidas and his 8-pack? If there is anything more beautiful than that, I have yet to see it. It should be noted that I left this film with the need for a cigarette. I am smoking one as I write this. I blame Gerard Butler for making me pick up this filthy habit again.

Go see this movie. Now. Get off your ass and go. Just don't blame me if you start smoking again.


Added note: My recent post about this movie has brought in a whole new category of searches to my blog that I feel compelled to add. I'll call them The Sparta Searches. I'm sure more are on the way after this one. But here is just a sampling of the hits I've gotten so far.

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300 sparta are they on steroids?
sparta abs
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sexual connotations of the spartan 300
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300 sparta underwear

Madness? This is Sparta!


yournamehere said...

Smoking? Shame on you. You should only do that after sex.

Churlita said...

I've been excited about seeing it too, and now that you've said that there's serious sex scenes, I'm on my way to a theater near me.

LDF said...

I'm glad to read a review from a female viewer who liked it as much as us guys did. When I saw it with a friend, we waited in line for the IMAX screen for about 45 minutes, and the crowd was 80% male.

I read in USA Today that it "tested 100% positive for women of all ages".

Apparently this film is doing much better than professional critics want to give it credit for.

I also wrote of review of 300 here:

Cincysundevil said...

I sooo thought this movie rocked!! It was absolutely heartbreaking when Leonidas left his wife. You can just feel the heartbreak building and then she makes the comment about coming home with the shield or on it.

But the fight scenes did kick ass. I had to see it by myself but it was so worth it.

Bill said...

I would have waited for the DVD but then I read in your post:

this is sparta" mom porn

I have GOT to post about this movie so I can get searches like that.

The movie sounds promising. I have to confess, however, I was bored cross-eyed by Sin City so I'm hoping this is a different animal entirely.

matty said...

so, I should see it? a friend told me it was homophobic and yet gay-erotic at the same time. ???? ...but I was sick this weekend so I didn't make it.

Should I go?

I guess I should. Silly question.

I shall seek it out!

Princess Pointful said...

Haha... there's no way you can look at Xerxes and not think homoerotic. He was a drag queen!!

On the other hand, there's no way you can look at Leonidas and not think naughty thoughts. Grar.

Brookelina said...

Todd - believe me, in my mind I had sex with Gerard Butler many times over the course of that movie.

Churlita - don't get too excited, it's one scene. And in my opinion it could have been done better.

LDF - we have an IMAX down here but it's not showing it, which is a major bummer. I'll check out your review. Thanks!

Cincy - I saw it alone too, and I'm glad I did because I was able to just completely immerse myself in it.

Bill - you really should see this one on the big screen. It's worth seeing for the visuals alone.

Matty - Leonidas makes one comment about "boy lovers" to the Persian messenger, which I think was in response to his overly dramatic eye makeup. The rest of the movie is gorgeous ripped up men running around in leather underwear commenting on each other's spear thrusts, while a giant drag queen tells everyone to get on their knees in front of you do the math.

Princess - I almost wrote about the drag queen being one of the best parts of the movie!!! He was practically giving Leonidas a neck massage at one point. As for dirty thoughts, see my first comment to Todd. Oh. Yes.

Flounder said...

You cried during Gladiator?

You wuss.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

If I ever got to the movies, I would so see this just to see all the 8-pack abs.

miss kendra said...

you are hilarious.

i want to see this, but my nerd parts are telling me i'll just be pissed off. i'm already having a hard time dealing with the previews- "tonight we dine in hell" just irritates me, as spartans didn't believe in hell.

i'm upset at the historical innacuracies! i am the hugest geek! stupid americans are going to think this is the way it was! thank god you're a teacher.

Anonymous said...

If only the liberals would let America run its military the same way it was ran in this movie.

I'll be damned if Julio Eglesias isn't a woman! Damned!

Übermilf said...

I didn't comment here? Oops.

Man boobs.

Toby said...

I just quit smoking about 3.5 months ago. I'll have to wait for the DVD.

Brookelina said...

Flounder - you didn't? Heathen.

TJ - I know you well. It's worth it.

Kendra - I think the historical accuracy went out the window when Xerxes turned out to be an eight foot drag queen and King Leonidas spoke with a Scottish accent.

Hal - I'd totally vote for the King. He's fine.

Ubie - how could you ignore my first movie review! I'm wounded.

Toby - it's a big screen movie. Take the chance. Unless 300 sets of perfect abs send drive you to smoke, you'll be ok.

Mikeachim said...

Hell, who didn't cry in Gladiator? C'maaan. The bit when he's double-visioning between the afterlife and the blood-spattered Colisseum, just before he keels over dead? Not a dry eye in the domus.
I very much want to see this film. Every promo shot has looked like a painting, even more so than Sin City.
Also, I'm visiting Thermopylae this summer, so it'd be good to have a Millered view of it all in the back of my mind.

egan said...

I've heard this movie is good. The trailer had me convinced Gladiator had a sequel coming out. What is it about hot men and their powers to conquer countries?

Nance said...

don't hate me now, but i have no desire to see this film and i hated gladiator. 300, in the previews, looks like a feature-length video game. what the heck is it supposed to be?

Princess of the Universe said...

Brooke, You've convinced me.

I'm a baby suck about violent movies, but a fan of "beautiful" movies. Far too many of them all look alike - like the directors of photography are all reading out of the same "how-to" manual.

I love movies like Bram Stoker's Dracula & a Midsummer Night's Dream- all so lush and visual...

Spinning Girl said...

I have been rather impressed by the trailers I have seen, talk about visually stunning!!!

jiggs said...

the graphic novel is pretty rad too.

Hypersonic said...

If you want to "get into" Frank Miller, check out Ronin ( his first Graphic Novel for DC) and Hard Boiled. Then check out his MArtha Washington Series at Dark Horse, Frank has always written strong female characters, just look at his Elektra and then compare it with the sad wishy washy movie of the same name.

matty said...

I'm seeing it tomorrow!!!! Can't wait!
I shall have my sword in tow.

Brookelina said...

Mike - see that's what I'm talking about. Poor Maximus. And you should definitely see 300, it really is a work of art. Let me know what you think!

Egan - well you know how I feel about hot men. Same as you. Ahem.

Nance - I don't hate you. Not everyone likes these kinds of movies. I happen to be very guy-like - without the facial hair. Mostly.

Princess - then you'll like this movie. Seriously, don't be concerned about the violence. As I said, I'm a pussy about blood and gore, and this movie didn't bother me in the least.

Spinning Girl - being that we both appreciate beautiful men, trust me when I tell you it's worth the price of admission.

Jiggs - but does it have the abs?

Hyper - when you said Ronin, I thought immediately of the Robert DeNiro movie. But I'm sure that's not what you meant. I'm not really much of a graphic novel fan. I'm guy-like, but only so much.

Brookelina said...

Matty - come back and let me know what you think!

Leezer said...

I read a review that it was homoerotic, which in my view is irrelevant because gorgeous man-abs are gorgeous man-abs. So I'll get a sitter. I'm like you. I love movies for the art form, cinematography, the colors, soundtrack, everything. The story-line can be so-so, but if it has the other stuff going for it, it's a good show in my book.

TherapyDoc said...

the apple part, this is hot.

well done on the review thing, am sold, will see it Friday.

thephoenixnyc said...

I can't wait to see it. Although perhaps some of the things I will like about it will differ....

Flounder said...

BTW - Spartans suck!


Naynayfazz said...

Oh, woops.... I was the gay porn ancient greece was me. he he

Brookelina said...

Phoenix - they show boobies too. And chicks kissing. It's got a little something for everyone. Let me know what you think.

Flounder - Oh. My. God. How could I not remember that our rivals are the Spartans! I'm old. I forget easily. And I don't remember their Spartans looking like the ones in the movie.

NayNay - another reason we get on so well. Gay porn. hehehe

egan said...

What about Leezer and TherapyDoc's comments? I loved what Leezer said, that's funny stuff.

Brookelina said...

That's odd. I didn't see those comments before. Frigging blogger. Thanks Egan!

Leezer - see now we could have seen it together. Where do you live? I need a friend I can go to movies with and wallow in abs and art.

Therapydoc - it totally made me want an apple. Or to feed him an apple. Or to have him feed me...whatever. Let me know what you think.

jamwall said...

i mentioned this to someone prior, but the first time i saw the TV trailer, i thought it was an ad for a video game (with really really good computer graphics), until i was amazed to find out that not only is it a movie but its live action.

matty said...

I saw it. I wrote about it. ...don't be mad at me! Please? ...tho, he is a very hot man!

Hey, have you seen the photo shoot he did for the Men's Health Journal. It is his work out routine. Hmmmm... Yes, well.

April said...

i've heard good things about this movie. i'm glad to read another good review...i'll be going to see it. :)

Anonymous said...

MY name is sparta-kiss