Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Love Danny: Part II

Last year I received a bunch of emails from Danny of Danny Don't Go. Because they were all about how much he wanted me, I immediately compiled them into a post for my blog - cause I'm shallow like that. In case you're thinking that it's indiscreet of me to post emails from men, please know that Danny was thrilled to be exposed in this manner - cause...well... he's shallow like that. So thrilled, in fact, that he has graced me with yet another perverse adoring email. And here it is, for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.



you know that you love me
even if i freak you out
you know that you need me
and you know what i'm all about

so take of your shirt
and take of your bra
remove, please, your skirt
against this, there is no law

now i shall digitally penetrate
and you shall digitally moan
in real life, you can masturbate
even if I can't...**groan**

i swear i've never had cyber
I have yet to virtually cum
I'm getting plenty of fiber--------------(it ryhmed, leave me alone)
and now you must want some----------(just typing this is giving me a bone)

So saddle up to your keyboard
And remove your playtex please
I promise you won't get bored
You dirty cyber tease



Ok, I'm done, how was I?
Was it as good for you as it was for me?
I'm sorry for cumming on your virtual thigh
I can't control it with one hand on the keys.

Well, that sure was fun
Even if it lasted just a minute
Remember me when you want some
And we'll digitally "do it!"


Danny, it was indeed good for me. Oh, and happy birthday! Here's your present.

Sunday, April 22, 2007


For those of you who don't get it, this is just one of the cool little internet thingiedoos. Go to VisualDNA and pick the pictures you like. It gives a reading on your personality and a cool little widget for your blog.

Get it now? Good, now go have some fun.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Exciting Blogger News!

Well, exciting to me anyway.

First of all, I am finally on new Blogger. I don't know why it took so long for me to be able to switch over. Maybe Blogger was busy enjoying all of my previous work, you know - getting to know me - before inviting me over to his place. Or it's possible that Blogger is a naughty little tease who was purposely trying to prolong the agony of anticipation. Then again, it could just be that Blogger sucks. You decide. In any event, I'm on new Blogger! I admit I was starting to feel left out, what with all my blog buddies moving on without me to their new digs and leaving me behind like old moldy furniture.

Second, I have been honored with an award! Actually no, my blog has been honored with an award. No that's not right either. One of my posts has been honored with an award. Not really an award, more like a special mention on another blog that specially mentions other blog posts...which is very nice even though I really didn't get an actual award or anything. OK I did get this very pretty picture to put on my blog. That's an award ...of sorts.

Shut up.

To be honest, I'm extremely flattered. I was mentioned on a new blog called The Rising Blogger, In Search of The Rising Blogger. Are you one? Judd, the lovely gentleman who started this blog and emailed me to inform me of my recent selection, searches the blog world for worthy posts to talk about on his site. He said very nice things about me in his post, and I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you. I won't ask anything about Judd's personal life - like if he's single and if he likes pina coladas - because I feel it's important to maintain my integrity. The last time I got singled out for my blog work, I spent the better part of an hour flirting chatting with a boy who was young enough to be my...oldest brother's son... actually even my youngest brother's son. Oh I am so going to hell. Not that it was a bad experience, it was quite nice actually. But I'm really too old mature to be flirting chatting with college boys. Anyway, here is the direct link to the post about me. Thank you again, Judd. I'll be sure to link you up and check out your site often!


There is no third. There is no spoon. Here's a cute picture.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

There Was an Old Lady...

I have been known, on occasion, to make mistakes in class. I know this mars my Super Teacher reputation, but it's true. Like, sometimes I'll mix up the kids' names. Or other times I'll forget what I've said to the class shortly after I've just said it. Actually, it's not so much making mistakes as the possibility of Early-onset Alzheimer's. But of course I don't want the kids to know this. I use my mistakes to teach the kids that all people make mistakes. Because I admit to mine, they are more likely to admit to theirs. This works out well for me. For instance, it usually only takes a minute or two before the culprit who peed on the seat admits to his crime.

I like to blame my mistakes on my age. "Oh I'm sorry honey, I forgot that I told you that you could color instead of read. I didn't mean to yell. What can I say? I forget things. I'm old."

And the class always shouts the same thing. "You're not old Ms. Woes!!!"

It's cute.

The problem with this excuse is that now they keep asking me how old I am. I tell them I am 112. They don't believe me. I refuse to tell them how old I really am since I am the same age as most of their grandmothers. So I have decided to try a different excuse.

Today when I handed Supermodel (she's a stylin' little thing) her folder back, and then asked her two minutes later where her folder was, she laughed out loud - they really do love when I screw up, the little shits - and said, "Ms. Woes!!! You just gave it to me!!"

"Oh that's right honey," I said, "I forgot. What can I say? I'm just stupid sometimes."

And Lil Obama, ever ready to rush to my defense, shouted out, "No!!! You're not stupid Ms. Woes!!! You're just old!!"

Yes. Thank you.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Bereavement in their death to feel
Whom We have never seen
A Vital Kinsmanship import
Our Soul and theirs — between

For Stranger — Strangers do not mourn
There be Immortal friends
Whom Death see first — 'tis news of this
That paralyze Ourselves

Who, vital only to Our Thought
Such Presence bear away
In dying — 'tis as if Our Souls
Absconded — suddenly

~Emily Dickinson

Saturday, April 14, 2007

If I Knew Then What I Know Now

I would have -
  • spent my high school years actually learning something
  • listened when everyone told me to stay away from that boy
  • let the local surfers give me lessons
  • gotten my legs waxed instead of shaving
  • trusted my instincts more
  • learned to speak another language fluently
  • gone to karate classes
  • managed my money better
  • taken that job in Europe
  • written books about my travels

I would not have -
  • let my father's indifference affect me so much
  • been so hard on my mother
  • stopped working out on a daily basis
  • always been so hard on myself
  • second guessed everything I did
  • been so insecure about boys
  • allowed my social life go to hell
  • chickened out of going to college
  • come back to America before I was ready
  • let him go

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Schoolhouse Rock!

Remember Schoolhouse Rock? No? Then fuck off, you're too young to be on my blog. *This does not apply to anyone raised outside of America - including Aussies down under, Aussies in Japan, Crazy Ass Canadians, or hot Scots. Schoolhouse Rock was a series of short educational cartoons shown in the 70's on Saturday mornings. Not only were they educational, but great sing-a-longs as well. Just ask my parents, whom I woke up every Saturday morning with my horrific off-key singing, sugared up on tooth-decaying cereal while dancing around the living room in my pajamas. I credit these cartoons with teaching me all about the solar system, how to count by fives, and the difference between conjunctions and adjectives. Also my times tables. Basically if not for Schoolhouse Rock, I'd still be in the third grade.

I wanted to share these with my students, but I was concerned the cartoons might be a bit dated and boring to them. The first time I showed The Best of Schoolhouse Rock (which has the top 25 videos as voted by fans - how cool is that!), they showed mild interest. When I went to return the video to the library, they asked if they could see it one more time. The next time they started getting some of the lyrics and were shouting out along with some of the songs. Now, they would rather watch Schoolhouse Rock than Shrek. I can't even begin to tell you what a kick I get from seeing their reactions to these old cartoons. I show them on our Fun Friday afternoons, and every time I do I tell myself I'm going to get some paperwork done. But instead I get lost in watching them respond to all my old favorites. So I thought I'd share with you their absolute favorite - the one that always gets them singing along just the way I did when I was a little girl, dancing around the living room in my pajamas.


Thursday, April 05, 2007

Spring Break

 South Jersey. It's approximately 45 degrees here.

Yes I'm still moving back here.

I'm pretty sure.