Wednesday, April 18, 2007

There Was an Old Lady...

I have been known, on occasion, to make mistakes in class. I know this mars my Super Teacher reputation, but it's true. Like, sometimes I'll mix up the kids' names. Or other times I'll forget what I've said to the class shortly after I've just said it. Actually, it's not so much making mistakes as the possibility of Early-onset Alzheimer's. But of course I don't want the kids to know this. I use my mistakes to teach the kids that all people make mistakes. Because I admit to mine, they are more likely to admit to theirs. This works out well for me. For instance, it usually only takes a minute or two before the culprit who peed on the seat admits to his crime.

I like to blame my mistakes on my age. "Oh I'm sorry honey, I forgot that I told you that you could color instead of read. I didn't mean to yell. What can I say? I forget things. I'm old."

And the class always shouts the same thing. "You're not old Ms. Woes!!!"

It's cute.

The problem with this excuse is that now they keep asking me how old I am. I tell them I am 112. They don't believe me. I refuse to tell them how old I really am since I am the same age as most of their grandmothers. So I have decided to try a different excuse.

Today when I handed Supermodel (she's a stylin' little thing) her folder back, and then asked her two minutes later where her folder was, she laughed out loud - they really do love when I screw up, the little shits - and said, "Ms. Woes!!! You just gave it to me!!"

"Oh that's right honey," I said, "I forgot. What can I say? I'm just stupid sometimes."

And Lil Obama, ever ready to rush to my defense, shouted out, "No!!! You're not stupid Ms. Woes!!! You're just old!!"

Yes. Thank you.


yournamehere said...

I'd like to think of you as stupid AND old.

knitty kitty said...

oh superteacher.
I want to be a super teacher too.

FindingHeart said...

Sure I may have had 'thinning hair' before I started teaching, but I wasn't truly 'bald' until I was drawn by my students. I was still clinging to the idea that I had some hair, and she drew me just short of Daddy Warbucks. I loved the little F'ers, mostly because of their honesty. ;)

jamwall said...

things could be a lot worse. you could be a sub.

those people have "abuse me" signs peppered all over their bodies.

G3T Films said...

Too cute!

Nah, it's not Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's is not when you forget you gave her the folder, it's when you forget what a folder is, or a child is for that matter. I can just see it now, 'Ms Woes you just gave me the folder'. 'Eeeeep, why is that human so small, quick beat it to death with a folder, wait, what's a folder'.

Monkey said...

Oh my! Sometimes after reading your stories, I have a rather unhinged urge to visit your classroom and cuddle every child present.

(Sometimes the woman will tell the Boy, "I need to take a shower before we go anywhere." To which he replies, "No you don't! You look beautiful just the way you are." It's enough to make a monkey gag, but the woman loves it.)

Dan-E said...

oh come on now. 45 isn't that old. you have a long time to go before social security kicks in.

ChickyBabe said...

Um... looks to me like you taught them well! :P

jiggs said...

someone's in trouble! Brooke isn't 45!

Whenever I make a mistake in front of little kids, first I shout obscenities and then I chase after them with a rake.

Übermilf said...

Jiggs ... sigh.

Anyways, the fact that you probably ARE as old as their grandmothers is not a testament to how old YOU are but how young people have babies in their neighborhood.

So... 16 plus 16 is only 32. You're 32, right?

Flounder said...

Next time they ask, just tell them that you are old enough to be their grandmother.

Spinning Girl said...

Thank goodness for the wee ones; they keep us young. Maybe you need a double dose?

Tim said...

It's cute when kids call you stupid or old. It's less funny when my boss calls me that.

Hypersonic said...

I wish that would work with my adults.

Miss B said...

LMAO - my kids haven't said that to me yet. They are rather fond of telling me I'm not old. And giggling when I tell them I have gray hairs.

One first grader told me her mom is my age. The girl is 7. I'm 27.


danny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
miss kendra said...

ubie's right.

grandma could be 22 these days.

Brookelina said...

Todd - well that was actually my point.

Kitty - oh I'm so far from Super Teacher I can barely see her cape.

FH - my kids always draw me as taller versions of themselves. I wonder how long that will last.

Jamwall - especially a middle school sub. You may as well just drown yourself in a bottle of scotch each night.

Rich - so basically I'm just a dumbass then. Thank God.

Brookelina said...

Monkey - you have an open invitation to come to my class any time. You should know that by now!

The boy is too cute. I love them at this age. Lil Obama can't get through the day without a certain number of hugs. I think he's up to 12 now.

Dan - hey!!! I'm not 45! You damn whippersnapper!

Chicky - the great thing about the little ones is that no matter how you look or feel, they love you. If only they stayed like that.

Jiggs - I've learned to curb the obscenities when I'm in class, which is probably why I am such a potty mouth when out of the classroom. I really do have a dirty mouth. Yes, I talk dirty. You read that right.

Ubie - that's exactly my point. The kids are six and seven, and most of their parents are in their mid twenties - if that. So I'm positively ancient at the ripe old age of...32. Yeah, 32. That's the ticket.

Flounder - oh I am going to say that! Ha!

Brookelina said...

Spinning Girl - a double dose? Of medication? Or do you mean that I need to make my own? Cause I don't see that happening unless Viggo insists that I have his babies. I can't refuse Viggo.

Tim - is your boss young and smart? Kick his ass.

Hyper - lots of hugs. They love it no matter the age.

Miss B - last year the bane of my existence asked me why I had gray hairs. I told him he gave them to me. He seemed to like that answer. How's the career going?

Danny - even for you that was disgusting. Sorry dude.

Miss Kendra - I think I would throw myself off a pier if I were a grandma now. Well, maybe I'd just dive off and go swimming.

danny said...

it wasn't disgusting...i tell my kids that every day.

Brookelina said...

Someday you are going to be the top news story on every major network, and I can say that I didn't really know that well you but you always did freak me out.

Also that you desperately wanted to sleep with me.

Nance said...

Sigh. I tell my kids that I'm so old, I drew water for Christ.

Then they say, "But you look really good for your age." The shits. They have no idea why that is still not really a compliment.

G3T Films said...

Wow, I mean, I would have said a busy teacher trying to accommodate a plethora of demanding but no less cute children, but yeah, if you want to go with dumbass who am I to say otherwise?

Brookelina said...

Nance - I tell my kids I'm older than dirt! So I'm even older than you!

Rich - oh.
I like your explanation better.

Leezer said...

It must be hard to be a teacher in these P.C. times. Do you ever get the urge to go up to the chalk board, pull down a 5' x 5' diagram of the penis, and say, "Class, we're going to spend the next six weeks on the anatomy and physiology of the male testicle."

I would have visions like that each and every day.

By the way, 45 isn't old!

brookelina said...

I am not 45!!!!!

Princess Pointful said...

I have a group of friends going doing their teaching practica right now, and it's too funny what assumptions the students make about them. They always guess that they are way older than they are (which is really a sufficient reason to avoid the question). They also want to know all about their living situation- one kid was in awe that my friend was so rich she could afford a car and to rent an apartment.

Miss B said...

The career is going well. Just got an end of the year sub position at my Practicum school, covering for another teacher going on maternity leave.

Now if only I could secure a job for next year so the stressful dreams would end!

egan said...

Kids sure do have a way of simplifying things. Man, the age of grandparents thing is a tad unsettling.

Dan-E said...

it's ok. you don't look a day over 35.

brookelina said...

Princess - kids have no clue about age. At the beginning of the year they really did think I was 112. Now they are onto me.

Miss B - relax, it will happen!

Egan - oh believe me, I've met some of the grannies. They are my age.

Dan - I hate you.