Wednesday, March 22, 2006

April Horoscope

Horoscope courtesy of Vanity Fair - Picture courtesy of Natalie Dee
Commentary courtesy of The Babbling Brooke
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Virgo
If you like the idea of being driven out of your mind actually no, I really don't, just become emotionally involved with someone you can't count on. Yes, thank you for telling me that now, where were you when I was getting emotionally involved? If, however, you have self-knowledge I'm working on it, or have spent a fortune on therapy not just yet, you won't permit yourself to be victimized by Uranus in your 7th house. You can keep Uranus out of all of my houses, thank you very much. Those who can't resist such relationships screw you, if I had known he was such a fucking psycho I wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place shouldn't expect their glamorous and unreliable partners to show up on time - or at all. Not at all would be preferable. Fortunately, there is a middle ground between masochistically enabling someone clearly sadists love masochists and cutting her or him off. Can I actually cut something of his off? It's called maturity. Maturity? I prefer to think of it as dodging a bullet.

Thank you very little.

38 comments:

egan said...

It's a post like this that makes me almost want to believe in astrology. Very clever comments in there Brooke.

Scarlet Hip said...

I may not be quick, but I am clever.

jungle jane said...

Brooke he sounds really cute - just my type of guy. Perhaps you could pass my number on?

Really thats just what i am looking for - an unreliable, sadistic masochist.

Oh and hook a sistah up with a few of those bullets too, would you??

Scarlet Hip said...

Jane - apparently we have the same taste in men. We should concentrate on keeping Uranus out of our houses.

Bill said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bill said...

Wow. My typing was horrible. Try again ...

Everybody has more houses than me. I've got a condo, but that's all. Uranus will never vist my house 'cause I ain't got one!

Are horoscopes only written for home owners? What's with that? Are there horoscopes just for renters? For condo owners?

And even home owners ... who the hell has seven houses?

Mone said...

I wished I could find the middle ground of anything, sometimes...

It's not in the stars...or the moon...thats just the way life goes on...nothing anyone on earth can do...but it hurts...rock'n roll Brooke

ChickyBabe said...

Why is it always the ones you can't count on!!

Anonymous said...

So this month's horoscope DOESN'T say you'll walk to the window one sleepless night, see a stranger who becons you to come to him and dance in the moonlight...

Oh wait! That was MARCH's horoscope!

Brilliant post Brooke.

katarina said...

Does mine say anything about alcoholic fucktards with no job trashing my 7th house?

I bet it does.

babyjewels said...

You are now my personal jean dixon.

Thérèse said...

Advice eh? It's all advice.

You can keep Uranus out of all of my houses, thank you very much.

And that there is sound advice.

Hehehheeheheh.

Sizzle said...

love your commentary on this. some horoscopes are so inane.

K said...

Ha--I wholeheartedly agree with ms. sizzle.

How condescending of the stars...

Unknown said...

Sorry, I'm late.

jiggs said...

never joke about cutting off a man's junk brookie. If boys read that, they get worried.

egan said...

meow

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Why is it always the ones you can't count on?? Because the safe ones are BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! But at least they make good baby-daddies.

Scarlet Hip said...

Bill - have you been drinking?

Mone - you really do get it. Thank you.

CB - if I knew the answer to that I'd be worth my weight in gold. And that is a substantial amount.

TRM - right! March! Please keep up with the program.

Katarina - see now I am realizing how many bullets I actually did dodge here.

BabyJ - there are so many jokes I could do here using the word "dixon."

Therese - I give a lot better than I get.

Mack - mine would read "Asshole Magnet."

Sizz - I love the word inane, it's so very true.

K - again, perfect. Like I'm supposed to know everything. If the stars are so useful, why don't they tell us about these things beforehand?

PEZ - that damn Uranus!

JJ - you should be. And stop trying to perv through my window.

Lucky - especially adulterous assholes. Actually I wrote a post about assholes a long time ago. If I Were In Charge of the World - it's on my sidebar.

Jiggs - I would never put your junk in my trunk, so fear not.

Egan - bitch.

MG - boring is starting to sound pretty fucking good to me these days.

Bill said...

I wish.

Tumbleweed said...

oh crap, did you let yourself get attached....or did I totally get that wrong? Either way...men are the debil.

Scarlet Hip said...

Bill - me too.

Weedie - I did indeed. I am dumber than a bag of hammers.

Lucky - Johnny has never even been to my blog. Are you sure you don't have me mixed up with some other fucked up chick?

Scarlet Hip said...

I had no idea. He's never commented. What's up with that?? Friggin' lurkers.

Damien said...

Seriously I gotta stop passing myself off as a libra.

Spinning Girl said...

That is uber fabu!
I love the inner vioce. :)

JillWrites said...

I love your attitude, girl.

yournamehere said...

One day Brooke, you'll let your guard down and give me a chance to severely disappoint you.

Johnny Pipewrench said...

Brooke,
You had me at "emotionally".

Scarlet Hip said...

Damien - I seriously have to stay away from Libras.

SG - thank you! I love hearing that from someone as fabu as you.

Lucky - I will be sure to check out the slander!

Jill - we both give good attitude.

Todd - considering how low my expectations are of men, it really won't take much.

Johnny - you had me at "pipewrench."

Ubermilf said...

My fucking head still fucking hurts and I'm fucking sick of it.

Your post was funny, though.

darth said...

middle ground? bah!

Sysm said...

Brooke,

True Johnny Pipewrench story. Playing Trivial Pursuit, circa 1995:

Sysm: It's postal abbreviation is an anal lubricant
Johnny Pipewrench: Kentucky

Sysmistress: I've married someone with issues.

Bill said...

I'm going house-hunting this weekend. One day, I'll have seven houses too. And Uranus will be in MY seventh house and I'm going to say, "Hit the road, you freeloadin' bastard!" Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

Thérèse said...

You know, that could be applicable in soooo many instances...

Thérèse said...

Well. Two, really.

Thérèse said...

That I'm thinking of. Two that I'm thinking of.

Lo Lo Lova said...

I've been gone too long. What happened? Did you cut it off??

Scarlet Hip said...

Ubie - my head hurts too, so there.

Darth - I agree. I should just cut it off.

Sysm - I feel like I've become part of the Chicago syndicate.

Bill - you confuse me greatly.

Therese - nothing better than a good double entendre.

Mack - ok I'll go with it. Who says I can't compromise?

Lo Lo - is he worth the prison time? Definitely not.

MM - go brush your tooth.

Neil - yes, that is me. You have no idea how many men have fallen wildly in love with me just from this profile picture. As for your mother, how well off is she?