Sunday, March 19, 2006

A Mosquito, My Libido

I drove home from the hospital Thursday night thinking about the one thing that has been sorely lacking in my life of late - a good night's sleep. Spending so much time at the hospital (mom is doing much better thanks) has completely sucked the life out of me. I was so tired, so utterly exhausted, that I was actually having fantasies about sleeping. I could hear the bow-chick-a-bow-wow music in my head as my mind ran away with me...oooooh...the soft sheets that I just washed this morning...aaaaah....bed by 10:00 o'clock after a hot luxurious bubble bath....uuuuhhhh....yessss....yes...yes.....

At exactly 10:00 pm I slipped between the sheets, skin scented with milk and honey and tired muscles totally relaxed. I actually felt myself sinking into the bed, that wonderful drowsy state totally taking over my body. It wasn't long before I was drifting off into a well-deserved and blissful sleep...

Load up on guns...bring your friends...it’s fun to lose...and to pretend

What the hell is that. Do not tell me that is Nirvana. Do not tell me that one of my fucking neighbors chooses this night of all nights to blast their fucking stereo. Please no. Ok..give them a minute to realize that this is a school night and that it's a bit too loud...they'll turn it down...

Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?


Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I stood up and threw my window open, ready to unleash my inner Jersey girl. It was obvious that the music was coming from one of the boats docked outside the building, and I realized it was not really that loud after all. It was just loud enough to be like an insistent mosquito buzzing around my ears. And there was this other sound too - running water. So one of these fucking boat people was washing down their boat and blasting Nirvana at 10:00 at night. Sonofafuckingbitch.

With the Lights out...it's less dangerous...here we are now...entertain us...

I followed the sound to the sloop just outside my window. It wasn't someone washing their boat. It was someone washing himself. A man. A real live honest to goodness, hard-bodied, tanned and perfect male specimen - taking a shower on the dock - with a hose.

Thank you God.

I stared open-mouthed as he washed his hair, the lather running down his chest. I strained to see in the darkness if he actually had any clothes on or if God was indeed being really really good to me. No, I see Speedo. Black Speedo.

God is mean.

Sleep forgotten, I leaned on my arms and settled in comfortably against my windowsill for a good old fashioned perv session. I couldn't see his face, but I couldn't have cared less. His body was like a sculpture. A wet, almost naked, soapy sculpture. My inner Jersey girl was now shouting, "Take it off!!!" in my head, and I practically bit my tongue to keep it from popping out of my mouth.

I found it hard... it's hard to find ...oh well whatever nevermind...

He took it off. I saw butt.

God is good.

It struck me that sleep was not the only thing that I have been sorely lacking in my life. My mind was moving a mile a minute. I wonder if he's single... I really need a boyfriend...screw getting a boyfriend...too much work...can't we just make love like crazed weasels...which boat is that...is that one of the guys that I accidently flashed back in June...

I was so lost in my little reverie that I almost didn't realize that he had turned the water off and was drying off. Bummer, the show was almost over. I smiled, thinking what a nice and unexpected distraction this had been. And that's when he looked up and locked eyes with me.

For a second I froze, mortified that I had been caught so obviously perving on him. And then he smiled, a really big, really happy smile. I smiled back, laughing and embarassed, and pulled my window shut. I could hear him saying, "Oh come on...don't go!" as the window slammed closed.

I jumped back in bed, giggling to myself. I could still hear him trying to get me to come back to the window. I couldn't help but wonder what he had in mind. Was he going to try to convince me to come down and bang him on his boat? Did he want to flash me some more? Hmmmm....I was just curious of course...really curious. I got up from the bed and was just about to open my window again when I looked down and realized why I could still hear him begging me to come back.

I was stark naked.

God is mean.

I feel stupid...and contagious...here we are now...entertain us...

46 comments:

FindingHeart said...

And you TEACH with that mind??:) Umm, been a while for me also.... write some more!! LOL!

Candace said...

I was rooting for you to go back to the window and eventually do the crazed weasel thing with him. That's hilarious!

ducklet said...

i'm betting that before the end of the year you will have flashed everyone in your neighborhood.

Flounder said...

Accidental Flash, Part Deux!

BTW - The Jersey girl in you would have been so pissed off that her sleep was disturbed that she would have heaved an iron at the guy before she ever noticed what was going on.

Just saying.

yournamehere said...

Brooke, all of those times I publicly asked for boobie pics and got nothing from you, and you're flashing the entire state of Florida. I'm crying inside.

Bill said...

The next time my neighbours play their music too loud and I have to go down and knock on their door at 3 a.m., I'm going to do it bare-assed naked!

Knitty Kitty said...

my oh my I need a shower after that post!

Janet said...

I'm still laughing!

If he was begging you to come back, and he had seen you naked, that is a good thing. I would also like to commend you for not breaking down and spending the rest of the evening getting banged in a boat.

Speaking of sleep...

captain_howdy_girl said...

Speedo? and you didn't puke?

jiggs said...

this was like reading a letter to penthouse forum.

Spinning Girl said...

Oh my gawd!

pant. pant. pant.

pants.

mosquitos are HAWT.

Squid Vicious said...

"Dear Naked Balcony Chick,
Thank you for the show. I was hoping to find a chick who shared my love of Nirvana and nudity. Feel frre to come down to the boat dock next time.

Signed,
Naked Boat Showering Guy

P.S. You still look as good as you did back in June"

Gwen said...

Lucky Boat Guy! He'll be cranking up the Nirvana even louder now...he's been rewarded!

miss kendra said...

you should have gone out there. he was naked too.

naked!

hangthedj said...

God...that was like the best opening to a porn movie...you should patent that.

Cincysundevil said...

You so should've went down there! Great story though! (P.S. I don't wear Speedo's .. wink, wink)

Think Frustrated said...

I think you should have gone down (tee hee), too. He was naked; you were naked; there were only a few steps missing. Plus, he was totally digging your nakedness, as you were digging his nakedness. You could have been naked together.

JJ said...

I'm going to have to take my boat by your window more often. That's all there is to it.

Übermilf said...

He's probably gay.

coco said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Neil said...

I was positive you were going to climb down, still naked. Wimp.

MoDigli said...

This is like a DOUBLE accidental flash! ha!

Jill said...

brooke, how could you back down from an invitation like that? i'm disappointed in you! what a great show. the only people who blast music outside of my house in the middle of the night are waiting to partake in... uh... business transactions. scrawny little boys with too much attitude and not enough perv-worthiness.

Brookelina said...

FH - I do teach with this mind. Scary huh?

Candace - welcome! Maybe if I hadn't been so tired....or if it had been 20 years ago...

Brando - I seem to be well on my way to that goal. Maybe it will get me some.

Flounder - we in South Jersey are a bit more refined than our northern counterparts. Only a bit. You know that.

Todd - you leave in the boobie capital of the world. You don't need my tired old boobies cluttering up your inbox.

Bill - that will make an excellent post. I look forward to reading about that. And your arrest.

Knitty - don't say shower...

Janet - welcome! My days of having sex with strangers ended long ago. Pity really.

CHG - normally I don't approve of Speedos...but in this case I think they were simply for modesty purposes. Thank God the modesty didn't last.

Jiggs - only there was no sex. And it really happened.

SG - hawt hawt hawt!!

Brookelina said...

Squidly - if I had gotten that note on my door I'd be down on that boat right now!

Gwen - welcome! I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I should blast my stereo tonight...

Miss K - it's just a good thing it was dark and he didn't get a really good look at me.

hangthedj - welcome! Can you patent porn? That would be so cool...

Cincy - but I'm saving myself for you babe. And major points for not having Speedos. I'm taking notes.

TF - it was dark. He did not see my full nakedness. Had he seen my lower half, he'd have run screaming into the night.

JJ - well it's about time!

Ubie - no doubt. Probably wanted to know where to get some good lingerie for his weekend show.

Neil - I'm not that kind of girl! Well not lately anyway...

MoMo - when did I become such an accidental flasher! It must be the heat.

Jill - there are boys everywhere here. Everywhere. Unfortunately they are looking for perfect 10's. I am a perfect...5? Perhaps.

Lucky said...

You should be writting for Playgirl or something! Not that I Read playgirl!I really thought that this was going to end with a BANG!!! Well, At least it made you smile sounds like you need that!!Hope you finally got a good rest with some awesome dreams!!

The real me said...

Brooke, I was really hoping to read that you went down and f'd his brains out... you being naked is even better - you'll be kicking yourself over this for months to come.

:)

My sympathies!

jiggs said...

what! you mean that the story i read about a bus full of hot 18 year old cheerleaders breaking down in front of a guy's house never really happened! My life is ruined! I have nothing to live for!

Sysm said...

You really have to stop reading letters from Penthouse.

femme d'espoir said...

And as you were thinking, "God is mean," he was down on the dock thinking, "God is REALLY good."

fun stuff.

Princess LadyBug said...

Brooke, you should have gone back to the window. He'd already seen you naked and you could have gotten to see that hard body from a much closer distance. Think of how good you'd sleep after some wild sex. :D

Marel Lecone said...

You so should have gone back! :) Don't you hate when you forget you're naked? Just yesterday, I sit down on the kitchen chair to make a phone call--in my head, I'm like, "maybe I should close these blinds now. hmm." :) And, I'm glad that your mother is doing better. :)

Bill said...

Damn. There's no Internet access in the holding cell!

mernitman said...

Can my people talk to your people? Because I'd like to use this as a "cute meet" in my next romantic comedy spec...

Juliabohemian said...

I once had a room mate that played the same Bob Marley CDs over and over again. I now know like all the words to Bob Marley's songs.

katarina said...

That's the best post I've read in a really long time.
I'm so in love with the idea of part two.
Why is it that we can't just throw caution to the wind and do what we really need to do?
And we really need to.

Brookelina said...

Lucky - this was not meant to be pornographic, it was meant to show what an incredible dolt I am.

TRM - 20 years ago I'd have been down there with a bottle of red and rose between my teeth.

Jiggs - you got me baby!

Sysm - no way dude.

Femme - now I like that thought.

Princess - he didn't see me really naked, trust me. He'd have run screaming.

Marel - I hate when I forget I'm naked! Oh shit. I'm naked now.

Bill - God is good.

Mernit - welcome! Have your people call my people.

JB - Welcome! Marley is cool...but not really for sex.

Kat - thank you. You are such a doll...you always know just what to say.

The Moviequill said...

thanks for the big ass smile... sorry, I just had to use 'ass' in a sentence

Gnomey G said...

That's the best story I've heard in a long time! Should be a great party story for you for years to come.

Michelle said...

Hell, that doesn't sound like God is mean... it sounds like he was looking out for you.

*wink*

Georgi Rimsakov said...

If you see God, will you flash HIM?

I am looking please for a bucket of ice water.

Dana said...

That is the best story ever.

Lucky said...

I came back,just to read it again!!
Your Great!!

Brookelina said...

MQ - I like ass.

Gnomey - I have a flashing problem. It's getting rather embarassing.

Michelle - I know who you are... *wink*

Olaf - doesn't God see everything? So obviously I flash him all the time.

Lynn - you are far too kind.

Lucky - I'm an idiot! But entertaining if nothing else.

joanne said...

God, I wish something like that would happen to me.

Betty on the Beach said...

Jeez! Whay can't something like that happen to me? All I get to hear is the Asian mother and daughter dysfunctional duo fighting incessantly...and not even in English! Naked showering buff boys...thanks for the imagery.