Wednesday, March 22, 2006

April Horoscope

Horoscope courtesy of Vanity Fair - Picture courtesy of Natalie Dee
Commentary courtesy of The Babbling Brooke
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Virgo
If you like the idea of being driven out of your mind actually no, I really don't, just become emotionally involved with someone you can't count on. Yes, thank you for telling me that now, where were you when I was getting emotionally involved? If, however, you have self-knowledge I'm working on it, or have spent a fortune on therapy not just yet, you won't permit yourself to be victimized by Uranus in your 7th house. You can keep Uranus out of all of my houses, thank you very much. Those who can't resist such relationships screw you, if I had known he was such a fucking psycho I wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place shouldn't expect their glamorous and unreliable partners to show up on time - or at all. Not at all would be preferable. Fortunately, there is a middle ground between masochistically enabling someone clearly sadists love masochists and cutting her or him off. Can I actually cut something of his off? It's called maturity. Maturity? I prefer to think of it as dodging a bullet.

Thank you very little.

48 comments:

Egan said...

It's a post like this that makes me almost want to believe in astrology. Very clever comments in there Brooke.

Brookelina said...

I may not be quick, but I am clever.

jungle jane said...

Brooke he sounds really cute - just my type of guy. Perhaps you could pass my number on?

Really thats just what i am looking for - an unreliable, sadistic masochist.

Oh and hook a sistah up with a few of those bullets too, would you??

Brookelina said...

Jane - apparently we have the same taste in men. We should concentrate on keeping Uranus out of our houses.

Bill said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bill said...

Wow. My typing was horrible. Try again ...

Everybody has more houses than me. I've got a condo, but that's all. Uranus will never vist my house 'cause I ain't got one!

Are horoscopes only written for home owners? What's with that? Are there horoscopes just for renters? For condo owners?

And even home owners ... who the hell has seven houses?

Mone said...

I wished I could find the middle ground of anything, sometimes...

It's not in the stars...or the moon...thats just the way life goes on...nothing anyone on earth can do...but it hurts...rock'n roll Brooke

ChickyBabe said...

Why is it always the ones you can't count on!!

The real me said...

So this month's horoscope DOESN'T say you'll walk to the window one sleepless night, see a stranger who becons you to come to him and dance in the moonlight...

Oh wait! That was MARCH's horoscope!

Brilliant post Brooke.

katarina said...

Does mine say anything about alcoholic fucktards with no job trashing my 7th house?

I bet it does.

babyjewels said...

You are now my personal jean dixon.

Thérèse said...

Advice eh? It's all advice.

You can keep Uranus out of all of my houses, thank you very much.

And that there is sound advice.

Hehehheeheheh.

none - ya said...

I love it. Like your supposed to automatically know someone doesn't really want to be with you from the beginning or is a psycho. People should have to wear signs. Mine would read "Beware of the Man Eater."

Sizzle said...

love your commentary on this. some horoscopes are so inane.

K said...

Ha--I wholeheartedly agree with ms. sizzle.

How condescending of the stars...

your anti-hero said...

That's why I don't believe in Uranus.

JJ said...

Sorry, I'm late.

Lucky said...

Instead of the scarlett letter A being adultry. It should have to be worn by assholes!!!!

jiggs said...

never joke about cutting off a man's junk brookie. If boys read that, they get worried.

Egan said...

meow

MonkeyGurrrrrl said...

Why is it always the ones you can't count on?? Because the safe ones are BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! But at least they make good baby-daddies.

Brookelina said...

Bill - have you been drinking?

Mone - you really do get it. Thank you.

CB - if I knew the answer to that I'd be worth my weight in gold. And that is a substantial amount.

TRM - right! March! Please keep up with the program.

Katarina - see now I am realizing how many bullets I actually did dodge here.

BabyJ - there are so many jokes I could do here using the word "dixon."

Therese - I give a lot better than I get.

Mack - mine would read "Asshole Magnet."

Sizz - I love the word inane, it's so very true.

K - again, perfect. Like I'm supposed to know everything. If the stars are so useful, why don't they tell us about these things beforehand?

PEZ - that damn Uranus!

JJ - you should be. And stop trying to perv through my window.

Lucky - especially adulterous assholes. Actually I wrote a post about assholes a long time ago. If I Were In Charge of the World - it's on my sidebar.

Jiggs - I would never put your junk in my trunk, so fear not.

Egan - bitch.

MG - boring is starting to sound pretty fucking good to me these days.

Bill said...

I wish.

Tumbleweed said...

oh crap, did you let yourself get attached....or did I totally get that wrong? Either way...men are the debil.

Lucky said...

Brooke-read the post..Now I know why johnny has a crush!!!I'm gonna go eat cupcakes at ubermilfs...

Brookelina said...

Bill - me too.

Weedie - I did indeed. I am dumber than a bag of hammers.

Lucky - Johnny has never even been to my blog. Are you sure you don't have me mixed up with some other fucked up chick?

Lucky said...

No! He reads yours all the time!!He's the one that told me to read yours!!!!He says your...Funny ..giggle,giggle

Brookelina said...

I had no idea. He's never commented. What's up with that?? Friggin' lurkers.

Damien said...

Seriously I gotta stop passing myself off as a libra.

Spinning Girl said...

That is uber fabu!
I love the inner vioce. :)

Lucky said...

Johnny can not be reached for comment..He's to busy conjuring up new embarrasing stories about me on his blog. Frit not, my new friend he can not take me down!!!

Jill said...

I love your attitude, girl.

yournamehere said...

One day Brooke, you'll let your guard down and give me a chance to severely disappoint you.

Johnny Pipewrench said...

Brooke,
You had me at "emotionally".

Brookelina said...

Damien - I seriously have to stay away from Libras.

SG - thank you! I love hearing that from someone as fabu as you.

Lucky - I will be sure to check out the slander!

Jill - we both give good attitude.

Todd - considering how low my expectations are of men, it really won't take much.

Johnny - you had me at "pipewrench."

Übermilf said...

My fucking head still fucking hurts and I'm fucking sick of it.

Your post was funny, though.

darth said...

middle ground? bah!

Sysm said...

Brooke,

True Johnny Pipewrench story. Playing Trivial Pursuit, circa 1995:

Sysm: It's postal abbreviation is an anal lubricant
Johnny Pipewrench: Kentucky

Sysmistress: I've married someone with issues.

Bill said...

I'm going house-hunting this weekend. One day, I'll have seven houses too. And Uranus will be in MY seventh house and I'm going to say, "Hit the road, you freeloadin' bastard!" Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

Thérèse said...

You know, that could be applicable in soooo many instances...

Thérèse said...

Well. Two, really.

Thérèse said...

That I'm thinking of. Two that I'm thinking of.

none - ya said...

Make it read "Asshole Magnet Man Eater"

Lo Lo Lova said...

I've been gone too long. What happened? Did you cut it off??

marriedman said...

Hey it's me and shit like that. I'm back kind of, and I just wanted to say that I lust for you

Neil said...

Hello, I am a former lurker, first time reader. I am a believer in astrology and that somehow the stars made me comment today for the first time. Do you really look like that girl in that picture on top? I think you need to find a NICE BOY to go out with. Although I still live with my mother, I would be willing to meet with you if you pay for a ticket to fly me out to you.

Brookelina said...

Ubie - my head hurts too, so there.

Darth - I agree. I should just cut it off.

Sysm - I feel like I've become part of the Chicago syndicate.

Bill - you confuse me greatly.

Therese - nothing better than a good double entendre.

Mack - ok I'll go with it. Who says I can't compromise?

Lo Lo - is he worth the prison time? Definitely not.

MM - go brush your tooth.

Neil - yes, that is me. You have no idea how many men have fallen wildly in love with me just from this profile picture. As for your mother, how well off is she?

marriedman said...

Check.

anything else before I consumate our relationship with the aid of a pitchfork?