Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thanksgiving Advice from Miss Manners

An excerpt from Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. If you don't have this book then run - don't walk - to your nearest bookstore and purchase it immediately. Or just buy it online by clicking the link.

Dear Miss Manners:
Are there any special rules for the eating of Thanksgiving dinner, or is it like any other big lunch or dinner?

Gentle Reader:
Yes, and yes. Thanksgiving dinner is like any other big lunch or dinner, only worse. The special rules are that several ordinary rules can, in fact must, be violated. It is held at a dreadful hour in the early afternoon, because a turkey must be cooked for many hours (and doesn't taste like much even then)*, and also so that many of the guests will eventually leave the table to watch football on television, which would be a rudeness at any other occasion but is a relief at Thanksgiving and probably the only way to get those people to budge. Next, excessive quantities of food must not only be served, but be urged with great emotional arguments on guests who have long since become uncomfortably bloated. Polite behavior on the part of guests involves literally eating themselves sick. They are also expected to hang around long after the children have gotten cross and the hosts are ready for a nap. All this makes for an unspeakable day, but who are we to argue with the wisdom of the Pilgrims?

*I disagree with Miss Manners here. Turkey tastes terrific!


9 comments:

Übermilf said...

Clearly, Miss Manners hasn't discovered the joys of playing charades, drunk.

Murp! said...

I love Thanksgiving! It's the one day a year I get to use a carving knife without the police asking me questions about it later.

The way to solve the problem with the bratty kids is to make 2 turkeys. Undercook the kids one. They'll be puking and shitting causing much more hilarity than ever...

Bill said...

Thanksgiving: "It is held at a dreadful hour in the early afternoon ..."

Are you barbarians? College football is bad enough, but pigging out in the early afternoon? My bowels are in an uproar at the thought!

This sounds SO much like Christmas in Canada.

(Well, substitute hockey for football ...)

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

Not our family's thanksgiving turkey. It tastes like nothing.

But I did have a deep fried turkey last year that was DE-LISH!

yournamehere said...

Turkey sandwiches the next day are good. If you put cranberry sauce and cold stuffing on them, they're even better.

I'm a fat guy, so trust me on this.

jiggs said...

I like football on thanksgiving because it means you don't have to talk to your relatives.

Übermilf said...

Jiggs, that's why your relatives are so thankful.

Geyserhole!

miss kendra said...

miss manners needs a swift kick in the rear.

Spinning Girl said...

Don't forget the drunk uncle and the resurfacing of ugly old rivalries!!!