Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Greasy Pancakes

On my last trip home from NJ, I purchased a light and brainless paperback book for the plane ride. It was obviously Chick Lit from the title, but I was in the mood for a little romance. The book was about a woman who is dumped by her live-in boyfriend for his college sweatheart, and her response to this trauma to her life (hey, I told you it was Chick Lit). The book was so-so, but there was one passage that had me howling right there in seat 6A. I have decided it is worth typing out and sharing it with my fellow Chicks - and the boys as well.

Our heroine, Alison (my middle name by the way) has had her first sexual fling since her break up with Tom. Her fling has the unfortunate name of Henry. She is wondering if this fling is going to turn into a real relationship, and of course - as in all Chick Lit - she is discussing this possibility with her friend, Cordelia.

"This guy is not that guy," Cordelia said. "Trust me."

"I know."

"It would take a lot to turn this guy into that guy," she said. "But maybe he is your greasy pancake."

"My what?" I said.

"When you're having pancakes, the first one soaks up all the grease on the griddle, so you have to throw it away," said Cordelia. "Henry can soak up all the grease left over from Tom. Then your griddle will be ready to go."

"I don't think that's a very good metaphor," I said, "but I like it."

"It's my mom's. Only she married her greasy pancake. 'Don't make the same mistake I made,' she says whenever they have a fight.' Throw away your greasy pancakes.'"

"So what am I supposed to do?" I said.

"That's easy," said Cordelia, "Enjoy your greasy pancake. And then throw him away."

Sarah Dunn, The Big Love

58 comments:

Flounder said...

The greasy pancakes are always the tastiest. I don't get the metaphor.

Brookelina said...

That's cause you're a boy.

miss kendra said...

greasy pancakes are terrible.

those are the ones that you make just to see if the griddle is at the right temperature, etc.

i've had some of those.

miss kendra said...

mine are usually named mike.

ChickyBabe said...

And the greasy pancakes are always overdone or undercooked; never right...

Bill said...

Oh, sure ... blame the pancake! As if he asked to be thrown on a hot greasy griddle!

And who knows? Maybe he prefers to be called flapjack? Did you ever think to ask? No - just throw him on the griddle then throw him out!

It's a heartless world.

Brookelina said...

Kendra - you aren't supposed to remember their names - they are throw aways!

Chicky - well of course, otherwise we wouldn't throw them away.

Bill - it is indeed. Suck it up.

yournamehere said...

Wow. Holy reverse sexism, Batman. Greasy pancake? "Throw him away"? That's too cynical even for me.

Spirit Of Owl said...

So, this mean dude screws up some girl, then she goes out with some nice guy who does good things until she feels better, then she can dump him and go find another mean guy? And that's what women think?

Right. That's the last time I stand up for the old lady on the bus. I'm not going to be anyone's greasy pancake.

Bill said...

The IPDA (International Pancake Defence Association) has a slogan on all their t-shirts: "Eat me! I need syrup too!"

Brookelina said...

And so opens the can of worms.

miss kendra said...

i have been a greasy pancake too.

there's no sexism here.

just oily residue.

Brookelina said...

And a ring around the tub.

I've been one too. I like to think of it as a learning experience.

jiggs said...

I have been a greasy pancake on a couple of occassiosns, but I enjoyed it because I knew I was the greasy pancake going in. In other words, I don't think there is anything wrong with greasy pancakes as long as the greasy pancake knows that it's the greasy pancake from the moment the batter is made.

Once I tried to have a relationship with a woman where she was the greasy pancake, but unfortunately, I couldn't go forward with it and I turned off the griddle.

I guess the point is that certain people are better at being the greasy pancake than others. I'm quite good at it because I have a cold, dark heart that doesn't have feelings.

Calzone said...

Titless blog prattler

Brookelina said...

Jiggs - you can be my greasy pancake anytime.

Calzone - dickless blog squatter.

Bill said...

I think of myself more as a crepe. I'm on the thin side. On bad days though, I'm a a crap.

Greasy or otherwise, people seem to prefer pancakes to crepes. I've heard there's even a House of Pancakes, but that sounds like a brothel franchise.

jiggs said...

I can be your greasy pancake...

Wait for it...

WAIT FOR IT!!!


YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

GO TEAM!

Marel Lecone said...

I'm liking it--sounds like a fine metaphor to me. :)

Dan-E said...

i'm a waffle guy. they taste so much better.

Spirit Of Owl said...

So, in your history, who's been your wake-up coffee? Or maybe your motion inducing bowl of hearty Bran Flakes? Or, better yet, your face contorting, rictus delivering, wince exacting half a sour grapefruit with no sugar on the top? I know mine.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Mmmmmm... greasy pancakes! Great. Now I'm hungry...

Tumbleweed said...

Man I love metaphors! I would think a greasy pancake would be pretty limp. he he
I'm a crepe chic, I like them better and they are sweeter. Fun post!

Sofi said...

That is brilliant. I've definitely had my fair share of greasy pancakes. I think the pancakes that are raw inside are even worse.

sandra said...

Mmm...pancakes...

Did she give any advice as to how it's possible to stop ONLY eating greasy pancakes?

gone said...

Lo Lo - Hungy for what, metaphorically speaking?!

Greasy pancakes stick nicely to tile. That's all.

Dave said...

Personally, I like crisp waffles. What does that mean?

Sizzle said...

perfect! i am taking that one and spreading it around. ;)

none - ya said...

Why are the greasy one's always so good in bed? Damned greasy bitches. It's hard to throw them away, but grease makes you fat and nobody wants to be fat and unhappy.

Brookelina said...

Bill - you may be onto something there!

Jiggs - YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

Marel - I agree. I'm loving it.

Dan - go clean your apartment.

Owl - do tell!! Do tell!

Lo Lo - me too. And horny.

Weed - I just loved this passage in the book. It was really the only thing worth remembering.

Amy - I just gagged a little.

Sandra - that would have been helpful. No, in fact she winds up with the greasy pancake. So much for the metaphor.

Jacob - why are you throwing food?

Dave - that you are annoyingly well adjusted.

Sizz - I knew you would like that!

Mac - we always want the greasy good stuff, even if it does make us fat and miserable.

Egan said...

So how about them Buccaneers?

Brookelina said...

Ooooh...Gruden would be an excellent greasy pancake.....

gone said...

I'm saying greasy pancakes stick, that's why they don't go away. And stick rhymes with dick, and these "men" you are talking about must have one of those. That, and they more than likely are dicks, which makes us nice guys look bad, which is why we always lose. Lose rhymes with bruise and that is what I've had on my leg for three weeks because of a work related injury caused by a spot of grease on the warehouse floor - grease that could have been soaked up by a dry pancake and saved me the pain and suffering of yellowing flesh.

Can no one follow my logic?

wjyizl

Nick said...

That was awesome.

Brookelina said...

Jacob - if you weren't married you could be my greasy pancake.

Nick - I'm assuming you are talking about Jacob's rant, since there is no way you would use the word awesome to describe anything on my blog.

Cactus Prick said...

I'm happy spending the rest of my life as a greasy pancake. It's better than the alternative of having one, lone, perfect pancake, day in and day out, every single day, for the rest of your miserable existence.

Now go fix me a turkey pot pie.

Neil said...

I don't get this either. If the greasy pancake soaks up all the grease, and then she tosses it away, then there's no more grease left to cook any more pancakes. And frankly, it isn't the pancake's fault. It's HER fault for putting too much grease in the pan. As a chef, you should know this, right? If she would learn to grease her pancake more lovingly, more carefully, say to the music of "The Officer and a Gentleman" rather than "Nine Inch Nails," then maybe her greasy pancake might end up just like she wants it.

Brookelina said...

Prick - you are the ultimate greasy pancake. Unfortunately for you, we don't cook for the greasy pancakes. They got tossed out before the light of day. Go make your own pot pie.

Neil - there is nothing loving about the greasy pancake. It's absolutely tailor made for Nine Inch Nails. I'm sorry.

Melliferous Pants said...

What does it mean if all I've had are greasy pancakes? My closet is eff'ing full of 'em.

Übermilf said...

Nick's greasy. He's not a pancake, but he's greasy. And leaves a bad aftertaste.

The real me said...

You almost made me snort tea through my nose!! How funny is that?!

Sadly though, I've never had a greasy pancake.

Now I'm depressed.

Monkey said...

Oh my. Yes, You could throw the greasy pancake away, but you could also slather it in butter and maple syrup and hope for the best. Um. NO.

Ruben said...

I'm a bit slow at the moment I just got through eating, so greasy pancakes are a metaphor for men?

ShyRocket said...

Very clever! Just another greasy pancake up on the scrapheap!
LOL!

Bill said...

Are we still talking greasy pancakes? I'm running out of material. Can we move onto sausages?

Now THAT's greasy. I use to work for a country radio station (don't ask!) and they would have these "Pancake Breakfast" deals once a year. God almighty, you wouldn't believe the sausage end of that, all packed in white lard ... you began heaving just looking at them.

Maybe that's a way to go ... "Will you be my lard encased sausage to my greasy pancake?" Has a Valentine's Day feel to it.

Calzone said...

I thought you would never share my pet name for your breasts.

thephoenixnyc said...

I want to be someone's Filet Mingnon.

gone said...

I was going to make a "robbing the cradle" comment, but I thought better of it.

JJ said...

Wow, I never realized how vicious chick lit was. And fattening.

Fred said...

i smear myself in greasy pancakes then run around the garden. it attracts birds which are then eaten by my cats. that is all.

King of Cake said...

I am bewildered by the wide array of food-related metaphors. I must romp, now, through all of them.

Girl With An Alibi said...

Last weekend we went to the original pancake house and Michael had banana pancakes with blackberry jam. I had potato pancakes. I don't recall them being greasy and we enjoyed them at the time. But now I'm looking back at experience and trying to read the subtext.

Is our love life not fruity enough for him?... am I just a flat little potato? Should I have ordered the Belgian Waffles?

Brookelina said...

MP - you and me both. It means we have bad taste in men.

Ubie - of that I have no doubt.

TRM - consider yourself lucky. Though they are tasty.

Monkey - shhhhhh..that's my problem. I always think my greasy pancakes are for keeps. But it's just not so.

Ruben - yes. Pass the syrup.

Shy - welcome! You got it!

Bill - check your meds.

Brookelina said...

Calzone - you only call them that because you always use too much baby oil. And how come I'm the only one you didn't tell about your suicide? After all we've shared....

Phoenix - music to my ears.

Jacob - I appreciate that.

JJ - how are you my lovely SMB?

Fred - thanks for the visual.

King - I would pay good money to see you romp.

Girl - shut up. Your life is perfect. Except the part about your husband taking you to a pancake house.

jiggs said...

These pancakes must be especially greasy. Also, these pretzels are making me thirst!

joanne said...

OMG, I am the queen of greasy pancakes. But I have so much damn GREASE in the pan! One pancake is never enough!!!

Btw, hi Brookie! I am back!

Dan-E said...

despite my wishes, someone's doing it for me brooke. so ha!

King of Cake said...

King - I would pay good money to see you romp.

Your wish has been granted. Pay up!!!