The following is a series of emails I received from fellow blogger Danny of Danny Don't Go. Young, handsome, and greatly desired by men and women alike, Danny is a white hot talent in the world of poetry.
Danny enjoys long walks on the beach, playing with his children, and spending quality time with Dora the Explorer. Be sure to check out his poetry blog.
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I'm super freaky
It's so fucking true
And in time you'll love me
And I'll love you
I have a dick
And hair in strange places
I'm not a prick
If I want to cover all the bases
One day soon
I'll write a book
And you will swoon
When you see the title is "I love Brooke"
I'm gay.
**Danny is not gay. No doubt disappointing to many.
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It's not all that long
But it's not short either
I'll show you my shlong
If you show me your beaver
I'm hard to resist
With my poems and whatnot
Don't ask if I really exist
You know that, and I'm hot
So teach me oh dear one
Show me the ways
We'll have so much fun
Throwing things at the gays
** Danny and I both have gay siblings and are friends to all people - be they gay, bi, or hetero. Do not send hate mail. If you do, we will post it on our blogs and encourage others to laugh and point.
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If you post this
Please beware
That I'll get pissed
And steal your underwear
Then you'll go comando
And shit will get breezy
I'll be Marlon Brando
If you'll join The Family
**I don't get this part, but I didn't want to seem like a square so I didn't ask him what it meant. I mean, I've seen The Godfather a hundred times, so I get the reference. But I'm not sure what it has to do with loving me while I have no panties on. It should also be noted that Danny spelled Marlon with an "i", but I couldn't handle having a typo like that on my blog.
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Thank you Danny! I will treasure your poems forever! Or at least until the next guy sends me some quality blogworthy stuff.
Friday, February 10, 2006
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43 comments:
Guy, right? Like, you're not going to post the insane IM's I am sending you right now? Right?
By the way, Danny, you rock. I will check out his blog momentarily.
love the commentary.
and as for the brando reference....I have no clue, it ryhmed with commando.
I love you brooke.
Jill - I would never do that..without your consent. Danny knew I was doing this. He didn't know about the commentary though....
Danny - I'm so glad you liked the commentary. I knew it wouldn't offend you...I've seen some of your work. Offending you is pretty much impossible. I love you too!
You could have been...
fighting the Empire with Lando.
or
Looking marvelous with Fernando
or
like Jack Lord said, "Book 'em Dano"
I didn't think you would. But you've left me alone with Egan, and I had to be passive aggressive or something.
Ya wanna see me rhyme?
Toots I got no time
'Sides I'm too damn clever
to catch the rhymin' fever
and not be gettin' paid
and not be gettin' laid
and there's no poetry
as poetic as a tree
(at least, that's what I've heard)
You can tell that's real poetry because except for a question mark I've ignored the bourgeois convention of punctuation. I'm going to go and get a beret now.
Flounder - who knew you had such a gift for poetry?
Jill - is he bothering you? Cause I'll kick his ass if so.
Bill - your poem sucks.
Jill, I really don't bite.
Bill - are you on a rampage or something?
Ther once was a man from Nantucket...
I heard some of those rap guys made good money so I thought I'd give it a go. I can't dance but I figured I could hire someone.
Shit. Does this mean I'm out of the running?
Nice cop outta blogging on a Friday.
who is that apostle chip?
he's got a lovely pompadour.
exchanging emails with danny, are you?
what about me, brooke? what about me?
Danny is cute! That's all I'm going to day...
It's cute that you guys exchange emails.
Egan - no shit.
Flounder - take it away!
Bill - keep your day job. Do you have a job?
Chip - with that hair you'll never be out of the running babe.
TRM - you're just jealous that I am getting dirty poetry from young studs.
Miss K - Chip is a mystery. He and his giant hair stalk me now. He seems harmless. What about you? Where have you been?? Where where where?
Chicky - he is. I'm also old enough to be his teenage unwed mom.
Jiggs - I tried with you but you rejected my advances. I'm still reeling from the scorn.
Danny makes me want to be a beatnik.
I'm gay for Danny.
Wait, that doesn't quite work; I'm Mrs. Robinson for Danny. Coo coo kachoo.
Doesn't that make you The Walrus?
Your face is the walrus.
When I emailed Brooke she emailed back a terse, five-word reply, so I kind of got the hint.
There once was a man from Nantucket...
Actually, how about this one?
There once was a curate at Kings
Whose mind was on heavenly things
But his heart was on fire
For a boy in the choir
Whose arse was like jelly on springs
I thank you!
Jiggs is in the air.
If I rejected your advances I apologize. Whatever that was done, was not done intentionally.
This one needs a bigger read:
Bruce walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says...
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend who is lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
Bruce says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you.
From Captain Beefheart (by way of Taoski)
Ubie - get your own younger man! This one is taken.
Nick - you are treading on dangerous ground there...
Ubie - thank you for making my point...
Todd - that is a big fat lie!
Bob - that is disgusting!!! Do another one.
Jiggs - it wasn't. I just like being a drama queen sometimes. I love Jiggs...yay!
Sysm - that is bad!!! Do another one.
Yes, it is a big fat lie. I meant to follow my comment with a disclaimer marking said comment as a big fat lie, but someone distracted me with a shiny object. Sorry.
In fact, Brooke often emails nude pictures of herself and marriage proposals to me.
That was a big fat lie.
A policeman from up Clapham Junction
Had a weapon that just wouldn't function.
Throughout all his life
He kept fooling his wife
With some snot on the end of his truncheon
One more for the road.....
There was a young Rabii named Keith
Who circumcised men with his teeth
Not for the leisure
Or sexual pleasure
But to get to the cheese underneath!
Boom, boom! I thank you.
Todd - that's it! You said you would never tell! The wedding is off and I am not sending you the picture of me on the bearskin rug! Ummm...and yeah...you lied!
Bob - I know it's wrong...but I can't stop giggling. So wrong...wrong wrong wrong...
Yes, I'm jealous... I'm jealous that you get so many posts from young studs... and Todd too.
talent, humor, good looks & (i bet) a hot bod. i want!
I thought I replied yesterday
To this post -
While eating green eggs and ham twat
on Rye Toast.
(only five points on weight watchers, but buckets and buckets of shame)
When are you coming home Brooke?
You're missing all the pretty white stuff flying around.
All 10+ inches of it - and it ain't over yet.
Ah, summer, how I miss you.
Do you really have a gay sibling? Because statistically, that means you have a 60% chance of being gay yourself. Is that why you won't sleep with me? Are you a lesbian? Because if you are, it really doesn't matter to me. I don't discriminate.
TRM - I'm sure you meant that Todd is a mature stud.
Lemon - don't leave us.
Boo - get in line!
BabyJ - awesome. Now I can say you ate me.
Girlie - I'm jealous! I'd love to be snowed in ...with a boy of course. Fireplace...Grand Marnier...ooooh...I'm getting all warm and fuzzy...
Neil - I do have a gay sibling. And I think you just made that statistic up. And I prefer the term "recreational lesbian" - thank you very much. However, this has nothing to do with why I won't sleep with you. Nine Inch Nails babe, remember?
Bob brought a lump to my throat. I'm not quite sure what was in said lump. Maybe cheese.
And Danny is so deep.
And so hot.
That was strange. It didn't sign me in properly.
KEEPER.
and so nice to look at.
I told him he should write a book! He better title it "I love Brooke and Megan too!"
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one don't
Love,
Squid
Good heavens. That's some romeo.
Romeo, oh Romeo,
Wherefor blog art Romeo
With a couplet there
and an awkward rhyme there...
Ee I EE i Oh?
you fixed his typo. i love that. ;)
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