Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Sofa King Tired

Last night, between the hours of 1:00-2:00 am, two beer-swilling-belly-scratching-fuck-witted yabos in their little redneck putt-putt shitboat were trolling up and down the canal outside my window. Their mission - to scream unintelligible nonsense and blast Seals and Crofts at ear-piercing decibels. Yes, Seals and Crofts. Who the fuck listens to that shit anymore? And where was my Marine Policeman when I really needed him?

See, this is why I am for gun control. If I had had a gun, as is my right as an American citizen, those dipshits would be at the bottom of the canal right now, and I'd be desperately trying to avoid relations with Sweaty Betty in the Broward County Jail. Better to be tired and cranky and taking it out on our future generation.

It's only 7:30 and I need a nap. It's going to be a long day - and I'm already late for work.

65 comments:

Flounder said...

Damn, you are tired Brooke. Apparently you didn't realize that if there were more gun laws, aka "gun control", you probably would be denied that right to have a gun in the first place.

First post bitches!

Brookelina said...

That's my point Flounder. I don't want to spend my life in a 6x8 with Sweaty Betty. Better that I can't get hold of a gun.

And you say I'm tired. Sheesh.

Knitty Kitty said...

yea flounder, that is the sound of the her post's main point just whooshing past your head! tehee.

god I miss ya brooke.
I promise to eat tim-tams this week. And maybe try and get some non-instant coffee.

The real me said...

Fuck, Brooke! (Wait, not "fuck brooke" as in fuck you, but as in... you know what I mean...)
I've felt that way all week! Must be the nice gray skies combined with 20 degree weather...

I'll just be over here with my head on the desk, trying to remain alert until 4:00.

Nick said...

Maybe if you were on your blog at 7:30 saying "I'm late for work" you wouldn't be late for work.

Brookelina said...

Knitty - I could not have said that better myself. I thought maybe my subtlety was completely lost. And you must take a picture of you eating tim-tams so I can grovel and drool over you - more so than usual.

TRM - there seems to be a worldwide epidemic of malaise and exhaustion. I blame the Bush administration.

Nick - thank you Captain Obvious. Now make yourself useful and bring me a double shot of espresso before I kick you in the groin.

Think Frustrated said...

Seals and Crofts? Maybe next time, they will blast Simon and Garfunkel, or even Garfunkel's solo shit. That would rule.

Tad Wilson said...

Actually they would probably float.

You said they would be at the bottom of the canal.

Well that's not exactly how it works.

Unless you have some rocks or concrete or something.

Flounder said...

I take it that you just shitcanned the whole day and called in sick?

Thérèse said...

You know what you need? You need a violin-case toting mafia-ist to go in ahead of you and make those kinds of things happen.

I might know a guy.

Just sayin'.

Cactus Prick said...

Does that dog have wood? And I'm using the term "dog" loosely.

Just buy a paintball gun. Then you get to have your fun without the murder rap. And I hear yabos look good in fluorescent green?

P.S. You do not have a constitutional right to bear arms. The Second Amendment has not been incorporated into the 14th Amendment, and therefore applies only to federal -- not state -- regulation, and no court has held otherwise. Silly American.

darth said...

seals and croft :lol: was it "we may never pass this way again"? thats grounds for justifable homicide.

miss kendra said...

that dog makes my ovaries hurt.

i say you tell the kids to put their heads down on the desk for a period or so, and then nap away.

Jill said...

That is too adorable.

Übermilf said...

You could've pelted them with eggs.

Egan said...

Is it live or is it Memorex™?

Dave said...

Just so I can paint the right picture here, can you describe Sweaty Betty a bit more...

babyjewels said...

that dog has a bigger weiner than calzone.

thephoenixnyc said...

I can help you set up a mine, mine, missile and torpedo defense system. Just sayin'

Brookelina said...

TF - or maybe I could just slam my head against the wall until it explodes.

Tad - oh they would sink, trust me. You don't want to fall into this canal. It ain't pretty.

Flounder - nope, that was me posting from work. And in an ironic twist, my kids had their best behavior day since Christmas. I guess I should show up every day with no make up or mousse. Must have scared the crap out of them.

Therese - I may need to contact some of my old pals from Joisey.

Prick - I keep forgetting you're a lawyer. Bite me.

Darth - I think it was Diamond Girl. That's what has been swirling around my head all day. I need some serious drugs.

Miss K - oh how I wish I could have done that. But my kids would have no doubt set the room on fire had I done that.

Jill - and it's just how I feel!

Ubie - where were you when I needed you!!

Egan - oh wow, maybe it was Seals and Crofts in the boat!

Dave - Sweaty Betty is supposed to induce fear, not bring on arousal.

BabyJ - that's because that dog actually has a weiner.

Phoenix - you are so hot.

J to the fucking C said...

Are there alligators in your canal?

Flounder said...

You're a trooper Brooke!

Monkey said...

But you're so cute and fuzzy lying on the couch!! I had no idea you were so fuzzzy! I'm in love with you.

Flounder said...

BTW - Is there a bar near where you live called "Sofa King"? I have a friend that bartends in one somewhere in south FLA, but I am not sure exactly where. He is an ACHS guy as well.

Bill the Apostle said...

I was just joking goofus

Brookelina said...

Monkey - ummmm...that's not really...yes, thank you. Thank you very much!
Gotta take it where I can get it.

Flounder - I've heard of it. I think it's a club with "dancers."

Charlie "the party" Manson said...

Did you just say "take it where I can get it"?

Charlie "the party" Manson said...

Bill was joking. We love you. Especailly me.

Gorgs said...

I totally don't know those guys or associate with them ever.

Brookelina said...

Charlie - compliments, I was talking about compliments. Always with the mind in the gutter.

Gorgs - you love them.

Tad Wilson said...

Hey Brooke!!!!

It's my birthday!

You can even check my record!

You taking me out?

Super Mongo said...

Yes Brooke, after reading your last two posts I do believe that if we where ever to meet the world should be very, very afraid!!!

jiggs said...

Whenever I get really tired, I send naked pictures of myself to people named "jiggs". I suggest you try the same thing.

Nick said...

Jiggs is a funny guy.

Brookelina said...

Tad - have we met?

SM - do you have weapons? Firearms? Rotten eggs? It would be so cool if you did.

Nick said...

Brooke, what up?

Brookelina said...

Nick - nada dude. What up with you?

Brookelina said...

Jiggs - for some reason I didn't see your post til just now. Blogger is wigging out again. So I'll need some naked pictures of you to send to this guy named Jiggs.

Nick said...

why don't you come say hi and what not

Brookelina said...

Cause you don't have your IM on, dork. And I sent you an email, didn't you get it?

Debby said...

I'm really liking the paint ball method. That would rock!!!!!

I've never had a noise control problem around here, probably because my house is the noise control problem. Nobody ever bitches though, my boys are bigguns and so are my dogs - that's it hon, get a big dog!!!!

Egan said...

Nobody ever IMs me anymore. I feel so unloved. Woe is me.

Neil said...

I like Seals and Croft.

Brookelina said...

Deb - you have no idea how much I want a big dog. Read this.

Egan - you big baby. I'm here...I'm here!

Neil - reason number 47 we would never make it as a couple.

Brookelina said...

Sandra - I need those blowdarts! Yeah!

sandra said...

Perhaps next time, you can play something even more awful out of your window?

Egan said...

Now, you're online and ignoring me. Does it get any worse. How's Randy Jackson?

Brookelina said...

Sawyer. Wet. Shirtless. Angry.

I need to be by myself a for a while.

Egan said...

Awww... nothing like Sawyer on a popsicle stick.

J to the fucking C said...

nice try.

Brookelina said...

Egan - sweet dreams for me tonight.

JC - huh?

Egan said...

Don't let the bed bugs bite Brooke.

Nick said...

It's so early.

Brookelina said...

Go back to bed.

Squid Vicious said...

The Brady Bill makes you wait 3 days before being able to buy a gun. This really killed my plans to open a nation-wide chain of drive-thru gun stores...

I figured that by locating m the stores near freeway on-ramps and certain intersections, I could (no-pun-intended) make a killing!

J to the fucking C said...

I thought you were coming over and posting as God's mom, but I know who it is now.

sorry.

Still love me?

Marel Lecone said...

Now, that cute dog knows what life is all about. I envy the pooch. :) Hope your day gets better. :)

Lo Lo Lova said...

Want me to come over there and kick some Seals & Croft ass?

Hey, is that your dog?

WhiteBoyBob said...

You want me to call in the SBS? They'll come an limpit-mine that sucka in a flash.

PS When am I going to post a comment before 50th place I wonder?

Spinning Girl said...

I love white trash.

That pupper sure is cute, though.

Flounder said...

Please post something new soon. That dog is creeping me out!

at the Lake said...

TGI(almost) F!

Brookelina said...

Squidly - I've shot two guns in my life. Both times I hit what I was shooting for with alarming accuracy - especially for someone with such crappy vision as I have. It's best I don't get hold of a weapon.

JC - you confuse me greatly.

Marel - that is the life I dream about.

LoLo - I would love to kick some ass with you! And no, it's not mine, just a picture someone emailed me and I've been looking for an excuse to post it. I'm a big dog girl. And by that I mean I like BIG dogs.

WBB - that would be awesome! And if you showed up more than once a week, you would be here for the insanity that can occur around here.

SG - I do not love white trash - which works out well as we will never be in competition for the same man!

Flounder - I just did. I don't think you will like my new post any better.

Lake - you can say that again!

Beeb said...

That pup is adorable. I'm jealous.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

That has got to be the cutest freaken dog I've ever seen. Tiny pecker and all.