Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Road to Blogdom

So today is International Webloggers Day. How lucky am I that I joined this community only a week before such an important event! I hope it's a paid holiday, especially since I have done little else today but read blogs and watch Buffy reruns. Speaking of which, who do I call about paid blogger vacation days anyway?

Many people are taking this opportunity to write about what got them started on the road to blogdom. Because I have not had an original thought all day, I will follow suit. Besides, it's a good story. Well, I think it's a good story. You may not. If you don't, I'm sure you will inform me of this in the comments section. Keep in mind I am very sensitive, so if you don't like my story, go fuck yourself.

My mom called me last week to tell me that she ran into the mother of a boy I knew a long time ago. She told me all about how successful he is now, married, kids, blah blah blah. I had a massive crush on this boy in junior high that dissipated in high school after a night of smooching on the beach. Not that he didn't smooch well, but it just sort of didn't live up to my adolescent expectations. I thought there would be hearts and flowers and angels singing. Instead I got sand in my underwear and a hickey on my collarbone. After we hung up, I did what every other single white female does in the 21st century after hearing about a lost love - I Googled him.

His name is not all that common, so I got about 1000 links - which if you know anything about Googling - is not a lot. In comparison, my name brings up 3,000,000 links, all due to some writer named Christine Brooke-Rose who is clearly taking up all of my Google space. And dammit - now I have added yet another link to her name. Anyway, I looked at some of the sites that listed his name, but couldn't seem to locate him. I even hit the images link to see if I could find a photo, but the only picture was of a middle-aged man with receding hair and very unfashionable eyewear. I searched again under the links, and finally found the website of where he works. Right job and right area, must be the right one. I clicked on his name, and the picture of the middle-aged man with receding hair and very unfashionable eyewear popped on my screen. To say I was completely and utterly freaked out would be an understatement. I could actually feel myself going into shock. This guy used to look like George Clooney - now he looks like George Costanza. I suddenly felt....oh my God....old.

In my middle-aged panic, I began frantically Googling every boy I had ever had a crush on, dated, or known in even the slightest biblical sense. The ones with the All-American boy names were impossible to find unless I wanted to devote the rest of the summer to sorting through the 11,000,000 or so links, so I crossed them off the list and decided that they are still hot. I found a couple of my Aussie exes, and thankfully they looked good - different - but still good. I found a few others that looked pretty much the same - a little older - but still pretty much the same. I started feeling a little better. I could feel my legs again. I decided to Google the aforementioned beautiful boy from my Maybe I'm a Little Gay post. I typed in his name, hit search, and then images.

The very first picture listed was him. Black and white. Shirtless. Modeling. Yes you read that right, modeling. He is in his 40's, and he is modeling with no shirt on. I wasn't sure which was more shocking, seeing the middle-aged man with the receding hairline or the uber-stud in his shorts. I clicked on the picture, followed the link, and came upon a blog. What the hell is this? What the hell is a blog? Some sort of online journal it seems, where people scan pictures from local magazines of half naked men. I'm in. (The blogger actually described him as beefcake). I decided to click the Next Blog button at the top of the screen, and three hours of reading later, I was signed up and writing my first post.

And that is how I found myself on the road to blogdom. I am spending more time on my computer than ever, which is hard to believe, but it has been a fabulous creative outlet. I did hesitate about putting my real name on my blog, but I figured as long as I don't mention real names or sexual situations, I should be ok. Besides, now I may actually pop up on Google!


Major7 said...

You blog, therefore you... no, that sounds way to queer!

Let's see....

You blog, therefore you amuse, entertain, enlighten and otherwise, make netizens everywhere happy.

Thank you for your pearls this past week. I, for one, look forward to many more wonderful blogs from you in the months and years to come.

*blows The Babbling Brooke kisses*

Brookelina said...

You are the bestest. I look forward to your fabulous blogs as well!
Go henceforth and blog!

Anonymous said...

"Keep in mind I am very sensitive, so if you don't like my story, go fuck yourself."

I haven't even read your post yet. This line got me laughing. It's both cool and sexy to read this coming out of a schoolteacher's fingers.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, good post.

When blogging, I use my real name. Sort of to harmozine with my attempt not to lie, and, just as much, to keep me honest. It's easy to talk trash when you're hiding behind a pseudonym. (I still must change the names of the innocent, by the way, so I don't drag them down with me.)

There was too much truth in your post to point out any single favorite moment. Male or female, the experience of looking up old friends and flings is universal. Either that, or I'm secretly a woman.

I will say that, when I Googled my own name, I came up with people that put me to shame. Jeff F. Haines is at least a doctor, an athelete, and a CEO of a major company. None of him is me, though.

I just hope they don't Google me. I have so wasted my life.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. The line "After we hung up, I did what every other single white female does in the 21st century after hearing about a lost love - I Googled him." had me in tears.

yournamehere said...

Brooke, I enjoy reading your blog. Great story. Jesus told me to start blogging. Jesus is a former coworker. (Pronounced Heysoos).

Prométhiûs said...

Thumbs up brooke..
nice to meet ya..wow ur blog is well a life trying to hit every guy you meet up with..really made me think..its just great

Anonymous said...

It's been a good week. A good week indeed. I started blogging at the constant requests of my friend Dianna. I pretty much did it to shut her up.

MoDigli said...

Oh ... This was fantastic! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I must make my list of men and start googling. I always googled myself, but never thought to google ex's! ha!

Hard to beleive you've only been at it for one week. You hit the ground running, brooke!

MoDigli said...

PS. Did you ever make comments on Queen Sucia's blog?

joanne said...

You just started blogging? Why didn't I notice that? You are SO good at it!! Love your blog, just love it.

Brookelina said...

Jeff - thanks for the kind words as usual!

Ruben - I liked that one too. Glad it got you rolling!

yourname - what the hell is your name anyway?

- I'm not a slut, really.

Brookelina said...

Anthony - you crack me up as always.

Mo - I expect to see that googled list on your blog in the very near future! By the way, Queen whoozie-what?

Jo-anne - Thanks!!! Love yours too. How are things in NM?

gone said...

I just started as well. Thanks for the comments and the link. It has been dutifully reciprocated.

MoDigli said...

bwah-ha-ha !!!! YOu cracked me up.
Queen Sucia is another blog. It's a Latina Writer's blog. (sucia means dirty in espanol) I used to visit it and read it. Even commented here and there, but she never once acknowledged my presence or commented back to any of my questions or thoughtful insights! (How DARE she!) So, I got fed up and took her off my blogroll. It's my prerogative, right?! Right!

Anyway, I thought maybe that's how you found me. For some reason, I thought I remembered seeing your face on her blog comments.

How'd you find me, anyway? One day you just showed up, and you've been cracking me up ever since!

Love ya girl. Have fun in Jersey. (which is my home state, too. Except I got out before the accent attached itself to my mouth.)

Brookelina said...

Mo...there is no accent on this Jersey girl!!! I'm from South Jersey. I'll have to post some pics this week of my hometown. No Joisey heah!

How did I find you? I have not a fucking clue. I have found most of the ubercool by reading the comments on blogs.

And to be honest, I don't think there is anything wrong with dropping someone from your list. Part of the fun of all this is to read people's comments, otherwise we would all be writing on Word and saving it to our desktops. I love coming on here and seeing my comments! And I love going to a blog and seeing my name on the bloglist. It's like high school all over again! How dare she ignore MoDigli! Those that ignore us get shunned...like the Amish...yeah!

MoDigli said...

yeah - Shunned! haha...

I'm glad you found me wandering thru the blogosphere and,
BTW, south jersey! You're from "down the shore". I spent many a summer as a kid down the shore: Pt. Pleasant Beach, Toms River, Seaside Hts, and of course the best of the best: WILDWOOD!

HOpe you're having FUN!

im here somewhere said...

whats wromg with watching buffy reruns? do you watch dawsons creek every morning too?and angel at 4, charmed at 5? jesus, I have been off work for a year, I need to get a hobby.

Brookelina said...

I can't watch Dawson's Creek because NOBODY talks like that!! Akkk!!!

bubbles2211 said...

Even commented here and there, but she never once acknowledged my presence or commented back to any of my questions or thoughtful insights! (How DARE she!) So, I got fed up and took her off my blogroll. It's my prerogative, right?! Right!

You must have made an intelligent comment. She rarely responds to those. And if you're REALLY intelligent and you disagree with her--she bans you.