Friday, June 10, 2005

Maybe I'm a Little Gay

Several years ago I met a new boy, I'll call him P. He was a friend of a friend of a friend; good looking in an offbeat way, funny and smart - we met and hit it off instantly. (I've always had a weakness for a quick wit and a washboard stomach) We became friends, in fact, the group of us morphed into a new little posse. Things started to progress in that easy, natural way into the more-than-just friends realm. We had that "click" moment one evening when the gang was at his house; he pulled me onto his lap and we sat and chatted for hours. Later, my friends told me they had never seen him do that. He told me that he had heard that I had gone out with an ex-boyfriend the night before, and he asked how it went. He seemed more worried than jealous; he may have been wondering if things were over before they had a chance to get started. I told him that it was just an ex, that we were friends now and - he lived 2000 miles away. I told him that he was meeting us all that night, so he could see that we were just friends. P seemed happy about that.

We were all sitting in the pub, drinking and laughing, when my ex walked in. I watched girls around the room snap their necks to get a better look at him, bringing back memories of what it was like when we dated. He had no idea about his beauty - no, that's not right - he did know about his beauty, he just didn't really care. It was a lethal combination. My friends' jaws dropped when he waved to me. P leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Please tell me that's not him." My ex picked me up and hugged me, and then I introduced them.

They hit it off, in fact, everyone liked him. Of course they did, he's gorgeous, everyone likes gorgeous. But to be fair, he's also a great guy. When the the ex was at the bar buying drinks, P said, "Hey, I like him, he's a great guy." (See?) He gave me a funny look and then said, "Are you sure there is nothing still between you two?" I assured him there wasn't. He looked over at the ex and then turned to me, "Because that is one good looking guy. Jesus, Brooke, how can you not be sleeping with him? Even I'd do him."

My mouth dropped and we cracked up together, but then I thought I should ask, Ummmm...is there something I should know about you? P laughed, "No, but if I was going to be gay, it would be him."

I never thought I'd hear a hetero man admit something like that. (and so you know, my ex and P did NOT run off together) They love the idea of the girl-on-girl - I can hear erections popping from here at the thought - but the idea of guy-on-guy? Most heteros won't even acknowledge it exists let alone imagine themselves doing it. Most women don't really care about the idea of two women either way, but there are some who actually get turned by the idea of two men. Hell, the girls in Sex and the City would make a night of watching gay porn. It's not something I've ever watched...but I'm not saying the idea of two men isn't a little hot.

I have so many gay friends, both male and female, that people can't decide if I'm a fag hag or a lipstick lesbian. I'm definitely not a fag hag. I love gay men, but I don't fall in love with them and I don't spend every weekend at the local gay bars (of which there are many.) And I'm so not a lesbian. I am pretty much like most women - I can appreciate a woman's beauty - but I'm not sexually attracted to it. There are some women I find extremely beautiful, so beautiful that I take pleasure in looking at them (not that kind of pleasure...get your mind out of the gay gutter), but I never thought I would utter the words that P did about the ex, "If I was going to be gay, it would be her".

And then I turn on James today, and he is interviewing Angelina Jolie. I mean seriously, the woman is insanely beautiful. Even her name is hot - with all the zhzhhzhzhzhzhzhz sounds rolling off your tongue. James could barely keep from drooling. I sat there watching, and I realized I was actually wondering what her boobs looked like. What is up with that? How gay is that??? This isn't good. I don't know if my mother can handle her only daughter jumping the fence. OY!

I immediately called one of my gays.
Help!!! I'm gay!!!! I want Angelina Jolie!!!!
He laughed, "Brooke, everyone wants Angelina, even I want Angelina."
Really?? So I'm not gay then??
"OK, Brad and Angelina are in your living room. Now...... which one do you drag off into the bedroom?"
In my version, Brad is already naked.
"See?"

Oh thank God, I'm still on the right side of the fence. I still like boys. Pretty boys, but boys nonetheless. I remember P's words.

So, if you were going to be straight, you'd be straight with Angelina?
"I'm not going straight, but I'd rather be straight for Angelina than gay with, say........Dick Cheney. So, I guess I'm a little straight."

His words stopped me in my tracks.

Well..... I'd rather be gay with Angelina than straight for Dick Cheney. So I guess I'm a little gay."

And I'm okay with that.

29 comments:

Shan'Chelle said...

We have more in common than you thought! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Loz said...

sarah michelle gellar used to be my "if i was a lesbian all of a sudden..." person but i've gone off her now, and she hasn't been replaced.

LeMorse said...

Okay first off in this day and age who isn't a little gay? The lines are so blurred I don't know if I have really ever seen this "fence" you speak of. Granted some of us are more than others. It has been a long topic of conversation over the years that I myself might be. Doubtful, but still there's a thought. I mean come on. I am in theatre! My dad used to say there are only two types of people in theatre "queers and druggies, and some are both." My dad never was great at math. Maybe it is just a California thing. Maybe it is just a guy thing with the guys I know and choose to hang out with. But I will have these type of conversations..."Okay so who are your five top celeb females you want?" And then follow that right up with "Okay now who is the one celeb guy you would bat for the other team for?" Does that make me a little gay. Hell yes it does! Am I gonna go find some dude who likes "bears"? Hell no I'm not. (well I guess that depends on if he really loves me for me and not....WAIT! What am I saying?!) And yes most guys are "poppin" at the idea of some girl/girl action, then when they are lucky enough to get themselves into that situation and they get left out because the two women now want to explore each other and not them, they forget about that idea fast. And no, a lot of people don't like the thought of guy/guy but then again over-all the female form has been worshipped and admired for centuries in art, film, literature...where the most people can say about men's bodies are "rock hard abs", "purple headed stallion", "butt you can bounce a dollar off of and get four quarters change." Not as romantic as "the softness of her breast inticed me so", "or as I inched my way up her thigh i felt I could be lost forever"...just more poetic. Jesus! I am just rambling on and on here...I probably should have just posted this on my BLOG and let you read it rather then just keep typing! So why am I still typing? I will stop now! (:{=

Brookelina said...

LOL! Relax. Jumping the fence is just a metaphor, not to be taken so seriously. The real question here is, who would you jump the fence for?

Mister Underhill said...

I think I am like the only one who doesn't drool ove rher. What's wrong with me? Oh well.

Harley Quinn said...

Excellent Blog!

yournamehere said...

I've said it on another blog and I'll say it here: Recreational lesbianism is the new straight. It's a simple formula. Women + L1quor = Recreational Lesbianism. Coming soon to a bar near you.

Brookelina said...

Mister Underhill - I'm shocked, especially considering the content of your blog!

Lascivious - checked out your blog...love it.

yourname - recreational lesbianism I love it. Sounds like you have a title for a new blog.

loz - buffy??? really???

shan'chelle - thank you, thank you very much.

Major7 said...

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and Major7. Brooke, you dirty bird, got me putting my mind in the gutter... god knows it has never been there!

MoDigli said...

This was funny! Was that gorgeous ex your nutritious/delicious that got away?

we have too much in common. I think I need to blogroll you...right now! :)

Brookelina said...

Nope...two different boys...and I've already got you on my list!

MoDigli said...

ha! funny! Just noticed that!
Thankyou - it's always a nice compliment to end up on someone's list who I enjoy reading, too.
Yeah for us cool teacher chicks. :)

Kid Sis said...

Definitely Angelina. No question.

I'm not averse to the thought, though never done anything about it because the women who've come on to me over the years were either good friends who were straight and confused thinking they had real feelings for me, or strangers who were too dykie...if I were going to do it, it would be either a lipstick lesbian or a straight stranger.

Geez, now you've got me plotting things...

Major7 said...

Lipstick lesbian Vs. straight stranger...

Sounds like a polling oportunity waiting to happen.

Loz said...

Angelina just doesn't float my boat I'm afraid. I think it's because she's kind of intimidating.
If I had to pick a woman, I would probably say... actually this is a really difficult question to answer. All I can come up with is Kate from Lost but I'm not sure if I mean it.
I must be more straight than ever, I used to be able to answer this question easily.

Brookelina said...

loz - i never had anyone before either - that's why I had that whole freak out rant! lol

kid sis - same here! Had many interested parties over the years but not any that I would actually consider. If it had to be done - a stranger would have had to do. Just wait til you're watching tv one day and you suddenly realize you have found your inner lesbian!

major 7 - get to work on your blog!!!

joanne said...

Ooo, I love this blog! I went through a phase too where I wondered if I could go the other way (shhh). I even kissed a woman one time (it was her idea) but it didn't do anything for me sexually. Her friend (this little guy named Sebastian) was trying to shove his tongue down my throat. When she said "kiss me", I kissed her to show him that I'd rather kiss her than him. It worked! He left me alone after that. LOL!

LeMorse said...

Okay, staying on my side of the fence for Kate Winslett and Jeananne Garafalo. Jumping fence for Brendan Fraiser and Ben Affleck. What can i say I like them cute, funny and a bit nerdy. Sue me!

Brookelina said...

Lemorse jumped the fence....Lemorse jumped the fence.....lol
By the way, good choices!

Jeff F. Haines said...

Well, I'm not homosexual. But then again, I've been known to say things such as

"If I were gay, I'd screw______________."

[Insert either: Steve from Blues Clues, James Spader, Kevin Spacey, etceteras.]

So I think that Lemorse was right. We are all a little gay. And it sure would be easier to be gay in the sense that you would have twice as many people to lust after--but twice as hard in that you'd suffer unrequited lust twice as much.

I might go gay if men weren't so gross. Even the pretty ones. Women, now, are just nicer in so many ways.

Men seem to be intrinsically built to be boinking machines. We want, we want, we want; poke 'em, poke 'em, poke 'em; leave 'em, leave 'em, leave 'em. Fart, scratch, get all testosterone with it.

Women are animals, too, of course, but they just aren't all that clunky about it. I so often prefer the company of women to men. And a dick, man--ew! So, so gross. I don't want that thing in me. Ug, yuck, p'tooie!

* * *

Yup. I'm gay.

:)

Jeff F. Haines said...

Lemorse, I'm also staying on my side of the fence for Janeane Garofalo. Man, why isn't everyone into her? Winslet's nothing to scoff at.

Brookelina said...

But that was exactly my point - we are all a little gay. It just took me longer than the rest of the free world to realize this and come to terms with my inner-lesbian.

LeMorse said...

I always like to stay in touch with my inner-lesbian. Jeff I agree about the Jeananne thing, yum yum. And just to appease the true male in me...Brooke Rose, next time you decide to "come to terms with your inner-lesbian" can you post pics? (:{=

Brookelina said...

Yes lemorse, that should do wonders for my career in education.
lol

LeMorse said...

Did for mine!

im here somewhere said...

sorry, angelina really does nothing for me. the first movie I saw her in was "gia" and that kinda ruined it.
if I was gay...I think probably...ya right, I am gay. well, not really, but I do think about and get turned on by other women sometimes, and have had encounters with other women..i still prefer men though..maybe I could just have both..is that legal?

Brookelina said...

Yes...it's called being greedy...otherwise known as BI.

Mona said...

Brooke, this story is brilliant. I love it. Maybe we're all a little gay. I could totally see that. And maybe some people are totally too sexy to just be attractive to one sex. Thanks for this!

Brookelina said...

ooooh! I like that theory! Sexiness that knows no bounds!! Thanks!