Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Ms. Woes - Now With New More Appropriate Spelling

We teachers don't make much money, nor do we get much appreciation. That's the just the way things are in our society - a blonde stick figure makes millions to smile and starve - while someone who is truly contributing to the future makes barely enough to pay the rent. However, this is not a complaining post, because we do get certain bonuses that make it worth the crappy pay and lack of appreciation. And besides, who would listen? So, in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought I'd share the following exchanges so you can see why I am thankful that I am a teacher - and not a vapid, anorexic, bleach-blonde bimbo. Enjoy.

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Ms. Woes, you marked this one wrong, but I got it right.

I'm sorry honey! I guess I just read it wrong. I'll fix it.

That's ok. You're still the greatest teacher in the history of the universe.

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Ms. Woes, from now on you will call me Bubbie*. And I will call you Bubbie. We will be Bubbie to each other and nobody else. OK? You got it?

So let me get this straight. You are commanding me to call you by a nickname that you came up with yourself, and you will call me the same name.

Right.

You got it. You want to tell me why?

Because I love you so much. And I want to have a little part of you all to myself.

Later I asked her where she came up with the name Bubbie. I was curious as to why she wanted me to call her my jewish grandmother. Her response was,
I found it. In my head.


Well, I can't argue with that.

* A little added note about my Bubbie. She is a tiny Spanish thing with enormous eyes who skips wherever she goes. She is insanely cute, and one would never guess that she spent the better part of the beginning of the school year beating the crap out of all the boys in class. Kicking, pinching, and slapping were her areas of expertise. She has since gotten better and now just bosses everyone around. Today the biggest boy in class called her Bubbie. She made him cry.

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Ms. Wose! Sharkbait said the "E" word!

Really? What's the "E" word?

Idiot.

Again, I can't argue with that.

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The new "thing" in class is for the kids to beg me to take them home with them. So the following is a typical exchange with my kids on any given day. It usually starts out with one and then all start chiming in.

Ms. Woes!! I want to come live with you!! Take me home!!

Can you cook?

YES!!

Can you clean?

YES!!

Can you do laundry?

YES!!

You can not!! You can't even reach the buttons! You're no good to me! Come back in a few years when you're over three feet tall!

NO!!! We can do it!!

Hmmmm....can you drive? I'll need you to buy the groceries.

Yes!! We can drive!

You can not!! You can't even see over the steering wheel! Liars! Forget it!

Of course at this point they are all giggling uncontrollably, and now the serious bargaining begins.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease take us home with you!

No way, what do I get out of it?

I can do your hair!

No.

I can wash your car!!

No.

I can make Crème Brulée!!!

Crème Brulée...hmmmm.

I can do your taxes!!

You can't even do double digit addition! Forget it! No way!

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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And my favorite, from my new Bubbie, who may have just made my year.

You all did so well on that test! I'm so proud of my smarties!

Ms. Woes, you know why we are so smart?

No, why?

Because you are here for us.

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

35 comments:

miss kendra said...

i need a job where people beg to come home with me.

mostly handsome wealthy people.

(you're so lucky.)

Egan said...

Holy cow, those are the most adorable things. You should work with Bill Cosby. Thanks for sharing these great stories. You contribute more to society than an anorexic chick. I love your teacher posts very much. You rock Brooke.

-Igan

Miss Browneyedgirlie said...

Isn't it great?

My kids gave me hugs before I left the other day.

They are so darn cute - and make it 100% worth it to come to school each day. Even if they do drive me crazy sometimes.

I love every second of it.

MoDigli said...

I miss elementary school!

I never get any of that sweet stuff from the kids in middle school. They're too busy dealing with their hormones and being all rebelious.

I want to go back!

Monkey said...

I'm in love with your entire class! I love the "you're not even 3 feet tall" exchange. Brilliant.

I'm going to start calling Calzone "the E word".

Übermilf said...

Can YOU reach the buttons on your washer and dryer?

Spinning Girl said...

This made me uncontrollably, giddily happy.

Thank you so much for the little shot in the arm; I needed it so much.

Spinning Girl said...

ps I teach middle school and love it; you haven't lived til you've had a 13-year old boy offer to give you a good, hearty spanking. (real quote)

matty said...

That was an awesome post! I so enjoyed it.

You know, I always wanted to be a Jewish Grandma. Maybe someday!

jiggs said...

Brookie! I want to come live with you!! Take me home!!

Thérèse said...

You make me want to teach.

Sizzle said...

those are so awesome. they made me smile! your bubbie is so adorable. she found it in her head. ha! priceless.

Nance said...

Sigh. And to think I gave up the idea of teaching elementary kids because I didn't want to wipe noses, button coats, clean up vomit, and do arts and crafts. My sophomores and juniors want to come home with me because I cook real food and allow my sons to have their farting contests at the dinner table. I threaten the rest with FORCING them to come home with me and washing my windows and cleaning the catbox.

The Dummy said...

Priceless. That makes it all worth it. Plus you get to be called Bubbie. Who gets that lucky?

Brookelina said...

Kendra - handsome wealthy men. Yes. You just hit my shallow button.

Egan - or Igan, whatever your name is now. Thank you. You'll be getting more of these stories since my social of late...sucks.

Miss B - sometimes? Wait til they're yours everyday!

MoMo - I could never do middle school. No way. Oh the drama of it all! I commend you.

Monkey - I am in love with my class too. I'm thinking that the next time your human comes to Florida, you may have to visit with us.

Ubie - bitch.

Brookelina said...

Spin - anytime woman! And I now see that my previous comment to MoMo was not well thought out. You two should get to know each other.

Matty - we can call each other Bubbie! Just don't tell my little Bubbie. She pinches.

Jiggs - can you cook? Clean? Do the laundry? Make Creme Brulee?

Therese - you'd be an awesome teacher, I can tell you that.

Sizz - now she is telling every teacher to call her Bubbie, but nobody else is allowed to call me Bubbie but her. Bossyboots!

Nance - I truly love the teachers who blog. Welcome! I, too, was afraid of all that - especially the vomit/snot/various bodily functions. But eventually it just becomes a non-issue, the less of a big deal you make of it, the easier it is to handle.

Dummy - me and my Bubbie!!

Hypersonic said...

And that's why I love this blog.

yournamehere said...

Those kids sound like a bunch of apple-polishing ass-kisses to me.

Brookelina said...

Alistair! you're back! Yay!

Todd - hillbilly.

Melissa said...

How did you get so many cute little kids in your class? I don't get fun little kids on my job. I suppose they'd be more fun if I wasn't trying to poke them, wouldn't they?
Hearing this makes me want to become a teacher. :)

Kallun said...

That was disgustingly cute.

Brookelina said...

Melissa - just being six years old makes them adorable. But believe me, there are plenty of times that I want to poke them with sticks. Or staplers. Or anything really heavy.

Kallun - you're disgustingly cute.

Dan-E said...

those stories are great. so adorable.

happy thanksgiving, ms. wose.

Mone said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you!!

Flounder said...

HSHS 12
ACHS 0

Sorry to ruin your dinner.

G3T Films said...

I can make Crème Brulée!!!

Your posts rock, even if you are easily influenced by cake.

Toby said...

I work with college kids, not so cute, not so smart.

Hppy T day

G3T Films said...

Hey, you've been linked.

Turkey Twat

Janet said...

AWWWHHHHHOOOOO! You really must be an amazing teacher! I want a bubbie!

Loz said...

are you moving back to sydney to teach my kids?

when i have some.

if i have some.

Karen Shanley said...

Oh this post just made me weep through my giggles!
You must be one damned good teacher!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart--speaking for all the mothers out there who would die to have a great teacher who cared for their kids.

Tits McGee said...

Oh, man. I just fell in love with you and your students and the teaching profession all over again.

Happy Thanksgiving, Miss Woes. Thank goodness for you.

jiggs said...

I can't do any of those things... poop.

Jill said...

I love these posts! Hope you had a good holiday!

Thérèse said...

Hi. Me again. Just wanted to read this post again, and comment again to tell you that I love it.

I love it.

And thanks very much for the compliment. :)