Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Fortune and Fantasy

Fortune: no I didn't hit the lottery yet, so don't get too excited. But I did get Chinese take-out last night and got an extra fortune cookie! Woohoo! Yes shut up I know my life is pathetic and I don't care. However, I have decided that these two fortune cookies were matched by the evil fortune cookie factory writers simply to taunt the future-too-lazy-to-cook-her-own-dinner recipient. Here are my fortunes, you decide:

  1. Your skills and talents will be called on in unusual areas.


  2. Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

Now I ask you, can you think of a more unusual area for my skills and talents to be called on than to smooch an elephant? What if someone had called on me to do just that? Which fortune should I have ignored? This will be the dilemma that haunts me for months to come.

Fantasy: don't get too excited about this one either. After my distressing fortune cookie incident, I cheered myself up by watching my favorite new show with my favorite new object of desire. Yes shut up I've heard the gay rumors and I don't care. But not only was my recently escaped released prison hunk on, but so were the Tampa Bay Buccaneers! Yes shut up I know they lost and I don't care. This has nothing to do with football, though as those close to me know, I'm a football freak. No no no, it just so happens that I am more interested in the coach of the Bucs than I am the actual team. For some bizarre reason he just does it for me. And as I watched his sideline antics with more than a little shame... I recalled that I had written about how Jon Gruden just happens to be my shamefully shaggable man - exactly one year ago to the day! Yes, Gruden still makes me hot. Nice to know some things don't change.

Ok maybe not.

24 comments:

Spinning Girl said...

I love you so much.

Übermilf said...

Wouldn't the elephant have to lift up his trunk?

Melissa said...

Loving your blog, keep doing what you're doing. :) The fortunes go together so nicely it seems to be a waste not to try and make both of them a reality! Although I suppose if the elephants's one huge tooth got you, your skills and talents would go to waste during your recovery time. Perhaps it's for the best that you don't make out with Dumbo today.

Sysm said...

The second Fortune was a (an?) euphemism, I'm afraid.

jiggs said...

who were you talking to in the italics?

JJ said...

Were you holding your breath while you wrote that?

NotCarrie said...

Kissing an elephant? How random.

Monkey said...

Jon Gruden as Chucky makes me laugh as much today as it did exactly one year and a day ago.

Kissing an elephant is harder than it looks.

thephoenixnyc said...

You know the rules, you must add "in bed"

BTW, the Fortune cookie was invented in San Francisco in the 1930's.

Übermilf said...

And then what happened?

miss kendra said...

you know, this most recent episode, when lincoln was all sweaty and out of breath post cutting that bad guy?

wow.

Brookelina said...

Spin - right back atcha.

Ubie - what's your point?

Melissa - thank you! And yes, I won't kiss Dumbo today, or any elephants for that matter.

Sysm - oh yeah? Explain the euphemism there.

Jigss - you of course.

JJ - what exactly are you trying to say?

Brookelina said...

Notcarrie - my thoughts exactly.

Monkey - I recall your shameful shag as being Jane Goodall. Now that's funny!

Phoenix - you honeymooners, always thinking of sex!

Ubie - then I fell asleep. I told you my life is pathetic.

Kendra - yeah I have to say that Linc is really starting to look good to me...

Word verification: texbks

yournamehere said...

It didn't say not to blow the elephant.

matty said...

There are so many things this post brings to my mind and makes me want to ask but mainly -- do elephants have lips?

Brookelina said...

Todd - seriously, did you just say that?

Matty - I would be willing to kiss one to find out. They really are lovely creatures.

Loz said...

in bed.

jiggs said...

oh. ok. cool

Egan said...

Brooke, I have a question for you. What are you superstitions regarding fortune cookies? Are we to fold up the fortune and save them to make them come true? What do you do after you read the fortune on the tiny piece of paper? Inquiring minds want to know. I want to know.

Brookelina said...

Loz - meet ya there.

Jiggs - you were supposed to say YAY!!!

Egan - did you bump your head on the side of the pool again?

Loz said...

brooke: yay! best offer i've had in a long time.

egan: the fortune has to be folded up and stored in one's bra for it to be of any use.

Egan said...

Sorry, it was a genuine question.

Loz said...

Mine was a genuine answer, that's what I actually do with my fortunes.

Egan said...

Loz, I admire your honesty. Now I need to pull my head out of the gutter.