Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Tuesday Ten #1

I recently saw this blog that hosts a weekly meme called the Thursday Thirteen. Each week people create a list of thirteen things of any topic they can think of, and then they all tell each other about them and read each other's lists. It's all very organized and social. I like the idea very much, but I don't want to do it. For one thing, I'm very superstitious, and 13 is an unlucky number*. For another, I'm usually kind of busy on Thursdays**. But most importantly, I just can't ever seem to make myself follow the crowd. I have an innate predilection to defy the norm. To fight the power. To march to the beat of my own drummer. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

But I do love the idea of making lists. I'm a Virgo, we are natural born list makers. It suits our anal retentive sensibilities. And so I have decided that every Tuesday I will make my own list of ten things. I will call it the Tuesday Ten - for obvious reasons. See how I did that? I picked a day that I'm not nearly as busy. Then I whittled down the list to only ten, a nice round even number that still allows for a nice alliteration. And I'm doing it all by myself with no judgments from the establishment. I am a clever girl.

Since I already exposed my silly superstitious nature, my first Tuesday Ten will be my about that topic.

My Top Ten Superstitions
  1. I'm afraid to point out fortunate things - or ways I've been lucky - about myself, as this can bring on the evil eye. For example, I won't ever say something like, "I can't believe I've never fallen off the top of a mountain and broken every bone in my body," or "Thank goodness I haven't gotten that flesh eating disease that everyone else has," or "Boy am I lucky that Viggo is so warm for my form***." These are the kinds of statements that invite the evil eye to come a knockin'. If I do inadvertently blurt out something stupid like this, I immediately shout, "Kin ahora kin ahora, pooh pooh pooh!" which is basically a Yiddish expression meaning "No evil eye here! Knock on wood!" Well, actually the kin ahora part wards off the evil eye. I add the pooh pooh pooh part. It's my verbal knock on wood.

  2. I also won't say anything that could bring on any type of bad karma to myself or the people around me, nor will I allow others do so. For instance, recently a friend was commenting that I could still get hired before the school year because some teacher could possibly fall off a mountain and break every bone in her body, or maybe could contract some sort of flesh eating disease. Despite the fact that I am desperate for a teaching position, I do not want it to be based on the misfortune of someone else - that's bad karma. Unless that person got what was coming to them for having their own bad karma. Like for being mean to the elderly. Or mistreating small animals. Or voting republican. That's different. Kin ahoras cover that no problem.

  3. Besides my verbal knocks on wood, I'm a big believer in the physical knock on wood as well. What's important to note here is that I don't just knock three times after making a seemingly innocent comment that could potentially cause the end of the world as we know it. I knock the entire time I'm making the statement. This allows me to speak freely while warding off the evil eye. It's a little known fact that the evil eye can't hear anything over the sounds of rhythmic knocking.

  4. On the first day of each month, the first thing I say upon waking up is "Rabbit rabbit rabbit." It's meant to bring good luck. Some people say "Bunny bunny bunny." I used to say that, but now that I'm a grown up it sounds silly.

  5. I'm very superstitious about New Year's Day. Anything that can be gotten rid of to make a fresh start for the new year must be done. My house has to be spotless. All trash must be removed. The fridge and cupboards must be stocked. All bills must be paid and filed. I even clear off all the dirty pictures junk files on my computer. Everything must be in its place. It's one big beautiful freak show of a clean slate. I'm all aflutter just thinking about it.

  6. I won't ever sit in a wheelchair. My mom has one here since she broke her hip, and the other day my brother sat in it and started rolling around. I screamed, "Get out of the chair get out get out get out that's bad luck!!!" I almost set off his defibrillator, which proves that it is indeed bad luck to sit in a wheelchair.

  7. Purse on the floor - you will be poor. I never put my handbag on the ground. Apparently the money oozes out the bottom and hides in the floorboards. I must have put many handbags on the floor in a previous life to be as economically challenged as I am today.

  8. I never put shoes on the bed or a table. I don't know why. This might just be a neat freak thing, but I have heard it's bad luck. Shoes on the table - bad. Shoes on the floor - good. Purse on the floor - bad. Purse on the table - good. I hope you are all taking notes.

  9. I will only pick up found pennies that are heads up. They say you are supposed to turn a tails-up penny to heads-up to bring good luck to the next person, but I'm not falling for that one. If that tails-up penny is bad luck, I'm not touching it. You can't fool me three times.

  10. I never light three cigarettes on the same match - that's very bad luck. Smoking three cigarettes at once is really disgusting anyway.
So that is the first edition of the Tuesday Ten. Feel free to come up with your own list. If you do, let me know in the comments section. You can be a follower and do the same topic that I chose, or you can be a rebel and come up with your own - which I can then steal for next week's installment.

*The number 13 is only acceptable when referring to a baker's dozen. An extra doughnut is always a good thing.
**Thursday is laundry day.
***Shut up.


Princess of the Universe said...

The only place I toss my purse is on the floor!Everywhere..restaurants... work, home...

Never again! Thank you.

Übermilf said...

I don't think you're so much superstitious as suffering from OCD.

Sysm said...

I have become increasingly orderly as I've gotten really fucking old. Everything in its right place. Not that I'm a neat freak. I just have rapidly deteriorating short-term memory.

The only official superstition allowed and encouraged in the Sysm compound is a fanatical (though pretend) aversion to squirrels. When one spots a squirrel, one points and screams" "Evil squirrel!" Everyone around must cease all activity, point in the same direction, and chant "Evil squirrel!" three times.

In a similar vein, any mention of the name "Stevie Wonder" is met with a unison cry, "He's a musical genius!"

The Department of Children and Family Services is going to have so much to work with.

Justin said...

I agree about the OCD. I used to avoid cracks when i was little, but i've long since stopped. The only thing I make sure I do is write shit down so I don't forget it, even though I have an excellent memory.

BV said...

I was out eating sushi with friends one night and I put my purse on the floor. One of my girlfriend's girlfriend (ha) practically dove on the floor to remove it and scold me for my wrong doing. I just didn't want it on the table with the food and there were so many of us that I couldn't put it on a seat and it didn't have handles.

You will be happy to know that I no longer put my purse on the floor.

All Mod Cons said...

You said "anal"! (hehehe)

Sorry, most childish.

Bizarro-Flounder said...

I always wear the number 13 on sport's teams. I'm good like that.

My mother freaks out if you put new shoes on the table. For some reason, I can throw the stinky old Chuck Taylors right next to the chicken cutlets at afamily meal and she won't bat an eye. But shoes straight out of the box? Forgetaboutit!

Scarlet Hip said...

Princess - see? It's catching!

Ubie - this from the woman who cleans incessantly.

Sysm - but he is a musical genius! I'm so doing that from here on in. Thanks.

Justin - step on a crack! Good Lord. The only adult who still worries about that is Melvin Udall.

BV - I usually have to put my purse on the floor at the gym. But I try to put it on a mat, which I think is ok - though it seems to piss off the people trying to stretch on the mat. Sheesh.

AMC - oh honey, I say that all the time. What, are you new here or something?

Flounder - oh I like your mom. We must meet sometime.

sleepydog said...

My only superstition is not to comment on blogs about superstition.

Oh, crap.

yournamehere said...

This is all perfectly reasonable.

Sizzle said...

I have a friend who will not sit in an airplane seat that isn't divisible by 3. It's caused some problems, as you can imagine, airline travel being what it is.

do you REALLY say "rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" on the first day of each month upon waking? i can barely remember what day it is, let alone to say a phrase upon waking. you're like my superstitious hero or something.

jiggs said...

What about putting lucky horseshoes on the table? Is that lucky or unlucky?

Scarlet Hip said...

Sleepydog - quick! Knock on wood!

Todd - I knew you would understand.

Sizz - considering my luck of late, I think it's obvious I have forgotten to say the rabbit chant since approximately 1992. As for your friend, what a freak show!

Jiggs - don't mock the afflicted.

Think Frustrated said...

I knock on wood, too. It's wierd to some people, but I look around and panic if I've said something "wood-knock-worthy" and can't find any wood. Luckily, I have a koa wood surfboard keychain from Hawaii that I can knock on.

Re: #1, I'm a big fan of "you name it, you claim it." If you say something like, "I'm glad I've never died in a skydiving accident," then you never will die in a skydiving accident. On the other hand, if you ever say, "I'm never going to win the lottery," then you never will. It's kind of opposite to your philosophy.

Nance said...

Honey, I've never even heard of most of these, so...!?

But the not putting your purse on the floor just makes good hygienic sense. A recent news story here did some segment about bacteria carried into homes just on the bottoms of women's purses. It was enough to convert me.

Scarlet Hip said...

Jacob - oh I like yours much better. I may have to adopt that mentality. I wonder how many years it will take to undo the damage I've already done to myself.

Nance - be glad you've never heard of them. And now do yourself a favor and forget you ever have.

matty said...

ok. i need to start saying 'rabbit, rabbit, rabbit' upon waking up!

i shall start this first thing tomorrow!!!!


jungle jane said...

Oh my word! You've washed your old blog right out of your hair! it's all changed in here! i can't cope!

*sobs quietly*

Übermilf said...

You know how I know I have OCD?

I was making up goodie bags for Elder's birthday party.

The orange bubbles bottle had to match the orange mini-barrel of monkeys which had to match the orange whistle that looks like a pair of big orange lips. The Hershey bar and Starburst package were the constants.

Then blue...

Justin said...

Melvin Udall is a kick ass character.

Scarlet Hip said...

Matty - wait til the first day of the month, otherwise you will make yourself crazy!

Jane - where the fuck have you been.

Ubie - you should have seen me everytime I had to put together goodie bags for my students. It was a nightmare of obsession.

Justin - he's about as good as it gets.