Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Memories of Thanksgiving

Age 13: Mom and I were on our own and living in a tiny rowhouse in Philly. Brothers were scattered around the country. Parents had just split up but were still - sort of - friends. Dad, who had been away and was not expected back in time, suddenly came home the day before Thanksgiving. Everyone made frantic arrangements to get together and somehow we pulled it off. We spent Thanksgiving night at a restaurant eating lobster tail and toasting our last Thanksgiving as a family.

Age 21: Playing house with the boyfriend, who stole all of the food from the casino kitchen he was working in, including the turkey. I cooked and watched football while he primped in the bathroom. (he was a metrosexual before anyone knew what a metrosexual was) We had all of our friends over for dinner and then he and I went upstairs to have sex while they cleaned up.

Age 22: Being that the night before Thanksgiving is traditionally the best night to go out all winter and I am freshly single from boyfriend, friends and I dress up and hit the pub. In retrospect, knowing that I had to drive four hours the next day for dinner, going out was probably not the best idea. Things got slightly out of control, so I'm told. I have little memory of that night. However, when we walked into the pub that Friday evening, we got a standing ovation.

Age 24: Italy. I called home to find out that it was snowing. Snowing on Thanksgiving! We were devastated to be missing that. Our friends invited us to a charity tennis match in Florence where we got to flirt with tennis stars and drink red wine at an after party. Ok, not missing Jersey so much after all.

Age 26: Australia. Try finding a turkey in Australia.

Age 28-35: As a working chef, Thanksgiving was spent cooking for half the town, and then for all of the family. In other words, Thanksgiving sucked.

Age 40: cooking for two friends and one brother. Everyone is bringing something. I will spend the day toasting family not being there, watching football, drinking red wine, and not working. Almost perfect. If only the man of my dreams could be there to have sex with while everyone else cleans up, then it would be perfect.

Maybe next year.

Happy Thanksgiving.

52 comments:

Calzone said...

Why don't you just screw a hobo or something? Martyr.

Brookelina said...

Behind the tilt-a-whirl?
Whore.

The real me said...

Brooke,
Viggo says he's sorry he can't make it. He's getting really tired out - seems we're both keeping him busy hopping from there to here...

(giggle)
Viggo that tickles!

Gotta run... he's gone a little crazy with the whipped cream.

Knitty Kitty said...

sounds like some amazing thanksgivings.. I wanna learn how to cook fantastically large meals. I did it once for the BF's Bday and it took two days..

darth said...

happy thanksgiving, brooke!

Jill said...

1. "...and then he and I went upstairs to have sex while they cleaned up." Brilliant.

2. Florence is my favorite place in the world, though I've been told several times this year that that's only because I've not been to Australia yet.

3. No turkey in Australia. Fuck. I love turkey.

4. Happy Thanksgiving, despite lacking sex with the man of your dreams.

5. My early New Year's wish for you: to find him in 2006.

ducklet said...

well, if the man of your dreams isn't available, I'M SURE SOMEONE WILL SLEEP WITH YOU.

and remember, if neither of you cry afterwards, it wasn't pity sex.

Brookelina said...

TRM - I'll just have to make do.

KK - I'm a trained chef and I'm sorry to tell you that it takes me two days to make fantastically large meals also.

Darth - baby! You too!

Jill - Florence and Sydney - the two greatest cities in the world. Don't worry about missing out on turkey, plenty of other good stuff there. And yes, I'm hoping 2006 will bring us together as well. :)

Brando - are you offering? You know I don't sleep with married men.

Dan-E said...

40? really??? your blog doesn't look a day over 29.

happy thanksgiving ms. wose :)

Neil said...

(clearing my throat to be recognized) (louder)
("look over here"}

Brookelina said...

Dan - just keep thinking I'm 29. That works for me. And happy Thanksgiving to you too sweetie.

Neil - I see you behind the throngs of your admirers.

yournamehere said...

Brooke,
(Insert "I'll have sex with you" joke here).

Oh, and (Insert warm, sincere holiday greetings here).

Brookelina said...

Todd, we just commented on each other's blogs at the same exact time. That's like having sex in blogland.

yournamehere said...

Hah! I had sex with Brooke. In your face, male bloggers!!!

Brookelina said...

There goes my pristine reputation.

Dan-E said...

well, you had a reputation and it was hardl pristine. you knew that right?

funny story, i was just at my local starbucks typing away at my laptop and this lady on the couch next to me engages me in conversation. seems nice enough. asks me what i do. tells me she's a teacher. talk smack about south beach "culture." finally gives me her name. it's "brooke." my first thought was "naawwww can't be." i found out she's from new york. but still, that was a weird little life-meets blog moment.

anyway.

Übermilf said...

I have sex with Brooke all the time.

Bill said...

You cook? Cook?

I'll have to dress better when I come to this blog so I can make an impression. How's your Christmas look?

You Can't Afford Me said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Brookelina said...

Dan - that is really bizarre. By the way, you're really cute. And I like your shirt.

Ubie - prepare for the menage a trois invitations.

Bill - in my former life I was a professional chef, so yes, I cook. And I'm not booked for Christmas yet so you better make your reservations now.

Sandra - you too!

Spirit Of Owl said...

Wait till the kids start weading your bwog, Miss Wose. :)

Happy Thanksgiving in Americaland!

Miss Browneyedgirlie said...

Happy Thanksgiving Ms. Wose :)

Saw a bit of the white stuff in the Northeast this morning. Enough to make it peaceful and pretty.

Everything after this will just look gross and have us pining for the warm summer months.

mona said...

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Anonymous said...

happy turkey day!

Brookelina said...

Owl - thank goodness I teach the ones that are too little to read this stuff. How would I explain these comments?

BEG - I'm jealous! I'm hoping when I'm home in Jersey for Christmas that we get some snow.

Mona - thank you! You too, hope it was a great day.

Anonymous - thanks and you too. Wish I had a clue who you were.

Curator said...

Sounds like you've fed a few platoons in your time, I can only imagine what that would be like.

Happy Thanksgiving 2U and yours.

Cheers.

Evil Petting Zoo said...

Happy Turkey Day!

Melliferous Pants said...

Thanksgiving is so exciting for you! Mine usually consist of trailing along with whatever loser boyfriend I have at the time and experiencing what it's like to be with 20 people who belong at AA. Or, I'm with my extended family, stirring the pot, bringing up old shit everyone would like to forget.

Happy Tday!

jiggs said...

I don't know if you saw my thanksgiving memories, but I posted some on my blog too. Also with respect to having sex with you, I don't know if you've heard, but I have a tiny penis. There are a few women that are into that. Maybe you're one of them?

Brookelina said...

Curator - cheers to you as well.

PEZ - hope it was a good one.

Pants - I didn't even bother going into the family dramas that are attached to most Thanksgivings. So happy to have avoided that this year!

Jiggs - I too have heard about your tiny penis. I commend you for being so honest and upfront about it. And nobody here is laughing at you. Really. We're not. I mean, I'm not. I'm not!

Egan said...

Brooke, did you ever got the whole story on what happened at that bar in year 22? Funny you should mention the turkey in Australia thing. Our neighbor is from Down Under and I wondered what was going through her mind as I religiously basted the bird on the grill for about three hours yesterday. Yep, working during Thanksgiving totally blows. Have a good weekend.

MoDigli said...

Happy Turkey Day, Brooke! Thanks for sharing your T-Day memories with us! As usual, you've got me smiling and chuckling at all your (mis)adventures! ;) Love it!

Dan-E said...

so that *was* you. i didn't realize you... uh... had such a great... personality.

stop trying to flirt with me. i'm more than just a shirt. (i have flip flops too.)

Brookelina said...

Egan - apparently there was dancing on the bar and general mayhem. For years after that night whenever I walked into the bar the dj would play "Pour Some Sugar on Me."

MoMo - I hope you had a great turkey day as well. I wish you all the best in your new adventure and relationship.

Dan - personality? Isn't that a way of saying I'm butt-ugly? I'm highly insulted!

Egan said...

I think that particular Def Leppard song is the most played song in strip clubs. Don't ask me how I know that, but just aceept it as truth.

Calzone said...

baby, you drive me wild

Brookelina said...

Egan - I'm a dancer! There's a difference.

Calzone - you said the same exact thing to Pants, you whore. I'll never believe a thing you say again.

Willie Jeff Clinton said...

brooke, you wouldn't have a three-way with me and Blondie McBoobsalot, so how about if we throw the milf into the mix?

Brookelina said...

I knew that was going to happen.

Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed desires nothing from Brooke. Jesus is all Lou Reed needs.

MoDigli said...

dang, I just realized that your graphic has all the muppets of Sesame Street ready to eat big bird! ahhhhhhg!!!!

I just wanna know - WHO killed Big Bird?!!!

K said...

my money is on that damn snuffalupagus!! Invisible, my ass!

Oh, he'll pay for what he's done to B-bird... (my, he does look tasty though, doesn't he?)

Egan said...

Dancer .... stripper... same difference.

Brookelina said...

Lou Reed - you are more of a tool than ever.

MoMo - I didn't even recognize you! My money is on Ernie - it's always the one that seems so innocent ...

me - You could be right, he's always disappearing when anyone else comes around!

Egan - no clothes came off during that dance, that I do know.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Happy belated Thanksgiving Brooke - here's to next year's sex while everyone is cleaning up!

MoDigli said...

Oh yeah, I changed my avatar! I was ready for something different.

As for suspects, Ernies a great guess. I think that happy-go-lucky attitude of his is all a front for his evil side. Still, I'm betting on Elmo or Oscar the Grouch. They both have very guilty looks on their faces, don't they? Look at how Elmo's eyes are averting everyone else's!!! Isn't it true that liars with look off to the side??? Hmmmm....

:)

Neil said...

Brooke, you would have been happy at my Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house. All the men spent the entire evening in the other room watching boring the football games you like, while I chatted with the ladies in the kitchen. How gay is that?

Brookelina said...

TJG - here's to it! We'll all have a drink together then.

MoMo - I was watching a movie today and they showed a Modigliani - and right away I thought of you. And I'm with you on Elmo, he does seem to be hiding something...

Neil - that is very gay. But then again if I had been there I'd have been with the guys watching football, so maybe we are perfect together.

Dan-E said...

brooke, you do have a great personality (read: ta-tas).

wmy said...

hey there, I just found you through vivalasvegass...and I am lovin' it so far!

MoDigli said...

How cool that you thought of me!

And Neil, I don't think it's gay that you stayed in the kitchen. You probably livened up the conversation in there with your humor.

(Hmmm... maybe you and Brooke WOULD be the perfect couple!)

Brookelina said...

Dan - stop looking at my ta-tas. I'm kidding of course.

Wmy - thank you! I love your picture!

MoMo- we may just be...he's going to need to get a job if he's going to afford the above ring though.