Saturday, November 19, 2005

Attention Parents!

Your kids tell their teachers everything. Everything. Do not attempt to hide things from them or expect them to lie for you. It will not work. Kids are inherently honest - at least until middle school. Each day I learn a little bit more about each of you from my 23 little darlings.

Here are some examples. I will be wearing red. Children will be wearing blue.

Why were you late this morning?
My mama tell me to tell you we got car trouble.
Ok, but I thought you walked to school.
I do, but dat's what she tell me to tell you.

Ms. Wose! My daddy tinks you nice!
He does? I've never even met your daddy.
He say so. He saw you dis mornin and he say "She fine!"

Ms. Wose! Look! Dat's my daddy!
Daddy waves and smiles at me in his car as he drops my student off.
I saw him naked in the shower this morning!
Daddy buries his head in his hands and let outs a soft sob.

I'm tired Ms. Wose.
Did you go to bed late last night?
Yeah, police keep comin to get my uncle but he won't go. So we's up all night.

My mama says I give her white hairs.
I'm not surprised sweepea, not surprised at all.
How'd I do dat?
It's a gift honey.
Ms. Wose, you got a white hair on you head too.
Yes I do. Thank you for pointing it out.
Did I do dat too?
Yes, you did.
Cool!

My mama tell me to tell you she got to work today. Dat's why she didn't come to see you this morning.
I am now aggravated because I came in early for this conference that his mama requested.
Where does your mama work? I'll give her a call to "reschedule."
Ok call her at home cause she sleeping now. So she might not answer.

And my all-time favorite - even if it has nothing to do with parents.
Ms. Wose, how old are you?
Oh I'm old sweepea. Real old. How old do you think I am?
25?
You got it sweepea! I'm 25.
Another teacher, younger than I am, then asks student how old he thinks she is.
Ummm....50?

hehehe ..what did you say you wanted for Christmas


More to come....no doubt...


72 comments:

Nick said...

I am so calling you Mw. Wose from now on. That is so hot.

Nick said...

or Ms. Wose. Whatever I feel like.

Sizzle said...

kids are hilarious. i love how they don't have the filter that says to them "don't say that!"

She fine!

Hee hee.

;) sizz

Marel Lecone said...

Those were some of the best and sweetest things at the same time. Why does that one mama keep lying? Or, is it more than one mama? :)

And, BTW, you fine!

heehee And, thanks for porn compliment--that doesn't happen to me much. heehee :)

Brookelina said...

Nick - that is hot. Please only address me as Ms. Wose from now on, lest I spank you with my fly swatter.

Sizz - it's almost a shame we lose that filter. Honesty is so refreshing, and hilarious.

Marel - there is one mama in particular that does this almost on a daily basis. I can't wait to actually sit her down for a parent-teacher conference. Mwaahahaha

Calzone said...

I'm all about honesty. I can't stop thinking about you.

Marel and Brooke are going to do it.

Calzone said...

oh and dude...I fucking loved Buffy. I keep forgetting to tell you that. When can I move in? You fascinate me...I mean I never read your posts but I can tell you are interesting.

Spirit Of Owl said...

Ms Wose she fine. Kids tell the twoof.

Egan said...

This was a very funny post. These stories bring a smile to my face regardless of the fact the kids are lying for the parents. Alright, back to housework. Thanks for the great diversion Ms. Wose.

Nick said...

I thought the one about the kid telling you his dad said you were hot was the funniest.

Dynamite said...

That is great...kids say the darndest things! Come visit my blog!!

Übermilf said...

I like the naked dad in the shower.

Friends of McDougal said...

When McDougal was nine, he told Winston Churchill, "Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash."

Churchill, of course, stole the quote and later used it as his own.

But I thought it was cute at the time.

McDougal didn't hold a grudge.

Brookelina said...

Calzone get your mind out of the gutter you twisted freak. But I'll forgive since you are a Buffy fan. Just this once.

Tank you Mista Owl!

You welcome Mista Egan!

I gotta stop this.

Nick and Ubie - same kid - same daddy. Very large, very black daddy.

Lt. - dynamite? This I gotta see. Thanks for coming by.

MickeyD - thank you for that nonsensical story. Come again soon.

Dan-E said...

not that "babbling brooke" isn't a cool title but you just have figure out a way to incorporate "ms. wose" somehow. that would be so totally awesome.

Ruben said...

Kids are honest and completely oblivious to tact. My nephew informed his teacher that she was "caucasian" and he was so excited that he spent the rest of the day at school pointing out all the causcasians.

Brookelina said...

Dan - and some of them actually say Mi Wose ..completely leaving off that first s. It's too cute.
That would be a cool blog name - Mi Wose.

Ruben - that is classic! Actually I didn't mention that one of my kids invites me to church every Sunday, and she always tells me I'll be the only white person there. One of these days I'm going to take her up on it.

yournamehere said...

I'd fail a kid if his parents lied to me. We'll see if they start telling the truth when their kid's a ten-year-old first grader.

Sam I Am said...

AWESOME,thank you for smile!

ginonymous said...

ms. wose:

my new job is retail management. i deal with my customers and their kids all day long, and the kids crack me up, aggravate me to no end, and tell me the funniest things. i don't know if it's just teachers, i think the kids just don't have the filters.

i love it, in all honesty, and it makes me reconsider my celibate status. i just don't know if my kids not having filters will be as cute as others' kids not having filters..somehow i fear not.

and, i wanted to tell you something that i'll not waste your comment space typing, so shoot me an email:
hexidecima@cox.net

cheers,

AA

Brookelina said...

Todd - believe me when I tell you we have 13 year old fifth graders at my school. And almost all of the boys are taller than I am and the girls have bigger boobs. It's quite disturbing.

Sam I Am - your post today had me on the floor. Thank YOU.

AA - it's not just teachers, we just have them for longer periods of time so we get more information. And I can't wait to hear what you have to tell me. Is it about Viggo? Did he call you to get to me?

The real me said...

Brooke... it's all in the milk and chicken.

Check the hormone levels they feed farm animals, if you don't believe me!

Kris said...

Thank God none of them commented on the white chin hair . . . ;)

Brookelina said...

TRM - scary stuff. I'm glad I was never a milk drinker.

Kris - and the pimples. I'm waiting for that. "Ms. Wose, what's that big red thing on your forehead?"

Bill said...

Ms Wose can I go to the bathroom please or do I have to hold it?

Miss Browneyedgirlie said...

Ms. Wose, that was so cute.

I cannot wait to have these same conversations day in and day out.

Kids are too funny.

Mike said...

Ms. Wose, you have a great blog!

MoDigli said...

Great post! Totally made me smile, Ms. Wose! :)

JJ said...

Great. MLA comes home with stories like this every day but since she teaches Special Ed. they usually are more tragic than comic.

At least you've got one dad interested in you. BTW, I think you're fine, too.

Sofi said...

Great stuff! Keep em coming.

Cactus Prick said...

Those are gweat, Bwooke.
And good to know....

P.S. Your students need some help with their grammar. What do you do all day?

Cactus Prick said...

P.P.S. Congratulations. You must be so proud:

'Most dangerous city' label strikes Camden, NJ second year in a row

Brookelina said...

Bill - is that how we ask? NO. Hold it.

BEG - they get better every day.

Mike - thank you. I checked out yours too. Are you where people now right their Penthouse Forum letters too?

Thank you Ms. MoMo! So what is the word?

JJ - that dad is not exactly my type, you know I only go for the pretty ones.

Prick - I would give you an asskicking but you would only beg for more. And by the way, I live nowhere near Camden.

Neil said...

I wish I was a student in your class.

Satan said...

ewwwwww.... teacher!

Melliferous Pants said...

I love the honesty of children.

Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed needs to be taught a lesson. You know what Lou Reed is talking about.

Newsandseduction said...

about kids you are right. my younger son tells everything he hears to his teacher.

Bill said...

But I raised my hand, Ms. Wose! ... Oh. Too late.

Lord Duke Nick Seaman said...

Todd of Viva Las Vegass fame has granted the attractive lads at Queue and Eh? a sneek peek into his outermost desires and tamest secrets. Go NOW!

WhiteBoyBob said...

My little girl is great at telling it like it is. Half the time I bitch about her useless teacher in front of her in the hope she'll tell her teacher.

Man, that's good parenting!

Kallun said...

Ever had a student accidentally call you "mom"?

Girl With An Alibi said...

Ah Ms Wose, this just makes me want to have kids more. I mean that. They are just so innocent and sweet I wouldn't mind the inevitable embarrassment that I would receive (deservedly knowing me). Afterall parents always get their revenge. First in high school when kids are embarrassed by everything and later as Grandparents when they get to witness the show from the audience. I look forward to all of it.

Cactus Prick said...

Thank goodness. I was worried about you.

Brookelina said...

Neil - I'm sure you would be an excellent student.

Satan - get in the corner.

Lou Reed - I am not spanking you. Don't ask me again.

News - I'm sure you really appreciate his honesty.

Bill - go in the corner with Satan.

Nick - you little spammer.

Bob - I'm sure her teacher has lovely things to say about you too. (hehehe)

Kallun - I have! And I had one tell me that she wished I was her mommy.

Girl - you are the cutest blushing bride. I'm envious.

Prick - brat.

Dan-E said...

i don't know why exactly but i've had "hot for teacher" by van halen going through my head the last day or so.

not that you needed to know that or anything.

Brookelina said...

Well thank you Dan - we all dress like that too. And dance on the desks. All the time. It's true.

Brookelina said...

I actually wrote "right" instead of "write" above. I'm turning in my teaching certification.

Calzone said...

fraud...you probably aren't even a woman.

Brookelina said...

What do you know, you spend your days with an arm up your ass.

Dan-E said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dan-E said...

i've never seen the video (no mtv as a child) but it's such a kick ass song and van halen pre-sammy hagar just freakin rocked so hard! (and i'm completely dating myself)

arm up his ass? if that was physically possible, i'd almost wanna see that.

almost.

Calzone said...

Dan wants to watch

Dan-E said...

almost. not quite.

Calzone said...

Oh yeah, and Brooke stop flirting with me you dumbass.

Brookelina said...

Dan - Calzone is a puppet. He doesn't know he's a puppet. He also has no penis. He doesn't know he has no penis.

Calzone - get off my blog you dickless wonder.

Calzone said...

I used to have a dick until I met you tramp.

Brookelina said...

Well let that be a lesson to you then.

Melliferous Pants said...

Brooke,
If you need help with a restraining order I have a friend who works at a family law center. I don't think she's ever done one for a dragon. You could be the dragon restraining order pioneer!

The real me said...

Brooke, seeing as how you haven't made your way to my site... you're missing out on your surprise...

Bill said...

I think I have to go the bathroom again. Ms. Wose? ...

Übermilf said...

Restraining order? Why? Torture and death are more like it.

jiggs said...

Did someone say restraining order? I'm an expert on restraining orders. I've had 4 and half of them files against me.

Brookelina said...

Pants - I have always wanted to be a pioneer! Clearly this is the best I can do.

TRM - you are now forbidden to use my name in your blog anymore!

Bill - don't think I don't know what you are doing in there.

Ubie - I don't have a problem with that.

Jiggs - I'm shocked. No, I'm not. I'm just trying to be nice.

Gordy said...

Very funny Ms Wose!

BTW, I posted a couple snow pics today, nothing special, it was only a light overnight fall.

Melliferous Pants said...

I never should have mentioned restraining orders...now Jiggs won't stop talking about his "member".

Brookelina said...

Gordy - I'll go look now!

Pants - does he use the word "member?" Cause if he does I'll really be freaked out.

The real me said...

Don't pout!
Teasing is the best flattery!

xoxo

Melliferous Pants said...

No, I've been trying not to use the word penis because I think it just encourages him.

jiggs said...

You guys are totally talking about my wang!!! AWESOME!!!

I want some motherfucking CHOCOLATE MILK!!!

Brookelina said...

Jiggs, what is up with the chocolate milk? Take yourself and your tiny penis to the grocery store and get yourself some!

jiggs said...

There is a video I linked to on a blog where a 9 year old is playing a video game and he screams at his mother "I want some motherfucking chocolate milk". I had been screaming that in my real life so I figured I would go around to all the blogs I like and scream it there too.