Friday, December 08, 2006

Things I Have Learned From Relationships with Men

  1. How to drive on the left side of the road.
  2. How to drink Jack Daniels without making a face.
  3. Liking football does not make me less feminine.
  4. Tequila. Bad.
  5. Strawberry Body Butter. Good.
  6. Dimples make me weak.
  7. I am worth fighting for.
  8. If a man tells you he is not good enough for you, believe him.
  9. Men can't read minds.
  10. He either loves you or he doesn't. He's not "afraid" or "freaked out" or "going through a bad time."
  11. Stay away from bartenders and musicians.
  12. Being vulnerable will not kill you.
  13. How he looks is not as important as how he treats you.
  14. It's ok that I'm not perfect. So I have a bit of a potty mouth, deal with it.
  15. Always fight fair.
  16. After a break-up, do not leave the house unless you look fabulous.
  17. A king sized bed is an absolute necessity.
  18. Humor is hot.
  19. Smart is sexy.
  20. Sex is fun. Laugh. Enjoy. Don't hold back.
  21. Morning sex is better than coffee to get you going.
  22. It's ok to let him take care of you.
  23. Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
  24. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
  25. Settling is not an option.

Inspired by This Fish. She did ten things, but I'm older, so I figure I should have learned more by now.

48 comments:

Cactus Prick said...

I agree. Except with numbers 4 and 11.

FIRST POST BEEYATCH!

Churlita said...

Oh my god. You are a total genius.Especially the "he either loves you or he doesn't" one. I could have saved myself years of frustation had you given me that tip earlier in my life.

Sizzle said...

awesome list!

miss kendra said...

this is on my agenda already, and now i feel inspirededed.

miss kendra said...

that was me, not Monkey. sorry.

when i redesigned monkey's blog i made a fake monkey profile so i could test everything out.

Brookelina said...

Prick - you're right. I should have added lawyers in there too.

Churlita - you and me both. I'm 41 and I only just realized that.

Sizz - thanks Sizz!

Monkey/Kendra - I'm glad I inspirededed you. I look forward to your pearls of wisdoom.

thephoenixnyc said...

You really are the cutest human on earth.

Hypersonic said...

I still don't get what's wrong with tequila! Getting a tequila blowjob was one of the highlights of my life...erm perhaps I shouldn't have said that!

Melissa said...

# 11 is so true. At least for me it is. # 16 is fabulous advice as well.

Also, you can add never date a man who spends more time on his hair than you do to the list if you want to. ;)

Tim said...

nice list. Men are total pricks.

Steven said...

I dunno...

Sex with a bed head just doens't seem that hot to me. ;)

Steve~

Ash said...

Fabulous. Very true!

Knitty Kitty said...

I do love the morning sex, as long as I'm the first one awake (I gotta have my Scope)

yournamehere said...

I keep chanting the "Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship" mantra. It isn't working.

Lushy said...

Excellent list.

Morning sex is the only thing that I will wake up at the crack o'dawn for on any day that I get to sleep in.
I keep listerine strips in my bedside table to avoid having to get out of bed to scope up.

Brookelina said...

Phoenix - this after you run off with another woman. Harumph!

Hyper - tequila does not inspire me to give blowjobs. Quite the opposite, it once inspired me to attempt vehicular homicide.

Melissa - funny you mention that. I once dated a guy who took longer to get ready than I did. This was back in the 80's. I think he was one of the first metrosexuals.

Tim - now now now, this is not a man bashing. However, this follows along the "when they say they aren't good enough, they aren't" thread. So, I'll take your word for it.

Steve - I just read your blog, and since you got a boner from getting beaten up by your wife, I find it difficult to believe bed head would turn you off.

Ash - thank you! And welcome!

Knitty - I do like to sneak in for a quickie teeth brushing as well.

Todd - it works better on tequila.

Lushy - see this is why I love you so. I have one more thing to add to tomorrow's grocery list now.

Mone said...

yes, yes, yes!!
Add to nbr.11 married men, then it should be complete ;)

Danielle said...

right on sista i love it!

Brooklyn Frank said...

this seems relationshipy.

Übermilf said...

I got my computer back!

I like your list.

matty said...

Great list, but you know --- I don't think we ever stop learning. If that happens --- the journey is probably ready to go to another plane.

Rrramone said...

Love no. 8 and 25. :-)

NotCarrie said...

Check out our site, we're doing a blogger auction where the ladies bid for dates with the men...all proceeds go to charity! It's going to be fun.

Dave said...

Humor is hot. Thank god...

Loz said...

the list makes me sad.

but it was smart and sassy all the same.

Flounder said...

Adding to the spirit of #15, never hit the boys. Ever.

Think Frustrated said...

You are the only woman on the planet who understands #9.

I love you.

Can you teach that to my wife.

I sort of agree with Steve about morning sex. Although it's hot, and is a good way to get going, let's hope the parties involved got a chance to brush the funk off their tongues before engaging. Morning breath is the sickest thing ever. All these people are smart to want to "Scope it up" first.

How are you not married? Too many bartenders and musicians, I presume.

Hypersonic said...

Hey I take umbridge at TF. I can read minds...normally of the bartender who can see my nearly empty glass.

Anonymous said...

I Like the List sweetie!

callie

roonie said...

I disagree with a few, especially the tequila and the "if he loves you, he knows it" thing. If a female can have issues about whether or not she loves a man, why can't he? Love isn't something that should be determined quickly or hastily. I think, if someone's deciding on it, it's better that they are making a calculated, intelligent decision.

Brookelina said...

Mone - good call. Too bad that's not considered a given, but you're absolutely right - stay away from married men.

Dani - can I get another AMEN.

Frank - ya think? What was your first clue? The word "relationship" in the title?

Ubie - thank you. Nothing to add? I'm shocked.

Matty - true, I'd like to find a guy that always keeps me guessing so the learning never stops.

Rrramone - those are two that I feel very strongly about.

Brookelina said...

Notcarrie - I'll keep an eye out for the men on the block.

Dave - shut up. You know you're hot.

Loz - it made you sad? Why? It's the tequila isn't it.

Flounder - my brothers taught me to aim directly for the boys if I ever felt threatened. Good advice.

TF - I like that you professed your love for me and then told me to teach your wife. Classic.

Hyper - I think you mean that the bartender can read your mind. They are very good at that, another reason to stay away from them.

Callie - thanks sweetie!

Roonie - if you had tried to run over your boyfriend while drinking tequila, you'd say "bad" too. As for being hasty with love, I never said that. I just believe that if a guy makes excuses for his feelings, then the feelings aren't there.

Egan said...

One should never settle and I'm happy you haven't. Laughing is so important. Take care Brooke.

Miss Syl said...

Morning sex is absolutely the best thing ever. I've never understood why people think of evening as the only time to have sex.

Great list. I could check off loads of them, except for the strawberry body butter. I like strawberries, but not many strawberry "flavored" things. Bleah.

CHOCOLATE body butter...different story.

The real me said...

What about "There's no such thing as perfection"?

s@bd said...

yep.

you learned good.

Tits McGee said...

Whoever ends up being your love is sooooooooooooooooo lucky.

You are the bee's knees, Brooke, and smart, smart, smart.

Erin O'Brien said...

I love men.

jiggs said...

the only quibble I have with the list is number 10. while the first part is true, it is also possible that he might be afraid or going through a bad time or whatever. It's just that him loving you or not doesn't correlate with those other things.

jamwall said...

stay away from musicians????

but i have a nervous condition which causes me to pound on a cowbell a million times a day!!!

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Girl, these are great.

Monkey said...

Tequila. Bad.
Why must we all learn this lesson the hard way?

Fabulous list.

I have a doppleganger!

Brookelina said...

Egan - I strongly believe in the difference between settling and settling down.

Miss Syl - actually the strawberry body butter thing is an episode from long ago. Just saying the words makes me giggle.

TRM - good one! You need to do your own list now.

s@bd - I do try. Still alone though, so what does that tell you?

Tits - smart and alone. Maybe I should try dumb for a while.

Brookelina said...

Erin - me too. No matter what I say about them, I still love them.

Jiggs - in my vast experience, I've found that if a guy is truly in love, if he really believes he's found the girl of his dreams, then he's not afraid or ambivalent or anything else. He just makes it happen. Whether going through a bad time or not, if the girl is the one, he'll make it work and not let her get away. Remember, that's in my experience.

Jamwall - I think your nervous condition would give me a nervous a condition. We are so MFEO.

TJG - thank you kindly.

Monkey - I think I need to blog about why I wrote that. And don't you worry, nobody can replace the Monkey!

Kris said...

Humor is AMAZINGLY hot. Like AMAZINGLY ++.

The King Size bed is not a necessity, but it sure is nice. ;)

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh...the Strawberry Body Butter....could that tie into number 11 in any way.
Love the list...all too true. But you forgot men in uniforms from 11.
Thanks for the visual that I purged from my mind. Come BACK to NJ!!!
Roberta

Brookelina said...

Kris - I need my space. Gotta have my king. But then again, I spent months with a guy on a single bed and we had a great time. hehehe

Roberta - and didn't you notice the Jack Daniels reference as well? I learned a lot from that one. I'll be home by summer! Rocks at the Greenie!

jiggs said...

sorry I wasn't clear. I think the two things (being in love or not) and (being crazy/in a bad time of one's life) are independent things.

It was a silly thing to quibble about because I was just being silly.