Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Crash Test Dummies

Dear Volkswagen,

Your "crash" commercials are on my last nerve. I hate them with every last fiber of my being. The only thing that could make them worse was if you had David Spade as your spokesman. Do you really think that showing people getting smashed into by some idiot on the road is going to encourage us to buy your product? I mean, seriously, where is the logic here? "Oh look, a traffic accident. My worst nightmare. Let's go car shopping." The moment a commercial comes on where two people are chatting away in their car, I change the channel. I'd rather watch bug-eating asshats on Fear Factor than suffer through another one of your inane ads.

These spots do not make me want to buy a Volkswagen, in fact, I am going to pronounce right here and now that I will never, EVER, buy a Volkswagen. I don't care if you invent a car that runs on dirty tap water, I'm not buying it because I hate your commercials that much. Not only do I not want to buy a car after watching your one of your advertisements, but I actually feel like getting into my car and ramming into a Volkswagen just for the hell of it.

Now go find an ad company that has a fucking clue. Maybe you should hire the company that created the spot below. This is funny. This is entertaining. And I am now going to Starbuck's to have myself a coffee cause the ad is that good. Let that be a lesson to you.

You better hope I don't see a VW on my way over there.

Signed, A Disgusted Viewer

26 comments:

miss kendra said...

i hate those commercials because they scare me.

i do not need to be more paranoid, and those commercials nudge me towards the thin line.

Egan said...

The Volkswagen ads are way too real for those of us in an accident. I just don't care for them, but I hear they are highly effective.

The Starbucks ad is pretty funny. Pepsi actually pays for the ad since they are the distributor for Starbucks bottled beverages you find in convenience stores.

mernitman said...

thanks for the starbucks clip. now THAT's good advertising! (and isn't it amazing how the lead singer's hair is still so full and black? must be drinking all that iced espresso)

yournamehere said...

I'm going to produce an ad for pizza where someone almost chokes to death on a slice of pepperoni.

Flounder said...

Why didn't tthey just stick to the Un-Pimp Ze Auto ads they were running?

G3T Films said...

I invented those Vdub commericals cause I knew it would shit Brooke.

YEAH! *high-fives all round' I am da man!

OK, OK, shut-up, we all know that I have no idea what commercials you are talking about. I come from the arm-pit of the world...

Egan said...

Flounder, I loved those Unpimp Your Auto ads. I still laugh when I see them. V Dub in da haus.

Erin O'Brien said...

I think a good commercial would be me in my Mini Cooper wearing only Mickey Mouse ears and eating corn on the cob with those old Survivor guys singing a jazzed up version of "Moon River."

No?

Oh, okay.

Thérèse said...

I frigging love that commercial. Hahahahhahahah.

But then, I'm a very big fan of the parodies.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

I hate to admit it after hearing your hatred, but I kinda dig them. Here are these clueless people driving along, paying no attention to the road, and then they get what's coming to them - a 3000 pound car in their side. Heh.

thephoenixnyc said...

I was watching football on Sunday and they were running them. I hate them. It was really jarring and in bad tatse in my opnion. Hated them as well.

That Girl said...

i hate my fukkinsukswagen. it's got electrical problems and the windows dropped (like every other vw on the planet).

Monkey said...

Awwww.... poor Volkswagen. I love my little 2003 Jetta Wagon. But it's true, the crash ads suck. Which is too bad, because once upon a time Volkswagen made great ads.

I LOVE that Starbucks ad! How awesome is that? Now I'll have "The Eye of the Tiger" in my mind all night.

Hypersonic said...

I liked the Starbucks ad. Too bad their coffee is crap.

Hypersonic said...

BTW. I am neither periodic nor retired, but i am revamped :o)

Brookelina said...

Kendra - you should sue them. Oh! That could work...

Ego - who says they are highly effective? The ad company? Of course they say that, they want to keep their job.

Billy - and did you check out his man boobs?

Todd - our pizza is worth dying for.

Flounder - I love that the guy playing him was the one who shoved Steve Buscemi in the wood chipper in Fargo.

Ego - read Flounder response.

Rich - you do not come from the armpit, you come from the groin. And we all love the groin.

Erin - now that would be a Youtube hit for sure.

Therese - you would!

TJG - but how is that a good ad campaign for VW? Buy our car - all the other assholes who can't drive do!

Brookelina said...

Phoenix - jarring is exactly the right word.

That Girl - love your VW nickname. Classic.

Monkey - I used to drive a Jetta. Actually it wasn't mine, my drunk of an ex boyfriend had one, so I drove it home most nights. And I was SO close to posting that VW ad to show that they once knew how to run good commercials! Love that song.

Hyper - I agree. Don't love the coffee, but the ad rules. And I will move you up to the next blogroll post haste.

jiggs said...

Right on brookie.

When I'm sitting around watching TV with Tasty, whenever we see one of those ads start, we both start cursing and search around for the remote to change the channel.

If we can't find it, we turn away from the tv and start going, "lalalalalala".

Leezer said...

Brooke:
THANK.YOU. I ALWAYS leave the room during that ad because I've been in a bad accident and don't really need to poop my pants every time I relive the experience on t.v.

I wonder how I can get Survivor - our Journey or Lover Boy - to follow me around at work. That Starbucks ad is hilarious.

WhiteBoyBob said...

Long time reader, fiftieth time commentor(er?).

I do not know of what you speak, but the Starbucks ad is v.good. Shame they're a bunch of planet rpaing fuckwads.

I have news of my sad little life on my blog should you chance to glance.

Tits McGee said...

My poor little 1985 VW Golf is going to cry itself to sleep tonight now. Thanks a lot, Brooke.

You are right, though. The commercials are scary and bad.

Rrramone said...

That is funny. But you should know that Volvo became the successful brand it is by showing car crashes for many years. :-) I have a feeling that VW is dealing with research that shows some of their past models haven't been safe.

Mone said...

As much as german people love their VW, I was never a fan of it! I need a car I can get into and drive... every day. So far I had a fair share on Toyotas and Hondas and I'm very happy with them. No need to switch! Of course, if someone gives me the gift of a Porsche... that would be a different story :)

Think Frustrated said...

I want a band to follow me around. P.S. I love Starbucks. They could have Carrot Top doing their commercials and I'd still drink Soy Cinnamon Lattes.

I want to smash every "Bug" I see. Not because of the ad, but because I like to squish bugs.

Brookelina said...

Jiggs - see this is why I love you so. LALALALA is my all-purpose response to all things ucky.

Leezer - I wonder how many people have been in accidents and feel trauma when those ads come on. I smell a class-action suit.

Richard - I don't really like their coffee, but the ad is all things brilliant.

Tits - no offense against your little baby. I just don't like its maker's ad company.

Rrramone - but weren't their ads with crash test dummies in a controlled environment? Not some horror movie in disguise.

Mone - I'm a Toyota/Honda girl too. But I wouldn't turn my nose up at a BMW. No siree.

TF - they have fetish sites for bug squishers. I'm just sayin'.

Danielle said...

worst.commercials.EVER.