Monday, July 17, 2006

Obit: Common Sense

Yes, this has gone around the net several times, but I happened upon it this weekend and I just had to post it.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn’t always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

originally published by Lori Borgman

40 comments:

~d said...

I have never seen it-so thank you! From me!

Übermilf said...

I like Common Sense's drunken uncle, "Shut the Fuck Up" -- but some find him offensive.

Anita said...

I will wear black. To mourn common sense. Plus it's slimming.

Blonde Vigilante said...

Who is this "Common Sense" you speak of? He must be a Senator or something.

Karen Little said...

I haven't seen this before... Common Sense ever lived? I thought he was more of a hypothetical figure... like Santa Claus... someone parents tell their kids about to make them be good all year round.

Brookelina said...

~d - no, thank you!

Ubie - I think I used to date him

Anita - make sure it's tight. He'd like that.

Blonde - oh no, he would never go into politics.

Karen - ooooh...that explains a lot. You may be right, and this whole obit is all just part of the myth.

Think Frustrated said...

The only thing I don't like about that is the subversively injected right-wing statement about the Ten Commandments. Great little rant, doesn't need a political statement hidden in the middle.

Egan said...

I totally read this post.

Brookelina said...

TF - I don't think it was a right-wing statement, especially if you consider the next phrase, "churches became businesses." I think the fact that the whole thing even became an issue is slap in the face to Common Sense. Not to mention that those fighting for it didn't even know all of the Ten Commandments.

Egan - but did you understand it?

Egan said...

Nope, I was busy making out with Pee Wee Herman.

Flounder said...

When I was in college, there was a prophylactic delivery business called "Condom Sense". You could call them from anywhere on campus and they'd delivery within 60 minutes.

I wonder if they were related?

JJ said...

Hey Babe, I'm back. Love your new site. Where'd you get it?

Air kisses,

SMB

MoDigli said...

so sad. and so true!

Anita said...

And barely transparent. With a black bra underneath. But red lipstick.

I call shenanigans on Egan's claim. Any true Paul Reubens fan knows he's gay.

Brookelina said...

Egan - isn't he a little skinny for your taste?

Flounder - within 60 minutes? College students really waited 60 minutes to have safe sex?

JJ - my love, I will IM you the site.

MoMo - I am starting to wonder if Common Sense ever really existed.

Anita - I think we need to go shopping together.

Nick said...

I think pennies are the most common cents.

Melissa said...

Hmmm, Common Sense is a MR. Common Sense??? Are you sure? Not Mrs?

Egan said...

Anita, Pee Wee loves my wee wee.

Brooke, look up!

Brookelina said...

Nick - penises do not have common sense!!
Oh, wait a minute. That's not what that says...

Melissa - wow. I actually rewrote this to make Common Sense female! But then I found the original writing and decided to be honest and credit the author. Damn my honesty!!

Egan - I'm not listening...LALALALA!!!

Nick said...

You know who I hear likes penises? Egan.

Brookelina said...

Nice one Nick! You totally pwned Egan!!

Nick said...

That I did, my naughty little biscuit. That I did.

ducklet said...

i didn't attend the funeral because i fucked Discretion. i fucked her good and hard.

Fitèna said...

True. True. True. Sad.
I find that truths are always better received when told as jokes/humouristically, non?

Fitèna

Bill said...

You know, reading the comments it's amusing to think they were sparked by a post on the death of common sense.

It's a subject worthy of study: how does a discussion of common sense lead to penises?

(And why are there no asides regarding vaginas?)

Mone said...

How true, how true!
But wait!
Common Sense has been dead since 30 years already. Who digged him up to burrie him again?

Janet said...

Is this obituary for Charles Shultz?

Come to think of it, that was back when the world made a simlitude of sense.

jiggs said...

common sense is pushing up daisies.

Erin O'Brien said...

Everyone ate the couch. Harriet was walking over the sun.

It dripped when the wax disappeared. Tumbling orange over.

Watershed!

Exfoliant and pub feathers.

WhiteBoyBob said...

Try stopping it though. I'm a liberal, but I am quite old-fashoined when it comes to raising my children. Good manners, waiting your turn and sharing are the three basic rules in our house - and that goes for my wife and me as well. Far too often it's "do as I say, not as I do" with parents.

Children can have a happy childhood, as I did, without being bought everything they ask for. Having parents around is a good start. Dumping them with a total stranger and going out to work so you can have two cars, a flat screen TV and a new fitted kitchen is irrelevant. If you choose to have children spending some time with them is a good start.

I could rant on about this for hours, wagging my proverbial finger in the air, but I'll leave it at that. That's why I could never be a teacher. I'd end cup giving most of the snotty brats a clip round the ear!

WhiteBoyBob said...

up not cup

Anita said...

Only if we can stop at a bar and take shots beforehand. I hate shopping sober. I end up looking so...put together.

Egan said...

"pwned"?

Nick said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwned

Egan said...

Thanks Nick. I'm so much wiser now. Good to know I got my ass handed to me.

Nick said...

I live to serve.

Übermilf said...

Stop picking on Egan! He's got curly hair.

I can't think of anything else to say about him.

He rides a bicycle.

Brookelina said...

BLOG FIGHT!!!

Egan said...

Wow, if this is a blog fight...

Nick said...

DANCE FIGHT!!