Wednesday, January 24, 2007

As Per Your Suggestions:

Rich said...in Genoa it is now practice to pin a live frog to ones shoulder, stand in the main square and say "bibble" to passerbyes. Giuseppe Pericu, a close family friend, and Armani now secretly own the largest frog farm in Italy.

I do that at the end of every work day. I stand in the main square and smack my fingers up and down my lips going, "Bibble bibble bibble." It's very relaxing.


Churlita said...You could admit to some past fashion crimes. Let's see, did you have layered hair, wear rainbow eyeshadow up to your brow, don an Argyle sweater vest with a t-shirt underneath, or did you do that bag lady thing from the late eighties where you mixed layers of leggings, hippie skirts, gigantic sweaters and scarves?

I wore all of those. At once.

yournamehere said...Why don't you write about how you tormented me via IM when the Colts were down 21-3 and how you had to subsequently eat those words? Why don't you write about that?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Why don't you go worship TO with Nick?

thephoenixnyc said...Tell us your top 5 sexual fetishes, please.

They all involve tall, dark, handsome men from NYC who are well-read, well traveled, and frighteningly intelligent. Unfortunately, none of those men seem to be available at this time.

Melliferous Pants said...Heard any terrible elementary age jokes lately?

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lydia!
Lydia Who?
The lid a your trash can just blew off!

miss kendra said...i feel just the same.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in my torment.

Melanie was here said...You could talk about your strangest sex location, or why you started blogging, or why you haven't come to visit me yet, or your favorite wine, or where you plan to vacation this year, or your dream car, or......

Strangest sex location: the boys' bathroom of a youth hostel in Austria. Don't judge me.
Why I started blogging: click here.
Why I haven't come to visit you yet: I promise I will come visit you. The minute you move to Hawaii.
My favorite wine: any Australian Shiraz or Italian Pinot Grigio. Actually whatever you have in your wine cabinet will do.
Vacation: I thought I'd spend Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. Ha.
Dream Car: one that runs on water.

Egan said...Did the cat get your tongue as well? Do you have a secret you'd like to reveal?

I do! A friend of mine is expecting a baby! But I'm not allowed to tell anyone. So shhhh..don't tell anyone.

Dammit.

Sizzle said...if you had to choose between a slice of chocolate cake, an orange or a sloppy joe which would you pick? ok. no. really. what's your favorite song right now?

Seriously? You think anything has a chance against cake?
I don't really have a favorite song at the moment, but I have been listening to the soundtrack from Layer Cake pretty much 24/7.

Callie said... I would like to know, what type of cut up person you were in high school.. Any juicey stories???

I was actually quite popular in high school - not necessarily with boys - just in general. I was the one that everyone liked as a friend. I hung out with people from all the different groups. Boys didn't really notice me much until I was about a junior, and by then I lost interest in high school - and the boys there - and had moved onto college boys and college bars.

Mone said...ähhhm...

Me too.

sleepydog said...A little less talk and a little more action can be a good thing sometimes.

By the way, I once had a sex dream and that song was playing in the background the whole time.

Übermilf said...Why don't you write about the time a donkey ate your underwear?

That was Nick.

Anonymous said...Yes Brooke...please share some High School stories!!! Ha. Or you can say you're on your way to Jersey. smiles...Roberta

Want to hear about the Catholic schoolgirl that I corrupted by bringing her to bars, getting her hammered, and introducing her to sordid assorted men?

Melliferous Pants said...Not having a thing to say isn't so bad.

Are you telling me to shut up? Someone ought to.

Übermilf said...Tell them about the time you dropped the soap.

That was Nick.

Tits McGee said...Tell me more about my eyes.

Can't we just go straight to making out?

jiggs said...It's just good to hear the sound of your voice.

And for only 3.99 a minute!

Spinning Girl said...(lovely haiku, followed by...) Failing that, you could list the meats you have eaten. That's what I would do.

Did I ever tell you about the time I had to dice up 20 cow tongues for a catering job? I didn't eat meat for 10 years after that, so my meat list is fairly short.

WhiteBoyBob said...Religion and politics usually fan the flames, you could try one of those. Or you could roll them both into one and discuss abortion.

Excellent! For instance, do you ever wonder where we would all be if Barbara Bush had gotten an abortion?

Cincysundevil said...You could always pander to those of us with prurient interests. You know, more swimsuit or bikini pics. I know .. I know .. my odds are slim and none. But a guy can dream, can't he?

You know, they have websites for that sort of thing. Pervert.
(Call me.)

Flounder, BS Consultant said...A weather report from sunny FLA would be nice. (Especially since it's looking more and more like Superman's fortress of solitude around here lately.)

We don't do weather reports down here. It's the same everyday. Sunny with a chance of rain during rush hour. High of 85. It's so redundant.

Bill said...I can't think of anything to say either. Must be January.

I can blame a whole month for being brain dead? Awesome!

FRITZ said...Incredible. With absolutley nothing to say, you still garner three times the comments as I do. Why do I bother?

Hey now, I pay good money for those comments.

Think Frustrated said...say a little prayer for you. Say anything. Say your favorite color stretch pants. Say She Sells Seashells By The Seashore (3x fast) Say, I told you so.

Can't I just copy and paste what you wrote?

RIch said...Yooou suck! And if rumours are to be believed... quite well!

You better believe it! I pay good money for those rumors.
(Call me.)

Janet said...! Do a mini play about the sexiest encounter that you have had with a complete stranger. Or you could write about television. Whatever.

Did you happen to see my answer regarding strangest sex location? Cause that answers the first part of your request.
Shut up.
Television rules!

Toby said...This one time... at band camp...

Seriously, my mother tried to send me to band camp one year. I refused to go. Now I'm pissed off because it would have been awesome to be able to seriously use that line.

Thank you all for your support!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

On a completely unrelated note, I'd like to make one last comment. To Simon Cowell and the rest of the American Idol dipshits. "A Song for You" is not a Donny Hathaway song. It is a Leon Russell song. Why you keep saying it's a Donny Hathaway song I don't know, especially considering you are supposed to be in the music business and should have a basic knowledge of such things. So get it straight. Donny Hathaway covered it. Leon Russell was the original writer and performer
. Morons.

I feel better now.

23 comments:

Spinning Girl said...

I love how our "worst" posts turn into art, right before our eyes. It's the magic of the internets.

The real me said...

Maybe the American Idiots... errr.... I mean Idol judges are too blitzed on all the sex, drugs and whatever is in those Coka-Cola glasses they keep sipping from to care about the accuracy of their blatherings.

Bill said...

I'm impressed. I'd say something more profound but it's late and I'm sick and I need to sleep.

Rrramone said...

Gosh, if only I'd have said something...like why do people with outie bellybuttons have a better sense of humor??

yournamehere said...

I can't believe the American Idol judges don't really know anything about music.

Toby said...

Not a fan at all. I do enjoy watching people fail. What is wrong with me?

Tits McGee said...

Yes.

sleepydog said...

Brooke - Sounds like the perfect song for the occasion, I can only wish that the dream was about me ;)

Sysm said...

Any mention of Donny Hathaway is better than no mention of him at all. I challenge everyone to attribute something, incorrectly, to Donny Hathaway today.

"What doesn't kill you only takes longer to kill you."
Donny Hathaway (1977).

thephoenixnyc said...

WOW, now that's a post. Great responses Brooklina. I think I am going to do one of these if you don't mind.

As far as your fantasies...sigh

Sizzle said...

australian shiraz's are delicious. we should definitely drink some along with that chocolate cake (which, btw, was a trick question that you passed with flying colors).

one of the final guys last night on AI sang that Leon Russell song and gave him credit even though he also mentioned Donny. at least that guy knew what was up.

Flounder said...

They are the same people that think Blinded By the Light is a Manfred Mann song.

BV said...

Who in the hell would want that many cow tongues? At a party?

I'm going to eat a hot dog now.

Egan said...

This friend of yours that's expecting, does s/he have a blog? Does that person like movies about gladiators? Has that person seen a grown man naked?

Dave Morris said...

Re: Hathaway - yeah, I agree. I was saying the same thing! Surely the Ray Charles version would get more recognition than Hathaway... I mean c'mon.

Brookelina said...

Spinning Girl - what would I do without all of you? Oh, and don't hog up all the mayo.

TRM - excellent point.

Bill - you're sick too? My God, everyone I know is sick these days.

Rrramone - see what happens when you don't come visit? You miss out on all the good stuff.

Todd - it's shocking really. It's like having a president who doesn't know anything about...anything.

Toby - nothing that isn't wrong with most of the country, if you believe the ratings that AI gets.

Tits - kiss me baby!

FRITZ said...

Now, THAT was a smashingly good time! And don't mind me, I'm just being a melancholic, jealous, hateful bitch.

But it'll pass, soon. I enjoy your blog.

Brookelina said...

Sleepy - it was actually about...uhhh...you! Yes, it was about you. Indeed.

Sysm - Donny Hathaway is my baby daddy.

Phoenix - I don't mind at all. *sigh*

Sizz - I didn't hear him credit Leon, I just heard him mention Donny Hathaway. Over the years it's happened several times on that show and it always sends me through the roof. I love me my Leon.
Also, cake and wine? I'm there.

Flounder - thank you! I was looking for a comparable example, but the best I could think of was The Ataris doing Boys of Summer.

BV - it was for a jambalaya recipe. Have you ever cut up tongues? It's a great way to lose weight.

Egan - I believe that the answer to all of those questions is yes.

Dave - thank you! I almost mentioned that in my post. The Ray Charles version is so brilliant it brings me to tears. Someday I'd like that to be my wedding song. I figure if my future husband doesn't like it, then he's not the one for me anyway.

Brookelina said...

Fritz - you snuck in there when I wasn't looking.

I'm confused. You say melancholic, jealous, hateful bitch like it's a bad thing.

Toby said...

I'll bet good hard earned cash you could make up a wonderful band camp story.

Nick said...

It's true, I did all those things she said I did. I'm a sick fuck, what can I say.

Bone said...

You watch AI and 24?!

I don't usually start watching AI until they get down to the final twelve. But yes, remember to stop by on Tuesday mornings and we'll chat about 24 :)

Flounder said...

What kind of a fucked up cajun uses cow tongue in jamalaya? Boudin, maybe, but not jambalaya. (For the record, I make killer shrimp and andouille boudin.)

You also could have use the Lemonheads and Mrs. Robinson, Cake and I Will Survive, or Jessica Simpson and These Boots Were Made for Walkin. All are perfectly acceptable.