The Dog Ate My Homework, Spelling Fun, and a Picture

And here I thought it was just an excuse...


To prove the point, the student brought in his old packet. There was a giant bite mark in it.

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The following are some classic examples of sentences written by my students using their spelling words. I made the spelling words bold, so you can appreciate their work even more. Why I never thought to share some of these gems in the past is a mystery. I will not make that mistake in the future.

I like to wiggle my butty.

My little sister wiggle a lot.

My sister skip school.

I was middle in the.

My kind of peopl is smot.

And my personal favorite:

I am low on the flow.

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A few months back I was given a new student, a kindergartener who was promoted early to first grade. This child is scary-smart - her reading levels are off the charts. However, like most freakishly smart people, she's a bit odd. Her parents, while not wanting to come out and say, "Our kid is a bit odd, we are worried that the first graders won't like her," were concerned about how she would fit in. I was concerned as well. The kids could tell she was different right off the bat - odd ducks are easy to spot. She has a tendency to laugh aloud out of nowhere. She has a way of sing-songing everything she says. If she actually gets something wrong (a rare occurrence), she cries about it, as she isn't used to ever being wrong. We're working on that. I actually spent an entire afternoon that first week purposely making one mistake after another just to make the kids laugh and show her that making mistakes was OK. I think it worked. I'm very good at making mistakes - purposely or not.

I did everything I could to make her feel comfortable and welcome in our classroom and with the kids. I didn't want her to feel like an outcast for the rest of the year. At the end of the first week, she brought me this picture.

On the back she had written: I like you Ms. Woes. And I like first grade too.

First Grade rules!

Weekend Plans

Friday:
1. Do laundry.
2. Vacuum.
3. Inspect face for wrinkles, blemishes, and stray eyebrow hairs.
4. Browse realtor.com and pretend I can afford to buy a home.
5. Make popcorn.
6. Watch my new DVD from the fabulous Sysm.
7. Take a bubble bath and imagine life as a Star Creature. Or a Bee Girl.



Saturday:
1. Put Friday's laundry away.
2. Have coffee with upstairs neighbor.
3. Watch HGTV.
4. Google ex-boyfriends.
5. Mani/pedi.
6. Dance around in my underwear.
7. Take a bubble bath and imagine life as the latest Bond girl, Ivana Humpalot.



Sunday:
1. Pout about not having any football to watch.
2. Visit with nephews.
3. Torture Todd on IM.
4. Work on lesson plans.
5. Call each of my brothers so we can talk about our other brothers behind their backs.
6. Watch my other new DVD from the fabulous Sysm.
7. Take a bubble bath and imagine life if I actually had a life.

As Per Your Suggestions:

Rich said...in Genoa it is now practice to pin a live frog to ones shoulder, stand in the main square and say "bibble" to passerbyes. Giuseppe Pericu, a close family friend, and Armani now secretly own the largest frog farm in Italy.

I do that at the end of every work day. I stand in the main square and smack my fingers up and down my lips going, "Bibble bibble bibble." It's very relaxing.

Churlita said...You could admit to some past fashion crimes. Let's see, did you have layered hair, wear rainbow eyeshadow up to your brow, don an Argyle sweater vest with a t-shirt underneath, or did you do that bag lady thing from the late eighties where you mixed layers of leggings, hippie skirts, gigantic sweaters and scarves?

I wore all of those. At once.

yournamehere said...Why don't you write about how you tormented me via IM when the Colts were down 21-3 and how you had to subsequently eat those words? Why don't you write about that?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Why don't you go worship TO with Nick?

thephoenixnyc said...Tell us your top 5 sexual fetishes, please.

They all involve tall, dark, handsome men from NYC who are well-read, well traveled, and frighteningly intelligent. Unfortunately, none of those men seem to be available at this time.

Melliferous Pants said...Heard any terrible elementary age jokes lately?

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Lydia!
Lydia Who?
The lid a your trash can just blew off!

miss kendra said...i feel just the same.

I'm so glad I'm not alone in my torment.

Melanie was here said...You could talk about your strangest sex location, or why you started blogging, or why you haven't come to visit me yet, or your favorite wine, or where you plan to vacation this year, or your dream car, or......

Strangest sex location: the boys' bathroom of a youth hostel in Austria. Don't judge me.
Why I started blogging: click here.
Why I haven't come to visit you yet: I promise I will come visit you. The minute you move to Hawaii.
My favorite wine: any Australian Shiraz or Italian Pinot Grigio. Actually whatever you have in your wine cabinet will do.
Vacation: I thought I'd spend Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. Ha.
Dream Car: one that runs on water.

Egan said...Did the cat get your tongue as well? Do you have a secret you'd like to reveal?

I do! A friend of mine is expecting a baby! But I'm not allowed to tell anyone. So shhhh..don't tell anyone.

Dammit.

Sizzle said...if you had to choose between a slice of chocolate cake, an orange or a sloppy joe which would you pick? ok. no. really. what's your favorite song right now?

Seriously? You think anything has a chance against cake?
I don't really have a favorite song at the moment, but I have been listening to the soundtrack from Layer Cake pretty much 24/7.

Callie said... I would like to know, what type of cut up person you were in high school.. Any juicey stories???

I was actually quite popular in high school - not necessarily with boys - just in general. I was the one that everyone liked as a friend. I hung out with people from all the different groups. Boys didn't really notice me much until I was about a junior, and by then I lost interest in high school - and the boys there - and had moved onto college boys and college bars.

Mone said...ähhhm...

Me too.

sleepydog said...A little less talk and a little more action can be a good thing sometimes.

By the way, I once had a sex dream and that song was playing in the background the whole time.

Übermilf said...Why don't you write about the time a donkey ate your underwear?

That was Nick.

Anonymous said...Yes Brooke...please share some High School stories!!! Ha. Or you can say you're on your way to Jersey. smiles...Roberta

Want to hear about the Catholic schoolgirl that I corrupted by bringing her to bars, getting her hammered, and introducing her to sordid assorted men?

Melliferous Pants said...Not having a thing to say isn't so bad.

Are you telling me to shut up? Someone ought to.

Übermilf said...Tell them about the time you dropped the soap.

That was Nick.

Tits McGee said...Tell me more about my eyes.

Can't we just go straight to making out?

jiggs said...It's just good to hear the sound of your voice.

And for only 3.99 a minute!

Spinning Girl said...(lovely haiku, followed by...) Failing that, you could list the meats you have eaten. That's what I would do.

Did I ever tell you about the time I had to dice up 20 cow tongues for a catering job? I didn't eat meat for 10 years after that, so my meat list is fairly short.

WhiteBoyBob said...Religion and politics usually fan the flames, you could try one of those. Or you could roll them both into one and discuss abortion.

Excellent! For instance, do you ever wonder where we would all be if Barbara Bush had gotten an abortion?

Cincysundevil said...You could always pander to those of us with prurient interests. You know, more swimsuit or bikini pics. I know .. I know .. my odds are slim and none. But a guy can dream, can't he?

You know, they have websites for that sort of thing. Pervert.
(Call me.)

Flounder, BS Consultant said...A weather report from sunny FLA would be nice. (Especially since it's looking more and more like Superman's fortress of solitude around here lately.)

We don't do weather reports down here. It's the same everyday. Sunny with a chance of rain during rush hour. High of 85. It's so redundant.

Bill said...I can't think of anything to say either. Must be January.

I can blame a whole month for being brain dead? Awesome!

FRITZ said...Incredible. With absolutley nothing to say, you still garner three times the comments as I do. Why do I bother?

Hey now, I pay good money for those comments.

Think Frustrated said...say a little prayer for you. Say anything. Say your favorite color stretch pants. Say She Sells Seashells By The Seashore (3x fast) Say, I told you so.

Can't I just copy and paste what you wrote?

RIch said...Yooou suck! And if rumours are to be believed... quite well!

You better believe it! I pay good money for those rumors.
(Call me.)

Janet said...! Do a mini play about the sexiest encounter that you have had with a complete stranger. Or you could write about television. Whatever.

Did you happen to see my answer regarding strangest sex location? Cause that answers the first part of your request.
Shut up.
Television rules!

Toby said...This one time... at band camp...

Seriously, my mother tried to send me to band camp one year. I refused to go. Now I'm pissed off because it would have been awesome to be able to seriously use that line.

Thank you all for your support!

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On a completely unrelated note, I'd like to make one last comment. To Simon Cowell and the rest of the American Idol dipshits. "A Song for You" is not a Donny Hathaway song. It is a Leon Russell song. Why you keep saying it's a Donny Hathaway song I don't know, especially considering you are supposed to be in the music business and should have a basic knowledge of such things. So get it straight. Donny Hathaway covered it. Leon Russell was the original writer and performer. Morons.

I feel better now.

Uhhh...

I can't think of a thing to say.

Suggestions welcome.

10 Incredibly Cool Places I Have Been...

..to make up for the 10 places I have never been.

10. Swam The Gellért Baths in Budapest.

9. Snorkeled and sailed the Great Barrier Reef.

8. Stayed in the smallest town in Italy.

7. Spent a day discovering the architecture of Antoni Gaudi.

6. Hung out in a biker bar in Amsterdam.

5. Found Casa Malaparte while wandering around Capri, without having any previous knowledge of its existence.

4. Went to Père Lachaise Cemeteray to wish Jim Morrison a Merry Christmas.

3. Saw Bon Jovi in concert at Olympic Park, in Munich.

2. Had ice cream with Dave Brubeck at the New Orleans Jazz Festival.

And the number one incredibly coolest place I have ever been.... drumroll please...

1. The Berlin Wall. New Year's Eve, 1989.

10 Places I Have Never Been

1. Denny's
2. Wal-Mart
   
3. Disneyland
4. Disney World
   
5. The Keys
6. Las Vegas
7. Graceland
8. The Grand Canyon
9. The White House
10. The Statue of Liberty

Clearly, I am a bad American.

My Cable Network - 01/07

Yet another list of recent keyword and phrase searches that landed people here at the Babbling Brooke Network.

ABC - About Brooke Channel

• "brooke rose" homosexual
• i miss brooke
• my sisters hot friend brooke
• fuck you brooke
• brooke oregon bitch

Lifetime

• I needed a bra
• cause I'm hot blooded can't you see, i've got a fever of 103
• when a man tells you not to fall in love with him
• breaking up with a whiner
• should i flash my boobs
• "shit shy"

E! Network

• Viggo + girlfriend
• best bond ever
• girl flashing naked from glass window
• accidental nude in soap opera
• funny "drunk dial" emails

CNN

• "Branden looks like"
• "they tickled me" horror
• volkswagen crash commercial
• stories from mistreated prisoners

Playboy - new!

• my boobs really grew this summer
• titless blog
• stories about ripping each other's clothes off
• oven mitts bicycle girl
• wet herself traffic
• my wife is a hot third grade teacher
• FFF tits

Drunken Email: Part Two

A guest post from Brandon, of the now defunct - and defunked - One Child Left Behind.

Once a year (OKAY, JUST ONCE) I send Brooke a drunken email professing my undying love for her (OKAY, HER RACK) and because generic Viagra is now down to $2/pill (IN THAILAND) I figured it was time to crack open her woman parts with a pry bar (FIGURATIVELY) by writing her a letter.

Unfortunately, I was given nothing but top shelf liquor for Jesus’ birthday, so I’m in one of those intellectual drunk phases. So my ‘Love Letter’ this year is a tad different:

Dearest Brooke:

On the way to work today I saw a whole mob of religious zealots marching up and down my neighborhood with picket signs reading, ‘THE END OF THE YEAR IS COMING! REPENT!’ and a quick survey of federal statistics will back up their warnings: the average cost to maintain a federal inmate is apparently greater than the average starting salary of a teacher (IN NORTH DAKOTA). And if you take into consideration the fact that the average teacher begins her first day on the job with $17,000 in loan debt, you realize one very amusing tragedy about this country: it is a far wiser economic decision to become a convict than an educator. After all, prison (in most cases) requires no higher education, nor does it reinforce unhealthy eating/binge drinking habits so prevalent among college campuses.

Both colleges and prisons have libraries, workout facilities and free hazing sex, so the advantages for either there are negated. Colleges are generally quieter on the weekend. However, prisons have much better parking. And as many college students know, parking tickets are pretty much the gateway drug to more serious crimes, such as assault with intent to do bodily harm. Which, ironically, has led to what some social scientists have referred to as the ‘over-qualification of the prison body.’ In fact, there is now a greater glut of PhDs hoping to find a tenured position as an associate or assistant prisoner than at any time in our nation’s history. And why wouldn’t they be? After all, because of a loophole in the federal code, it is virtually impossible to collect student loan repayment from a felon serving a life term.

Finishing graduate school in any field other than business, law or medicine is emblematic of having once great hopes utterly destroyed and then debased. In fact, it’s sort of like dreaming of going down on a famous celebrity only to look up after 20 minutes and see that it's Rosie O’Donnell, then spend the next 4 days trying to get the taste of corn dog out of your mouth.

Oh, by the way, if you’re in the neighborhood next Halloween I have a great idea for a couple’s costume: you dress up as a teacher and I’ll dress up as a 14 year old boy willing to feed your ego while you feed on my tender loins in my brother’s van. Well, it’s not so much a ‘costume’ as a ‘scenario.’ Think about it.

Sincerely,

Brandon

PS – I’m drunk and I love you.

PSS – No, wait, I mean ‘I’m IN love with you.’

PSSS – Still waiting for the pictures.