Thursday, September 21, 2006

Sharkbait Update

Yes yes, you all want to hear about Sharkbait - especially my favorite simian - whom I can never say no to. See how that works? You don't want to know about my sweet little girls and my adoring little boys (one of whom brought me a first edition of Uncle Tom's Cabin today - I'm still trying to work that one out) but no, you want to hear about the bane of my existence. The hell in my heaven. The pain in my ass.

We finally had a meeting with Mother Sharkbait. Much to Sharkbait's delight, his mother was hostile, angry, and eager to jump to the defense of her poor persecuted child. In my kindliest teacher voice, I explained how Sharkbait's safety, health, and education are the most important things to me - that his best interests are all I care about. And then I gently dropped the little bombs - the use of both the F word and the N word, the dirty looks, the pushing and shoving and kicking of other children. Slowly but surely Mother Sharkbait worked her way to my side of the room. Much to Sharkbait's horror, the words "military school" and "permanent grounding" started being thrown about. By the end of the meeting, she was promising to send me pictures of her newborn twins, and Sharkbait was looking at me with that old familiar, "Where did I go wrong?" look on his face.

So Ms. Wose, has he gotten any better?
No, not really. Well, maybe a little.

Does he still make me crazy?

Yes. Every. Single. Day.

So then, he's still alive?
Yes. Every. Single. Day

to be continued...

27 comments:

Sysm said...

He will be dealt with by the other kids. He will be friendless. And, if he's really lucky, he will get his ass kicked a time or two.

Sounds like an oldest child to me. In the stroller too long. Never cleans up after himself. Very adept at the use of negative emotions to manipulate others.

All is not lost, but he'll be a miserable little fucker for the entirety of your watch. Kick his ass off to the Office often. He gets 5% of your time and attention, tops.

BamaGirl said...

I don't miss those parent conferences!

Knitty Kitty said...

oh dear brookelina. What wonders await me?
TFG had a similar incident when he caught a Year 8 boy trying to unhook a girls bra. The boy was certain his parents would not care about his action and was sorely mistaken when TFG had a chat with his dad.

mgc said...

is he still being breast fed? military school probably wouldn't want him either!

good luck.

jiggs said...

you've got teacher mojo! sharkbait didn't know what hit him!

Lo Lo Lova said...

Oh boy. 10-15 years from now you'll see this kid on tv being hauled off by the police...

Tits McGee said...

Ugh.

BV said...

Yep, like mother like son.

Wow! Sysm has that shit down to a science.

Monkey said...

You won Mother Sharkbait over!! I'm impressed. The taming of the defensive mother is no easy feat. You're my hero Ms. Wose.

And THANK YOU for the update. He may be the hell in your heaven, but he's the cream in my coffee.

miss kendra said...

when you get a good rug, make him sit in the middle of the ocean.

thephoenixnyc said...

uhhh, a 1st edition UTC is worth betwen $1500-$4,000 depening on condition. She gave it to you?

Flounder said...

Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggas, who'll go to work on sharkbait here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', Ms Wose? I'ma get medieval on his ass.

mgc said...

yo flounder. yo!

MoDigli said...

Cute! Now that you've won Mama Sharkbait over, it's just a matter of time before Sharkbait himself reforms to being a better little citizen.

bwah ha ha ha !!! ;)

Well done, Ms. Rose!

Brookelina said...

Sysm - he also has a chronic illness which I won't go into here, but it accounts for a lot of his behavior issues. Mom spoiled him and now she's realizing she didn't do him any favors.

Bama - oh they are the bane of my existence!!

KK - the teaching part is great, it's the paperwork/parent issues that do you in!

MGC - ha!

Jiggs - it's going to be a looooong year for both of us.

Lo Lo - or getting his ass kicked on a regular basis, as Sysm said.

Tits - double ugh.

Blonde - you have no idea - there's more to the story with the mom. Stay tuned.

Monkey - why am I not surprised that you adore the troubled one?

Kendra - oh I like that one! Very much!

Phoenix - actually I read it wrong. It's not first edition, just first edition from that printer. Dammit.

Flounder - this kid would have Marsellus whimpering in the corner like a little bitch.

MGC - read above!

MoMo - yeah, that's very funny!

Übermilf said...

I think you're a big meanie. You should feed him m&m's and let him sleep on a silk pillow under your desk.

MoDigli said...

Ahem, I meant Miss Wose ... duh to me!

Sorry, Had to have a little chuckle about that. Seriously, though. Something tells me you will be a great influence in this little rugrat.

Melliferous Pants said...

I don't know how you do it.

Bobcat said...

Good point. Other great site on this matter: http://sexual-performance.benway-uk.com/index.xml

Alistair! said...

Hey! I know that kid, he'll be on Americas Most Wanted in 10 years.

WhiteBoyBob said...

Sounds like a nephew of mine. I would smack the little effer upside the head if I could. Unfortunately it would mean all sorts of trouble.

Egan said...

This kid is a general nuisance, but I think he will get worked over as Sysm points out. I also agree Bobcat for what it's worth.

thephoenixnyc said...

You didn't answer my question about the book from the other thread.

thephoenixnyc said...

Never mind. I saw your answer.

FindingHeart said...

Ah, the successful parent conference twist. Two of my biggest pains in recent years just happened to both be Af Amer girls from single parent poverty homes. They would trash talk, start fights, and do what they could to disrupt class and my sanity. It took a while to learn, but the parent conf did wonders. After their obligitory, *head wobbling* "Oh naw you won't!", I did and it was good. The hositility was always met with a calm caring attitude. Not only did I soon have a mom's private cell number (that the dad didn't even have), but both girls reluctantly saw that I really did care. After a hard week, I would follow through with ever consequence, and then I would get a hug on the way out the door. It was as if they just needed someone to show they cared enough to follow through with an action of concern. No other teacher ever got hugs from either girl. *sniff* Last I heard, one just got kicked off the MSchool vollyball team. *sigh*

Have fun chumm'en the waters for your sweet sharkbait.

Cincysundevil said...

This is why I say kids need to be beaten these days. Hey, I was a shitty kid and only corporal punishment from my parents straightened me out.

Freudian Slip said...

Yes agreed, bring down the swift hand of consequence! Kids these days can get away with just about anything. It just ain't right!
Matt