I Love Spam

Although I normally don't open email in my spam folder, this subject line was just too irresistable. I'm so glad I did, as Branden is either psychic, or he knows me from somewhere.

The message read: YOU NEED TO GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!!

Well no shit, Branden. Thanks for the heads up.

I wonder what Branden looks like.

Oy Vey!

Mel Gibson reacts to the news that Jesus Christ was, in fact, a Jew.

Sarah

Last year at this time, another blogger wrote a beautiful post dedicated to me. It meant so much to me that I saved it on my hard drive, and I'm so glad I did now. Sarah is not blogging anymore, and neither is her husband Jacob. They are a beautiful young couple with a gorgeous little daughter, and I'm guessing that they chose to spend less time online and more time with her. I found this the other day while searching for some lesson plans, and I decided to repost it. This is not a big pat on my own back, but a reminder for me not to be so hard on myself.


For blissful Babbling Brooke

This post is for Babbling Brooke. This is not a poem, I don't do those, and it isn't something that should not be taken seriously. She's a wonderful person and deserves all the compliments a person could give to her, especially after all the smiles she brings us.

I don't know Brooke personally I just go to her blog almost everyday, among others, and she either makes me laugh or she makes me want to drive out to Florida and give her a big hug. Her spirit is young, her words are lively, and she always flares you up with humor. She's a woman of great character and is brave enough to be with out someone.

It's hard to believe that a woman who is so talented and so full of life...is single. She has many brothers and I believe that she learned from them never to settle. I believe she knows deep down that the man she will marry some day is going to make ever day special for her, not just holidays. He will cook for her, he will tidy up with out her asking for it, he will tell her she's beautiful every day, and be the joy she deserves. I don't think it's in her blood to settle for someone less than that. I'm sure she's had many suiters and many boyfriends and probably sees right through every single man that has stepped up to her face. As graceful as they try, she is too smart. She is too overwhelming. She is so full of light that even the most amazing man is babbling in front of her. If any gentelman would be as bold as to walk in her direction you better know that only the most loving man, only the most compassionate man, only the man who will cherish her the best will have a chance.

Brooke, I wouldn't doubt for a second if every other man you speak with online has thought more than once about how he could stop his life and head out to meet the challenge of your hand. I don't know you personally, but I know what joy you bring, I know its been awsome getting to know some of your thoughts, jokes, and memories.
And I would bet I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Jacob and I send our love and appreciation for bringing us smiles and fun conversation just about everyday.

Thank you Sarah, wherever you are!!!

My House

Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. - Some unknown asshole

Once upon a time, young girls wrote down their personal thoughts in private books and hid them away under their mattresses so nobody could know what they were thinking. These surreptitious journals were known as diaries, and woah to the parent who happened upon the delicate reflections of the adolescent female.

Today, the diary has morphed from a juvenile source of confidential expression to an online world - 50 million strong - of HTML, images, and trackbacks - otherwise known as the blog. Young and old alike not only share their secrets with the world, but invite others in to comment about their daily shenanigans, private thoughts, and personal beliefs.

When I first started blogging, I was shocked that people would comment on my posts. They liked me! They really liked me! This is so cool! Now I should really head over to their blogs and see what they wrote and comment to them too! I hadn't realized that this sort of interaction was part of the blogging process. But hey, this was fun stuff!

I soon discovered that it wasn't always fun. Why? Because not everyone is nice. I know, this comes as quite a shock, but it's true. In fact, some people actually spend a good portion of their time attacking others. Others find themselves becoming too familiar too fast, making comments that are inappropriate and uncomfortable for the recipient. And thus began my love-hate relationship with the comment portion of our blogs.

The argument goes, that if you put something out there, you have to be expected to take the good with the bad. Is that true? Just because a person writes something on the internet, does that give people the right to vehemently attack that person for no real reason? Is it expressing yourself when your whole agenda is to hurt others when you comment? Just because you have the right to do it, does it make it right to do it?

I look at my blog as an extension of myself. Actually, no - I look at my blog as an extension of my home. Our websites are our internet real estate. In an increasingly crowded world, this is the one place where there is always room. We move in to our spaces. We decorate. We make it homey and comfortable. And we hope people will enjoy themselves when we choose to entertain. The thing is, in the real world, our front doors are locked and secure. People can walk by, but legally, they can't come in without an invitation. Not so on the internet, where our web doors are always open. Anyone can come in - anytime, and from anywhere. And because the rules are different, people seem to think that they can behave accordingly.

Would you walk into someone's home with a mask on, verbally abuse the occupants, and then trash the house? No? Then guess what - don't do it on the internet either. Going to someone's blog under an anonymous moniker and battering the blogger with insults and relentless tirades is no different. It's rude. It's inappropriate. And it's extremely bad karma. Don't believe in karma? Then good luck to you.

I find it sad that the rules of common courtesy don't apply on the internet. We are supposed to be a civilized society. I do my best to treat people with respect because that is how I want to be treated - both in person and on the internet. I thank my parents for having this sensitivity, for being able to distinguish between right and wrong. Unfortunately, not everyone was raised with a moral compass.

I can't control other people's opinions, but I can control what goes on in my blog. I know many people who don't delete ugly comments on their blogs because they feel that other people's opinions are valid and should be left for all to see. I disagree. This is my blog, it's my home, and I make the rules. If someone comes in and makes a mess, I have no problem cleaning it up. If that means eliminating obnoxious behavior to get that bad smell out of the air, then that's what I am going to do. I do not allow garbage to stink up my house. You don't like it? No problem. There are 50 million other houses out there. Go to one of them.

Memory Lane

If I lay here...
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me and just forget the world...

Brooke-ology

Grub-ology:

• What is your salad dressing of choice?
  I make the best Caesar dressing ever! But since it's too much trouble to make and is about a bazillion calories, I stick to extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
  
• What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
  Cheeburger Cheeburger
  
• What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
  The Rockpool
  
• On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
  I used to be a waitress, so I zealously overtip - much to the annoyance of all who dine with me.
  
• What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
  Pasta. Any kind, any shape, anytime.
  
• Name three foods you detest above all others.
  Okra. Veal. Most of the cafeteria meals at school.
  
• What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
  Depends on who is buying.
  
• What are your pizza toppings of choice?
  Anything but anchovies. Or pineapple. Or okra.
  
• What do you like to put on your toast?
  Buttah
• What is your favorite type of gum?
  Sugarfree Orbit Bubblemint
  

Tech-ology:

• Number of contacts in your cell phone?
  Don't know, don't care.
  
• Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
  See answer to cell phone question.
  
• What is your wallpaper on your computer?
  Viggo.
  
• What is your screensaver on your computer?
  I don't have one. They drive me nuts.
  
• Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
  Not of me.
  
• How many land line phones do you have in your house?
  1
• How many televisions are in your house?
  2
  
• What kitchen appliance do you use the least?
  My KitchenAid mixer is very lonely these days. But I still love it so.
  
• What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
  Whatever isn't playing a commercial.
  
• How many sex toys do you own that require batteries?
  I'm not sure I understand the question.
  

Bi-ology:

• What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
  My smile.
  
• Are you right handed or left handed?
  Right.
• Do you like your smile?
  I have already answered this question.
  
• Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
  Just some teeth that refused to come out on their own.
  
• Would you like to?
  I would like to have the majority of my ass removed.
  
• Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
  Of course, that's where I keep all the good magazines.
  
• Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
  
Smell, for sure. Listen! Do you smell something?
• When was the last time you had a cavity?
  Not since I was about seven. Don't jinx me! Dammit! I better go floss...
  
• What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
  My fat ass off the couch on a daily basis.
  
• Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
  Yes, once when riding my bike and some jerk-off going the wrong way actually shoved me out of the way. Head, meet the pavement. Pavement, meet Brooke's head.
  

Misc-ology:

• If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
  Who writes a question like this?? I'll tell you who!! Satan!
  
• If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
  Fred
  
• How do you express your artistic side?
  Writing, decorating, playing the flute, creating activities for my students, staring off into space.
  
• What color do you think you look best in?
  Red
  
• How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
  I could last quite a while. I'm easily amused and play well with others.
• Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
  Does strawberry body butter count?
  
• If we weren'’t bound by society'’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
  Satan!! Satan wrote this!!
  
• How often do you go to church?
  Not very...
  
• Have you ever saved someone's life?
  I have been told that my cooking has lifesaving qualities.
  
• Has someone ever saved yours?
  Yes, he did.
  

Dare-ology:
*For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
**Added note: being that I desperately want to own my own home someday, you will notice the $100,000 figure being thrown around a bit here. That's a decent down payment. I'll do a lot of things for that down payment.

• Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
  Hell yeah!
  
• Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
  Hell yeah!
  
• Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?
  Depends on who it is and what exactly I am required to do. For $100,000 I'll do it with no questions asked.
  
• Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
  Hell no!
  
• Would you never blog again for $50,000?
  Hmmm. Make it $250,000. Why that number? See answer below.
  
• Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
  Nobody is going to pay me that kind of money to pose nude. But if someone did, I would say no. That's not enough to live on forever, and most boards of education frown on their teachers posing nude.
  
• Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
  Make it $100,000.
  
• Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
  Only if I get to pick the person.
  
• Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
  Make it $100,000.
  
• Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
  Make it $100,000.

Thank you Ms Sizzle! Now if I could find someone to pay me for all these things, I'd finally be in my dream home.

Good to Know...

You Are 12% Sociopath

You're empathetic, loyal, and introspective. In other words, there's no way you're a sociopath... but you can spot one pretty easily! Are You A Sociopath?

Analyze This

As I mentioned previously, my sleep patterns have not been right ever since summer break began. I don't think my body can handle all this free time. Granted, I could have been much more productive during this vacation - which may have resulted in more restful nights - but my response to that is most accurately expressed by clicking here.

I am still having bizarre dreams. The other night I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow only to wake up 15 minutes later wondering why all my shoes were in the canal outside. Fortunately I usually don't remember my dreams, but last night's lot stuck with me. And so I am sharing some of my unconscious weirdness with the world.

Dream One: I am in my classroom putting it together for the new year when parents start showing up to drop off their kids. They don't seem to be in the least bit bothered that school doesn't start for another week. Not only don't I have anything ready, but I'm still in my sweats and rearranging the furniture. My new little monsters start jumping all over everything, the parents disappear, and the other teachers are filing in and out asking me a series of questions, completely oblivious to the chaos going on around me.
File under: stress and guilt

Dream Two: I am walking down an unfamiliar street with The One who Got Away (TOGA). He is showing me around his hometown, and I realize in the dream that we are living there together now. I can't figure out how I got talked into this as I never had any desire to settle down in this city. As we are walking down the street, people keep stopping him to talk, and eventually I lose him in the crowd. I decide to find my own way home but I have no idea where I am and it is getting dark. I search everywhere for our neighborhood; I keep telling myself that if I can find our street, then everything will be fine. Just as I'm starting to panic, I find a cute little corner coffee shop. I go in to calm down and chat with some of the people there. Feeling better, I walk out of the coffee shop and see that it is now a bright, sunny day. I am wearing a bikini, carrying a beachtowel, and I am a block from my favorite beach back in NJ. I feel the relief wash over me as I walk towards the sand.
File under: regret and fear

Dream Three: A big group of us are going to some sort of show at an outdoor ampitheatre. I wind up all the way in the last row and I'm having a bit of a pout about it. Suddenly, The Brad comes walking up and sits down next to me. We proceed to laugh and talk and eat junk food and have a fabulous time. I have no idea if a show ever came on down below. Eventually we get so tired from all of our fun that I fall asleep on his shoulder and he puts his head against mine and dozes off as well, while everyone takes pictures of us with their cell phones..
File under: dreaming and wishing

All Quiet on the Florida Front

On the vacation front - well it's almost over. Here in Fla-da we go back to school in August, which is just plain evil. Yeah I know, you're just weeping for me. But school is meant to be started in September, in the Fall. Kids are supposed to walk to school crunching brightly colored leaves under their feet. But being that there is no Fall in Florida, it's all a moot point. How's that for apathetic? Or is it just pathetic? I always get like this when the subject of seasons comes up. Just ignore me, I'll be fine once I move back to Jersey. I haven't done nearly as much I meant to do during all this free time, but maybe for once that's ok. Sometimes relaxing is more important than anything else.

On the moving front: it took a lot of thought, but I'm not moving back to Jersey until next year. There were a lot of reasons for this decision. Family, work, personal - but in the end it came down to that it didn't feel right. I still want to go, but one more year down here will be the best for everyone involved.

On the family front: mom is back in NJ and doing well. She still has healing to do but she'll be ok. My brother, who had the heart attack back in April, had to have open heart surgery a few weeks ago. He's recovering nicely with mom. It's like an outpatient center at her place these days. Is at least one of the reasons I'm not moving up there right now becoming a little clearer? Yes, I'm a selfish bitch.

On the work front: I went to my classroom on Wednesday and I nearly had my very own heart attack. Apparently when the custodians wax the floors, they have to remove everything from the room. They did a beautiful job on the floors, but putting things back...not so good. My momentary freak-out was quickly abated when one of the custodians came in to tell me that he had set aside a brand new desk for me because he thinks mine is too wobbly. Now how can anyone stay upset with that kind of thoughtfulness? I get a new desk...I get a new desk...yayyyyyyyy! I'm actually ready to go back to work again. I can't wait to meet my new group of monsters.

On the personal front: yawn. Nothing exciting to report. I have had a few nice dinners and lunches with friends. I saw the Pirates movie. I played with my nephews. I have attempted to lose a few pounds with healthy eating and regular exercise. I have not contacted any ex-boyfriends. I have watched a lot of HGTV.

On the blogging front: it seems we are losing bloggers left and right. I wonder how much I will be writing once school starts again. I wonder how many readers I will have after they read this incredibly boring post.

Let My Peeps Go