Sunday, October 29, 2006

Weep Not For The Memories

I lost someone close to me this week. A woman who was like a mother to me. An aunt, a friend, a mentor. A rock of strength and a beacon of warmth. A true inspiration. Words are not working here...they sound shallow and pointless. You had to have known her. I can not begin to explain the depth of my sadness. Just the thought of never seeing her again brings me to tears.

The funeral was on the street where I grew up, just two blocks from the very beach where our families played when we were very young. It was like being transported in time; at once wonderful and painful, comforting and agonizing. My heart is heavy, literally, I can feel its weight in my chest. It hurts to breathe.

I hugged her children before the service, grown-ups now with kids of their own. We still play together on holidays, but now there is an uncertainty. What will we do now? She was the glue, they know that. How lucky they were to have her as their mother. They know that too. I tried to be strong, to not cry. When one of them whispered to me, "Oh how she loved her Brookie," I broke down - just fell to pieces. I know though, that I was lucky to have her in my life. Not just have her in my life, but be loved by her. I take pride in that - that she loved me as one of her own. I have been blessed.

I weep not for the memories. I weep for not having her with me to share my future. I am selfish. I know this. I want her here with me, with all of us.

I want to be better. I want to be like her. And I will be. I just wish she were here to see it.

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May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

26 comments:

yournamehere said...

That's a beautiful tribute, Brooke.

Flounder said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Brookie. That was a really beautiful.

Miss Browneyedgirlie said...

I can relate 100%. The three year anniversary of my Nana's death is in 2 weeks, and reading this post just now made it seem like yesterday.

Beautiful sentiments.

Tits McGee said...

Oh, Brooke.

I'm just so sorry.

::hugs::

Dan-E said...

beautiful post brooke. my deepest condolences. i think she was just as fortunate to have known you.

Egan said...

Not much more to add that others haven't already. Take care Brooke.

Hypersonic said...

Beautiful sentiments brooke. Sad for your loss and I hope that someone else takes up the mantle as "glue" because families are so important. Prayers and hugs sent on their way.

Sizzle said...

oh brooke, i am so sorry.

miss kendra said...

*hugs*

FindingHeart said...

My condolances. God bless.

Danielle said...

Such a sweet and loving tribute from her Brooke. I wish I could give you a big hug... Lots of love, Danielle

matty said...

I'm so sorry. This must have been a very special person. As someone wrote above -- this is a beautiful tribute. Hang in there.

matty

jiggs said...

Don't worry. She'll be able to see all your future successes.

Monkey said...

I agree with Jiggs. Sentimental of me, but it helps me with the loss and the people I miss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is not much to say in the face of grief. I send big hugs.

Übermilf said...

Does this cheer you up at all?

If this is inappropriate at this time, just delete this comment. I just thought it might make you smile.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Janet said...

I cannot empathize; I am naive to real loss. I won't try to imagine it: my version would hardly do the reality justice. But your words for her moved me. I understand why she is proud of you.

The Dummy said...

Hey Brooke, so sorry to hear about the news. You know we're all here for you.

Cactus Prick said...

Sorry B. Ditto on what Danielle said.

xt said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You write about it beautifully. The depth of your sadness is a testament to how much you meant to each other. I'm so, so sorry.

Brookelina said...

Thank you all for your kind words - what a lovely group of people - and monkeys - you all are.

And Ubie, your link made me laugh. Thanks.

Spinning Girl said...

Sigh.
It's so important to remember that everything we do matters to somebody.

Mone said...

Such beautiful words for your friend. My thougths are with you, Brookie. There is not much I can say other than I'm so sorry and I feel with you.

BV said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

I have cake and cock whenever you need it.

Rrramone said...

Hey, who you calling dork? ;-) I like the new blog look.

Rrramone said...

Oops, I left a comment here thinking it was for the post below. Now I've read this one and am sending you a cyber hug.