Monday, October 17, 2005

Bumping Uglies

Kris tagged me for the bumping uglies meme. In this meme, you are supposed to admit which less-than-attractive celebrities you would shag - making the term bumping uglies extremely literal. The problem, as I have explained to Kris, is that I am shamelessly shallow when it comes to the idea of star fucking. If the man is beautiful and famous, I pretty much want to do him. And though I made a concerted effort to think of ugly men I would do, I came up empty.

So instead, I decided to change this to the I don't care how rich, famous, or powerful you are, I wouldn't do you unless there was a gun pointed at my dog meme. It was painful for me to even download these pictures to my computer, let alone add them to my blog. I hope you all can appreciate my sacrifice.

First on my hit parade:


I'm a dickAndy Dick. His name says it all. He is my premiere nominee for Todd's Shovel Justice - people who deserve to be hit in the face with a shovel. And then hopefully buried using that same shovel. I think if I saw him naked I'd gouge my eyes out with a spoon.


I'm an untalented horse's assDavid Spade. Don't you just want to smack the grin off of that face? Again, the idea of that "man" - and I use that term loosely - in any type of sexual situation is enough to make me consider celibacy for life.


I'm a tremendous buttheadThe Donald. They say that power is an aphrodisiac. In this case it brings on the bulimia. Besides the fact that he is an incomparable ass, that hair should be ripped right out of his big ugly head. And don't get me started on those eyebrows.


Someday we will all burn in hell

The Bush Administration. The true axis of evil. Just thinking about them makes me want to loofah my skin off.


I'm a freak of biblical proportionsTom Cruise. Freak.

Feel free to tag yourself. I'm off to fantasize about Viggo in an effort to stave off the nightmares this post will no doubt bring on.

41 comments:

She was shaken and stirred said...

bwhaha, this is great.

Mine is Nate Dogg. lol.

Knitty Kitty said...

I may tag myself....

Glad to get in here before you have 45 million comments.. they intimidate me..

Calzone said...

ever play who would you do?? Like I say andy dick or David Spade and you gotta pick one or your nipples fall off?

I'm intimidated by knitty knitty

Nick said...

Mine wouls be Uma Thurman, she looks like someone hit her in the face with a rock but she manages to be sexy somehow.

BamaGirl said...

Is this becoming a political blog?

Egan said...

I would never have sex with Eva Mendes or Thandie Newton. Never!

I would totally nail the Pasta Dragon though.

Calzone said...

thanks man. I'd screw you as well.

Melliferous Pants said...

Who WOULDN'T nail that Pasta Dragon?

MoDigli said...

Love how you tweaked that idea. great pics, Brooke! All those guys are GROSS. I shudder at the thought.

darth said...

lol! poor dog :(

paris hilton, britney spears, christina ugulara, ashley simpson, & those sex in the city women immediately come to mind. and by come to mind, i mean make me want to loofa my skin off.

Übermilf said...

When I was postpartum, I knew my hormones were out of whack when I fantasized about Jack Black.

That happened exactly one.

Bill said...

Darth named everyone I would name except for Courtney Love. I'd add Nicole Ritchie except I'd like to do her twice to spite Paris.

And then shower for a week.

(Thank heaven I'm not the only one who thinks Andy Dick is appropriately named and should be forced to give head to monkeys in zoos.)

Kris said...

Oh yes, you have made me proud. This is genius.

I will continue to shudder at the Andy Dick until well past lunchtime today.

The real me said...

Funny post Brooke!
Add Tom Green to the list.

Gregg said...

Brooke- OMG. Those same men are on my list of people who are likely to be rejected from hell for being too annoying.

As far as the MeMe, just add any women who slept with the men on your list. -Gregg

Girl With An Alibi said...

My Absolute-No-Way-Go-Ahead-And-Shoot-My-Dog-Celebrity-Lays.... DAVID GEST and MICHAEL JACKSON.

Gregg said...

Brooke- I am so amused by your posts that I added a link to your site from mine :-) -Gregg

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Ooh, I love this meme! Great answers! I'll do this one soon.

Brookelina said...

Shaken - who the hell is Nate Dogg?

Kitty - I do not get millions of comments! And I look forward to reading your list.

Cal - well then, I'd have no nipples. Does that turn you on?

Nick - she does have a smokin' body though.

Bama - political because I won't have sex with anyone in the Bush administration? Is that political or just good taste?

Egan - I thought you might be a little dragon-gay.

Calzone - who won't you do?

MP - pasta dragon? Is he made of pasta? Cause if he is I'd nail him too.

MoMo - I know. Just looking at these pictures makes me want to shower again.

Darth - I'm with you on all but the Sex and the City women - they rock! Ok, Miranda is a twat.

Brookelina said...

Ubie - may I just say - gag.

Bill - LOL!!

Kris - I thought you would like this. Thanks for the inspiration!

TRM - oh!!! Good one!!!

Gregg - very well put. And thank you!

TJ - do it soon! Yours I gotta see!

Kris said...

Hot dog dammit I want to kick Tom Cruise in the hamstring.

Ruben said...

Cut the crap brooke. You told me that your biggest ambition is to do David Spade. LOL

darth said...

courtney love is a chick? wtf?

joanne said...

I SOOO agree with you on the Tom Cruise thing. Ewwww!!!! I can't stand him (never liked him). And the Donald, he's so gross there aren't words!! What the hell is with this model who married him? Does she have to keep her eyes closed during sex so she doesn't hurl?? Some women are so fucking GREEDY. I would have to slit my wrists if I were obligated to sleep with that. Bleeeach.

Bill said...

Thanks to Real Me for mentioning Tom Green. I'm ashamed to say, he's from a part of the world I'm from.

Throw him in the monkey cage with Andy Dick!

Jaxe said...

I am shamelessly shallow when it comes to the idea of star fucking

ew ;-) I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing at that quote long enough to absorb the rest of your post LMAO ;-) Hey Brookie.... yes, I'm back to heckle, so "nyah!"

j

PS - man, you've really got to ease the security on your word verification...took me 9 times to spell it correctly ;-)

Brian said...

That was hysterical! But I have a friend who secretly has a crush on Andy Dick. I don't get it either!

Brookelina said...

Kris - kick him for me too, in the nuts please.

Ruben - I'm going to have to hurt you now.

Darth - I thought she was a drag queen.

Bill - at least he was married to Drew Barrymore - he must have drugged her.

Jaxe - I may turn off the word verification...see how it goes...just for you of course.

Brian - that is just wrong...wrong on so many levels...

Spirit Of Owl said...

LOL brooke! Politicians do seem to be able to stir more puke - especially British Conservatives. Try Margaret Thatcher and, unbelievable worse, Anne Widdecombe. Only, don't. Bleeeuuuuaah!!

thephoenixnyc said...

Roseanne. End of Thread.

Damien said...

Ewe Margaret Thatcher, although I do think Regan had the hots for her.

Ummm how about Janet Reno, heck you'd just need to lay there (that was so very wrong).

Madge said...

Wow. You've chosen the ugliest bumping uglies ever. This was the list in my head that I never knew was there.

Brookelina said...

Joanne!!! I went right by you before! How the hell are you? When are you coming back to the blogworld?

Owl - not that you mention it, I can't think of a single politician that I would do. How bizarre.

Phoenix - nuff said.

Damien - you could do this post with your graphics and it would be brilliant!

Madge - I believe you just tagged yourself. I will be by shortly to see your bumpbing uglies list.

WhiteBoyBob said...

Late as usual. Good list, as the Trumpster is a particularly sleezy git. In fact Donald Trump makes an appearence in cockney rhyming slang, as in, "Cor blimey guv I'm busting for a Donald Trump! It must have been all those prunes I ate."

I love the expression "bump uglies" by the way, I haven't heard that one for ages.

Melliferous Pants said...

Did you know that today is Viggo's birthday?

im here somewhere said...

i just threw up in my mouth a little. thank you.

yuck, i just pictured the donalds dick again. stop that!

ducklet said...

Eeg. I suddenly imagined Neil asking me to hold a gun to your dog's head. He's famous now, don't you know.

yournamehere said...

Brooke, I'm here begging for your forgiveness. For what, I'm not sure, but I never want you to be mad at me.

The Moviequill said...

I agree with all your pics except for one...I'd do Tom

Brookelina said...

Bob - So a Donald Trump is a dump! That is awesome!!! I've always thought of him as a pile of shit.

MP - oh I am going to have a very special Viggo fantasy tonight!

lilred - he should have a warning label - "to induce vomiting, look at me".

Brando - I think you just totally dissed Neil! Can't wait to see his response - I sense another dance-off!

Todd - typical man. Threaten to withhold sex and suddenly you come crawling back.

MQ - you can have him. Make sure to get your anti-crazy shots first though.

Turtlellini said...

AHAHAHAAH!!!! LOVE IT! I'm going to have to agree! And what about Dr. Phil!?!? Ubermilf: Jack Black? No. Jack WHITE? YES!!!!