Friday, June 06, 2008

Hey Look! A Meme!

Todd tagged me for this. Sort of. And since, as usual, I seem to be plum out of inspiration (and readers) I figured I'd go ahead and dive into another meme.

What was I doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago I was working for a tyrannical Greek man who made a year out of my life a living hell. The only reason I even lasted that long was because of the hot young stud I was working with who made the job a lot more ...uh...fun. This job was the reason for my leaving the hospitality industry once and for all, so in a twisted "everything happens for a reason" way I should be grateful to him. Someday I'll show him my gratitude by having my puppy make him a lawn ornament.

What are five things on my list to do today?
1. Write this blog post (Psych!)
2. Complete my overdue assignment for my Master's course.
3. Make a list of the many things I have to do and buy for my house.
4. Do the laundry.
5. Play with my dog.
I'm guessing approximately two of these things will get done today. Can you guess which ones?

Snacks I enjoy?
I was tempted to take Todd's answer: "Snacks I don't enjoy" would be a shorter list. But I'm no copycat.
I enjoy almost all snacks - accept for pork rinds. And even those will do in a pinch.
Shut up. That's not copying.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire? - oh the things I'd do!
1. Go to one of those spa/detox centers. Spend weeks getting massages from beautiful men,rolling around in mud baths, and cleansing my no-doubt disgustingly full colon.

2. Once I was refreshed and gloriously fat free, I'd get my boobs lifted so they would no longer frame my navel like window panels.

3. Now that I am slim and lifted, it's time for the new wardrobe! Hello Giorgio? You're late for my fitting! I don't have all day!

4. Travel around the world for a while - first class- and buy homes in my favorite cities. Sydney beach front, Florentine hillside, NYC Greenwich Village, and of course my glorious Jersey Shore.

5. Travel around some more picking up furniture and beautiful things (and beautiful boys!) for my fabulous homes.

6. Of course I'm not completely a self-indulgent freak. While doing all this, I'd also be:
- Setting up trust funds for my family members and (certain) friends so they would be set for
life.

- Creating an educational foundation that provides scholarships and reading programs to students and teachers.

- Donating huge amounts of money to animal rescue facilities and alternative fuel technology programs.

- Strongarming Campaigning to get the Bush Administration charged with treason.

Three of my bad habits?
1. I'm a major procrastinator.
2. I'm a tad bit anal retentive.
3. I take forever to make up my mind about things.

Five places I have lived?
1. Various places in the South Jersey area.
2. Various places in the Philadelphia area.
3. Florence, Italy (really more like an extended holiday)
4. Sydney, Australia
5. Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Five jobs I've had?
1. Counter girl at Dip-Stix, a now defunct hot dog stand on the Atlantic City boardwalk. Great high school job. Perks included flirting with hot surfer boys and eating excessive amounts of junk food.

2. Nanny Job #1 - Sydney, Australia. I took care of a gorgeous one year old girl and her equally gorgeous three year old brother. I adored the children, but the parents treated me like an indentured servant, and so I was forced to vanish in the middle of the night after only 2 weeks, leaving only a fuck off letter behind.

3. Nanny Job #2 - Sydney, Australia. I became the caretaker of two of the brattiest pre-pubescent girls in the southern hemisphere. Surprisingly, this job lasted several months. Within weeks I had turned these miserable, unhappy brats into super-cool, helpful, laid back kids who were actually fun to be around. All was well until the ex-wife came to visit with the other half of the family - twin ten year old boys. Yes, when the parents broke up, the father took the girls and lived in Sydney and the mother took the boys and lived in Woop Woop. That's healthy - way to negotiate for the benefit of yourselves with no regard for your kids. The mother paraded around like a hippo in leotards and berated me for making the girls clean up after themselves. She believed all children should be "free to express themselves and grow on their own - without interference from society's strangleholds." Considering her twin sons were ten years old and still wore diapers, I had to disagree.
Yes, you read that right.
I left shortly after the mother's visit.

4. Executive Chef for tyrannical Greek. 'Nuff said.

5. Technical Recruiter for international temp service. Unfortunately the company didn't know squat about technical recruiting, so that made it difficult to do my work. My bosses were constantly asking me why I hadn't gotten more people jobs. Probably because I am placing people for career positions that pay 150K a year to set up entire computer networks for corporations, as opposed to placing people in one day gigs that pay $10 an hour to answer phones and chew gum. Which hiring process do you think is going to take longer, you moronic fuckwits? The commission for one of these placements alone will be more than that dumb bitch next to me will bring for the next year, so shut the fuck up.
I never actually said that to my bosses, but I really wish I had.

How did I name my blog?
Originally I had The Babbling Brooke blog. It started to creep me out how many people were searching for Brooke boobs and Brooke is a slut (shut up!), so I decided to consider a change. Also, once you become a teacher they sort of frown on the slutty big boobed thing on the internet, so I changed to Scarlet Hip. The rose (or scarlet) hip is the pomaceous fruit of the rose plant. It's very good for you, much like me.

I won't tag anyone unless they want to be tagged. Mostly cause I can't make up my mind on who to tag.

7 comments:

yournamehere said...

Sluts can always make up their mind on who to tag.

Scarlet Hip said...

ZING!

Übermilf said...

Todd doesn't mind being a slut.

flounder said...

Dip Stix?

Best. Cheesefries. Ever.

Scarlet Hip said...

Ubie - You mean Todd doesn't mind being with a slut.

Flounder - EVER!!

Toby said...

You're mistaken, the best cheese fries ever are masterfully created in Wisconsin - the Cheese State... And we're closer to Idaho. ;-)

Tits McGee said...

once you become a teacher they sort of frown on the slutty big boobed thing on the internet

Right. Well, I'm fucked.