Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Apologies to Gerard Butler

Dear Gerard,

I owe you an apology. Not because I've actually wronged you in any way, but because I may have inadvertantly caused you some minor embarrassment. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened - which seems to be the mantra of most bad bad girls. Not that I'm a bad bad girl! I'm not - although anyone searching for "I've been a bad bad girl" eventually ends up here. OK so I have pictured you in various stages of undress - as do most of the women on the planet. And yes, during those stages of undress there were somewhat rude things going on as well - and by rude I mean...well..shut up. I'm sure you know what I mean. Am I babbling? I think I might be babbling. I do that when I'm nervous...

Ahem. My train of thought seems to still be boarding at the station.

What I am getting at, is that I may have caused you embarrassment - unintentionally! - because of this picture.

Now let me make something clear. I did not snap this photo. I am not a stalker, part of the paparazzi, or in anyway affiliated with the Hollywood machine. It all started when Tits McGee - yes, blame Tits! - posted the link to this infamous wedgie shot in my comments. Since then I have gotten an average of 50 hits a day from said link. OK so I used that link again. Twice now. Shut up. And now it seems that just about any image search you can possibly imagine will lead the unwitting public to my blog by way of your...assets. Looking for the letter "n"? Search under google images, and eventually it will bring you to my blog via your butt. Look up "titless blog" - why anyone would do this I do not know - and there you are front and center. Sadly for you, I am the number one hit for "Accidental Flash" on the Internets, and now that phrase is inextricably linked with your ass as well. And here I thought we had nothing in common.

Don't even ask about the searches for your penis. Do you have any idea how many people want to see your penis? It's really quite disturbing.

I never meant for hundreds - soon to be thousands at this rate - of people who wouldn't normally have found that picture - linked from a site called queerclick no less - to come upon it in such a way. But really, it's not such a big deal. You can take comfort in the fact that you are not only insanely hot, but an international superstar making ridiculous amounts of money as well. This photo is not going to hurt your chances of getting laid in any way. In fact some might find it adorable. Because let's face it - we all get wedgies.

I am under no delusions that you will ever read my blog. However, I am a strong believer in karma. So I am just putting out my apology to the universe in the hopes that this incident will not come back and ...you know..bite me on the ass.

Sincerely,

Brookelina

P.S. During the writing of this, six more people showed up here by way of your bu...uh...photo. I really am very very sorry.

31 comments:

Sysm said...

Gerard Butler's penis is augmented using CGI.

Sysm said...

Mine is augmented by wishful thinking.

brookelina said...

I would be more than happy to augment Gerard's penis. You know, to make up for all of this embarrassment.

Nance said...

So, this post was just you putting out...? Wait...let me proofread...

brookelina said...

I'm not so subtle, huh.

Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

miss kendra said...

i think perhaps you should apologize in person, so he understands how much you REALLY mean it.

Hypersonic said...

Hewy the brazilian geexzer up there isn't me OK! Who wants to see G. Butler getting his ass pinched? What a sad bunch of sickoes bloggers are. Now if it were Lindsay Lohan getting her tits out... Wait! She did that already?

brookelina said...

Rodrigo - I'm all set on t-shirts. Got any handbags or jewelry?

Kendra - I think so too. But I think that after this post there might be a restraining order on the way.

Hyper - I have no desire to see him getting his ass pinched! Doing the pinching...that's another story...

I'm so going to hell.

Sysm said...

I would like to publicly apologize to Gerard Butler's penis for my scurrilous and unfounded assertions. Mr. Butler's penis has always been a gentleman to me, and it was untoward of me to belittle it.

brookelina said...

I see what you're doing here Sysm and it won't work. If you want him you're going to have to use your own blog to flirt with him.

The nerve.

yournamehere said...

Karma is going to hit you in the face like a sack full of Kennedy half-dollars.

egan said...

Sadly these things happen Brooke. Don't let them point the blame on you.

Übermilf said...

They must be going to the movies. Because they're pickin' their seats.

brookelina said...

Todd - I only send out positive karma, so getting hit like that will be a blessing.

Egan - yeah! You tell 'em!

Ubie - they? Oh wow, there's someone else in the picture with him. I didn't even notice.

Bill said...

I get wedgies. No one ever did an Internet search for me. What's Gerard Butler's secret?

Please don't say it's the penis thing.

brookelina said...

He's smokin' hot.

jiggs said...

you should put google ads on your page to see if you can make any money off of butler's ass scratching.

matty said...

Hey, I think he owes you! You keep his name alive.

I had a dirty dream about Andy Gibb. ...he's dead.

tho, alive in my dream.

i dream of sex with people who have died. sad.

(or is it?)

jamwall said...

I wish I could yell and scream and scratch my ass like Gerard Buttler.

Gerard Butler said...

No need to apologise Brookelina, I LOVE that photo. It shows my best side.

Flounder said...

I know that I was in Jersey this past weekend by the greenhead bites on my legs.

Tits McGee said...

I find the searches you get for "Gerard Butler's penis" to be a lot less disturbing than all the searches I get for "Nancy Pelosi's boobs."

So because I am a giver, here you go: Gerard Butler's penis.

There. Now my work here is done.

naynayfazz said...

I don't even know who Gerard Butler is. But I am all for penis photos.

BV said...

He is so hot. mmmmmm yummy

Anonymous said...

In response to Tits McGee's link:

Is Gerard Butler experiencing "shrinkage" from the cold water? Although that pic gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Free Willy!"

brookelina said...

Jiggs - I love the idea of making money off Gerard's ass! I wonder how he'd feel about that?

Matty - Andy Gibb was one of my very first crushes. I still mourn his loss.

Jam - I wish you could too. I'd pay good money to see that.

Gerard! Call me!

Flounder - the only living thing on the planet that I enjoy murdering is the South Jersey Greenhead. I take wicked pride in ripping them to shreds. We must meet soon!

brookelina said...

Tits - you are indeed a giver. Now you can arrange for me to see this in a more intimate setting? Perhaps at his place?

BV - he is lovely.

Anonymous - I don't see a shrinkage issue. Perhaps you're into monster cocks?

Great, now I'll get searches for monster cocks.

Thérèse said...

You know, Brookelina, Gerard Butler adoration (butt scratch notwithstanding) is just one more thing that you and I have in common.

All Mod Cons said...

STILL blogging about Butler I see!

Good skills.

Oh, and I used to have a different blog...wonder if you'll be able to guess who I am!

Actually, that's a bollocks thing to say, I used to have teabagsandashtrays

MADALYN B. said...

I must say,I'm just fine with the butt scratching pics. I think it's funny & cute, but really, everyone needs to STOP talking about his penis!!! It's creepy and perverted, & you would creep the HELL out of Gerry i'm sure if you went up to him talking about his dick like that. May be the first joke is kind of funny, but they really need to stop, they get old and weird fast!!! He's a dream come true and a sweet gift from Heaven for all us girls, so just comment on suff like his movies, talent, looks, style, and of corse his humor, but not his personal buisness, really, get a life. Let it have Gerry in it, but not "TOO" much of Gerry.