Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Weturn of Ms. Wose

Now well into my second week of the new school year, I finally have a moment to take stock of the happenings thus far. The difference between being a first-year and a second-year teacher is beyond comprehension. I spent all of last year without a fucking clue as to what to do or how to do it. I don't even think that I realized how clueless I have been and for how long until just this week. I hate being clueless - it puts me in perpetual state of panic. It doesn't help that I am an anal-retentive freak who has to have everything perfect - an impossible feat for any first time teacher. But now I actually feel like...dare I say it... I know what I am doing. Other people are now asking me what to do and how to do it - and the best part is - I know the answer! It's nice to actually have some confidence again. Also, I like telling people what to do.

And now, a few highlights of the past couple of weeks.

  • My classroom is so fucking cute I can barely stand it. I actually went to work a week early - with no pay - to work on it. Hello anal-retentive freak! But it was worth it. It's organized, colorful, and inviting. And the best part is, it no longer smells like dead rat. Why did it smell like dead rat, you ask? Because there was a dead rat in my room the week before school started. Welcome to the hood!

  • Soooo excited about the promise of smaller class sizes this year. Last year I had 23 kids, 24 at one point until one child moved away. We were told we'd have no more than 20 this time around, and back in May I got my class list and saw that I had 19. Joy oh joy! Only 19, perfection! Two days before school I got my revised class list. 24 kids. I like to think of my naiveté as charming.

  • I have a class full of sweet little girls and bad little boys. It's every kiddie stereotype you've ever seen. The boys actually pull the girls' hair. However, the girls outnumber the boys, so I'm looking forward to the girls kicking a little boy butt this year.

  • There is one little boy in particular I am hoping the girls take care of for me. I never thought I would say this about a student, but honestly I'd like to throw this kid to the sharks. He's spoiled, loud, and generally a shit. He has had seven tantrums in seven days of school. And when I say tantrum, I mean crying-screaming-stomping-will-not-move-or-respond tantrums. Two of them were over crayons. One was because he got in trouble for kicking another boy. Another was because he got caught tripping a girl and laughing at her. If he doesn't throw a tantrum he gives me dirty looks or clucks his tongue at me. When he does behave, it's ruined by his need to point out his good behavior - I have heard "Look, I'm being good," come out of his mouth about 20 times a day. Yesterday he melted down yet again right before dismissal - which seems to be his favorite time. This was a mistake. I had had it. I dragged his scrawny butt to the office and let the principal ream him a new one. He actually gave her dirty looks while she did so. So Mom was called in for a conference. Today he showed me the mark on his leg where Mom took the belt to him. It was tiny, barely a scratch, but I actually smiled. Yes, I'm going to hell. I'm sure I'll be writing more about him in the future, so from this moment on, he will be known as Sharkbait. Hoo ha ha!

  • Sysm sent me yet another fabulous present for my class. The kids went wild when they saw their new ubercool markers. Mr. Sysm is now the class hero, as he was to my class last year. All hail Sysm!!!

  • My feet hurt.


yournamehere said...

As a mandated reporter, aren't you required to notify the proper authorities regarding the belt marks from the abuse of this child?

Ha, just kidding. Mom should draw and quarter the little bastard.

Anonymous said...

It's nice to finally come off the learning curve, huh?

Good luck with the little bugger. I'm sure you will manage to break him in. He just needs a good, steady dose of those consequences.

I'll bet your room is adorable!

Übermilf said...

Sysm is overrated.

mgc said...

i think sharkbait has bigger problems going on inside his pea brain than any of us care to know.

keep up the fine work!

Melliferous Pants said...

My mind is a bit cluttered right now and I had to read the chalkboard twice because I thought it said, "Shut up and get me some coke." I just knew that wasn't right.

darth said...

there was always a "sharkbait" in one of darth jr's classes, up til around 5th grade...i'm sure you are fed up already, but darth jr. made it clear that the other kids get just as irritated :lol:

Dan said...

hmm... sexy picture. guess that gives a whole new context to when I went over to my second grade teacher's house to give her a cake that I'd made (they may have been brownies, I can't remember)

MoDigli said...

Ohhhh... Sharkbait I'm sure will turn out to be one of your favorites as you help him to learn how to behave like a normal child.

In the meantime, we'll all enjoy your crazy stories about him!

Tits McGee said...

Glad you're back, and I look forward to another year of classroom tales.

Sysm totally rocks.

Nick said...

I thought the chalkboard said "shut up and get me some coke".

It physically pains me that there aren't more people like Sysm in the world. Me, for instance.

jiggs said...

sysm is rad. you're rad. we're all winners here. we're all winners here.

Bill said...

Wow. Another header change. I like it - made me laugh. But I do miss the Picasso Brooke.

Fitèna said...

lol! Sounds like fun doesn't it!? I worked in a a primary school and lasted less than 3 months. I couldn't stand the kids and their parents were even worse. One kid reported that his mother yelled at his father that he was a no-good and poor at that. Now i knew they were rich so it puzzled me. The kid went to to explain that its because his uncle has four car and his father only two. It makes me dizzy to think of the sort of children this kid is going to raise. Wouldn't want to have them in your class!


Flounder said...

Sounds like that brat needs a blanket party.

If you start holding the entire class accountable for his actions, he'll get one. Just remember Pvt. Pyle from Full Metal Jacket.

Loz said...

maybe it's the hormones, but sysm's generosity makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Thérèse said...

Looks like this year is going to be chalk full of adventures!

And possibly, a burning ring of fire, if you know what I mean.

Kris said...

Hi love. You know how I feel about the children, and I must say, you writing about this makes even ME excited!!! :) Awesome, teach.

Blonde Vigilante said...

I've got cake, but I am totally out of icing.

So, 7 days down, 173 to go?

Dave said...

At first I thought that your little blackboard said, "Now shut up and get me some COKE"

Now there's a class...

Übermilf said...

You people all think Sysm's great, but he never gives ME any presents.

He's not truly great until he does.

It's easy to love someone nice like Brooke. It takes someone exceptional to love a prickly person like me.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Brookie, being a fellow anal-retentivee, I don't understand how you can say 19 is perfect. Dude, it's an ODD number. 20 would be perfect. A perfectly rounded, even number. :)

Can't wait to read about the next adventures of Sharkbait!!!

Post pictures of your classroom, please!

Sysm said...

Ubie - I've already promised you one of my children. I love the Ubergirls as if they were my future daughters-in-law. And isn't Dilf still swooning over the bag I traded him?


After all that, you still steal my posts.

sleepydog said...

Now I feel bad for being sharkbait when I was a kid.

Nick said...

Still steal Stihl steel.

The Dummy said...

Isn't there like a Nanny 911 episode on how to deal with temper tantrums?

Cactus Prick said...

You said "anal."

Toby said...

I was once sharkbait

Übermilf said...

I forgot about that, Sysm.

Your sons will curse you forever.

Think Frustrated said...

I used to teach high school. The tantrums of a 15 year-old are far worse because of their deadly subtleties. Also, in the ghetto, where I taught, their parents just didn't give a shit. I called home all the time, and they actually told me that they didn't care.

miss kendra said...

i also thought the blackboard said coke.


i'm glad you de-rat-stinked your room. that would really put a damper on things.

and hooray for sysm!

Brookelina said...

Todd - I met with the mom today. If he doesn't shape up he's going to military school. No kidding.

Sunny - I have got to take some pictures!

Ubie - that is a big fat lie!

Mgc - what's really sad is he is very smart - book smart and street stupid.

Pants - it could really be either.

Darth - oh believe me, Sharkbait is losing popularity by the day!

Dan - did you really? That is too cute! I'd shit myself if one of my kids showed up at my door.

MoMo - you always see the bright side of things. I'll just take your word that he'll be my favorite. Right now he's public enemy number one.

Tits - he totally does. We need more Sysms in the world.

Nick - shut up and get me some cake.

Brookelina said...

Jiggs - you're rad! Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Bill - that's cause you're Picasso Bill now.

Fitena - my kids don't fight about things like that as most of them don't even have cars. Sometimes it's good to be poor.

Flounder - today they lost five minutes of Fun Friday because of his calling out. The dirty looks he usually gives me are now given to him by his 22 classmates. Being a mean teacher rules!

Loz - it makes me warm and fuzzy too. Are we both having hormone issues?

Therese - if you mean that Joaquin Phoenix is going to come sing to me, then that works for me!

Kris - which part excited you? The dead rat? Or the rotten kid in my class?

Blonde - no icing? You have got to be kidding.

Dave - you're the third one to say that. What is this, the 80's?

Ubie - I am not nice!! I am a mean evil teacher!! Dammit!!!

Brookelina said...

Lo Lo - actually 18 would be perfect - three reading groups of 6 each. But anything under 20 is golden. Freak.

Sysm - I could use some comfy slippers. And a new car.

Sleepy - as well you should.

Nick - where is my cake?

The dummy - yes and it works very well when you don't have 22 other kids in the room waiting to be taught the first grade curriculum.

Prick - pervert.

Toby - cake!!!!!!!! You rule.

Ubie - I expect an invite to the wedding.

TF - I teach in the ghetto too. They must give up by the time they get to high school. Sad, but true.

Miss K - the stink was horrid. There was even rat hair still on the floor - like a little hair outline of his remains.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Freak? I'M A FREAK???

Ouch, Brookie. Very ouch.

PS: Pot, you're Black.
Love, Kettle

Egan said...

Sysm makes us all look bad. I will hire my mom to knit your kids some quilts or something.

Toby said...

I feel cleansed. It's my way of making up for jumping out the window when the teacher walked in. She thought I died.

Egan's mom is really good at knitting purple Ipod socks.

matty said...

I love this post! So interesting! Great job you have! Tho, I don't know how you do it. I student taught 8th graders for a few weeks before switching gears to a BA instead of a BS. I couldn't take it.

I wonder if I'd have been a student you would have liked or hated. I think my teachers liked me but were annoyed by me. ...or, confused. I don't know. But, I was forever in the principal's office or the guidance counselor's office and my mom was being called in --- which I secretly enjoyed because it made me feel like I mattered to her. ...and, the other kids always thought her cool because she was so much younger than their moms. She never got mad at me but would get annoyed that she had to come "bail" me out so much.

I loved my 2nd grade teacher. She wore a tight-fitted lavendar shirt with the FUNNY LADY print of Babs on it every week. Wow -- she was probably much younger than I am now.

ramble ramble ramble

kisses from GayTown,

babyjewels said...

Can we see a picture of the room?? Sysm you rock. Brooke I can try and pilfer some supplies from the office supply room. How do the kids feel about white out tape?

TinaPoPo said...

Here's to hoping Sharkbait gets an ass kicking. *cheers*

(It's 10 in the morning. I'm not actually drinking. Just to be clear).

Nick said...

I inadvertantly copied Pants.

miss kendra said...

what's this i don't love you any more crap?

Sizzle said...

you're a fu**ing saint brooke. and yes, i mean to swear. and how much do i love that you are an anal retentive freak like me!? yay for the freaks!

that kid, sharkbait? i wonder what is going on with him at home that he is like that. maybe he needs meds? i kinda feel sorry for him but not as sorry as i do for you, having to put up with his antics.

Alistair! said...

oh Joy!

FindingHeart said...

Congrats on the great start this year! It can make all the difference. But only 19 kids? Aw, once in 13 yrs I had a class under 28, several times 30 5th graders. I would'a killed for only 22. :)

Your new year toast: Here's to buying drinks after school... with overhead marker stains on your fingers. :)

Janet said...

I swear this post could have been written by me only I'm heading into my third year in a few days. It's weird. My second year I felt much more prepared than my first, but this year I feel even more nervous. I think it's because I can no longer use the "I'm new, I didn't know any better" excuse.:(