You Can Take It With You

Telephone conversation with a friend while watching The Mummy on television for the 112th time.

Friend: Damn, Brendan Fraser has never looked so good.

Me: I know, he's usually so pasty.

Friend: I think The Mummy is hot, too. I'd do him.

Me: I think mummification should come back in style.

Friend: Did you hear how they removed your brains? No thank you.

Me: Yes, but you're already dead anyway, and with mummification you can take your stuff with you.

Friend: That is a bonus. Ok, works for me.

Me: So what would you take?

Friend: My jewelry for sure. And probably my breadmaker. I love my breadmaker. And I'm sure they like bread in heaven.

Me: You're so sure you're going to heaven?

Friend: Fuck you. What would you take?

Me: George Clooney.

Friend: You are such a freak.

Me: Fuck you, you're the one who wants to do a mummy. You're just pissed you didn't think of him first.

Friend: Do you always think of sex?

Me: Do you always think of food?

Friend: Like you don't.

Me: You can make us toast in the mornings after all the sex.

Friend: You're so sure you're going to heaven?

Me: Oh I'm going to hell. Actually no, I teach in the ghetto! I have a free pass to heaven. And I'll be banging George Clooney for eternity while you serve us fresh toast every morning.

Friend: Fuck you.

Me: Don't forget the butter.

**edited slightly after morning phone call from Friend stating that I didn't get all the dialogue correct. Well excuse the hell out of me. Artistic license or failing memory, you decide.

The Weturn of Ms. Wose

Now well into my second week of the new school year, I finally have a moment to take stock of the happenings thus far. The difference between being a first-year and a second-year teacher is beyond comprehension. I spent all of last year without a fucking clue as to what to do or how to do it. I don't even think that I realized how clueless I have been and for how long until just this week. I hate being clueless - it puts me in perpetual state of panic. It doesn't help that I am an anal-retentive freak who has to have everything perfect - an impossible feat for any first time teacher. But now I actually feel like...dare I say it... I know what I am doing. Other people are now asking me what to do and how to do it - and the best part is - I know the answer! It's nice to actually have some confidence again. Also, I like telling people what to do.

And now, a few highlights of the past couple of weeks.

• My classroom is so fucking cute I can barely stand it. I actually went to work a week early - with no pay - to work on it. Hello anal-retentive freak! But it was worth it. It's organized, colorful, and inviting. And the best part is, it no longer smells like dead rat. Why did it smell like dead rat, you ask? Because there was a dead rat in my room the week before school started. Welcome to the hood!
  


• Soooo excited about the promise of smaller class sizes this year. Last year I had 23 kids, 24 at one point until one child moved away. We were told we'd have no more than 20 this time around, and back in May I got my class list and saw that I had 19. Joy oh joy! Only 19, perfection! Two days before school I got my revised class list. 24 kids. I like to think of my naiveté as charming.
  


• I have a class full of sweet little girls and bad little boys. It's every kiddie stereotype you've ever seen. The boys actually pull the girls' hair. However, the girls outnumber the boys, so I'm looking forward to the girls kicking a little boy butt this year.
  


• There is one little boy in particular I am hoping the girls take care of for me. I never thought I would say this about a student, but honestly I'd like to throw this kid to the sharks. He's spoiled, loud, and generally a shit. He has had seven tantrums in seven days of school. And when I say tantrum, I mean crying-screaming-stomping-will-not-move-or-respond tantrums. Two of them were over crayons. One was because he got in trouble for kicking another boy. Another was because he got caught tripping a girl and laughing at her. If he doesn't throw a tantrum he gives me dirty looks or clucks his tongue at me. When he does behave, it's ruined by his need to point out his good behavior - I have heard "Look, I'm being good," come out of his mouth about 20 times a day. Yesterday he melted down yet again right before dismissal - which seems to be his favorite time. This was a mistake. I had had it. I dragged his scrawny butt to the office and let the principal ream him a new one. He actually gave her dirty looks while she did so. So Mom was called in for a conference. Today he showed me the mark on his leg where Mom took the belt to him. It was tiny, barely a scratch, but I actually smiled. Yes, I'm going to hell. I'm sure I'll be writing more about him in the future, so from this moment on, he will be known as Sharkbait. Hoo ha ha!
  


• Sysm sent me yet another fabulous present for my class. The kids went wild when they saw their new ubercool markers. Mr. Sysm is now the class hero, as he was to my class last year. All hail Sysm!!!
  


• My feet hurt.
  

I Have a Cold... Already

It's That Time Again

Tomorrow is the first day of school. Wish me luck!

Almost Famous

So a few weeks ago I received an email requesting an interview for The Blog Reader. Yes, you read that right. Someone actually wanted an interview. With me. To talk about blogging. Fuck, the world is a wonderful place. Of course I happily agreed, and two days later young Justin called me at the designated time to talk about ME.

Poor guy didn't know what he was in for. We wound up talking on the phone for well over an hour, and I was able to learn quite a bit about my new friend. Of course he didn't mention in his (well-written) article my amazing ability to get people to talk about themselves while elusively avoiding any personal questions about myself. In fact, he didn't even mention the laughter, the tears, the bonding! Harumph! Actually, I'm impressed he was able to cull anything at all out of my incessant rambling. In short, I'm a lousy interview. But a fabulous conversationalist!

Anyway, here it is: My Interview. Please click and read. And comment. Show Justin some love. Thank you.

P. S. I have no recollection of ever uttering the name Murgatroid.

It's a bird! It's a plane!

It's Super Teacher!

Super Teacher will be busy for a while as she makes the world classroom beautiful for her new crop of monsters students.
Carry on!

I Love Spam

Although I normally don't open email in my spam folder, this subject line was just too irresistable. I'm so glad I did, as Branden is either psychic, or he knows me from somewhere.

The message read: YOU NEED TO GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!!

Well no shit, Branden. Thanks for the heads up.

I wonder what Branden looks like.

Oy Vey!

Mel Gibson reacts to the news that Jesus Christ was, in fact, a Jew.

Sarah

Last year at this time, another blogger wrote a beautiful post dedicated to me. It meant so much to me that I saved it on my hard drive, and I'm so glad I did now. Sarah is not blogging anymore, and neither is her husband Jacob. They are a beautiful young couple with a gorgeous little daughter, and I'm guessing that they chose to spend less time online and more time with her. I found this the other day while searching for some lesson plans, and I decided to repost it. This is not a big pat on my own back, but a reminder for me not to be so hard on myself.


For blissful Babbling Brooke

This post is for Babbling Brooke. This is not a poem, I don't do those, and it isn't something that should not be taken seriously. She's a wonderful person and deserves all the compliments a person could give to her, especially after all the smiles she brings us.

I don't know Brooke personally I just go to her blog almost everyday, among others, and she either makes me laugh or she makes me want to drive out to Florida and give her a big hug. Her spirit is young, her words are lively, and she always flares you up with humor. She's a woman of great character and is brave enough to be with out someone.

It's hard to believe that a woman who is so talented and so full of life...is single. She has many brothers and I believe that she learned from them never to settle. I believe she knows deep down that the man she will marry some day is going to make ever day special for her, not just holidays. He will cook for her, he will tidy up with out her asking for it, he will tell her she's beautiful every day, and be the joy she deserves. I don't think it's in her blood to settle for someone less than that. I'm sure she's had many suiters and many boyfriends and probably sees right through every single man that has stepped up to her face. As graceful as they try, she is too smart. She is too overwhelming. She is so full of light that even the most amazing man is babbling in front of her. If any gentelman would be as bold as to walk in her direction you better know that only the most loving man, only the most compassionate man, only the man who will cherish her the best will have a chance.

Brooke, I wouldn't doubt for a second if every other man you speak with online has thought more than once about how he could stop his life and head out to meet the challenge of your hand. I don't know you personally, but I know what joy you bring, I know its been awsome getting to know some of your thoughts, jokes, and memories.
And I would bet I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Jacob and I send our love and appreciation for bringing us smiles and fun conversation just about everyday.

Thank you Sarah, wherever you are!!!