Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Apples and Grapes

Women are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the best ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. And let's face it, most men just don't want to make the extra effort needed to find the best. Instead, they take the apples from the ground that aren't nearly as good, but are much easier to obtain.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Men are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Just one of those silly emails I like to share now and then......

39 comments:

yournamehere said...

I just buy a jar of applesauce at the grocery.

LeMorse said...

CRAP! Now I know my problem. I hate wine and don't like apples. Can woman be like something better like oranges or cherries...I love cherries, even a good plum would be nice. And men can be like Chicken...plenty of them, cheap and down deep pretty much the same meat, but what you do to dress it up can be amazing!

The real me said...

Would that be California Zin or a French Bordeaux?

I'm gonna post the difference on my blog tomorrow.

Young and good looking said...

I want to put something clever here but all I can think is "owww"

Übermilf said...

I don't like the stomping on men imagery. Unless, men are like grapes -- some are fine as they are, some need to be stomped into wine, and some should just be burnt in a fire pit. That's okay.

And a lot of those apples on the bottom have been squeezed WAY too many times, and have flies swirling around their diseased flesh.

Neil said...

They say I am a grape,
That is too ripe to eat,
Whose only dream
Is to be stomped
By Brooke's dainty, dainty feet.

Evil Petting Zoo said...

In defense of men...we don't pick the apples at the top because sometimes they're crab apples. We are like grapes, if you don't pick us correctly we can be sour.

Egan said...

This is so true. I don't know how it's done, but this nails the difference between the sexes.

Loz said...

the apples at the top of the tree are sometimes there so long that they give up and fall to the ground, bruised, battered and bitter.

JJ said...

I had to shake the tree all day to get MLA. The funny part, though, was the guy on the tall ladder who almost reached her before she fell into my basket...

...with the others.

gone said...

HA! This is a funny one!

The Moviequill said...

how's that story go, you know, the one about that chick Eve grabbing the apple when she wasn't supposed to...

gone said...

Funny. My coworkers like this one. I shared it with them.

Lo Lo Lova said...

How about them apples?

Good stuff.

Just remember this: It's hard for a grape to climb an apple tree. It takes time!

Cactus Prick said...

My apples have all had worms.

Damn those apples.

TrueJerseyGirl said...

Haha! Love that!!!

LeMorse said...

True it is hard for a grape to climb an apple tree, but funny to watch!

MoDigli said...

You had me laughing out loud with this one. It started out so sweet and like maybe it would end with some prayer or something like "send this to 10 fabulous women and your wish will come true"! LOL .... very funny! As usual, you are always making me laugh out loud. :)

John said...

A good way to look at things. It took a while to pick an apple I like.

Nick said...

I love being stomped.

Übermilf said...

You're already whiney enough, Nick.

Ruben said...

Dudes are like wine they are sour if sampled to soon and they leave a big headache once everything is finished.

Brookelina said...

LOL! Love these comments.

YNH - that explains much about you.

Lemorse - you're alive! Good to see you!

Real Me - California Zin? Blech!

YGL - I imagine it would be a bit painful.

Ubie - as usual, I'm in complete agreement - with both of your comments.

Neil - right now my feet are anything but dainty. OY!

Evil - did you just call me a crab apple?

Egan - so you got a good stomping by your wife did you?

Loz - I know. I'm hanging on for dear life.

JJ - good thing you got your shake on!

Brookelina said...

Sarah - I cracked up when I read this.

MQ - I never did believe that story.

Jacob - so I should expect comments from your coworkers now too? Are they hot?

LoLo - how about them apples...lol

Prick - be more picky!

TJ - feel free to email it to others!

MoMo - it DID say that!! LOL But that wasn't funny, so I didn't keep it. I'm all about the funny.

John - lucky you, I'm still waiting for my apple picker.

Nick - so many responses...don't know which to say......

Ruben - I like that. Explains a lot of my headache pain.

Kallun said...

I like mangoes. Is there something wrong with me?

Spirit Of Owl said...

Buwahaaahahaaa! I nearly bust my cork!

Egan said...

Hey, I hope you know Brooke my response was a tad facetious.

Brookelina said...

Kallun - I like mangoes too. I'll be a mango for you.

Owl - goof!

Egan - a tad? I thought it was dripping.

LeMorse said...

Yes I am alive. You wouldn't know by the look of me though.

The real me said...

Broooooooke,
You don't know what you're missing, baby.

Zin is exquisite.

Being kissed like a Zin tastes is pretty nice too... (see my definition on my space)

Girl With An Alibi said...

Brooke darlin' that was the funniest thing I've heard all week. Awesome. I need to go spam everyone I know with that now.

The Dummy said...

LOL! Something makes me think you thought of that one! :)

blog administrator said...

I approve of this post, young lady. I applaud your creativedness.

The Constipated Writer said...

Mental note: The girl knows too much

Mental note #2: Keep. Girlfriend. away. from . blog.

Egan said...

Brooke, I'm happy you can tell the difference. (no sarcasm)

thephoenixnyc said...

Now THAT is funny.

Although some would rague it takes a fat wallet to climb to the top of the tree.

Brian said...

But..you have a much better time with wine than apples! ;-)

Cincysundevil said...

Hhhhmmmm ... this is an interesting post. I guess on the way to the top, I got hit in the head by a crazy apple because those seem to be the only ones I ever run across. Maybe I'm in the wrong orchard .....

susan said...

i love it, i love it. this is one of the funniest thing i read all month.