Letter to 13

Dear Brooke at 13,

I know that this is an incredibly scary time for you. Everything you have ever known is changing, and not for the better. I also know that there is nobody you can talk to about any of this. You know what I am talking about. Not about puberty, which is pretty much the only issue that your peers are dealing with right now. And not about boys, as you have no problem in that area. This is about the disintegration of your family, your home, and everything that has made your life good, and stable, and happy, up to this point.

Your father is gone - not for good - but he's gone for now and there is nothing you can do about it. It's not your fault and it's best for you to just know that he will be back and he will make every effort to make it up to you in his own way. Your mother is having the first of many meltdowns. Get used to this. They come and go with the breeze. This will be hard for you to comprehend, but you and she will be best friends one day. Important tip: breathe deep and count to five when you sense an oncoming freak-out. As for your brothers, though older and wiser, they are still too young and contain too much testerone to be able to understand what you are going through. They are also having a much harder time dealing with all of this then they are letting on.

You will always have fond memories of your life before now, but please, leave them in the past. You had an incrediby happy childhood. What you are going through now is totally unfair and borderline cruel, but you will get through it. The long, lonely walks you will take to get to your new school will help. They will give you the time to think, and sort, and deal with the fact that you are in a new town, a new home, and none of your old comforts to help you. I know it will be tempting to spend those walks imagining that none of this is happening - believe me I know. But don't. Pretending that none of this is real robs you of the opportunity to see the good things when they come - and they will. Believe me.

Give the new kids a chance. I understand why you don't want to tell them about where your father is. Or that your family had to sell the house you grew up in and then all go their separate ways. Or that you had to give away your dogs, and your cat, and sell anything of real value to move from a 5-bedroom house at the shore to a tiny 2-bedroom rowhome in Center City - with only your mother, no less. It's ok to have secrets, but don't let them eat you up inside. These kids won't judge you. They will like you. They don't care that you don't have the kind of money they have. They don't care that you wear Levi's and not Sassoons. You will be extremely popular because you are enormously likable. Trust me.

I don't want to tell you how this year ends because I am afraid it will begin a lifelong pattern of living in the future and not the present. But know this - you are going to be OK. You have more strength in you than you know. Everything that has happened - has happened for a reason. Go with it. Stretch. Learn. Absorb. And most important of all, don't be afraid to be yourself.

Love,

Brooke at 40
(I know! Can you believe it! We're 40!)