Showing posts with label shut up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shut up. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
And so you're back, from outer space
I've had two lists of questions sitting around in the "Posts" section of the dashboard just waiting to be answered. The first five are from Todd, who according to a recent fuckwit source is my hero. Clearly I must answer these immediately lest I upset the object of my worship. The second set are from someone I can't remember else.
Todd's Questions
1. What is the one thing, besides family and friends, that you'll miss about South Florida?
I will miss wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to go out in the middle of January. As much as I look forward to the change of seasons, I know I'll be bitching and moaning come the dead of winter here in the northeast.
2. Describe in brief detail the worst date you've ever been on.
This is easy. Click here.
3. If you could meet one celebrity for a non-sexual encounter, who would it be?
Gerard Butler.
Shut up. I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.
4. Better Daren: Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Dick York for sure. He was always so frantic. He could make a cup of coffee nervous. It was fun to watch him melt down week after week. Dick Sargent always seemed so annoyed. I think Endora should have magically removed the stick from his ass.
5. Where is your favorite pizza place? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite pizza place in the world is Pizza Fantasy in Rome. It's down the street from the central Termini, right next to the Sexy Theatre. I don't know which was there first, the pizza or the porn, but the pizza is by far the best I've ever had in my life. I haven't been there in years, so it's possible that they have cleaned up that area and changed the name. I just hope they haven't changed the recipe.
Someone Else's Questions
1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
I'd buy homes in all my favorite cities, and spend my days searching each city for beautiful things to fill them with. I'd go to art museums, fine restaurants, and Broadway shows. I'd hire a sexy trainer to get my body back in shape and then of course, I'd fuck him.
2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Because if I tried to do these things with the money available to me, I'd go to jail for check fraud.
3. What’s better: horses or cows?
Horses are cool because you can ride them and they are pretty.
Cows moo and make steak.
It's a tough call.
4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
See number 1.
5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
This is a family site, I can't share.
Oh wait, no it's not.
6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be the first female coach in the NFL.
7. Complete this statement: Love is...
higher than a mountain! Love is thicker than water!
8. Can you tell a good story?
I can tell a fabulous story. Haven't you been reading my blog?
9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I remember it well. It was about sex. And real estate. Sex and real estate. Mmmmmm.
10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
My mom, for making it possible for me to finish school. And for putting up with me when I was a teenager. And for letting me live with her so that I can save up for my dream of sex and real estate.
Todd's Questions
1. What is the one thing, besides family and friends, that you'll miss about South Florida?
I will miss wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to go out in the middle of January. As much as I look forward to the change of seasons, I know I'll be bitching and moaning come the dead of winter here in the northeast.
2. Describe in brief detail the worst date you've ever been on.
This is easy. Click here.
3. If you could meet one celebrity for a non-sexual encounter, who would it be?
Gerard Butler.
Shut up. I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.
4. Better Daren: Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Dick York for sure. He was always so frantic. He could make a cup of coffee nervous. It was fun to watch him melt down week after week. Dick Sargent always seemed so annoyed. I think Endora should have magically removed the stick from his ass.
5. Where is your favorite pizza place? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite pizza place in the world is Pizza Fantasy in Rome. It's down the street from the central Termini, right next to the Sexy Theatre. I don't know which was there first, the pizza or the porn, but the pizza is by far the best I've ever had in my life. I haven't been there in years, so it's possible that they have cleaned up that area and changed the name. I just hope they haven't changed the recipe.
Someone Else's Questions
1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
I'd buy homes in all my favorite cities, and spend my days searching each city for beautiful things to fill them with. I'd go to art museums, fine restaurants, and Broadway shows. I'd hire a sexy trainer to get my body back in shape and then of course, I'd fuck him.
2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Because if I tried to do these things with the money available to me, I'd go to jail for check fraud.
3. What’s better: horses or cows?
Horses are cool because you can ride them and they are pretty.
Cows moo and make steak.
It's a tough call.
4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
See number 1.
5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
This is a family site, I can't share.
Oh wait, no it's not.
6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be the first female coach in the NFL.
7. Complete this statement: Love is...
higher than a mountain! Love is thicker than water!
8. Can you tell a good story?
I can tell a fabulous story. Haven't you been reading my blog?
9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I remember it well. It was about sex. And real estate. Sex and real estate. Mmmmmm.
10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
My mom, for making it possible for me to finish school. And for putting up with me when I was a teenager. And for letting me live with her so that I can save up for my dream of sex and real estate.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
New Jersey: Take Two
In the world of tv and movies, when our hero - or for the sake of this post, Our Heroine - returns home after a long period of absence, a series of events encompassing both hilarity and poignancy ensue. Our Heroine goes from one incredibly wacky situation after another that leave her shaking her head in that "Only in my hometown do these things happen" kind of way. Family members make her insane - but make her appreciate being home again at the same time. Quirky characters show up to add local color and charm. It's all very interesting and entertaining and amusing.Because my world is in fact, real, and not on either big or small screen - from here on in I have decided to live my life as a series of riveting and enthralling scenes. I am now Our Heroine. Smart. Funny. Delightfully witty. Not to mention desperately in need of finding the right man. Each and every moment of my life will be treated as if it were the most fascinating thing that has ever happened to me, or anyone else for that matter. Doing laundry, lying around for two straight days in my pajamas, helping my mother into bed - all carefully choreographed scenes designed to delight my nonexistent viewing audience. I'm not a movie star, but I play one in real life.
Tomorrow morning's scene: Our Heroine will go to her favorite local convenience store to get her beloved coffee - and to ogle construction workers. Perhaps she will drop a dollar on the floor, clunk heads with a beautiful manly man as they both reach down to pick it up, and then engage in a flirty little exchange. Later he'll track her down, bring her flowers, and turn out to be not only completely enamored of her but of course, single as well.
Or not.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Yet Another Childhood Survey
Purloined from Lushy:
Are you a child of the 70s, 80s, or 90s?
The 70's. God, I'm old.
Where were you born?
The Jersey Shore.
What city did you grow up in?
A little beach side town on the Jersey Shore.
Did you enjoy your childhood?
Immensely.
When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?
The first female football coach in the NFL. Seriously.
What do you want to be now?
Over sexed and independently wealthy.
Name the first memorable vacation you took as a kid?
When I was about six, my mother, brother, and I drove to Florida to visit my oldest brother in college. I was actually quite good for most of the trip, until I saw the giant Welcome to Florida sign, and then I started the ubiquitous "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" That lasted for the next nine hours until we got to Sarasota. Who knew Florida was so long?
What was your first best friend or friends' name?
Lori F. We found each other the first day of kindergarten. The teacher lined us up by height, and Lori and I were last. Being the two shrimps of the class, we found it wise to stick together.
Are they still your friend?
We stayed friends all the way through high school, where we continued to be the shrimps of the class. I haven't seen her in years. If I were to run into her, I would tackle her with all the delight of a slobbering puppy.
Can you name all the schools you ever attended?
Of course, I'm not that old.
You don't want me to do it here, do you?
Who was your first crush?
Richie H. in kindergarten. I started young. Even at five I could appreciate big blue eyes and long lush eyelashes. We walked to and from school together with our moms and I would pretend we were married. This did not please Lori F, as she too had an eye for the cuties. Fortunately, we never allowed boys to get in the way of our friendship.
Were you closer to your Mom or Dad as a kid?
I was always closer to my mom, but like Lushy, I longed to be closer to my dad. Daddy issues anyone?
Do you have any embarrassing school stories to share?
I used to beat up boys. Like, a lot.
What was the first record, tape or CD you remember buying?
Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb.
Shut up.
Were you scared of anything?
I was afraid of our basement. It had all these creepy little rooms and closets from its former glory days as a speakeasy. Even though it was my favorite place to play, I still remember being petrified when it was time to go back upstairs. For some reason I had it in my head that if my feet were on the basement floor when I turned out the lights, the Boogie Man could get me. The lights had to be turned off before you went up the stairs, which posed quite the dilemma. So I would stand on the bottom step and lean over as far as I could so I could turn out the lights and not actually be touching the floor. I almost fell on my face on a daily basis doing this, but the Boogie Man never got his grubby paws on me. Suck it Boogie Man!
What was your favorite class in elementary school?
The first year the government started doling out money for the Gifted programs, I was tested and immediately sent to be in the new "Special" class. There were only a few of us in this little room, and I don't think our teacher, Mr. K, had a fucking clue what to do with us. I can still see the Incentive Chart on the wall covered with bright shiny stars to keep us interested. We were meant to put on some sort of play for the school, but that never happened. In fact, suddenly Gifted class just stopped and nobody ever told us why. It wasn't until I was about 30 years old that my mother gently explained to me that my beloved Mr. K had had a nervous breakdown and had been carted off in the Twinkie Mobile. I blame myself.
Broke any bones or had any freaky accidents as a kid?
I was quite the little athlete as a child, mostly because I thought I was a boy until the twins arrived. The two major injuries I remember were both sports related.
Injury One: in my valiant effort to avoid getting hit in Dodgeball, I slid across the gym on my shoulder and wound up slamming head first into a bench. You should have seen the look on the school nurse's face when she saw me - subdural hematoma anyone?
Injury Two: I was playing Kickball with the boys for the world championship (of the playground). I was in third grade at the time, and not only was I the only girl allowed to play, but I was the pitcher as well. The last one up was a fourth grade boy who snickered derisively when he saw that a girl was pitching. He kicked the ball right at me with all his might. I stood my ground, held my arms out, and literally caught the ball with my neck. I toppled over onto my back with the ball but never let go. We won!! Everyone was screaming and cheering and going wild until they realized I couldn't get up. The ball hit me so hard that I literally could not move, speak, or breathe. The aforementioned and now traumatized nurse actually thought that it had fractured my windpipe. Fortunately I was ok - after a week or so of bed rest.
The important point to remember here is that we won the game - because of me. That's all that matters. Windpipes come and go, but glory on the playground lasts forever.
Did you play house or pretend to be a super hero?
I did it all baby. I was a thoroughly modern woman.
Are you a child of the 70s, 80s, or 90s?
The 70's. God, I'm old.
Where were you born?
The Jersey Shore.
What city did you grow up in?
A little beach side town on the Jersey Shore.
Did you enjoy your childhood?
Immensely.
When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?
The first female football coach in the NFL. Seriously.
What do you want to be now?
Over sexed and independently wealthy.
Name the first memorable vacation you took as a kid?
When I was about six, my mother, brother, and I drove to Florida to visit my oldest brother in college. I was actually quite good for most of the trip, until I saw the giant Welcome to Florida sign, and then I started the ubiquitous "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" That lasted for the next nine hours until we got to Sarasota. Who knew Florida was so long?
What was your first best friend or friends' name?
Lori F. We found each other the first day of kindergarten. The teacher lined us up by height, and Lori and I were last. Being the two shrimps of the class, we found it wise to stick together.
Are they still your friend?
We stayed friends all the way through high school, where we continued to be the shrimps of the class. I haven't seen her in years. If I were to run into her, I would tackle her with all the delight of a slobbering puppy.
Can you name all the schools you ever attended?
Of course, I'm not that old.
You don't want me to do it here, do you?
Who was your first crush?
Richie H. in kindergarten. I started young. Even at five I could appreciate big blue eyes and long lush eyelashes. We walked to and from school together with our moms and I would pretend we were married. This did not please Lori F, as she too had an eye for the cuties. Fortunately, we never allowed boys to get in the way of our friendship.
Were you closer to your Mom or Dad as a kid?
I was always closer to my mom, but like Lushy, I longed to be closer to my dad. Daddy issues anyone?
Do you have any embarrassing school stories to share?
I used to beat up boys. Like, a lot.
What was the first record, tape or CD you remember buying?
Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb.
Shut up.
Were you scared of anything?
I was afraid of our basement. It had all these creepy little rooms and closets from its former glory days as a speakeasy. Even though it was my favorite place to play, I still remember being petrified when it was time to go back upstairs. For some reason I had it in my head that if my feet were on the basement floor when I turned out the lights, the Boogie Man could get me. The lights had to be turned off before you went up the stairs, which posed quite the dilemma. So I would stand on the bottom step and lean over as far as I could so I could turn out the lights and not actually be touching the floor. I almost fell on my face on a daily basis doing this, but the Boogie Man never got his grubby paws on me. Suck it Boogie Man!
What was your favorite class in elementary school?
The first year the government started doling out money for the Gifted programs, I was tested and immediately sent to be in the new "Special" class. There were only a few of us in this little room, and I don't think our teacher, Mr. K, had a fucking clue what to do with us. I can still see the Incentive Chart on the wall covered with bright shiny stars to keep us interested. We were meant to put on some sort of play for the school, but that never happened. In fact, suddenly Gifted class just stopped and nobody ever told us why. It wasn't until I was about 30 years old that my mother gently explained to me that my beloved Mr. K had had a nervous breakdown and had been carted off in the Twinkie Mobile. I blame myself.
Broke any bones or had any freaky accidents as a kid?
I was quite the little athlete as a child, mostly because I thought I was a boy until the twins arrived. The two major injuries I remember were both sports related.
Injury One: in my valiant effort to avoid getting hit in Dodgeball, I slid across the gym on my shoulder and wound up slamming head first into a bench. You should have seen the look on the school nurse's face when she saw me - subdural hematoma anyone?
Injury Two: I was playing Kickball with the boys for the world championship (of the playground). I was in third grade at the time, and not only was I the only girl allowed to play, but I was the pitcher as well. The last one up was a fourth grade boy who snickered derisively when he saw that a girl was pitching. He kicked the ball right at me with all his might. I stood my ground, held my arms out, and literally caught the ball with my neck. I toppled over onto my back with the ball but never let go. We won!! Everyone was screaming and cheering and going wild until they realized I couldn't get up. The ball hit me so hard that I literally could not move, speak, or breathe. The aforementioned and now traumatized nurse actually thought that it had fractured my windpipe. Fortunately I was ok - after a week or so of bed rest.
The important point to remember here is that we won the game - because of me. That's all that matters. Windpipes come and go, but glory on the playground lasts forever.
Did you play house or pretend to be a super hero?
I did it all baby. I was a thoroughly modern woman.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Virgo - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
I have to say, these pretty much sum me up. Except for the argumentative part. I'm not argumentative. Seriously, I'm not!
Shut up.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Garden State, Birthday Wishes, and Soundtracks
1. I just flew up to Jersey for a long weekend. I look forward to:
Several nice long walks here.
Eating one (or several) of these.
And some of these.
And drinking lots of this.
Oh, and seeing my family. That too.
2. It's the fantabulous Miss Kendra's birthday. I send boob smooshes and inappropriate groping her way for her big day. And this too. Enjoy!
3. For those who didn't believe my perfect soundtrack, I did it again. Cause yes, I'm that anal and insecure.
Opening Scene: Din Da Da - George Krantz
Bah!... Bah!... Bah!... Bah!...
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Wake Up Scene: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby
Average Day: Heavy - Collective Soul
Complicate this world you wrapped for me
I'm acquainted with your suffering
1st Date: You Suck - The Murmurs
Oh you paralyze my mind
And for that you suck
Falling in Love: Crazy - Seal
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little Crazy
Fight Scene: Tubthumping - Chumbawumba
I get knocked down
But I get up again
Youre never going to
Keep me down
Break Up Scene: Ocean - Mother Nature
Sounds of waves breaking on the beach. I swear!!
Back Together: Somewhere Out There - Our Lady Peace
Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
Secret Love: Let's Talk About Sex - Salt and Pepa
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Life's OK: 10th Avenue Freeze-out - Bruce Springsteen
The night is dark but the sidewalk's bright
And lined with the light of the living
Mental Breakdown: All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Driving: Why Can't I Be You - The Cure
You're so perfect!
You're so right as rain!
You make me make me make me
Make me hungry again
Learning a Lesson: Crown - Collective Soul
Who's gonna be my savior
Now that I've learned to believe
Who's gonna be the answer
To all of my questioning
Deep Thought: Like A Rock - Bob Seger
Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they've gone
Flashback: I'm A Believer - Smashmouth
Love was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted
All my dreams
Partying: Delicate - Damien Rice
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
Happy Dance: Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
Wonderful electric
Cover me in you
Regretting: Like A Friend - Pulp
You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
Long Night Alone: Coconut - Harry Nilsson
Put the lime in the coconut
You drink 'em both together
Put the lime in the coconut
Then you feel better
Death Scene: Still Got The Blues - Gary Moore
So long
It was so long ago
But I've still got the blues for you
Closing Credits: I'll Be Your Baby Tonight - Robert Palmer
Kick your shoes off
Do not fear
Bring that bottle over here
I'll be your baby tonight
Several nice long walks here.
Eating one (or several) of these.
And some of these.
And drinking lots of this.
Oh, and seeing my family. That too.
2. It's the fantabulous Miss Kendra's birthday. I send boob smooshes and inappropriate groping her way for her big day. And this too. Enjoy!
3. For those who didn't believe my perfect soundtrack, I did it again. Cause yes, I'm that anal and insecure.
Opening Scene: Din Da Da - George Krantz
Bah!... Bah!... Bah!... Bah!...
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Bah!... zoom zoom
Wake Up Scene: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby
Average Day: Heavy - Collective Soul
Complicate this world you wrapped for me
I'm acquainted with your suffering
1st Date: You Suck - The Murmurs
Oh you paralyze my mind
And for that you suck
Falling in Love: Crazy - Seal
No we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little Crazy
Fight Scene: Tubthumping - Chumbawumba
I get knocked down
But I get up again
Youre never going to
Keep me down
Break Up Scene: Ocean - Mother Nature
Sounds of waves breaking on the beach. I swear!!
Back Together: Somewhere Out There - Our Lady Peace
Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
Secret Love: Let's Talk About Sex - Salt and Pepa
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Life's OK: 10th Avenue Freeze-out - Bruce Springsteen
The night is dark but the sidewalk's bright
And lined with the light of the living
Mental Breakdown: All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Help me out
Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Driving: Why Can't I Be You - The Cure
You're so perfect!
You're so right as rain!
You make me make me make me
Make me hungry again
Learning a Lesson: Crown - Collective Soul
Who's gonna be my savior
Now that I've learned to believe
Who's gonna be the answer
To all of my questioning
Deep Thought: Like A Rock - Bob Seger
Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they've gone
Flashback: I'm A Believer - Smashmouth
Love was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted
All my dreams
Partying: Delicate - Damien Rice
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
Happy Dance: Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
Wonderful electric
Cover me in you
Regretting: Like A Friend - Pulp
You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
Long Night Alone: Coconut - Harry Nilsson
Put the lime in the coconut
You drink 'em both together
Put the lime in the coconut
Then you feel better
Death Scene: Still Got The Blues - Gary Moore
So long
It was so long ago
But I've still got the blues for you
Closing Credits: I'll Be Your Baby Tonight - Robert Palmer
Kick your shoes off
Do not fear
Bring that bottle over here
I'll be your baby tonight
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What's Your Soundtrack?
Found out Lushy's.
Here's how it works...Put your iPod or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.
Opening Scene: American Girl -Tom Petty
Well she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldnt help thinkin that there
Was a little more to life somewhere else
Wake Up Scene: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
Average Day: It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down
1st Date: Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Falling in Love: Why Can't I Be You? - The Cure
You turn my head when you turn around
You turn the whole world upside down
I'm smitten I'm bitten I'm hooked I'm cooked
I'm stuck like glue!
Fight Scene: Machine Head - Bush
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe in
Breathe in
Break Up Scene: Save Yourself - Stabbing Westward
I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
Back together: A Song For You - Ray Charles
I love you in a place
Where there's no space or time
I love your for my life
Cause you're a friend of mine
Secret Love: White Flag - Dido
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Life's OK: Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would
Mental Breakdown: Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I'd rather die than give you control
Driving: Bawitdaba - Kid Rock
Bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy
Said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Learning a Lesson: Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
Deep Thought: Delicate - Damien Rice
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
Flashback: Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
Then magnificently we will float into the mystic
Partying: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Happy Dance: Ooh La La - Goldfrapp
I need la la la la la la
I need ooh la la la la
I need la la la la la la
I need ooh la la la la...
Regretting: Under the Milky Way - The Church
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Long Night Alone: Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith there's magic in the night
Death Scene: The World I Know - Collective Soul
So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself
As the years roll down
Cause it's the world I know
It's the world I know
Closing Credits: All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
Here's how it works...Put your iPod or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.
Opening Scene: American Girl -Tom Petty
Well she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldnt help thinkin that there
Was a little more to life somewhere else
Wake Up Scene: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
Average Day: It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down
1st Date: Learning to Fly - Pink Floyd
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Falling in Love: Why Can't I Be You? - The Cure
You turn my head when you turn around
You turn the whole world upside down
I'm smitten I'm bitten I'm hooked I'm cooked
I'm stuck like glue!
Fight Scene: Machine Head - Bush
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe in
Breathe in
Break Up Scene: Save Yourself - Stabbing Westward
I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
Back together: A Song For You - Ray Charles
I love you in a place
Where there's no space or time
I love your for my life
Cause you're a friend of mine
Secret Love: White Flag - Dido
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Life's OK: Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would
Mental Breakdown: Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
Head like a hole
Black as your soul
I'd rather die than give you control
Driving: Bawitdaba - Kid Rock
Bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy
Said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Learning a Lesson: Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on
Deep Thought: Delicate - Damien Rice
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
Flashback: Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
Then magnificently we will float into the mystic
Partying: A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Happy Dance: Ooh La La - Goldfrapp
I need la la la la la la
I need ooh la la la la
I need la la la la la la
I need ooh la la la la...
Regretting: Under the Milky Way - The Church
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Long Night Alone: Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith there's magic in the night
Death Scene: The World I Know - Collective Soul
So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself
As the years roll down
Cause it's the world I know
It's the world I know
Closing Credits: All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
Thursday, September 07, 2006
September 7th
Last year nobody was able to get me what I wanted for my birthday. Maybe this year I will Just because I turned 40 last year does not mean I can't turn 35 this year. Time is relative. Ask Einstein. I don't know what that means but it's my birthday so I can say what I want.
Happy birthday to me! Yay!~~
Where's my cake?
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Happy Blogiversary To Me
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1) The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. Woe to those whose families and friends read their blogs. I have told very few friends about my blog - and I'm almost sorry I even told them. Sorry guys, but really, I tell you everything anyway. I have told no immediate family and absolutely no workmates. How can you bitch about family and friends if they are snooping around your blog looking for dirt? Keep the blog to yourself. Your blog life - and real life - will be all the healthier for it.
2) Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility! I originally started writing in the hopes that if anyone out there was looking for me, they could find me through my blog. Well that was as dumb as a bag of hammers. If there is one thing I could change it would be that my name would be in no way associated with this thing, especially now that I am in the education field. Being a teacher, and having my name on here, I just don't feel comfortable writing about my sexual exploits or drunken debauchery. Because that's the reason I don't write about that stuff, not because there are no sexual exploits or drunken debauchery to write about.
Shut up.
3) Man, you've got some fucked up friends, I'm tellin' ya. Limber, though...Blog crushes are an inevitable part of the game. I have yet to meet a blogger who did not form some sort of a crush on a fellow blogger. Ok, I have yet to meet a blogger at all, but you know what I mean. The crushes happen, and I am here to tell you - don't let it happen to you! The blog world is an unnatural world; friendships come hard and fast. If you make a friend, keep it that way - as a friend. This is going to come as quite a shock... but... people on the internet....lie. No, it's true! They do! If you want a date, go to Match.com. Don't look for one through your blog. And no, I'm not going to mention MoMo here, because she just blows my whole crush theory to hell, damn her and her perfect man.
4) The things you own, end up owning you. At some point I became more concerned with how many blogrolls I was on and how many hits my blog was getting than about what I was writing. That's when I knew it was time to step away from the computer. Yes, it's always flattering to be blogrolled by people, just don't freak out if they dump you like a bad habit with no notice. Having a Site Meter is really only worthwhile to see how complete strangers find your blog through internet searches - I am number one for Accidental Flash! And don't get me started on Comment Envy. Listen, comments are a very nice way to get feedback, but whether you get 5 or 50, it doesn't matter. It's a blog, not a popularity contest. If you are trying to grab that elusive popularity you never obtained in high school, then you are a bigger loser than you were back then. And I know of what I speak, cause I was super cool in high school. No really, I was much cooler then than I am now. Now I'm a dork.
5) Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Don't try to be like others, just be yourself. My blog is all about me. Me me me. There's nothing wrong with that! Let's face it, if I don't write about me, who else will? Some people rant about politics, others treat their blog like a journal, while still others practice their mad writing skills. It's your blog and you can do what you want with it. If you like hot fez wearing chicks - then show them off! If exploding things in the microwave is your thing - feel free to share with the world! If conversing with your penis is your claim to fame - then get some therapy. But write about it first!
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And there you have them, my five little nuggets of genius. Extra special thanks to Tyler Durden for his help with this extra special post. I hope you enjoyed my first blogiversary musings. If you did, come back again sometime. If not, go fuck yourself.
What! It's my blog, I can say what I want.
Tis better to have blogged and lost than never to have blogged at all.
- The Babbling Brooke
Congratulations. You're one step closer to hitting bottom.
- Tyler Durden
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Must Do TV
Lately I have been watching entirely too much television. While I am not a couch potato, I seem to have found myself in the distressing position of having at least one show that I want to watch *each night of the week. Now it's true that I am into most of these shows because their storyline has me riveted. But if I am going to be completely honest here - and I am all about the honesty - my reasons for watching these shows is as shallow as a kiddie pool. Let's be real. I watch for the men. Some of these men are spectacularly hot. Are any - or all - of these men the type of guy I want to end up with? Don't be ridiculous. This is just my fantasy to-do list. Shut up, we all have one.
*Note - Saturday is not included. I do actually try to get out at least one night a week, contrary to popular belief.
Sunday
Dr. McDreamy - Grey's Anatomy
Pros - brain surgeon, cool under pressure, sexy as hell
Cons - married, already entangled in a complicated love triangle, lives in a trailer
Upshot - too much baggage
Runner up - Mike, Desperate Housewives
Tuesday
Luke Danes - Gilmore Girls
Pros - stable, drives a truck, wears a backwards baseball cap
Cons - engaged, not sure if he knows what a book is
Upshot - could be a contender if he dumps the broad
Runner up - Simon, American Idol (shut up, he's funny as hell)
Friday
Danny McCoy - Las Vegas
Pros - gorgeous, funny, six pack abs
Cons - yeah right, you find one
Upshot - anywhere, anytime
Runner up - if I can't have him, nobody can. I mean, I don't want anybody else.
*Note - Saturday is not included. I do actually try to get out at least one night a week, contrary to popular belief.
Sunday
Dr. McDreamy - Grey's AnatomyPros - brain surgeon, cool under pressure, sexy as hell
Cons - married, already entangled in a complicated love triangle, lives in a trailer
Upshot - too much baggage
Runner up - Mike, Desperate Housewives
Monday 
Michael Scofield - Prison Break
Pros - those lips, those eyes, that tattoo.....oh my
Cons - yes, he is one for another 5 years
Upshot - call me for a weekend of debauchery when you jump the fence
Runner up - Jack Bauer, 24
Michael Scofield - Prison Break
Pros - those lips, those eyes, that tattoo.....oh my
Cons - yes, he is one for another 5 years
Upshot - call me for a weekend of debauchery when you jump the fence
Runner up - Jack Bauer, 24
Tuesday
Luke Danes - Gilmore GirlsPros - stable, drives a truck, wears a backwards baseball cap
Cons - engaged, not sure if he knows what a book is
Upshot - could be a contender if he dumps the broad
Runner up - Simon, American Idol (shut up, he's funny as hell)
Wednesday
Sawyer - Lost
Pros - southern drawl, dimples to die for, smokin' hot
Cons - geographically undesirable, possible sociopath
Upshot - one night in his tent ought to cure me of this one...ok maybe two
Runner up - Jack, Lost
Sawyer - LostPros - southern drawl, dimples to die for, smokin' hot
Cons - geographically undesirable, possible sociopath
Upshot - one night in his tent ought to cure me of this one...ok maybe two
Runner up - Jack, Lost
Thursday
Luca Kovac - ER
Pros - handsome, kind, dependable
Cons - seems to only be attracted to hospital personnel or hookers
Upshot - make him my doctor and fantasize during my examinations
Runner up - Ryan, The OC
Luca Kovac - ER
Pros - handsome, kind, dependable
Cons - seems to only be attracted to hospital personnel or hookers
Upshot - make him my doctor and fantasize during my examinations
Runner up - Ryan, The OC
Friday
Danny McCoy - Las VegasPros - gorgeous, funny, six pack abs
Cons - yeah right, you find one
Upshot - anywhere, anytime
Runner up - if I can't have him, nobody can. I mean, I don't want anybody else.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
A Mosquito, My Libido
I drove home from the hospital Thursday night thinking about the one thing that has been sorely lacking in my life of late - a good night's sleep. Spending so much time at the hospital (mom is doing much better thanks) has completely sucked the life out of me. I was so tired, so utterly exhausted, that I was actually having fantasies about sleeping. I could hear the bow-chick-a-bow-wow music in my head as my mind ran away with me...oooooh...the soft sheets that I just washed this morning...aaaaah....bed by 10:00 o'clock after a hot luxurious bubble bath....uuuuhhhh....yessss....yes...yes.....
At exactly 10:00 pm I slipped between the sheets, skin scented with milk and honey and tired muscles totally relaxed. I actually felt myself sinking into the bed, that wonderful drowsy state totally taking over my body. It wasn't long before I was drifting off into a well-deserved and blissful sleep...
Load up on guns...bring your friends...it’s fun to lose...and to pretend
What the hell is that. Do not tell me that is Nirvana. Do not tell me that one of my fucking neighbors chooses this night of all nights to blast their fucking stereo. Please no. Ok..give them a minute to realize that this is a school night and that it's a bit too loud...they'll turn it down...
Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I stood up and threw my window open, ready to unleash my inner Jersey girl. It was obvious that the music was coming from one of the boats docked outside the building, and I realized it was not really that loud after all. It was just loud enough to be like an insistent mosquito buzzing around my ears. And there was this other sound too - running water. So one of these fucking boat people was washing down their boat and blasting Nirvana at 10:00 at night. Sonofafuckingbitch.
With the Lights out...it's less dangerous...here we are now...entertain us...
I followed the sound to the sloop just outside my window. It wasn't someone washing their boat. It was someone washing himself. A man. A real live honest to goodness, hard-bodied, tanned and perfect male specimen - taking a shower on the dock - with a hose.
Thank you God.
I stared open-mouthed as he washed his hair, the lather running down his chest. I strained to see in the darkness if he actually had any clothes on or if God was indeed being really really good to me. No, I see Speedo. Black Speedo.
God is mean.
Sleep forgotten, I leaned on my arms and settled in comfortably against my windowsill for a good old fashioned perv session. I couldn't see his face, but I couldn't have cared less. His body was like a sculpture. A wet, almost naked, soapy sculpture. My inner Jersey girl was now shouting, "Take it off!!!" in my head, and I practically bit my tongue to keep it from popping out of my mouth.
I found it hard... it's hard to find ...oh well whatever nevermind...
He took it off. I saw butt.
God is good.
It struck me that sleep was not the only thing that I have been sorely lacking in my life. My mind was moving a mile a minute. I wonder if he's single... I really need a boyfriend...screw getting a boyfriend...too much work...can't we just make love like crazed weasels...which boat is that...is that one of the guys that I accidently flashed back in June...
I was so lost in my little reverie that I almost didn't realize that he had turned the water off and was drying off. Bummer, the show was almost over. I smiled, thinking what a nice and unexpected distraction this had been. And that's when he looked up and locked eyes with me.
For a second I froze, mortified that I had been caught so obviously perving on him. And then he smiled, a really big, really happy smile. I smiled back, laughing and embarassed, and pulled my window shut. I could hear him saying, "Oh come on...don't go!" as the window slammed closed.
I jumped back in bed, giggling to myself. I could still hear him trying to get me to come back to the window. I couldn't help but wonder what he had in mind. Was he going to try to convince me to come down and bang him on his boat? Did he want to flash me some more? Hmmmm....I was just curious of course...really curious. I got up from the bed and was just about to open my window again when I looked down and realized why I could still hear him begging me to come back.
I was stark naked.
God is mean.
I feel stupid...and contagious...here we are now...entertain us...
At exactly 10:00 pm I slipped between the sheets, skin scented with milk and honey and tired muscles totally relaxed. I actually felt myself sinking into the bed, that wonderful drowsy state totally taking over my body. It wasn't long before I was drifting off into a well-deserved and blissful sleep...
Load up on guns...bring your friends...it’s fun to lose...and to pretend
What the hell is that. Do not tell me that is Nirvana. Do not tell me that one of my fucking neighbors chooses this night of all nights to blast their fucking stereo. Please no. Ok..give them a minute to realize that this is a school night and that it's a bit too loud...they'll turn it down...
Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, how low?
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I stood up and threw my window open, ready to unleash my inner Jersey girl. It was obvious that the music was coming from one of the boats docked outside the building, and I realized it was not really that loud after all. It was just loud enough to be like an insistent mosquito buzzing around my ears. And there was this other sound too - running water. So one of these fucking boat people was washing down their boat and blasting Nirvana at 10:00 at night. Sonofafuckingbitch.
With the Lights out...it's less dangerous...here we are now...entertain us...
I followed the sound to the sloop just outside my window. It wasn't someone washing their boat. It was someone washing himself. A man. A real live honest to goodness, hard-bodied, tanned and perfect male specimen - taking a shower on the dock - with a hose.
Thank you God.
I stared open-mouthed as he washed his hair, the lather running down his chest. I strained to see in the darkness if he actually had any clothes on or if God was indeed being really really good to me. No, I see Speedo. Black Speedo.God is mean.
Sleep forgotten, I leaned on my arms and settled in comfortably against my windowsill for a good old fashioned perv session. I couldn't see his face, but I couldn't have cared less. His body was like a sculpture. A wet, almost naked, soapy sculpture. My inner Jersey girl was now shouting, "Take it off!!!" in my head, and I practically bit my tongue to keep it from popping out of my mouth.
I found it hard... it's hard to find ...oh well whatever nevermind...
He took it off. I saw butt.
God is good.
It struck me that sleep was not the only thing that I have been sorely lacking in my life. My mind was moving a mile a minute. I wonder if he's single... I really need a boyfriend...screw getting a boyfriend...too much work...can't we just make love like crazed weasels...which boat is that...is that one of the guys that I accidently flashed back in June...
I was so lost in my little reverie that I almost didn't realize that he had turned the water off and was drying off. Bummer, the show was almost over. I smiled, thinking what a nice and unexpected distraction this had been. And that's when he looked up and locked eyes with me.
For a second I froze, mortified that I had been caught so obviously perving on him. And then he smiled, a really big, really happy smile. I smiled back, laughing and embarassed, and pulled my window shut. I could hear him saying, "Oh come on...don't go!" as the window slammed closed.
I jumped back in bed, giggling to myself. I could still hear him trying to get me to come back to the window. I couldn't help but wonder what he had in mind. Was he going to try to convince me to come down and bang him on his boat? Did he want to flash me some more? Hmmmm....I was just curious of course...really curious. I got up from the bed and was just about to open my window again when I looked down and realized why I could still hear him begging me to come back.
I was stark naked.
God is mean.
I feel stupid...and contagious...here we are now...entertain us...
Sunday, February 12, 2006
It All Makes Sense Now
| You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You Are Too Shy |
 Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide. |
And here I thought it was because I am a huge pain in the ass.
Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?
Saturday, January 28, 2006
To My Future Husband
Ten Things You Should Know Right Now About Your Future Bride
- I can be a tad inflexible at times. For instance, this is the engagement ring I want. Make no mistake about it, it will be this ring. Am I making myself clear on this? Yes, I am bossy. And demanding. And stubborn. Learn all this now. I am giving you every chance to run screaming into the night.
- I am very set in my ways. I enjoy my solitary existence. I'm not one of those women that sits home on a Saturday night weeping about where her Prince Charming is. I really really like my alone time. So if you have one of those fabulous work from home jobs that everyone is so desperate to have, you are going to have to go out and get a real fucking job. I don't want you hanging around the house like a frigging spider all day. And please, feel free to go out with your friends once in a while for a beer or two. You think I want you around every night too? No. Just make sure you are home in time to service me before I fall asleep.
- I am extremely anal when it comes to my home. I like things neat and tidy. No smelly socks on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, or hair in the tub. You will be expected to clean up after yourself. I am not interested in being your maid. *This does not include the times I dress up in the French Maid's outfit and we play Master of the Castle.
- I am a hopeless flirt. I enjoy playful banter and ogling the abs of hot young men. This will not stop when we get married. Don't get me wrong - I don't expect you to stop flirting either. I like the idea that other women are attracted to you and that you can appreciate attractive women. Just keep it in your pants sweetie. If you do decide to park the car in someone else's garage, please remember that I am a professional chef and have been trained in the butchering process. In other words, if you cheat on me you will be the main course at your memorial service.
- Cuddling - not interested. I'll tap you if I want you again. Otherwise, get back over to your side of the bed.
- There are two ways to start my day off right. Good coffee. And good sex. You will be required to provide at least one of these on a daily basis. Both would be preferable.
- Every Sunday from September-January there will be football on the television. Deal with it. Yes, we can fool around during halftime. I have no problem with that. Just don't bother me during time of play. And feel free to bring me a beer and some chicken wings while you're up.
- You won't win an argument with me. You can try, but you won't. Every man I've ever known has said that I should have been a trial lawyer. If you do walk away thinking you won an argument, it's only because I am allowing you to think that and have my reasons for doing so. Oh, and I know when you are lying. Don't do it.
- We are getting a dog. This is non-negotiable. I will feed him and train him and love him. You will pick up his poop.
- You know how people always say that it's so important for their significant other to have a sense of humor? Bullshit. Everyone has a sense of humor and most of them stink. There is a big difference between someone with a sense of humor and someone who can make you laugh. I want someone who can make me laugh. Your ability to crack me up is crucial - and believe me it will be reciprocated. If you can't make me laugh so hard that I am afraid I will wet myself, then you better be the best fuck on the planet. And even then if that is all you've got, this won't last very long.
My ring size is 7. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Don't You Put Me on the Back Burner
Hellooooooo! I'm back! I had a very nice - and short - blog break among the three dimensional people. I quite enjoyed them, though you guys smell better than they do. Although I had truly meant to take more time off, I missed my blog family. But that's not the only thing that brought me back in such a timely fashion.Ubermilf wrote a very interesting post about wanting to start all over after making mistakes. Sadly for us grown-ups, we don't have "do overs" like we did when we were kids. One of the reasons I took time off from blogging was because I felt like I had allowed my life to get out of control. Things weren't perfect, so something had to give. I needed a "do-over." But guess what? Nothing is ever perfect. Not blogging is not going to make my problems go away. If anything, blogging is a way for me to sort through my problems. And so I return, no doubt to the delight of those anxious to abuse me for being such a drama queen.
But first things first. I would like to respond to the lovely comments I got on my previous post. Instead of doing it in the comments section, however, I have decided to do it here. Shut up. It's my blog and I'll do what I want. You're all just pissed that you never thought to do this.
sunshine said...
You go, girl...I'm sure a lot of us will miss your frequent, funny comments and observations. But we'd rather that you be happy than to keep us entertained!This post hits a bit of a raw nerve with me because I am struggling to find balance in my life right now too. Good luck to both of us!: )
11/27/2005 4:44 PM
Sunshine, thank you too. I hope you have found some balance. If you have, let me know. I didn't, I just missed blogging so I'm back. Pathetic? Yes.
Cactus Prick said...
Dammit, woman. Hurry back.
11/27/2005 4:49 PM
I'm back ya prick! Did ya miss me? Get that web cam yet?
Tomlawyer said...
Hey, wish you the best. Bye for now....
11/27/2005 4:59 PM
Thanks Tom! I'm so lucky to have you around. You do know that I consider you my lawyer, right? How much are restraining orders going for these days?
Calzone said...
will miss you dumbass, hopefully we can talk soon.
11/27/2005 5:05 PM
Thanks dumbass. Catch the clap from one of your bimbos yet?
Knitty Kitty said...
tis the season to scale back, a lot of us are doing it. I think i realized I needed to step back a little when my family got sick and tired of me starting to say something "i read in a blog today..."g'luck
11/27/2005 5:56 PM
At least you can say that to your family! My blog is my dirty little secret. And so are all of you.
Egan said...
Good for you Brooke. I mean, I feel like I should do the same thing, but don't have the heart to step away from the computer. It will happen sometime in the future though since I need to shift my priortities and the end of the year is fast approaching. Thanks for keeping the masses entertained.
11/27/2005 6:09 PM
Stop being a such a drama queen. You sound like me. It's not like you and I don't IM every day anyway.
darth said...
are you back yet? :(
11/27/2005 7:06 PM
Yes! Here I am!!!
The real me said...
I will miss trading quips with you, dear. And you'll always be near the top of my blogroll!xo
11/27/2005 7:40 PM
Thank you TRM. You better not have written any dirty stories about me while I was gone.
yournamehere said...
I would never delete you from my blogroll...uh...what was your name again?
11/27/2005 8:20 PM
You are such a twat.
yournamehere said...
Love ya, Brooke. How do you think I feel? The quality of my personal life and the quality of my blog have both reached all time lows.Take care of business, babe.
11/27/2005 8:21 PM
We need to get out drinking together one of these days, my friend.
Dan-E said...
dammit brooke, i was just starting to like you. at least i got to see your ta-tas. but seriously, it's cool you're forcing yourself to go live life among the three-dimensional people. bloggers are fun but if you go outside once in a while, it's nice. and it ups your chances of meeting viggo.if you're ever down in sobe, well, god help you.
11/27/2005 8:28 PM
You saw my ta-tas!?! Was that you on the boat outside my window!? If you come back I'll paint my phone number across them for you. My ta-tas I mean, not my windows.
kris said...
Murr. But I understand. Good for you, young lovah.But I'll miss you.
11/27/2005 8:36 PM
Lovah! I am so using that word from now on!
Browneyedgirlie said...
I can relate completely.You have to take care of yourself first and foremost.I hope you're able to find that balance and join us again soon :)
11/27/2005 9:05 PM
Thanks girlie! How goes the relationship? I should probably mention that I hate anyone in a solid relationship right now, so you may not want to answer.
Jill said...
I am happy to keep you on my blogroll, and I am sure you make a great three-dimension-human not-just-virtual-reality kinda gal pal. Find your balance but don't forget me either!
11/27/2005 9:35 PM
I am still completely unbalanced, so nothing to worry about there. And I've been reading your blog all week. Your stuff is too good to miss.
Neil said...
At first I thought this was just another stunt to get a whole lot of "I love you, Brooke" comments without doing any work. But now I see you were being real.Brooke, you know hard it is for me to hear this. I will now shave my head and walk through Tibet until you return.Honestly, we all spend too much time online, and it is important to remember that this isn't REAL LIFE. We'll miss your wit and kind words terribly, Brooke. So, don't take too long getting your life together... and enjoy all those shiny red apples that your students will give you for Christmas.
11/27/2005 10:32 PM
Neil, you know I've been reading your stuff too. I wouldn't miss my daily dose of Neil for anything. Oh, and thanks so much for writing about me on Blogebrity. Do you know how many hits I got from that? About four. Blogebrity sucks. For those of you who want to read his article abusing me, click here. I'm waiting for the next article to skewer me for coming back after a week.
Dating Dummy said...
Hey Brooke, I can relate completely. I'm in the same boat, and am trying hard to strike that balance. But tipping it back to the balancing point with ICG pretty much means spending less time on my blog. Take your time, then come back to us when you can!
11/28/2005 12:05 AM
DD, you and ICG are very lucky to have found each other. I'm guessing we will be seeing less and less of both of you as you begin your new life together. By the way, I hate you both.
MoDigli said...
I would never ever ever delete your name from my blogroll, Brooke! And don't feel badly about taking needed time for YOU! Honestly, I know I spend too much online, too. Why is it so addictive? I think it's just that I found such a community of support and like-minded ppl who are just like all of the descriptions you offered in your post. I know that with the re-balancing of your life, you will find and create a community of supportive and like-minded 3-D ppl, too! You're the best, and you deserve all the happiness and balance you can handle! Love ya!
11/28/2005 12:23 AM
It's way too addictive! Every now and then I just cut myself off from my computer. It's kind of like a relationship - one of those on-again off-again love/hate things. I really really need to find a man. Does your new man have any hot friends?
Spirit Of Owl said...
All the best to you Brooke. I'll be watching for your return, but if you find that you like the real world too much to come back, I wish you a wonderful life. :) X
11/28/2005 4:16 AM
Owl, you are so sweet. I hope I have a wonderful life even with the computer.
JJ said...
Bye, SMG. Come back soon.
11/28/2005 7:55 AM
WOW SMB, your heartfelt good-bye really has me all choked up.
boo said...
enjoy your break. come back soon brookester. miss u.
11/28/2005 8:22 AM
Boo! I used to have a boyfriend who called me Brookester. Crap, now I'm thinking about him.
cannot be trusted said...
Me, my wife, my Girlzilla, and my poochie will miss you, but we understand your decision. My Blogroll never gets updated, so consider yourself a mainstay!
11/28/2005 9:29 AM
Jacob, you guys totally make me feel like part of the family. What time is dinner?
Evil Petting Zoo said...
You have a permanent spot on my blogroll. Yours is one that I read on a regular basis. Yours is one of the first blogs I've ever read and commented on. I even think you were one of my first commenters. Great blogging aside, for that you will always have a place on my blog. Now go find that cop!
11/28/2005 12:49 PM
PEZ! One of my firsts! How are things with the girl who owns your smile? Oh, and I hate you too.
officer krupke said...
Brooke my darling, do what you have to. We will all be here waiting for you....or I will arrest everyone.
11/28/2005 12:51 PM
Damn you, couldn't you have dropped me off at my neighbor's house? They were loaded and had no kids.
Jo said...
But I just STARTED reading you! How not fair :-( Ah, well... I suppose you're worth waiting for! Hurry back!
11/28/2005 1:24 PM
Thanks Jo! I look forward to checking out your blog! And yes, I'm worth waiting for. At least that's what the boys have said.
thephoenixnyc said...
See you in a few hours. ; 0
11/28/2005 1:54 PM
You little shit. You buying the drinks when I come to NY?
Ubermilf said...
Sorry to see you go, but I am glad to be the hottest girl on blogger now.
11/28/2005 4:47 PM
Like you weren't before.
Brooke said...
You guys are wonderful. I'm not leaving forever! Honest! Not even close! I'll probably be back before the holidays. And I'm already making my little commments here and there. I just didn't want people to give me shit for not writing. Love you all! See you soon!
11/28/2005 4:52 PM
Shut up dumbass. They are all saying really nice things. Don't interrupt.
Tumbleweed said...
Damn it, I am new and you are truly an interesting person! I hope you come back so I can get to know you better!! Take care.
11/28/2005 5:01 PM
I love your name! And thank you for the nice things you said! I truly hope I can keep on being interesting - for both of our sakes.
Egan said...
Gosh, I was wondering if you would ever comment again. I mean you have some nerve to just stop blogging when you feel like it.
11/28/2005 5:33 PM
You really do miss me huh. Loser.
Kallun said...
"Whimsical fun"... I like to pretend you were talking about me then.Good luck.
11/28/2005 9:27 PM
You are definitely whimsical fun for me Kallun. And hopefully you will continue to be so when we finally have that torrid affair. Just remember lovah, I'm only going to use you for sex.
Monkey said...
It seems we were separated at birth? We both wrote similar posts in the same weekend? Amazing. I relate to your post completely. Balance. It's all about balance. Easier said than done. I too wanted to warn people that I will be around less on other blogs due to "real life". I've grown so fond of people here I couldn't just disappear without explanation. You are stuck on my blogroll under "Daily Fecal Samples" until the end of time. No worries there. We love you.
11/28/2005 9:35 PM
We do seem to be very similar in a lot of ways. Between our lack of fingers, our time living in Australia, and our bad taste in men, I'm thinking I finally found who Officer Krupke took me away from when I was a baby. If your family is rich, I'm going to be really pissed.
Menar Piggs said...
Brooke - Your stories are a book waiting to happen. Submit your stories to a magazine...perhaps you are on your way to a 4th career? I want your autograph.
11/28/2005 10:18 PM
You wouldn't happen to be a publisher would you? Cause that would be way cool.
LeMorse said...
Please...come over to my BLOG and read today's post. It means the world to me.
11/28/2005 10:48 PM
LeMorse, you come back after all this time to ask me for money? Bastard!
Evil Petting Zoo said...
Yay for Officer Krupke!
11/29/2005 12:48 AM
He may have a lot of 'xplaining to do.
Bill said...
Perhaps you should wean yourself off … You know, keep posting but stop making comments. Hmm? Just a thought! What do I know?Or maybe just start a new blog under another name and create a personality that only posts every four or five days and never comments? You know, someone stand-offish but groin numbingly sexy? Now that might be a plan!
11/29/2005 1:56 AM
All I got off from that comment was "groin numbingly sexy." Yes please, I'll take some of that.
cannot be trusted said...
I have some shit to give you. Here, SHIT!
See, you truly are like family.
WhiteBoyBob said...
I'll be checking up periodically to make sure we don't miss your grand return
11/29/2005 2:22 PM
I'm here! Where is the brass band? And the cake? I thought for sure there would be cake.
Calzone said...
Your blog sucks
11/29/2005 7:24 PM
Nobody knows more about sucking than you.
BamaGirl said...
Good luck! It will be hard to tear yourself away from your computer, I'm sure! Let us know how it goes!
11/30/2005 12:45 AM
It went great! I discovered that balance is highly overrated.
Mary Worth said...
Young lady, you have done a wise thing. The more I learn of this blogging business, the less I like it. It seems to be polluted with unemployable layabouts and sexual deviants. I'm old, and haven't had a solid bowel movement in months.
11/30/2005 1:33 PM
Do you think you could introduce me to some of the sexual deviants? Preferably the ones with six-pack abs and really low IQ's, please.
cannot be trusted said...
Someone is giving you shit over at Blogebrity, too. Neil.
11/30/2005 2:40 PM
Neil actually emailed me the link. Because of Neil, I am a blogebrity for not blogging. How cool is that?!
sandra said...
we all go through phases/stages like this. i'm sure you'll get it all figured out. you'll be missed, but not forgotten.
11/30/2005 7:12 PM
Thank you Sandra. I'm not sure I was missed since I was only gone for a few days, and it's very likely I was completely forgotten since I was only gone for a few days. But it's the thought that counts.
You'll be back in a week. I know it.
12/01/2005 12:33 AM
Even less. Dammit, I am so transparent.
Lord Duke Nick Seaman said...
It is I, Advocatus Diaboli. You may know me as Lord Duke Nick Seaman of Queue and Eh? fame.I come bearing news of a brand-shitting-new interview!Curse my unfortunate rhyme!Little Miss Knit gives good interview, come and check it out! Right Now!If you harbor any desire to ever be interviewed you will come and check this out!
12/01/2005 2:22 AM
I harbor no desire to be interviewed, but I will go read it anyway because I love Knitty and I want to show your blog support. By the way, you are such a whore.
Jaxe said...
Just the ebb & flow of life, babe ;-) We'll be here for you if you need us (assuming we're not also on sabattical, hehe) *hugs* I hope you are well!j
12/01/2005 3:34 AM
You wrote this on a Thursday. Were you half naked when you hugged me?
Lo Lo Lova said...
Miss you Brooke! Good luck finding the perfect balance :)
12/01/2005 9:31 AM
Oh Lo Lo, being that we are both so anal retentive, what do you think the chances are of ever finding perfect balance?
Anonymous said...
I love you Brooke!
12/01/2005 1:38 PM
I'm just going to assume you are the man of my dreams. I love you too, Viggo!
To those of you who came by but didn't leave a comment, thanks for dropping by and come back soon. For those of you who didn't even notice I was gone, go fuck yourselves.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Bumping Uglies: Part Deux
This is for Kris, who has just celebrated her birthday and is hiding from the world to recover. Not long ago she posted a meme about shamefully shaggable men. In other words, celebrities you would shag even though you are too embarassed to admit it in public. I have admitted to being shamelessly shallow when it comes to fantasizing about celebrities. Name a celebrity, if he's hot, I probably want to do him. So I did the meme, but I did not follow the rules, which is very typical of me. Instead, I did the I don't care how rich, famous, or powerful you are, I wouldn't do you unless there was a gun pointed at my dog meme.
But today I was watching football, as I always do on Sundays, and I found my shamefully shaggable man. I don't know what it is about him. He has freckles. He has a perpetually bad haircut. He wears a thick gold chain and a visor. He makes facial expressions that only a mother could love. But still, he makes me hot. So Kris, this one's for you. I present you with:
But today I was watching football, as I always do on Sundays, and I found my shamefully shaggable man. I don't know what it is about him. He has freckles. He has a perpetually bad haircut. He wears a thick gold chain and a visor. He makes facial expressions that only a mother could love. But still, he makes me hot. So Kris, this one's for you. I present you with:
Jon Gruden
Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
and dead ringer for:
Chucky
Psychopathic Synthetic Serial Killer
I'm so ashamed. Happy belated birthday, Kris.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
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