1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I cut my hand open while butterflying a chicken breast. My stupidity earned me eight stitches and huge bragging rights in the male-dominated kitchen I was working in at the time.
2. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
My own home. And a man. And a puppy.
Pretty much in that order.
3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
9:23 pm on a Tuesday evening.
4. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
It's a tie between my Easy Bake Oven and my Barbie Camper Van.
5. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
6. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
My mother. I took her dinner order. If I don't get a life soon I'll be answering this question with the words My therapist for the rest of my life.
7. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
I do. I'm a big sissy. Hold me.
8. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Someone completely unworthy.
9. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
All of them. It's where I store all my wisdom. There is no way they are coming out.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Whatever Gerard Butler wears is fine with me.
11. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I like dark hair and light eyes, but that is not set in stone.
12. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
This implies that I am neither. I take offense to this question.
13. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Since when isn't coffee an energy drink?
14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The hazelnut gelato at Perché No in Florence, Italy.
You said anything.
15. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
The list of possibilities is endless.
16. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I speak fluent six year old.
17. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I do I do! I'll pass you a note in study hall and tell you all about him!
18. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
You mean fall in love with someone completely unavailable? Who couldn't return my love? Who would only break my heart and abandon me, leaving me behind in a broken heap? Who would do that to themselves?
19. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I like to call him names, kick him in the shin, and then run away screeching at the top of my lungs. After which my girlfriends and I giggle wildly and crank call his house.
20. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
The asshole who parks in the illegal spot in front of Wawa everyday making it impossible to turn the corner without driving into oncoming traffic. I hope he gets a hemorrhoid from sitting there.
21. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?
Many many times. I think it should be a requirement of all American citizens to get the fuck out of this country so that they can see that there is a great big world out there, and that it doesn't revolve around the U.S.
22. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Dimples and six pack abs.
23. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'd like to be made into Angelina Jolie.
24. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
I did it for Princess. It's always a good idea to suck up to royalty.
25. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
I'm single and 42. You do the math.
26. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My megawatt smile and razor sharp wit.
27. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
I don't understand the question.
28. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
No more than 18 is best.
Oh wait, that's not what you meant...
29. WHERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mother wanted to name me after my Aunt Fannie. Thank you dad.
30. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
As I stated before, I'm a big sissy. I cry on a fairly regular basis. Sappy commercials. Random acts of kindness. Puppies. Rereading Charlotte's Web. Gerard Butler's abs in 300. Pretty much anything can set me off.
31. ANY BAD HABITS?
Absolutely not. I'm a complete delight.
32. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Absolutely. I'm a complete delight.
33. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
I know lots of famous people.
Oh, you meant do they know me back...
34. DO LOOKS MATTER?
To me? Seriously, is this your first time here?
35. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
I take it out on Todd.
36. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No, I am very wary of whom I trust. This is because I am a rotten judge of character.
37. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:
Milkshake. I mean, she's really not talking about her milkshake, now is she.
38. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
The last day of school.
39. FAVORITE EXPRESSION?
Shut up!
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, November 26, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
WWJD
I have a serious question about religion. OK, actually I have three.I promise you that I am not trying to be simplistic, disrespectful, or inflammatory. I really am interested to know if anyone has the answer to these questions.
Recently, a born-again Christian spent the better part of the day trying to convert me. I realize that it's her duty to convert anyone who hasn't seen the light, and so I was patient with her and didn't beat her to death with a heavy object. Instead, I told her I would consider it if she could answer my three simple questions.
- I'm Jewish. So was Jesus. Why do you want to convert me to a religion other than the one your Lord and Savior practiced? And he didn't just practice Judaism, he was a Rabbi. So I can't help but think that leaving the religion he himself taught to others would be extremely disrespectful.
- If you love Jesus so much, shouldn't you be the one converting to the religion he was born into and taught to others? To me that would seem to be the way to really show your love for him. He's a nice Jewish boy, it's the least you can do!
- Finally, since Jesus was Jewish- and the son of God - then does that mean that God is Jewish? I mean really, would God impregnate a girl who didn't share his religion? That would be kind of blasphemous, wouldn't it?
Thank you.
*Thank God Jews don't believe in hell.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
And so you're back, from outer space
I've had two lists of questions sitting around in the "Posts" section of the dashboard just waiting to be answered. The first five are from Todd, who according to a recent fuckwit source is my hero. Clearly I must answer these immediately lest I upset the object of my worship. The second set are from someone I can't remember else.
Todd's Questions
1. What is the one thing, besides family and friends, that you'll miss about South Florida?
I will miss wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to go out in the middle of January. As much as I look forward to the change of seasons, I know I'll be bitching and moaning come the dead of winter here in the northeast.
2. Describe in brief detail the worst date you've ever been on.
This is easy. Click here.
3. If you could meet one celebrity for a non-sexual encounter, who would it be?
Gerard Butler.
Shut up. I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.
4. Better Daren: Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Dick York for sure. He was always so frantic. He could make a cup of coffee nervous. It was fun to watch him melt down week after week. Dick Sargent always seemed so annoyed. I think Endora should have magically removed the stick from his ass.
5. Where is your favorite pizza place? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite pizza place in the world is Pizza Fantasy in Rome. It's down the street from the central Termini, right next to the Sexy Theatre. I don't know which was there first, the pizza or the porn, but the pizza is by far the best I've ever had in my life. I haven't been there in years, so it's possible that they have cleaned up that area and changed the name. I just hope they haven't changed the recipe.
Someone Else's Questions
1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
I'd buy homes in all my favorite cities, and spend my days searching each city for beautiful things to fill them with. I'd go to art museums, fine restaurants, and Broadway shows. I'd hire a sexy trainer to get my body back in shape and then of course, I'd fuck him.
2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Because if I tried to do these things with the money available to me, I'd go to jail for check fraud.
3. What’s better: horses or cows?
Horses are cool because you can ride them and they are pretty.
Cows moo and make steak.
It's a tough call.
4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
See number 1.
5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
This is a family site, I can't share.
Oh wait, no it's not.
6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be the first female coach in the NFL.
7. Complete this statement: Love is...
higher than a mountain! Love is thicker than water!
8. Can you tell a good story?
I can tell a fabulous story. Haven't you been reading my blog?
9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I remember it well. It was about sex. And real estate. Sex and real estate. Mmmmmm.
10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
My mom, for making it possible for me to finish school. And for putting up with me when I was a teenager. And for letting me live with her so that I can save up for my dream of sex and real estate.
Todd's Questions
1. What is the one thing, besides family and friends, that you'll miss about South Florida?
I will miss wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to go out in the middle of January. As much as I look forward to the change of seasons, I know I'll be bitching and moaning come the dead of winter here in the northeast.
2. Describe in brief detail the worst date you've ever been on.
This is easy. Click here.
3. If you could meet one celebrity for a non-sexual encounter, who would it be?
Gerard Butler.
Shut up. I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.
4. Better Daren: Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Dick York for sure. He was always so frantic. He could make a cup of coffee nervous. It was fun to watch him melt down week after week. Dick Sargent always seemed so annoyed. I think Endora should have magically removed the stick from his ass.
5. Where is your favorite pizza place? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite pizza place in the world is Pizza Fantasy in Rome. It's down the street from the central Termini, right next to the Sexy Theatre. I don't know which was there first, the pizza or the porn, but the pizza is by far the best I've ever had in my life. I haven't been there in years, so it's possible that they have cleaned up that area and changed the name. I just hope they haven't changed the recipe.
Someone Else's Questions
1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
I'd buy homes in all my favorite cities, and spend my days searching each city for beautiful things to fill them with. I'd go to art museums, fine restaurants, and Broadway shows. I'd hire a sexy trainer to get my body back in shape and then of course, I'd fuck him.
2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Because if I tried to do these things with the money available to me, I'd go to jail for check fraud.
3. What’s better: horses or cows?
Horses are cool because you can ride them and they are pretty.
Cows moo and make steak.
It's a tough call.
4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
See number 1.
5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
This is a family site, I can't share.
Oh wait, no it's not.
6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be the first female coach in the NFL.
7. Complete this statement: Love is...
higher than a mountain! Love is thicker than water!
8. Can you tell a good story?
I can tell a fabulous story. Haven't you been reading my blog?
9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I remember it well. It was about sex. And real estate. Sex and real estate. Mmmmmm.
10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
My mom, for making it possible for me to finish school. And for putting up with me when I was a teenager. And for letting me live with her so that I can save up for my dream of sex and real estate.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Things I Have Learned From Relationships with Men
- How to drive on the left side of the road.
- How to drink Jack Daniels without making a face.
- Liking football does not make me less feminine.
- Tequila. Bad.
- Strawberry Body Butter. Good.
- Dimples make me weak.
- I am worth fighting for.
- If a man tells you he is not good enough for you, believe him.
- Men can't read minds.
- He either loves you or he doesn't. He's not "afraid" or "freaked out" or "going through a bad time."
- Stay away from bartenders and musicians.
- Being vulnerable will not kill you.
- How he looks is not as important as how he treats you.
- It's ok that I'm not perfect. So I have a bit of a potty mouth, deal with it.
- Always fight fair.
- After a break-up, do not leave the house unless you look fabulous.
- A king sized bed is an absolute necessity.
- Humor is hot.
- Smart is sexy.
- Sex is fun. Laugh. Enjoy. Don't hold back.
- Morning sex is better than coffee to get you going.
- It's ok to let him take care of you.
- Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
- Being alone is not the same as being lonely.
- Settling is not an option.
Inspired by This Fish. She did ten things, but I'm older, so I figure I should have learned more by now.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
You Can Take It With You
Telephone conversation with a friend while watching The Mummy on television for the 112th time.
Friend: Damn, Brendan Fraser has never looked so good.
Me: I know, he's usually so pasty.
Friend: I think The Mummy is hot, too. I'd do him.
Me: I think mummification should come back in style.
Friend: Did you hear how they removed your brains? No thank you.
Me: Yes, but you're already dead anyway, and with mummification you can take your stuff with you.
Friend: That is a bonus. Ok, works for me.
Me: So what would you take?
Friend: My jewelry for sure. And probably my breadmaker. I love my breadmaker. And I'm sure they like bread in heaven.
Me: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Friend: Fuck you. What would you take?
Me: George Clooney.
Friend: You are such a freak.
Me: Fuck you, you're the one who wants to do a mummy. You're just pissed you didn't think of him first.
Friend: Do you always think of sex?
Me: Do you always think of food?
Friend: Like you don't.
Me: You can make us toast in the mornings after all the sex.
Friend: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Me: Oh I'm going to hell. Actually no, I teach in the ghetto! I have a free pass to heaven. And I'll be banging George Clooney for eternity while you serve us fresh toast every morning.
Friend: Fuck you.
Me: Don't forget the butter.
**edited slightly after morning phone call from Friend stating that I didn't get all the dialogue correct. Well excuse the hell out of me. Artistic license or failing memory, you decide.
Friend: Damn, Brendan Fraser has never looked so good.
Me: I know, he's usually so pasty.
Friend: I think The Mummy is hot, too. I'd do him.
Me: I think mummification should come back in style.
Friend: Did you hear how they removed your brains? No thank you.
Me: Yes, but you're already dead anyway, and with mummification you can take your stuff with you.
Friend: That is a bonus. Ok, works for me.
Me: So what would you take?
Friend: My jewelry for sure. And probably my breadmaker. I love my breadmaker. And I'm sure they like bread in heaven.
Me: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Friend: Fuck you. What would you take?
Me: George Clooney.
Friend: You are such a freak.
Me: Fuck you, you're the one who wants to do a mummy. You're just pissed you didn't think of him first.
Friend: Do you always think of sex?
Me: Do you always think of food?
Friend: Like you don't.
Me: You can make us toast in the mornings after all the sex.
Friend: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Me: Oh I'm going to hell. Actually no, I teach in the ghetto! I have a free pass to heaven. And I'll be banging George Clooney for eternity while you serve us fresh toast every morning.
Friend: Fuck you.
Me: Don't forget the butter.
**edited slightly after morning phone call from Friend stating that I didn't get all the dialogue correct. Well excuse the hell out of me. Artistic license or failing memory, you decide.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
Letter to 13
Dear Brooke at 13,
I know that this is an incredibly scary time for you. Everything you have ever known is changing, and not for the better. I also know that there is nobody you can talk to about any of this. You know what I am talking about. Not about puberty, which is pretty much the only issue that your peers are dealing with right now. And not about boys, as you have no problem in that area. This is about the disintegration of your family, your home, and everything that has made your life good, and stable, and happy, up to this point.
Your father is gone - not for good - but he's gone for now and there is nothing you can do about it. It's not your fault and it's best for you to just know that he will be back and he will make every effort to make it up to you in his own way. Your mother is having the first of many meltdowns. Get used to this. They come and go with the breeze. This will be hard for you to comprehend, but you and she will be best friends one day. Important tip: breathe deep and count to five when you sense an oncoming freak-out. As for your brothers, though older and wiser, they are still too young and contain too much testerone to be able to understand what you are going through. They are also having a much harder time dealing with all of this then they are letting on.
You will always have fond memories of your life before now, but please, leave them in the past. You had an incrediby happy childhood. What you are going through now is totally unfair and borderline cruel, but you will get through it. The long, lonely walks you will take to get to your new school will help. They will give you the time to think, and sort, and deal with the fact that you are in a new town, a new home, and none of your old comforts to help you. I know it will be tempting to spend those walks imagining that none of this is happening - believe me I know. But don't. Pretending that none of this is real robs you of the opportunity to see the good things when they come - and they will. Believe me.
Give the new kids a chance. I understand why you don't want to tell them about where your father is. Or that your family had to sell the house you grew up in and then all go their separate ways. Or that you had to give away your dogs, and your cat, and sell anything of real value to move from a 5-bedroom house at the shore to a tiny 2-bedroom rowhome in Center City - with only your mother, no less. It's ok to have secrets, but don't let them eat you up inside. These kids won't judge you. They will like you. They don't care that you don't have the kind of money they have. They don't care that you wear Levi's and not Sassoons. You will be extremely popular because you are enormously likable. Trust me.
I don't want to tell you how this year ends because I am afraid it will begin a lifelong pattern of living in the future and not the present. But know this - you are going to be OK. You have more strength in you than you know. Everything that has happened - has happened for a reason. Go with it. Stretch. Learn. Absorb. And most important of all, don't be afraid to be yourself.
Love,
Brooke at 40
(I know! Can you believe it! We're 40!)
I know that this is an incredibly scary time for you. Everything you have ever known is changing, and not for the better. I also know that there is nobody you can talk to about any of this. You know what I am talking about. Not about puberty, which is pretty much the only issue that your peers are dealing with right now. And not about boys, as you have no problem in that area. This is about the disintegration of your family, your home, and everything that has made your life good, and stable, and happy, up to this point.
Your father is gone - not for good - but he's gone for now and there is nothing you can do about it. It's not your fault and it's best for you to just know that he will be back and he will make every effort to make it up to you in his own way. Your mother is having the first of many meltdowns. Get used to this. They come and go with the breeze. This will be hard for you to comprehend, but you and she will be best friends one day. Important tip: breathe deep and count to five when you sense an oncoming freak-out. As for your brothers, though older and wiser, they are still too young and contain too much testerone to be able to understand what you are going through. They are also having a much harder time dealing with all of this then they are letting on.
You will always have fond memories of your life before now, but please, leave them in the past. You had an incrediby happy childhood. What you are going through now is totally unfair and borderline cruel, but you will get through it. The long, lonely walks you will take to get to your new school will help. They will give you the time to think, and sort, and deal with the fact that you are in a new town, a new home, and none of your old comforts to help you. I know it will be tempting to spend those walks imagining that none of this is happening - believe me I know. But don't. Pretending that none of this is real robs you of the opportunity to see the good things when they come - and they will. Believe me.
Give the new kids a chance. I understand why you don't want to tell them about where your father is. Or that your family had to sell the house you grew up in and then all go their separate ways. Or that you had to give away your dogs, and your cat, and sell anything of real value to move from a 5-bedroom house at the shore to a tiny 2-bedroom rowhome in Center City - with only your mother, no less. It's ok to have secrets, but don't let them eat you up inside. These kids won't judge you. They will like you. They don't care that you don't have the kind of money they have. They don't care that you wear Levi's and not Sassoons. You will be extremely popular because you are enormously likable. Trust me.
I don't want to tell you how this year ends because I am afraid it will begin a lifelong pattern of living in the future and not the present. But know this - you are going to be OK. You have more strength in you than you know. Everything that has happened - has happened for a reason. Go with it. Stretch. Learn. Absorb. And most important of all, don't be afraid to be yourself.
Love,
Brooke at 40
(I know! Can you believe it! We're 40!)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Happy Blogiversary To Me
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1) The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. Woe to those whose families and friends read their blogs. I have told very few friends about my blog - and I'm almost sorry I even told them. Sorry guys, but really, I tell you everything anyway. I have told no immediate family and absolutely no workmates. How can you bitch about family and friends if they are snooping around your blog looking for dirt? Keep the blog to yourself. Your blog life - and real life - will be all the healthier for it.
2) Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility! I originally started writing in the hopes that if anyone out there was looking for me, they could find me through my blog. Well that was as dumb as a bag of hammers. If there is one thing I could change it would be that my name would be in no way associated with this thing, especially now that I am in the education field. Being a teacher, and having my name on here, I just don't feel comfortable writing about my sexual exploits or drunken debauchery. Because that's the reason I don't write about that stuff, not because there are no sexual exploits or drunken debauchery to write about.
Shut up.
3) Man, you've got some fucked up friends, I'm tellin' ya. Limber, though...Blog crushes are an inevitable part of the game. I have yet to meet a blogger who did not form some sort of a crush on a fellow blogger. Ok, I have yet to meet a blogger at all, but you know what I mean. The crushes happen, and I am here to tell you - don't let it happen to you! The blog world is an unnatural world; friendships come hard and fast. If you make a friend, keep it that way - as a friend. This is going to come as quite a shock... but... people on the internet....lie. No, it's true! They do! If you want a date, go to Match.com. Don't look for one through your blog. And no, I'm not going to mention MoMo here, because she just blows my whole crush theory to hell, damn her and her perfect man.
4) The things you own, end up owning you. At some point I became more concerned with how many blogrolls I was on and how many hits my blog was getting than about what I was writing. That's when I knew it was time to step away from the computer. Yes, it's always flattering to be blogrolled by people, just don't freak out if they dump you like a bad habit with no notice. Having a Site Meter is really only worthwhile to see how complete strangers find your blog through internet searches - I am number one for Accidental Flash! And don't get me started on Comment Envy. Listen, comments are a very nice way to get feedback, but whether you get 5 or 50, it doesn't matter. It's a blog, not a popularity contest. If you are trying to grab that elusive popularity you never obtained in high school, then you are a bigger loser than you were back then. And I know of what I speak, cause I was super cool in high school. No really, I was much cooler then than I am now. Now I'm a dork.
5) Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Don't try to be like others, just be yourself. My blog is all about me. Me me me. There's nothing wrong with that! Let's face it, if I don't write about me, who else will? Some people rant about politics, others treat their blog like a journal, while still others practice their mad writing skills. It's your blog and you can do what you want with it. If you like hot fez wearing chicks - then show them off! If exploding things in the microwave is your thing - feel free to share with the world! If conversing with your penis is your claim to fame - then get some therapy. But write about it first!
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And there you have them, my five little nuggets of genius. Extra special thanks to Tyler Durden for his help with this extra special post. I hope you enjoyed my first blogiversary musings. If you did, come back again sometime. If not, go fuck yourself.
What! It's my blog, I can say what I want.
Tis better to have blogged and lost than never to have blogged at all.
- The Babbling Brooke
Congratulations. You're one step closer to hitting bottom.
- Tyler Durden
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thoughts on 2006
Scroll down for Thoughts on 2005
I don't like resolutions. I think they are set-ups for failure and disappointment. If I want that I'll go out on yet another blind date. But I will say this, every goal I set for myself in 2005 - I achieved. And I discovered something about myself that I had not realized before. When I truly set my mind to something - it's mine. That is a powerful piece of information to posess, and it took me 40 years to get it.
And so, this year I am setting my mind to a new goal. And that is to find Mr. Right. He's out there. I know he is. And though I have managed to avoid him for all of these years by only spending time with various versions of Mr. Right Now, those days are over. My last heartbreak taught me that I am, even with my many flaws, a desirable person. That someone can fall in love with me despite all of my imperfections and idiosyncracies. And even though it didn't work out, it made me see that not only can someone fall for me, but that I want someone to. I want to be in a relationship again. I want what I see so many others have. I want that feeling of euphoria when I hear his voice. I want that ridiculous permanent smile that everyone asks about. I want to wake up and go to bed not just thinking of him - but with him.
This is a huge admission for me. Anyone who knows me in real life would fall on their ass if they read this (good thing hardly any of my real life friends do). But I am putting myself out there as of now. And I am going to find the one that I know is out there wondering where the fuck I've been all his life. Well, I'm right here babe. And now it looks like I'm going to have go out on those dreaded blind dates after all. Hey, ya never know.
Merry New Year!
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I don't like resolutions. I think they are set-ups for failure and disappointment. If I want that I'll go out on yet another blind date. But I will say this, every goal I set for myself in 2005 - I achieved. And I discovered something about myself that I had not realized before. When I truly set my mind to something - it's mine. That is a powerful piece of information to posess, and it took me 40 years to get it.
And so, this year I am setting my mind to a new goal. And that is to find Mr. Right. He's out there. I know he is. And though I have managed to avoid him for all of these years by only spending time with various versions of Mr. Right Now, those days are over. My last heartbreak taught me that I am, even with my many flaws, a desirable person. That someone can fall in love with me despite all of my imperfections and idiosyncracies. And even though it didn't work out, it made me see that not only can someone fall for me, but that I want someone to. I want to be in a relationship again. I want what I see so many others have. I want that feeling of euphoria when I hear his voice. I want that ridiculous permanent smile that everyone asks about. I want to wake up and go to bed not just thinking of him - but with him.
This is a huge admission for me. Anyone who knows me in real life would fall on their ass if they read this (good thing hardly any of my real life friends do). But I am putting myself out there as of now. And I am going to find the one that I know is out there wondering where the fuck I've been all his life. Well, I'm right here babe. And now it looks like I'm going to have go out on those dreaded blind dates after all. Hey, ya never know.
Merry New Year!
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thoughts on 2005
On graduating from college at 39 (with honors): my mother still can't believe that the same girl who used to blow off high school to hang out on the beach with the surfers became the woman who would call her and bitch about getting an A- instead of an A. "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter," she would say to me. It wasn't easy going back to school after so many years, but I did it in three - including my semester of student teaching. Thank you to my mother and stepfather for providing the emotional and financial support I needed to achieve this dream. I only wish my stepfather could have seen me graduate.
On changing careers (yet again): yes, this is career number three. My third- and final career - is teacher. The pay sucks. The politics frustrating. The paperwork mountainous. And I will retire in 25 years with a pension and a million lovely memories of actually making a difference in this world. Beat that.
On getting my first teaching job: I went to a job fair in Fort Lauderdale for teachers, though I was still mulling over the idea of moving back to Jersey. I decided that if I got a job at the fair, I would stay. If not, I would pack up and move home. I am a strong believer in Fate. So I arrived at the fair at 8:30 am. I was signing a contract at 9:45 am. Thank you Fate.
On starting my starting teaching job: holy crap. The beginning of the year started out fine. I was team teaching with an experienced teacher. We had 30 kids - 15 mine, 15 hers - we would teach the whole class but ultimately we were responsible for our own 15 kids. This went like gangbusters for about two months. Then it turned out that we had too many teachers at our school, so one of our team was let go. So let's throw the new teacher into that room with her 15 kids - and 8 of the other teacher's kids - and let's give her saaaaaaay...a day's notice. It was a bit of an adjustment I must say - especially for an anal retentive freak like me. I spent weeks redecorating and reorganizing her room. Oy! But it's worked out well, I got rave reviews on my principal's observation, and I now have 8 more kids to adore. Yay for me.
On the hurricanes: Yes I lost power. And cable. And water. But I didn't lose anything of value. My home was safe. My family was safe. My students were safe. And for that I am grateful, grateful, grateful. I'm even more grateful to be moving back to Jersey before the next hurricane season hits.
On discovering the blog world: who knew that a random google search for an old flame would lead to this whole new world? I never imagined when I started this that it would become such a huge part of my life. I feel so lucky to have not only found a creative outlet, but to have been embraced by so many intelligent and wonderful people. And I don't mean embraced in the sexual sense, so some of you get your minds out of the gutter.
On turning 40: not nearly as horrible as I thought - even if I didn't get what I wanted. I have had the good fortune to inherit my mother's fabulous genes- she is 75 and doesn't look a day over 60. It's actually quite fun to tell people I am 40 when they are convinced that I am about 28. Yes, I'm immature, which I believe keeps me looking young. And I'm single with no kids, which I'm convinced also keeps my face dewy and youthful. Whatever, 40 is turning out to be pretty damn cool.
On being single: Ok, so not so good. I admit that I have spent the last 10 years avoiding relationships like the plague. I have hidden behind work, behind family, behind school, and behind my big fat behind in order to make sure that no man will fall for me and get in the way of my goals. This past year in particular I barely made eye contact with a man unless I was convinced he found me repulsive. But then a funny thing happened. I met someone. And we fell for each other. I did my best not to, but it was beyond my control. For a while there we were each other's worlds. I have never written about this because as fast as the relationship started, that's how fast it ended. It was strong, it was intense, it was amazing, and it hurt like hell when it was over. It still hurts like hell. Getting your heart broken sucks. But life goes on, and I learned a very valuable lesson from it. And that brings me to:
Thoughts on 2006
to be continued
On changing careers (yet again): yes, this is career number three. My third- and final career - is teacher. The pay sucks. The politics frustrating. The paperwork mountainous. And I will retire in 25 years with a pension and a million lovely memories of actually making a difference in this world. Beat that.
On getting my first teaching job: I went to a job fair in Fort Lauderdale for teachers, though I was still mulling over the idea of moving back to Jersey. I decided that if I got a job at the fair, I would stay. If not, I would pack up and move home. I am a strong believer in Fate. So I arrived at the fair at 8:30 am. I was signing a contract at 9:45 am. Thank you Fate.
On starting my starting teaching job: holy crap. The beginning of the year started out fine. I was team teaching with an experienced teacher. We had 30 kids - 15 mine, 15 hers - we would teach the whole class but ultimately we were responsible for our own 15 kids. This went like gangbusters for about two months. Then it turned out that we had too many teachers at our school, so one of our team was let go. So let's throw the new teacher into that room with her 15 kids - and 8 of the other teacher's kids - and let's give her saaaaaaay...a day's notice. It was a bit of an adjustment I must say - especially for an anal retentive freak like me. I spent weeks redecorating and reorganizing her room. Oy! But it's worked out well, I got rave reviews on my principal's observation, and I now have 8 more kids to adore. Yay for me.
On the hurricanes: Yes I lost power. And cable. And water. But I didn't lose anything of value. My home was safe. My family was safe. My students were safe. And for that I am grateful, grateful, grateful. I'm even more grateful to be moving back to Jersey before the next hurricane season hits.
On discovering the blog world: who knew that a random google search for an old flame would lead to this whole new world? I never imagined when I started this that it would become such a huge part of my life. I feel so lucky to have not only found a creative outlet, but to have been embraced by so many intelligent and wonderful people. And I don't mean embraced in the sexual sense, so some of you get your minds out of the gutter.
On turning 40: not nearly as horrible as I thought - even if I didn't get what I wanted. I have had the good fortune to inherit my mother's fabulous genes- she is 75 and doesn't look a day over 60. It's actually quite fun to tell people I am 40 when they are convinced that I am about 28. Yes, I'm immature, which I believe keeps me looking young. And I'm single with no kids, which I'm convinced also keeps my face dewy and youthful. Whatever, 40 is turning out to be pretty damn cool.
On being single: Ok, so not so good. I admit that I have spent the last 10 years avoiding relationships like the plague. I have hidden behind work, behind family, behind school, and behind my big fat behind in order to make sure that no man will fall for me and get in the way of my goals. This past year in particular I barely made eye contact with a man unless I was convinced he found me repulsive. But then a funny thing happened. I met someone. And we fell for each other. I did my best not to, but it was beyond my control. For a while there we were each other's worlds. I have never written about this because as fast as the relationship started, that's how fast it ended. It was strong, it was intense, it was amazing, and it hurt like hell when it was over. It still hurts like hell. Getting your heart broken sucks. But life goes on, and I learned a very valuable lesson from it. And that brings me to:
Thoughts on 2006
to be continued
Monday, December 26, 2005
20 Questions for Egan
Not long ago, in a fit of absolute boredom, Egan decided to ask me 20 questions in an epic session of IM. I was stuck inside due to the weather, Egan was stuck inside due to that nasty thing called work. When I was finished, I then turned the tables on him and forced him to answer his own inane questions - with a few minor changes. Here is the result of Egan's interview. To read mine, go to Egan's Monkeyboy Blog.
1) Brooke: Have you seen a grown man naked?
Egan: Yes, I see lots of grown men naked at the gym. Now stop calling me Shirley.
Brooke: Ok, I’ll call you Ethel.
2) Brooke: Do you like movies about gladiators?
Egan: I love the one movie about gladiators I can think of. I think it’s because I have a chubby for Joaquin Phoenix though.
3) Brooke: What was your first car?
Egan: The first car I owned was a 1986 Honda Accord LX. I bought it in 1993. The first car I ever drove regularly was an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser station wagon complete with wood paneling and a very pungent mold smell. We called it the Moldsmobile.
4) Brooke: Tell me something unique about yourself.
Egan: I sleep with a teddy bear. It’s the long arms folks.
5) Brooke: Who was your first crush?
Egan: My first crush was in first grade. Her name was Shannon Brown. She also happened to be my first kiss.
Brooke: I’m going to assume there was no tongue.
6) Brooke: Where is your most sensitive spot on your body? (excluding private areas)
Egan: Neck/ear region. I squirm like an 8 year-old boy when appropriately touched there.
Brooke: That’s quite the mental image. Thank you.
7) Brooke: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
Egan: A couple years ago my wife and I dressed up as Siegfried & Roy. I was Roy Horn with gashes on the neck and all. Very inappropriate, since The Accident happened about three weeks earlier. Oh well.
Brooke: Classy.
8) Brooke: Do you think it's bad to eat a whole pizza by yourself?
Egan: I do think it’s bad, but I do it way too often and justify by saying I will go for a run or workout. Or that I just deserved it.
Brooke: Being that you are an Ironman, I think we can excuse you.
9) Brooke: If you could work any job you've worked before, which job would it be and why? Was it the pay or the job duties that would keep you at that job?
Egan: I would work my college job again at Simply Desserts. I ran the show by myself and loved it. Met tons of people (dated some) and the tips were pretty damn good.
10) Brooke: Do you regret dating anyone in your past?
Egan: Zero regrets about people I dated in the past. I chalk it all up to a learning experience.
Brooke: Wow, you’re so balanced.
11) Brooke: Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Egan: This may sound strange, but I really have only one serious ex-girlfriend. I dated quite bit before I got married, but only had one serious girlfriend before I met my wife. But yes, I do keep in touch with her. We just exchanged email last week. based on you posting this on Monday Brooke
Brooke: It doesn’t sound strange since I am convinced you are a closet homosexual.
12) Brooke: Is Patrick Swayze gay? Do you want him to be?
Egan: I hope he’s gay so I can nail him. Sadly I don’t think he’s gay even though he was in Dirty Dancing and that To Wong Fu and Damn this a Long Movie Title Julie Newmar movie. His best movie was clearly Red Dawn. “Wolverines!”
Brooke: See? Gay.
13) Brooke: Do clothes complete a man or mask who they really are?
Egan: Who created this question?
Brooke: You did, Ethel.
Egan: I want to say mask, but a well-dressed confident man can really push me over the edge.
Brooke: Again, my point is made.
14) Brooke: Three goals you have for next year?
Egan: 1. Complete the Ironman Canada in August.
Egan: 2. Find a real job/start my own company; blogging doesn’t count as a job does it?
Brooke: Unfortunately not.
Egan: 3. Read more books.
15) Brooke: Would you consider yourself to be a romantic?
Egan: Damn this is a loaded question. I guess the honest answer is no. There’s a lot more I could do to surprise my wife, but I am too lazy to think that far ahead.
Egan: Does watching 90210 with my wife count as romantic?
Brooke: No.
16) Brooke: What was the first thing you noticed about your wife when you met her?
Egan: Her eyes and then her intellect. But damn those eyes of hers sucked me in.
17) Brooke: What two shows on TV do you have to see?
Egan: 24 and The Amazing Race
Brooke: You answered that in a much more timely manner than I did. Thank you.
18) Brooke: If you were to meet a blogger in person, what do you think their biggest surprise would be about you?
Egan: I have to go with height here. I think my broad shoulders make me look bigger than I am.
Brooke: Hear that girls? Tall. With broad shoulders. And when I say girls, I mean boys.
19) Brooke: What got you started on the road to blogdom?
Egan: My former co-worker Sprizee showed me her blog and eventually wore me down enough where I started blogging my experiences. The rest is history.
20) Brooke: Finally, how has blogging changed your life?
Egan: Blogging has opened my eyes to many different things I may not have experienced on my own. I have met so many wonderful people via blogging, it’s ridiculous. The biggest change blogging has provided me, not sure I should admit this, is how to shuffle my work day around blogging. It has given me a wonderful outlet to share my experiences and opinions with others. Beats the hell out of emailing your friends some impersonal email about my happenings.
Egan: Thanks Brooke for the opportunity to share.
Egan: Great questions by the way.
Brooke: Egan, you rock.
Now go read my interview!!!
1) Brooke: Have you seen a grown man naked?Egan: Yes, I see lots of grown men naked at the gym. Now stop calling me Shirley.
Brooke: Ok, I’ll call you Ethel.
2) Brooke: Do you like movies about gladiators?
Egan: I love the one movie about gladiators I can think of. I think it’s because I have a chubby for Joaquin Phoenix though.
3) Brooke: What was your first car?
Egan: The first car I owned was a 1986 Honda Accord LX. I bought it in 1993. The first car I ever drove regularly was an Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser station wagon complete with wood paneling and a very pungent mold smell. We called it the Moldsmobile.
4) Brooke: Tell me something unique about yourself.
Egan: I sleep with a teddy bear. It’s the long arms folks.
5) Brooke: Who was your first crush?
Egan: My first crush was in first grade. Her name was Shannon Brown. She also happened to be my first kiss.
Brooke: I’m going to assume there was no tongue.
6) Brooke: Where is your most sensitive spot on your body? (excluding private areas)
Egan: Neck/ear region. I squirm like an 8 year-old boy when appropriately touched there.
Brooke: That’s quite the mental image. Thank you.
7) Brooke: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
Egan: A couple years ago my wife and I dressed up as Siegfried & Roy. I was Roy Horn with gashes on the neck and all. Very inappropriate, since The Accident happened about three weeks earlier. Oh well.
Brooke: Classy.
8) Brooke: Do you think it's bad to eat a whole pizza by yourself?
Egan: I do think it’s bad, but I do it way too often and justify by saying I will go for a run or workout. Or that I just deserved it.
Brooke: Being that you are an Ironman, I think we can excuse you.
9) Brooke: If you could work any job you've worked before, which job would it be and why? Was it the pay or the job duties that would keep you at that job?
Egan: I would work my college job again at Simply Desserts. I ran the show by myself and loved it. Met tons of people (dated some) and the tips were pretty damn good.
10) Brooke: Do you regret dating anyone in your past?
Egan: Zero regrets about people I dated in the past. I chalk it all up to a learning experience.
Brooke: Wow, you’re so balanced.
11) Brooke: Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Egan: This may sound strange, but I really have only one serious ex-girlfriend. I dated quite bit before I got married, but only had one serious girlfriend before I met my wife. But yes, I do keep in touch with her. We just exchanged email last week. based on you posting this on Monday Brooke
Brooke: It doesn’t sound strange since I am convinced you are a closet homosexual.
12) Brooke: Is Patrick Swayze gay? Do you want him to be?
Egan: I hope he’s gay so I can nail him. Sadly I don’t think he’s gay even though he was in Dirty Dancing and that To Wong Fu and Damn this a Long Movie Title Julie Newmar movie. His best movie was clearly Red Dawn. “Wolverines!”
Brooke: See? Gay.
13) Brooke: Do clothes complete a man or mask who they really are?
Egan: Who created this question?
Brooke: You did, Ethel.
Egan: I want to say mask, but a well-dressed confident man can really push me over the edge.
Brooke: Again, my point is made.
14) Brooke: Three goals you have for next year?
Egan: 1. Complete the Ironman Canada in August.
Egan: 2. Find a real job/start my own company; blogging doesn’t count as a job does it?
Brooke: Unfortunately not.
Egan: 3. Read more books.
15) Brooke: Would you consider yourself to be a romantic?
Egan: Damn this is a loaded question. I guess the honest answer is no. There’s a lot more I could do to surprise my wife, but I am too lazy to think that far ahead.
Egan: Does watching 90210 with my wife count as romantic?
Brooke: No.
16) Brooke: What was the first thing you noticed about your wife when you met her?
Egan: Her eyes and then her intellect. But damn those eyes of hers sucked me in.
17) Brooke: What two shows on TV do you have to see?
Egan: 24 and The Amazing Race
Brooke: You answered that in a much more timely manner than I did. Thank you.
18) Brooke: If you were to meet a blogger in person, what do you think their biggest surprise would be about you?
Egan: I have to go with height here. I think my broad shoulders make me look bigger than I am.
Brooke: Hear that girls? Tall. With broad shoulders. And when I say girls, I mean boys.
19) Brooke: What got you started on the road to blogdom?
Egan: My former co-worker Sprizee showed me her blog and eventually wore me down enough where I started blogging my experiences. The rest is history.
20) Brooke: Finally, how has blogging changed your life?
Egan: Blogging has opened my eyes to many different things I may not have experienced on my own. I have met so many wonderful people via blogging, it’s ridiculous. The biggest change blogging has provided me, not sure I should admit this, is how to shuffle my work day around blogging. It has given me a wonderful outlet to share my experiences and opinions with others. Beats the hell out of emailing your friends some impersonal email about my happenings.
Egan: Thanks Brooke for the opportunity to share.
Egan: Great questions by the way.
Brooke: Egan, you rock.
Now go read my interview!!!
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