What the world needs now...

Pearls Before Swine

Scenes from a first grade classroom

The Players:
Ms. Woes - Moi
Class Clown - hilariously funny little boy
PITA - pain in the ass, but wildly entertaining
Sunshine - adorable little girl who is unable to hold still for more than 14 seconds at a time
Surfer Dude - once incredibly shy little boy who now has surfer hair and is all kinds of rad
Clueless - sweet little girl who spends most of the day playing with pencil shavings

Scene 1: The Classroom

Ms. Woes : OK everyone, it's time to clean up and get ready for lunch.

PITA: I wasn't finished yet! *fist raised in the air* Curse you clock!


Scene 2: Walking to the Cafeteria

(Ms Woes playfully pushes the line leader, aka the Class Clown)

Class Clown: HEY!

Ms. Woes : What?

Class Clown: You pushed me!

Ms. Woes : Did not.

Class Clown: Did too!

Ms. Woes: Did not!!

Class Clown: Did too!

Sunshine: Stop it you two! Honestly!

Ms. Woes and Class Clown: (heads down) Sorry.


Scene 3: Walking back from the Cafeteria

Surfer Dude: Ms. Woes, can I hang out at your house this weekend?

Ms. Woes: Sorry honey, afraid not.

Surfer Dude: I'd wash your car.

Ms. Woes: Hmmm, tempting

Surfer Dude: I'll even make you dinner!

Ms. Woes: Dinner? You can cook?

Surfer Dude: Yes! I will make you dinner! And chicken will be fried!


Scene 4: The Classroom

Ms. Woes: Clueless, honey, you need to put your crayons away now. We aren't going to be using them for a while.

Clueless: When I was in kindergarten, a boy was coloring his teeth. With color! Crayons! Color crayons!

Sunshine: Where did you go to kindergarten?


Scene 5: Walking in the Hallway

Sunshine: It smells weird in the hallway today.

Clueless: It smells like my cousin's feet.


Scene 6: The Classroom

Ms. Woes: PITA, someone is knocking on the door. Could you see who it is?

PITA: OK, but I'm not letting them in unless they know the password.

Ms. Woes: What's the password?

PITA: Mustard. The password is Mustard.

Happy Mother's Day