Maybe I'm a Little Gay

Several years ago I met a new boy, I'll call him P. He was a friend of a friend of a friend; good looking in an offbeat way, funny and smart - we met and hit it off instantly. (I've always had a weakness for a quick wit and a washboard stomach) We became friends, in fact, the group of us morphed into a new little posse. Things started to progress in that easy, natural way into the more-than-just friends realm. We had that "click" moment one evening when the gang was at his house; he pulled me onto his lap and we sat and chatted for hours. Later, my friends told me they had never seen him do that. He told me that he had heard that I had gone out with an ex-boyfriend the night before, and he asked how it went. He seemed more worried than jealous; he may have been wondering if things were over before they had a chance to get started. I told him that it was just an ex, that we were friends now and - he lived 2000 miles away. I told him that he was meeting us all that night, so he could see that we were just friends. P seemed happy about that.

We were all sitting in the pub, drinking and laughing, when my ex walked in. I watched girls around the room snap their necks to get a better look at him, bringing back memories of what it was like when we dated. He had no idea about his beauty - no, that's not right - he did know about his beauty, he just didn't really care. It was a lethal combination. My friends' jaws dropped when he waved to me. P leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Please tell me that's not him." My ex picked me up and hugged me, and then I introduced them.

They hit it off, in fact, everyone liked him. Of course they did, he's gorgeous, everyone likes gorgeous. But to be fair, he's also a great guy. When the the ex was at the bar buying drinks, P said, "Hey, I like him, he's a great guy." (See?) He gave me a funny look and then said, "Are you sure there is nothing still between you two?" I assured him there wasn't. He looked over at the ex and then turned to me, "Because that is one good looking guy. Jesus, Brooke, how can you not be sleeping with him? Even I'd do him."

My mouth dropped and we cracked up together, but then I thought I should ask, Ummmm...is there something I should know about you? P laughed, "No, but if I was going to be gay, it would be him."

I never thought I'd hear a hetero man admit something like that. (and so you know, my ex and P did NOT run off together) They love the idea of the girl-on-girl - I can hear erections popping from here at the thought - but the idea of guy-on-guy? Most heteros won't even acknowledge it exists let alone imagine themselves doing it. Most women don't really care about the idea of two women either way, but there are some who actually get turned by the idea of two men. Hell, the girls in Sex and the City would make a night of watching gay porn. It's not something I've ever watched...but I'm not saying the idea of two men isn't a little hot.

I have so many gay friends, both male and female, that people can't decide if I'm a fag hag or a lipstick lesbian. I'm definitely not a fag hag. I love gay men, but I don't fall in love with them and I don't spend every weekend at the local gay bars (of which there are many.) And I'm so not a lesbian. I am pretty much like most women - I can appreciate a woman's beauty - but I'm not sexually attracted to it. There are some women I find extremely beautiful, so beautiful that I take pleasure in looking at them (not that kind of pleasure...get your mind out of the gay gutter), but I never thought I would utter the words that P did about the ex, "If I was going to be gay, it would be her".

And then I turn on James today, and he is interviewing Angelina Jolie. I mean seriously, the woman is insanely beautiful. Even her name is hot - with all the zhzhhzhzhzhzhzhz sounds rolling off your tongue. James could barely keep from drooling. I sat there watching, and I realized I was actually wondering what her boobs looked like. What is up with that? How gay is that??? This isn't good. I don't know if my mother can handle her only daughter jumping the fence. OY!

I immediately called one of my gays.
Help!!! I'm gay!!!! I want Angelina Jolie!!!!
He laughed, "Brooke, everyone wants Angelina, even I want Angelina."
Really?? So I'm not gay then??
"OK, Brad and Angelina are in your living room. Now...... which one do you drag off into the bedroom?"
In my version, Brad is already naked.
"See?"

Oh thank God, I'm still on the right side of the fence. I still like boys. Pretty boys, but boys nonetheless. I remember P's words.

So, if you were going to be straight, you'd be straight with Angelina?
"I'm not going straight, but I'd rather be straight for Angelina than gay with, say........Dick Cheney. So, I guess I'm a little straight."

His words stopped me in my tracks.

Well..... I'd rather be gay with Angelina than straight for Dick Cheney. So I guess I'm a little gay."

And I'm okay with that.