And so you're back, from outer space

I've had two lists of questions sitting around in the "Posts" section of the dashboard just waiting to be answered. The first five are from Todd, who according to a recent fuckwit source is my hero. Clearly I must answer these immediately lest I upset the object of my worship. The second set are from someone I can't remember else.

Todd's Questions

1. What is the one thing, besides family and friends, that you'll miss about South Florida?
I will miss wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans to go out in the middle of January. As much as I look forward to the change of seasons, I know I'll be bitching and moaning come the dead of winter here in the northeast.

2. Describe in brief detail the worst date you've ever been on.
This is easy. Click here.

3. If you could meet one celebrity for a non-sexual encounter, who would it be?
Gerard Butler.
Shut up. I'm sure we'd have a lot to talk about.

4. Better Daren: Dick York or Dick Sargent?
Dick York for sure. He was always so frantic. He could make a cup of coffee nervous. It was fun to watch him melt down week after week. Dick Sargent always seemed so annoyed. I think Endora should have magically removed the stick from his ass.

5. Where is your favorite pizza place? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite pizza place in the world is Pizza Fantasy in Rome. It's down the street from the central Termini, right next to the Sexy Theatre. I don't know which was there first, the pizza or the porn, but the pizza is by far the best I've ever had in my life. I haven't been there in years, so it's possible that they have cleaned up that area and changed the name. I just hope they haven't changed the recipe.


Someone Else's Questions

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
I'd buy homes in all my favorite cities, and spend my days searching each city for beautiful things to fill them with. I'd go to art museums, fine restaurants, and Broadway shows. I'd hire a sexy trainer to get my body back in shape and then of course, I'd fuck him.

2. Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Because if I tried to do these things with the money available to me, I'd go to jail for check fraud.

3. What’s better: horses or cows?
Horses are cool because you can ride them and they are pretty.
Cows moo and make steak.
It's a tough call.

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?
See number 1.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
This is a family site, I can't share.
Oh wait, no it's not.

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be the first female coach in the NFL.

7. Complete this statement: Love is...
higher than a mountain! Love is thicker than water!

8. Can you tell a good story?
I can tell a fabulous story. Haven't you been reading my blog?

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
I remember it well. It was about sex. And real estate. Sex and real estate. Mmmmmm.

10. If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
My mom, for making it possible for me to finish school. And for putting up with me when I was a teenager. And for letting me live with her so that I can save up for my dream of sex and real estate.