In the world of tv and movies, when our hero - or for the sake of this post, Our Heroine - returns home after a long period of absence, a series of events encompassing both hilarity and poignancy ensue. Our Heroine goes from one incredibly wacky situation after another that leave her shaking her head in that "Only in my hometown do these things happen" kind of way. Family members make her insane - but make her appreciate being home again at the same time. Quirky characters show up to add local color and charm. It's all very interesting and entertaining and amusing.Because my world is in fact, real, and not on either big or small screen - from here on in I have decided to live my life as a series of riveting and enthralling scenes. I am now Our Heroine. Smart. Funny. Delightfully witty. Not to mention desperately in need of finding the right man. Each and every moment of my life will be treated as if it were the most fascinating thing that has ever happened to me, or anyone else for that matter. Doing laundry, lying around for two straight days in my pajamas, helping my mother into bed - all carefully choreographed scenes designed to delight my nonexistent viewing audience. I'm not a movie star, but I play one in real life.
Tomorrow morning's scene: Our Heroine will go to her favorite local convenience store to get her beloved coffee - and to ogle construction workers. Perhaps she will drop a dollar on the floor, clunk heads with a beautiful manly man as they both reach down to pick it up, and then engage in a flirty little exchange. Later he'll track her down, bring her flowers, and turn out to be not only completely enamored of her but of course, single as well.
Or not.
Stay tuned.
24 comments:
I think this is seriously the single funniest post you have ever written. I think I need a Kleenex. And aspirin, and a drink.
Anyway, congratulations on being back home!
When I returned home, I drank a lot.
The only problem with this idea is the gang of international terrorists who will try and kill you because of a code contained in a nursery rhyme your father taught you when you were a kid.
PS. They've got a missile launcher aimed at you! Duck and combat roll away from the computer... now...
- lying around for two straight days in my pajamas - you are a lucky girl!! Enjoy the time and say hi to the construction workers from me :)
YEESSS. Construction men. Brooke, I think you are the sister my parents insist never existed. Because every day is a movie. And I only had the guts to say that right after you did.
Will you be going to the convenience store still in your pajamas? Do you change these pajamas regularly, or do you just wear the same pair for several days consecutively??
Sunshine - I only hope my movie gets as good a review! Sadly, it's raining, so I think today may wind up being "Or not."
Todd - so what else is new.
Rich - the only thing my dad ever taught me was the proper way to drink tea. Oh! I just gave up an international secret.
Mone - oh I'm not complaining about my pajama time, I just hope my viewers are ok with it.
Janet - ah my sister, what is it about construction workers? I may have to blog about that. Maybe it's that they look so good in our dailies?
Jane - in my last NJ apartment, I lived just across the street from my local shop. On Sunday mornings in the dead of winter it was not unheard of for me to shuffle on over there in my pj's and slippers to fetch my morning coffee and paper. As for the pj's, seriously, do you have to ask?
..isn't this about the time that you run into that geeky guy from high school that sat behind you in math class, who is now tall, dark, handsome, and extremely wealthy?
And yes by "run into" I mean exactly what you are thinking.
For a second there I thought you were going to tell us about a magical hotel where the bellhop lets you peek into rooms through little holes.
Garden State is a good movie. So's UHF.
i'm pretty sure he's also be a crown prince.
Hasn't Kevin Smith already made a movie of this?
I'm back home, too. From Wisconsin. I got you a virtual cow as a souvenir.
You are a movie star.... on the cameras that I have set up around your house.
Darth - right! Actually the quarterback of the football team sat behind me. If it weren't for me feeding him answers, he'd still be there.
Pants - do you know of such a place??!!
TF - I never saw UHF, but I loved Garden State.
Kendra - of some country that nobody has ever heard of, but is the most beautiful place on the planet.
Hyper - where do you think Kevin gets his ideas?
Ubie - virtual cows love the garden state. She'll be very happy here.
Jiggs - can you see me now? How about now? Can you see me now?
Hey Blog, Didn't you recently pass a blogoversary, but Brooke forgot to get you a present, or anything? Are you still talking to her?
I'm envious of convenience stores with fun or cool names. Here in NE Ohio, my local convenience store is called...Convenient. Wow. I am seriously envious of my friend in Chicago who gets to go to The White Hen, and my friend in Denver who goes to the Loaf 'N Jug. And you get to go to Wawa. Sigh. I hate you all.
i want my life to be a movie sometimes but mostly for the soundtrack.
I always pretend my life were a movie. It makes things more fun that way. Good luck head clunking.
Or maybe you will just run into me.
Billy - thanks for nothing. I'm so breaking up with you.
Nance - nothing is better than a Wawa coffee. Ask anyone in Jersey.
Sizz - oh the soundtrack is the most important part!
Naynay - I like pretending my life is a movie. It makes everything that much more interesting. So far it's working out well!
Flounder - but not this past Saturday...we had company. Next time we need to make definite plans!
I'm glad you are back Brooke and would love to meet you someday if you fancy it.
Michael - I fancy it. How does your wife fancy it?
i second thephoenix... glad you are back home in the motherland! :)
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