Weep Not For The Memories

I lost someone close to me this week. A woman who was like a mother to me. An aunt, a friend, a mentor. A rock of strength and a beacon of warmth. A true inspiration. Words are not working here...they sound shallow and pointless. You had to have known her. I can not begin to explain the depth of my sadness. Just the thought of never seeing her again brings me to tears.

The funeral was on the street where I grew up, just two blocks from the very beach where our families played when we were very young. It was like being transported in time; at once wonderful and painful, comforting and agonizing. My heart is heavy, literally, I can feel its weight in my chest. It hurts to breathe.

I hugged her children before the service, grown-ups now with kids of their own. We still play together on holidays, but now there is an uncertainty. What will we do now? She was the glue, they know that. How lucky they were to have her as their mother. They know that too. I tried to be strong, to not cry. When one of them whispered to me, "Oh how she loved her Brookie," I broke down - just fell to pieces. I know though, that I was lucky to have her in my life. Not just have her in my life, but be loved by her. I take pride in that - that she loved me as one of her own. I have been blessed.

I weep not for the memories. I weep for not having her with me to share my future. I am selfish. I know this. I want her here with me, with all of us.

I want to be better. I want to be like her. And I will be. I just wish she were here to see it.

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May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.