Telephone conversation with a friend while watching The Mummy on television for the 112th time.
Friend: Damn, Brendan Fraser has never looked so good.
Me: I know, he's usually so pasty.
Friend: I think The Mummy is hot, too. I'd do him.
Me: I think mummification should come back in style.
Friend: Did you hear how they removed your brains? No thank you.
Me: Yes, but you're already dead anyway, and with mummification you can take your stuff with you.
Friend: That is a bonus. Ok, works for me.
Me: So what would you take?
Friend: My jewelry for sure. And probably my breadmaker. I love my breadmaker. And I'm sure they like bread in heaven.
Me: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Friend: Fuck you. What would you take?
Me: George Clooney.
Friend: You are such a freak.
Me: Fuck you, you're the one who wants to do a mummy. You're just pissed you didn't think of him first.
Friend: Do you always think of sex?
Me: Do you always think of food?
Friend: Like you don't.
Me: You can make us toast in the mornings after all the sex.
Friend: You're so sure you're going to heaven?
Me: Oh I'm going to hell. Actually no, I teach in the ghetto! I have a free pass to heaven. And I'll be banging George Clooney for eternity while you serve us fresh toast every morning.
Friend: Fuck you.
Me: Don't forget the butter.
**edited slightly after morning phone call from Friend stating that I didn't get all the dialogue correct. Well excuse the hell out of me. Artistic license or failing memory, you decide.
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37 comments:
You foul-mouthed hussy!
I'm so turned on right now.
mmmmm...fresh bread..for eternity..
Why limit yourself to one person in heaven? I'd pick and choose...
Oh, to think of all the things one could do with George Clooney and an endless supply of Nutella chocolate... Hmmmmm. Delicious.
Todd - I called her a twat too, but I thought if I posted that you'd explode.
Darth - mmmmm...bread.
Chicky - I don't know that the ancient Egyptians believed in heaven or hell, so I'm just hedging my bets and bringing my own.
Matty - this is why I adore you so. How could I have forgotten the Nutella???
This obviously a ripoff of Kendra's posting of the conversation that she and I had.
I'm making banana bread. You can start with that.
Nick - it's not all about you.
Poker Face - I'm sure George and I will enjoy your baked goods. Thank you.
If you take everything with you then you should take a semi-automatic rifle. Then you can waste all the SOBs in the afterlife that you couldn't while you were alive - and then some.
What if George Clooney doesn't like you?
I know this is off topic, but -- oh boy, here we go with the hurricanes again! Good luck!
Mmmmmmmmm.
Seeeeexxx Tooooaaaast.
I love you.
good choice!
Rumor has it Clooney has a tiny penis and he's on a permanant strict no carb diet.
Are you positive you want it to be George? Really? And, just regular butter, not honey butter?
Richard - so not used to calling you that - don't you think that's just a teeny bit harsh?
Ubie - why wouldn't he like me? Am I unlikable? What about me is it that he wouldn't like? What's wrong with me?
Sunny - they cancelled school tomorrow and I couldn't even get to a gas station after work - the lines were that long. Here we go again!
Flounder - mmmmmmm.
Tits - and I love you.
Sizz - thank you!
Toby - sacrilege!!!
Blonde - it was just a random conversation, I'm really hoping nobody actually holds me to any of this.
I eat spam on Ritz crackers with hot sauce and I want to have sex with James Carville.
Hello.
I would take my anti-depressants with me.
I think Toby is actually George Clooney's girlfriend, trying to go anonymous...
good to see that a steady diet of schoolkids doesn't reduce your sexual appetite...
Also, do you get to freeze Clooney at his prime? Because by the time you go to the big schoolroom in the sky, he'll be all ... well, HE'LL probably be a corpse
I think you'll find I'm harsh but fair.
And if you think it's weird calling me Richard you can still call me Bob, Bobby Boy, or the something like that.
My $ is on George being the next Rock Hudson. Only dude wife would ga ga over, and now she's gay too. Um, coincidence?? LOL!! Oh well, good luck on the hell thing. :)
The patience of a teacher astounds me, and the fact that you still have a sense of humor after dealing with everything a teacher deals with...
You have George gift-wrapped girl.
I'm a little offended by this. indeed the idea that you would choose clooney over me is truly offensive.
You must be thinking about death....because school is now in session. Next comes murder.
I believe "friend" is Ron Popeil.
This comment thread made me lose my comment.
Erin - you are so fucking hot.
Pants - there's no depression in heaven!
Sandra - she is just trying to make sure I don't take her man, that's all.
Billy - schoolteachers have sex too. And curse. I curse like a fucking sailor.
Ubie - yes, I get to pinpoint his ultimate moment of hotness and freeze it for eternity.
WBB - or I could call you Dick. No?
FH - sacrilege!!!
Janet - I know, I'm so in. The pay sucks but at least I'm don't need to worry about eternal damnation.
Jiggs - threesome?
Weedie - I would never harm my monsters! But I can point and laugh when they fall down.
Egan - he probably does like mummies.
BabyJ - it does seem to have taken on a life of its own.
In that case, there better be lots of booze.
HA! You so picked George. That means I get Viggo!
Also, your room here is all ready for you to ride out this round of hurricanes.
Be safe.
You can, but most people usually call me "a dick"
Goldfrapp!!!!
Mel - Viggo will be exhausted anyway after all the boinking we will be doing while still alive.
And thank you.
Matty - ooh la la la la!!!!
Did someone say Nutella? Damn that shit is good.
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